A/N:
WARNING! This story is rated M because of the strong lesbian theme throughout, and because there are occasional explicit depictions of lesbian sex at various points in the narrative (although not in every chapter). Read at your own risk.
DISCLAIMER! I do not own any part of the K-On! franchise. Ownership belongs to Kakifly, Hōbunsha, and Kyōtō Animation. I do, however, own all original characters appearing in this fiction, and they may not be used elsewhere without my express written consent.
NOTE ON FORMATTING: Even though this story is written in English, the characters' default language is understood to be Japanese. [Bracketed text like this denotes that the words or thoughts are either spoken or thought in English.] Internal monologue, electronic communications, and song lyrics are italicized.
Chapter 6: Unexpected
4/30/2016, 8:49 am
Tori's Apartment, Katakuramachi 440-1-6, Hachiōji
Tori leaned against the edge of her tiny kitchenette counter, sipping a mug of warm miso soup, and trying to avoid the glare of the sunlight leaking around the window shades. The over-the-counter hangover cure, which she'd bought earlier that morning after practically crawling to the convenience store, had begun to ease most of her symptoms, and the soup was helping with the rest. With a sigh of relief, she took another swallow, happy to wash away the lingering aftertaste of the medicine.
She hadn't planned on drinking that much, but she and the others were so excited over Steelflower being signed to play at Live Passion that things had just sort of spiraled. It didn't help that Yui had insisted on paying for everything, and took it upon herself to order refills every time anyone's glass looked empty. The celebration had sloshed its way through a long dinner, and then onward into several boozy hours of karaoke. It was Tori's first real exposure to Japanese drinking culture, and now she was paying the inevitable price for having had several plum wine coolers too many.
As she was considering whether or not to crawl back into her futon and hide under the covers until the pulse stopped hammering in her temples, the cell phone on the nearby counter began to beep rapidly, signaling an incoming text. Normally, the sound wasn't that intrusive, but at that precise moment it sounded to Tori as if one of Nao's samples was blasting through a stack of concert speakers.
"[Not so loud!]"
She immediately felt foolish not only for scolding an inanimate object, but also for doing so out loud and in English. Grabbing the offending device, she jabbed at the button with her finger to silence the beeping, then brought the message up on screen. As expected, it was from Jun, and was her reply to a message Tori had sent earlier.
Awake but want to die. Can barely open my eyes. Need sympathy. Call me?
Knowing it was 90 percent melodrama and ten percent legitimate complaint, Tori burst into laughter, but instantly regretted it as the pounding in her head briefly intensified. Pushing the discomfort aside, she thought seriously about calling Jun right then. [Misery loves company], as the saying goes, she reasoned. At least we could suffer together.
Jun had been in the worst shape of the six of them, but even as the bassist got progressively drunker, Tori had been surprised at her behavior. She'd expected that intoxication would turn her pig-tailed friend into a lecherous, groping octopus, but that hadn't happened. Of course, Jun was as flirty as ever, but this time there was a lot less sexual innuendo and a lot more about how beautiful and desirable Tori was. You're like a goddess to be worshiped, the bassist had declared. And she had gotten much clingier than usual as the night wore on.
Sober-Tori would have been embarrassed by this sort of behavior, but drunk-Tori found herself actively encouraging both Jun's compliments and her affectionate touches, because it literally had been years since she had been treated like that by someone she was so attracted to. It felt right to her, not only because she was having long-ignored emotional needs met, but also because it was Jun meeting them. Jackson certainly had never made her feel like that; on his best days, he was about as romantic as a police officer writing a traffic ticket. So for drunk-Tori, the attention had been like water on parched earth. Luckily, Jun had not made any real advances, because Tori was pretty sure her inebriated self would not have been able to refuse them.
In the unforgiving light of the morning after, however, hung-over-Tori was even more confused about the state of her and Jun's friendship. Actually, she decided that frustrated was a better word, because there was really no confusion about where they stood, at least in Tori's mind. Even discounting the influence of the alcohol, the previous evening had revealed to her that no matter how hard she fought the feelings, she could no longer deny that she wanted Jun as much as Jun wanted her. In a perfect world, that would have been easy to deal with: confess to each other amid a shower of rainbows and unicorns. But the situation wasn't that simple. She and Jun couldn't be together, no matter how much the two of them wanted it. In Tori's view, there were too many obstacles to overcome.
One of those obstacles, of course, was Jackson, although Tori's intuition told her that wasn't going to be the case for much longer. To all appearances, they seemed to have everything going for them as an attractive, high-achieving couple, but under the surface, their relationship had been in serious trouble for months. They both knew it, but neither wanted to be the one to admit defeat. It was like a sports contest where one team had an insurmountable lead and the game was merely being played out to satisfy the rules. They were supposed to be video chatting at 11:00 – it was the reason she wasn't still trying to sleep off the effects of the previous night – but at this point, Tori wondered why they were even bothering to go through with it.
We're kidding ourselves, she groaned inwardly. Our relationship's a joke. Since he went to law school, he's changed so much. Somewhere along the line he lost his sense of humor and started taking life way too seriously…he's definitely not the same guy I fell in love with two years ago. I should just break it off and be done with it.
She wondered why she hadn't ended things before she'd left for Japan. Maybe it was because of all the time they'd both invested. Maybe she thought if there was some distance between them, they'd see the value in each other and find a way to meet in the middle on all the things they didn't agree on, and when she returned to the States they'd be able to move forward as a couple. Or maybe that was all just her idealism talking, and in reality she was a coward who was simply afraid of being alone. She hated to admit it, but that cowardice was most likely the real reason she'd chosen to stay with Jackson.
With a sigh, she looked at her cell phone display again. There wasn't enough time to call Jun after all, so Tori texted her that she'd call later and tried to make herself as presentable as she could, given that she was hung over. Precisely at 11:00, she opened the chat window and clicked on the "call with video" button. After a few seconds, her webcam light flashed, and a window displaying Jackson's face popped up on the laptop screen.
She scanned his handsome, fair-skinned features, noting that he looked better rested than usual, and that he'd recently had his sandy-blond hair cut. Right away, however, she noticed something was wrong, because his ice-blue eyes wouldn't meet hers. Jackson wasn't exactly the light-hearted type, but that never stopped him from greeting her pleasantly. This time, however, he wasn't smiling. He looked troubled, almost reluctant.
"[Hey, Tori.]"
"[Good afternoon, Counselor,]" she replied, trying and failing to lighten the atmosphere. Jackson chuckled, but there was no humor in it.
"[What is this, a TV courtroom drama? You watch too many of those.]"
Tori felt like saying she didn't have time to watch any television, let alone a particular genre of program, but decided it would be counterproductive. The remark would only earn her a lecture about how tough it was to be a law student.
"[Sorry. I guess it was a bad joke.]"
"[Terrible. And what's the deal? You look hung over. I guess you were partying with your pal June again, huh? Must be nice to have all that free time.]"
Tori gritted her teeth. She knew he spent plenty of time with his own friends, despite all the whining about his law school workload. She resisted the urge to call him a hypocrite.
"[It's Jun. And yes, she and I and the other girls were out celebrating last night. The band just got signed to its first gig.]"
"[Good for you.]"
The words contained no hint of actual congratulations. They were intended as a dismissal, and Tori knew it.
"['Good for you'? That's it? This is kind of a big deal, Jack. You know how important music is to me. Would it hurt you to be happy for me, just this once?]"
It looked like they were heading toward yet another of the arguments that had been a regular feature of their recent chats. Because of her hangover, Tori was far from in the mood to head it off. To her surprise, however, Jackson didn't immediately react to what she said the way he usually did. Instead, he took a deep breath, apparently searching for words. When he spoke, his voice was tight.
"[Tori…I'm sorry. Please, let's not fight. There's something important I need to tell you. Oh, God, there's no easy way to say this, but I might as well come right out with it. I…I think we need to see other people.]"
It was one of those "oh, by the way" bombshells that would hit most women like a lightning strike. To her surprise, however, Tori took it calmly, as if she'd just heard Jackson make a routine comment about the weather. She suspected it was because, deep inside, she'd been expecting something like this for weeks. Jackson had had his share of admirers while they were dating, girls who made no secret they wanted to be in Tori's place. She wondered which one of them had made finally made the move, now that she was out of the way.
"[Have I met her?]"
"[No,]" Jackson quickly replied. "[She's a senior at Stanford. And we're not dating. I haven't gone for it, because you and I are still together, and…um, you know I could never cheat on you…uh, but…]"
"[…you want to break up with me to go out with her?]" Tori interrupted. "[It's okay, Jack. I guess I can understand that.]"
At least he had the decency to want to end things with me before he slept with her, she thought. And thank God it's not someone I know. That would have made it harder.
For the first time during the video chat, Jackson's eyes met hers, and she saw the disappointment and hurt in them.
"[I'm really sorry, Tori. I didn't want it to come to this. When you left for Japan, I think we both knew it was over, although the two of us were too much in denial to admit it. To be honest, I thought about ending it then, but I wanted to believe that you'd come home to me someday. Then you joined that band, and suddenly I started hearing all about this new friend of yours, June…]"
"[Jun,]" Tori corrected for the second time.
"[Right, Jun,]" Jackson echoed. "[Sorry. Anyway, her name started coming up constantly, and every time it did, you got this look in your eye. A man knows he's beaten when he sees that look. How would you feel if I was bi, and started spending all my time with a gay friend I just couldn't stop talking about? You're in love with her. It's so obvious.]"
There was no rancor in Jackson's voice, only sadness and regret. The look on his face was so painful to Tori that her words caught in her throat. All she could do was shake her head.
"[Yes, you are,]" Jackson insisted. "[I know you, and you can't hide your feelings from me. You probably won't believe this, but I'm not angry. I've got a lot of emotions running through me right now, but anger isn't one of them. Sure, I was angry at first, but then I got to thinking that maybe Jun was some sort of signal to the two of us. You know, to give up the fight.]"
"[There's nothing between Jun and me,]" Tori finally managed. "[There probably never will be, but I'd rather not go into that. Even if there was, I wouldn't cheat on you, Jack, just like you wouldn't do that to me. We have too much shared history.]"
Jackson shook his head. He looked a little lost.
"[We're quite a pair, aren't we? Where did we go wrong?]"
Tori hesitated. She knew exactly why their relationship had unraveled. Jackson had a vision of their future that she didn't share, one where he worked at a high-power law firm while she drove their kids to and from soccer practice in a hybrid mini-van. In Jackson's world, there was no room for Tori to play in a rock band, because that would keep her from fitting in with the other lawyers' wives, and he wouldn't make partner because of that. To him, playing in a band was something to be gotten out of Tori's system before she moved on to adulthood. But to Tori, this all sounded more like a prison sentence than a happily-ever-after. However, there was no point to tearing open old wounds by bringing any of this up, because they'd already argued over it many times and gotten nowhere. Instead, Tori thought it was better to speak in generalities.
"[We grew apart, Jack, and we have different life goals now. That's pretty much the story.]"
"[Yeah, I guess you're right. Hey, Tori?]"
His eyes took on just a hint of pleading.
"[Hmm?]"
"[Are you ever coming back? From Japan, I mean.]"
The question came out of nowhere, and she wasn't prepared for it. Unable to answer, she merely stared back at him. After a moment, he shrugged.
"[Never mind. Forget I asked. I guess this it, then?]"
Suddenly, Tori felt the tears stinging her eyes. It wasn't so much the grief over the death of the relationship itself, which had actually come as a relief, she was forced to admit. What hurt far worse was the hollow feeling of failure, a failure that was as much her fault as it was Jackson's. She fought to contain herself, reasoning that she needed to send Jackson off with a smile, at least. After two years, she felt she owed him that much.
"[I guess, so. For what it's worth, we had a lot of good times, Jack. I'm sorry that it's come to this. I really am.]"
"[Don't apologize,]" Jackson insisted. "[It's both our faults, and neither of our faults. It just is what it is.]"
In the face of her rising emotions, Tori managed a watery smile.
"[You sound just like a lawyer.]"
Jackson had nothing to offer in reply to her attempted jest; he appeared finally to have run out of words to say. It was up to Tori to break the silence, which she did, choking the words out.
"[Good luck, Jack.]"
Jackson's eyes met hers for one final time, and Tori knew he was taking a last look before letting go and moving on.
"[I know you'll find happiness,]" he finally replied. "[I'm just sorry it couldn't be with me. Take care of yourself, Tori.]"
The chat window disappeared, and she sat numbly for a few moments in the glow of the laptop screen before the tears began to flow in earnest. She crawled back onto her futon and buried her head in her pillow, allowing the pent-up emotions to pour out.
When there were no more tears left, and the sobs had died away, she lay there listlessly, her thoughts heavy with regret. Everything in life had come so easily to her except relationships, and the one with Jackson, like the four others she'd been in since she was 15, had ended in dismal failure. It was depressing to contemplate, and the remnants of the headache and nausea from her hangover only added to the misery.
Once again, the rapid beeping of her cell phone broke the heavy silence. It was another text from Jun.
Tori, where are you? Are you all right? Call me!
Suddenly, Tori had an overpowering urge to talk to the bassist. The break-up with Jackson had left her self-esteem in shreds, and she desperately needed to feel as though she had worth as a human being. At the very least, she knew she could count on Jun for that. Her devoted friend Pigtails-chan had gone through break-ups herself; she would understand, and she would be the one to cheer Tori up.
She was about to touch her phone's screen to initiate the call, but she held back at the last moment. How was Jun going to take the news that she was single? More than likely, the bassist would now feel justified in pursuing her openly. Tori wasn't at all sure she'd be able to resist for long, or even that she wanted to, and that was a problem. With her track record of failure in relationships, Tori figured there would be a break-up sooner rather than later, and that would probably mean one of them would wind up leaving the band, ruining the rare chemistry that the five of them had built in such a short time. She couldn't do that to Azusa and the others. If it meant holding back her feelings for the sake of Steelflower, then it couldn't be helped.
She decided to ignore all that for the time being, and let things sort themselves out later. Right then, what she needed the most was to hear a friendly voice. Jun's voice.
She tapped at the phone's screen. Jun picked up on the first ring.
"Hello, Tori? Geez, why didn't you call? Too busy letting your fingers run wild again?"
The bassist sounded tired, but otherwise she was her usual teasing self. Tori played along, grateful for the momentary distraction.
"Hey, Pigtails-chan. And, no, you pervert, you're the one who shoves her hands down her own panties, not me."
"Ouch. I give up. My head hurts too much to battle wits with you. So…are you feeling as bad as I am right now?"
Just hearing Jun talk was enough to lift Tori's spirits and make her feel as if things were on their way back to normal. She managed a genuine smile for the first time since the beginning of her conversation with Jackson.
"It's not been an easy morning, and not just because of the hangover. Which I still haven't quite shaken off, by the way."
Jun groaned sympathetically.
"That sucks. I took some of that liquid stuff for it. Guh. Tasted like rotten seaweed, but I'm a lot better than I was. So what's going on that's making the hangover worse?"
Tori decided to take a direct approach, knowing Jun wouldn't find it forward.
"I just got off video chat with Jackson. We broke up."
"Oh, my God."
"Actually, he broke up with me so he could date someone else."
Tori could almost feel concern flowing through the receiver.
"Geez, Tori, are you all right? No, you're not all right, I can tell. I wish I was there right now."
Tori found herself wishing Jun was there, as well. Even so, she was reluctant to burden the bassist with the details, or to make her worry any further. She tried to keep her tone light, but wasn't sure she succeeded.
"I'm doing better than you'd think. I've told you before that our relationship was pretty much dying, so it really wasn't a surprise. More of a relief. That doesn't mean I'm happy about the way it ended, though. I'm second-guessing myself, wondering what I could have done different, feeling like a failure, that sort of thing."
There was a pause on the other end of the line.
"Stop talking like that," Jun ordered. "You're not a failure. These things happen. I know what you need: company. That, and a bowl of ramen. And it's funny, because I happen to need the same things. Why don't we meet at our usual place in about 30?"
Tori thought that sounded like the best idea she'd heard in about 48 hours.
"Are you sure? You don't sound so hot. Shouldn't you rest up before we head into the city later?"
"Don't worry about me," Jun replied in her usual breezy manner. "I'll make it work, because we need to do this. We'll eat noodles, and I'll listen while you talk. That'll be a switch, won't it? Hey, you know what I just realized? I'm getting two non-dates with you in a single day. Things are definitely looking up."
Tori suppressed a laugh.
"Don't let it go to your head," she pretended to scoff. "See you in 30, Pigtails-chan."
4/30/2016, 7:06 pm
O-Nest, Maruyama-cho 2-3, Shibuya Ward, Tōkyō
The ride from Hachiōji to Shibuya was a lively one. From her vantage point snuggled close to Yui, Azusa had been content to watch the show as her girlfriend and Jun bantered back and forth. Tori had been strangely subdued at the beginning of the ride, but through Jun's persistent efforts, she was soon engaging in her usual repartee with the pigtailed bassist as Yui egged them on at every turn. Azusa felt no real need to join in, preferring to enjoy the security of Yui's arm around her.
Eventually, the limo made its way down the off-ramp from Metropolitan Expressway 3 and into the Maruyama District of Shibuya. The streets were jammed with pedestrians enjoying the cool evening weather as they headed to the numerous clubs and restaurants in the area. It took a while because of the crowds, but the limo finally pulled to a stop two blocks west of O-Nest. Yui removed her arm from around Azusa, pulled out her cell phone, and tapped at the screen.
"Hey Sawa-chan, it's Yui…in front of that parking deck a couple blocks over…I'm letting them off now. We're going to wait five minutes for them to get inside, then pull around to the entrance…yeah, I'm going to talk to the reporters, but remember, no questions, okay? I don't want to hold up Akira-chan's show…hey, you told them it's just me tonight, right? You should probably make sure they know the other girls couldn't make it…yeah…okay, see you in a bit."
She tapped at her phone to disconnect the call, then caught Jun's eye.
"Okay, guys, here's where you get off."
Jun nudged Tori.
"She means us."
The bassist pulled a compact digital camera from the pocket of her jeans, and handed it to the American, who eyed it dubiously.
"Time to go to work. You're my photographer for the night. You have until we get to O-Nest to figure out how to work that thing. It's so simple, even a vocalist can use it. Oh, and I almost forgot this."
Jun reached into another pocket and pulled out a pair of lime-green media passes bearing the O-Nest logo. After clipping one to her t-shirt, she reached over and gently attached the other to Tori's.
"Don't lose that," she ordered. "It gets us in the front door, and into the media room so we can get free food and drinks."
Tori stared at her in disbelief.
"Geez, Pigtails-chan. 'I'll pay for everything,' you said. You knew it was going to be free the whole time! And now you're even going to make me work for it. What a jerk!"
Azusa shook her head, unable to keep from smirking at the annoyed look on Tori's face.
"How does this surprise you? I mean, this is Jun we're talking about."
Jun ignored Azusa's dig, opting instead to try to appease Tori with puppy-dog eyes.
"I also said it'd be a blast for us to go together," she protested. "That prediction still stands. Come on, Tori, don't be like this. You finally get to see what being a rock musician is like from the media's point of view. And you get to take pictures of one of the best."
She nodded toward Yui. Tori, who apparently had only been pretending to be annoyed, could no longer keep a straight face.
"Geez, Pigtails-chan, when you look at me that way…okay, you win."
"I'll make sure to smile extra wide for you, okay?" Yui assured them. "But we're on a tight schedule, so you need to get going before Sawa-chan has a fit."
"Come on, then," Jun urged, opening the limo door and motioning for Tori to follow. "If you want to test that camera along the way, feel free to take pictures of my butt. I mean, you're always staring at it, anyway, so why not?"
"You flatter yourself, and besides, it won't fit in the view-finder," Tori joked, prompting Jun to stick out her tongue and pull one of her lower eyelids downward.
Once the door closed behind them, Yui and Azusa both giggled simultaneously.
"They act just like a couple, don't they?" the brunette observed. "I didn't realize they were quite this close."
Although Yui knew in general terms that something was going on between Jun and Tori, Azusa had shielded her from the details of the complicated friendship, more to protect her band mates' privacy than anything else. Even so, she didn't mind telling Yui what she hoped would happen between the two women.
"They're not a couple, but if we're lucky, they will be before too long."
"What do you mean, 'If we're lucky'?" Yui frowned.
"If they don't wind up getting together, it's going to be bad for the band. Think of it this way: if I had refused your confession, would you have wanted to play in the same band as me?"
Yui thought it through for a moment.
"Yeah, I would, because you're pretty much the center of my existence. Even if you didn't love me the same way, I'd still choose to stay so I could be close to you. It would be hard for both of us, though."
Azusa smiled at Yui's passing declaration of devotion, but chose to stay on topic.
"Yes, it would be hard. That's my point. I'm worried about them, Yui. I see the frustration in Jun's eyes, even though she tries to hide it. If Tori refuses her, she might quit. Of course, Jun's got to get around to asking first. And there's the issue of Tori's boyfriend. I know that something happened with him this morning, but Tori won't say what. Jun won't make a move until he's out of the picture, at least."
Yui gave her shoulder an encouraging pat.
"That's my Azunyan, worrying over her friends. You shouldn't fret, though. I can see how much they care for each other when they're together. It'll work out, you'll see. I just have this feeling."
Even though Yui wasn't known for being perceptive about such things, Azusa hoped her intuition was on the mark in this case. If it wasn't, Steelflower's journey to Budokan might be derailed before its first public performance.
After consulting her cell phone, Yui knocked on the window separating them from the chauffeur and gestured for him to drive them to the live house entrance. He nodded, and as the limo began to move, the brunette reached out and took Azusa's hand.
"Are you nervous?"
Azusa shrugged.
"I've done this kind of thing with you before. But yeah, it's still a little intimidating. The more famous you get, the more attention you get. It's a bit overwhelming sometimes."
"Better get used to it, Azunyan. Someday, you'll be doing this for yourself. For now, just stick with me as usual. If you get any media questions, I'll just direct them to Sawa-chan."
"Thanks. You know how I hate dealing with that 'forgotten member' stuff."
Yui smiled that warm smile meant only for Azusa.
"You're not forgotten in my eyes, Azunyan. You never were, and never will be."
Azusa wanted to throw her arms around Yui and kiss her deeply for saying that, but as she eyed the back of the driver's head, she decided not to risk it. Instead, she gave Yui's hand a quick squeeze of gratitude.
The limo turned the corner and pulled to a stop in front of O-Nest. Through the windows, Azusa could see the line of fans waiting to get inside; it ran down the stairs from the entrance and along street as far as she could see. Tickets would have sold out even if Yui hadn't been involved, because Akira already had an excellent local reputation. However, Yui's presence had helped draw all the major media outlets, instead of just the music press, and that would get Akira much-needed national exposure. Of course, Azusa knew Yui didn't think in those terms. In her mind, she was simply doing a friend a favor.
The driver opened the side door, and Azusa stepped out first, followed by Yui. The excitement began to sweep through the people in line the moment they spotted the auburn-haired guitarist.
"Hey, that's Hirasawa-san!"
"It's Yui-san!"
"Yui-sama, over here!"
Yui turned to the waiting fans and, with a sunny smile, flashed them the victory sign. They responded with cheers, applause, and a firestorm of LED flashes from their cell phone cameras. A few people moved out of the line toward her, but security team members materialized to push them back into place. After several seconds of enthusiastically waving to the crowd, Yui turned to Azusa.
"Okay, let's go."
As they walked up the broad stairway toward the front door, Azusa stayed glued to Yui's side. Every step of the way, the brunette worked the crowd as masterfully as if she was on stage, waving to some, greeting others, and briefly shaking hands with still others. She looked born to do this sort of thing, Azusa thought, unable to keep from smiling at the sight. Eventually, they reached the main entrance, where they were met by O-Nest's manager and Sawako.
"Hirasawa-san, welcome back," the manager greeted, bowing as he mopped the sweat from his bald head. "We're always honored to have you visit."
Yui returned his bow and added a warm handshake.
"Good to see you again. You remember my important friend, Nakano Azusa-san."
"Of course. We're honored by Nakano-san's presence, as well."
Azusa was certain that he didn't have the slightest idea who she was, and that he was just making his manners to Yui, but she appreciated the polite fiction, and returned his bow with genuine gratitude. After a few further pleasantries, he excused himself, after which Yui turned toward Sawako, smiling in greeting.
"Who've we got?"
"The usual," the bespectacled band manager replied. "Camera crews from all four news networks and TV Tōkyō, entertainment reporters from the three major national newspapers, and a bunch of writers from online outlets, including Arupejio."
She smiled knowingly at Yui, who grinned in response.
"I already gave Arupejio an exclusive."
"Just please don't say anything weird this time," Sawako pleaded. "After that little display in Hong Kong, some of these guys are starting to wonder about you. We don't need any more negative buzz."
"Don't worry, Sawa-chan, I'll be good."
The remark seemed innocent enough, but something in Yui's tone suggested that her definition of "good" was substantially different from Sawako's. With a sudden tremor of anxiety, Azusa wondered what the brunette was up to. Sawako, on the other hand, appeared to take Yui's words at face value.
"All right, then," she replied with a sigh of relief. "Oh, before I forget, take these."
After rummaging around in her purse, she produced two backstage passes. Delighted, Yui clutched them to her chest.
"Awesome! Sawa-chan, you're the best! Now Azusa and I can visit Akira-chan before the show. We'll go right after I talk to the media."
"Keep the talent happy, I always say," Sawako winked.
She led Yui and Azusa to the area in O-Nest's lobby where the press was waiting. Once the assembled reporters spotted Yui, the lights on top of five news cameras flared to life, surrounded by numerous smaller flashes. Azusa remembered to look away before the wall of light blinded her. She was going to hang back with Sawako, but to her surprise, Yui signaled that she wanted Azusa next to her as she talked, something that had never happened before. It was a bit unnerving, and as Azusa stood self-consciously next to Yui in the glare of the hot TV lights, trying to look inconspicuous, she wondered about the sudden change in her girlfriend's usual way of doing things.
"Hey, guys, how's it going?" Yui chirped, smiling brightly and waving. She got a chorus of friendly greetings in return, as well as another round of LED flashes. Azusa was well aware that although not all of the assembled writers were HTT fans, they almost universally respected Yui. She was so warm and personable that it was impossible for them not to like her, even if they were critical of her music. For that reason, most were actually glad to see her, and not merely being polite.
"I'm just going to say a few words on the record before heading backstage, okay? You all know that I've been good friends with Wada Akira-san for six years, since we first met at Japan Women's University. She's an amazing talent, and I can't believe it's taken this long for people to figure that out. I'm looking forward to hearing her play her new single live, because the recorded version…it's just amazing. I mean, it debuted in the Hot 100 for a reason, right? Anyway, you guys are in for an awesome show."
She paused, then flashed Azusa a mischievous smile. The tiny guitarist had a sudden sinking feeling when she saw that look in Yui's eye.
"Most of you know my important friend Nakano Azusa-san, who's here with me tonight," Yui continued. "She was in HTT years ago, back when we were a high school band. Say hello to the guys, Azusa-san."
Suddenly, every camera lens was focused on Azusa's face. Instead of turning and running, which was her first impulse, she mustered a weak smile.
"H-hello."
Azusa's mind raced. What the hell is she doing? I wasn't prepared for this. I want to die. Oh, my God…she's not going to go public about our relationship, is she?
"Azusa-san's a good friend of Akira-san's, too, and I asked her to join me tonight to cheer Akira-san on," Yui informed those listening. "When we were all at JWU together, everyone called the three of us the Guitar Goddesses, even though those two are way better than I am. I was always convinced that we'd all make it in the industry someday. Now that Akira-san's been signed by our label, we're one step closer to that happening, but we still have some unfinished business."
As Yui paused for effect, Azusa relaxed a bit, because it was obvious that this was not about their relationship after all. Her eyes briefly sought out Sawako, intending to shoot her a "what's going on?" look, but it was pointless. The beleaguered manager had her head in her hands. Azusa guessed this was one of those "weird" things Sawako had been afraid of.
"Azusa-san recently formed her own band, Steelflower," Yui continued. "It's got a really talented line-up, and it's a great showcase for Azusa-san's mad guitar skills. I'm so excited about this band that I even wrote a song for them to play called Wings of an Angel. It's got 'hit single' written all over it. You can hear them play it at their first performance at Live Passion in Hachiōji on May 27th. Make sure you come out and join me, because I'm going to be there to support Azusa-san, just like I'm doing for Akira-san tonight. Yamanaka-san has the details."
This took Azusa completely by surprise, and she was not the only one. There was a confused murmur from the assembled media representatives. After a brief search, Azusa finally located Jun and Tori; they were staring at each other, openmouthed, and Azusa was sure her face wore the same expression. Sawako's head remained in her hands.
A push from someone of Yui's stature in the music business was the best kind of exposure Steelflower could have asked for. Even though she had accepted Sawako's assistance to get the band a hearing with Kawakami Janice at Live Passion, Azusa had deliberately held back from asking Yui and the others for direct help with publicity, feeling it would look like she was trying to take advantage of their friendship. Of course, Yui had now rendered her reservations moot with the statement she'd just given the media. While Azusa was deeply grateful that Yui would use her influence this way, she couldn't help feeling that this was neither the time nor the place for doing so. After all, that night was supposed to be about Akira, not Steelflower.
"Anyway, guys, that's all I have," Yui cheerfully announced. "I apologize for leaving so suddenly, but I've got to get backstage before show time. If you want more, I'd be happy to do some follow-up phone interviews. You can get with Yamanaka-san to schedule one if you're interested. Enjoy the show!"
After a moment of stunned silence, the assembled reporters erupted into a cacophony of shouted questions, even though Yui had just made it clear that she wasn't fielding any. Ignoring them, the brunette smiled and waved, then immediately grabbed Azusa by the elbow and steered her away from the bedlam, leaving the frantic Sawako to deal with the storm of inquiries.
Azusa didn't say anything until the two women stood alone next to the backstage entrance. She leaned close to whisper in Yui's ear so she wasn't overheard.
"Geez, Yui, don't scare me like that. I thought you were going to tell those guys about you and me. And why did you have to spill all that stuff about Steelflower? I know you're trying to help, and I really appreciate it, but talking about it tonight wasn't fair to Akira. And what you just said put an awful lot of pressure on us. We haven't played a note in public yet, and you're talking us up to the media like we're a signed band."
Yui looked hurt.
"I know I can be random sometimes, but I'm not crazy enough to out us like that," she whispered back. "And don't worry about Akira-chan. She was already going to get great publicity no matter what I told those guys. Anyway, it was the perfect chance for me to help out you and the girls, and I just couldn't pass it up. Besides, it was no big deal. It'll cost me a half a day of online interviews and a box of fancy pastries to get Sawa-chan to forgive me, and a case of top-shelf sake to get the label's PR people off my back, but it was totally worth it. Now, everyone's going to know about my Azunyan and her band."
Her eyes met Azusa's, and the sense of purpose in them was obvious.
"I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I'll do anything to help you succeed. Anything. I believe in you, Azunyan. I believe in us."
Azusa's desire to throw herself into Yui's arms returned, but the risk of being seen was too great. Instead, she very quietly and unobtrusively took Yui's hand in hers, interlocking their fingers.
"I believe in us, too. And I'm so grateful, Yui. Really. I'll repay you for this someday, I promise."
She was rewarded with another one of Yui's special smiles. After looking around to make sure no one was watching, the brunette raised Azusa's hand, and pressed the back of it gently to her lips.
"You can repay me by sharing the Budokan stage with me."
She continued to gaze into Azusa's eyes for a long moment before letting go of her hand and turning toward the backstage door.
"Come on, Azunyan. Let's go say 'hi' to Akira-chan."
4/30/2016, 10:36 pm
Chrysanthemum Room, Shinjuku Washington Hotel, Nishi-Shinjuku 3-2-9, Shinjuku Ward, Tōkyō
"So Suzuki-san, we can count on a good review, right?"
Jun suddenly found her path blocked by one of the label's junior public relations executives. Since she was on her way back from the mini-bar with her hands full of drinks for Tori and herself, she didn't particularly want to talk to anyone from the label at that moment. However, she knew she needed to be polite to the man, because she had frequent dealings with him. Fortunately, she knew just what to say to appease him.
"Of course. Wada-san was as amazing as ever, and I'm not just saying that because she and I are old friends. I'm still writing the review in my head, but she's definitely getting a thumbs-up."
"Good," the man nodded. "She's one of our hottest acts at the moment, and it'll help to have favorable coverage."
Jun plastered on the fake smile she sometimes used when conducting business.
"You can count on it from me," she assured him, bowing as deeply as she could without spilling anything. "Now, if you'll excuse me…?"
As she glanced meaningfully at the drinks in her hand, the man raised his hands apologetically.
"Oh, right, I'm sorry. Maybe we can talk more in a while. I've got some stuff for you on some of our other acts."
"Sounds good," Jun lied. "Give me a few minutes to get settled."
She left him, and went back to searching for Tori in the sea of party-goers. It wasn't an easy task, because people were literally standing shoulder-to-shoulder. She could see Yui and Azusa near the front of the room chatting animatedly with Akira, and Sawako huddled nearby in deep discussion with Akira's boyfriend and manager, Maeda Sadao. When Jun had left her, Tori had been with Azusa and the others, but now the American was nowhere in sight.
Jun finally found her in a quiet corner, talking to a younger man she recognized as one of the members of the label's artists and repertoire staff. He was a known womanizer, and from his body language, Jun could tell he was turning on the charm. Worse, Tori seemed to be enjoying it. The sight sparked a reaction in the bassist that she was unfamiliar with: a flash of jealousy. The feeling itself was no surprise; after all, what woman wouldn't be jealous if the object of her affection appeared to be flirting with a rival? The thing that caught Jun off guard, however, was the intensity of the feeling. It left a bitter taste in her mouth.
Steeling her resolve, she walked up to the two of them, smiled the same fake smile she'd used earlier on the man from PR, and cut right into their conversation. It was impolite, but she was in no mood to worry about etiquette.
"Sorry to keep you waiting," she announced brightly, handing Tori one of the glasses she was carrying. "Here's your diet cola."
As the guitarist nodded her thanks, Jun locked eyes with her bemused companion. There was just a hint of menace in her voice.
"It's been a while. I hate to interrupt you while you're on the hunt, but you can cross this one off your list. She's with me tonight."
The man suddenly looked uncomfortable, which meant he had taken Jun's hint.
"Wow, um…sorry, Suzuki-san. I didn't know. Uh…well, it was nice meeting you, Takeda-san."
"Likewise," Tori replied.
Clearly at a loss, he looked from one woman to the other, then shrugged and turned away. If Jun's eyes were lasers, they would have bored holes into his back as he walked off. As she stared after him, she heard a chuckle.
"Thanks. He was pretty persistent, and I was going to need help getting rid of him. Pigtails-chan to the rescue."
Jun glared at her.
"Well, geez, you didn't have to look like you were enjoying it so much. This is what happens when I leave you alone for five minutes. He was totally staring at your boobs, too. That really pissed me off."
Tori's look of surprise was quickly replaced by a smug grin.
"Why, Pigtails-chan, I do believe you're jealous."
You're damned right I'm jealous. I can't bear the thought of anyone else's hands on you but mine.
Realizing that it was better not to say those words aloud, Jun decided to try to laugh it off.
"And what if I am? You're here with me, remember? We're on a non-date."
"Yeah, a non-date between non-girlfriends."
Frustrated by Tori's seeming need to remind her of that at every turn, Jun ground her teeth, but chose to let the comment pass in favor of changing the subject.
"Hey, what do you think of Akira?"
"She's something else, isn't she?" Tori smirked. "Like you said, she's pretty rough around the edges."
Jun snickered at her assessment.
"Yeah, except for when her boyfriend talks to her. Then she uses feminine pronouns and turns into a blushing maiden. It's hysterical to watch. 'Whatever you say, Sadao-kun.'"
Tori giggled at Jun's mimicry of the hard-nosed guitarist.
"Yeah, that's pretty funny. But her show…that wasn't funny at all. She's really good, Jun. I spent most of the time comparing myself to her, and I wasn't coming out ahead. She's so talented that it made me feel like I was back in junior high again."
Jun was about to say that she felt the same way when she spotted the PR representative from earlier. He had a colleague with him this time, and when he made eye contact with Jun, he immediately headed toward her. She sighed.
"Sorry, Tori, these label guys don't take the hint. Looks like I'm going to have to play rock critic again."
"Can't be helped, I guess," Tori smiled. "Don't worry about me. I'll go back to hanging out with Azu."
Jun couldn't resist sneaking a look at the shapely guitarist's retreating rear end, admiring the way she filled out her jeans, and speculating on the glories that lay under the fabric. After a moment, however, she forced herself to focus. Because of her ties to Akira, she was the only media member invited to this party, and her magazine expected her to justify her presence at their expense by gathering as much information as she could. Even if she longed to spend every second with Tori, it wasn't going to be possible.
It took Jun nearly a half hour to get away from the PR executives. As soon as she was able to escape, she headed to where Tori was supposed to be: with Azusa, Yui, and Akira. As Jun approached them, she noticed Tori wasn't there, but before she could ask where her friend had gone, she was greeted in typical Akira style.
"Well, it's about time you came back, dammit!"
Jun regarded the guest of honor with amusement.
"Thanks, Akira-san, I missed you, too. Sorry for being gone for so long, but I was working the room, telling everyone how wonderful you are."
"See?" Yui chimed in. "That's just what I told you she was doing!"
"Oh, just cut the bullshit, you guys!" Akira huffed, although she couldn't keep a small smile from breaking through the bluster. Jun decided to ignore the posturing. It was just the tough-talking guitarist's backhanded way of expressing affection. In any case, she didn't intend to spend any time baiting Akira, as she usually would. She had a more pressing issue to deal with.
"Hey, have you guys seen Tori?"
"She was right here for a while," Yui shrugged. "Then she got to talking to someone. He's not one of the label guys, so I didn't recognize him."
Akira groaned.
"Oh, God, Yui, do you ever use that head of yours for anything besides taking up space? For crying out loud, I just introduced him to you guys. He works with Sadao-kun, remember? That's when he and Takeda-san started talking."
Jun's heart sank. While she was off trying to keep the label's PR people happy, another guy had decided to hit on Tori. Not again, she grumbled to herself. He probably used Akira to get introduced to her. Seriously, I can't take much more of this.
Azusa was trying to say something, but Jun ignored her, too busy scanning the room to bother listening.
"Uh, Jun? About that guy…Tori is…Jun, wait!"
Waving her off, Jun began to work her way through the crowd, but her search for Tori was unsuccessful until her peripheral vision caught a movement near one of the doors. It was Tori, leaving with a man Jun didn't recognize. The sight drove her heart into her throat.
Oh, God, she can't be going home with that guy. No way. I will not let that happen.
She immediately made for the door, pushing her way past clusters of people and throwing apologies over her shoulder in response to their exclamations of annoyance. As she burst into the hallway, she looked around frantically for any sign of Tori, but there was nobody there except for the two hotel employees who were controlling access to the party. Trying desperately to swallow the panic raging inside her, Jun whirled to face one of the men at the door.
"Excuse me, that woman who just left…"
"Which one, miss?" he asked. "A lot of people have been coming and going."
"The girl…she's really, um, hot. And the guy…"
She paused, trying and failing to come up with words to describe Tori's companion.
"…is a guy," she finished lamely.
"Oh, yeah, them," the other man replied. "That way. Take the first left."
He pointed down the hall. Jun thanked him, and immediately took off in the direction he'd indicated. As she ran, her mind was dominated by one thought: I will not let him have her without a fight.
As she barreled around the corner at full speed, she almost ran into two people who were standing in the middle of the hallway. Screeching to a stop to avoid a collision, she was about to apologize for intruding when she realized it was Tori and the man she'd seen her with earlier. They gaped at her, surprised by her sudden appearance.
"J-jun!" Tori stammered.
The bassist could no longer hold back her frustration.
"What the hell is this, Tori?" she demanded. "Are you that starved for company that you couldn't wait a half hour for me to come back?"
Tori didn't say anything; she looked too shocked to speak. Without waiting for her reply, Jun turned on the man.
"Sorry. She's with me, and she's going to stay right here with me."
"Um, there appears to be some mistake…" the man began.
"You bet," Jun retorted, her eyes narrowing. "And you're the one who made it. Now turn around and start walking, because you're not going to get any action here tonight."
The ice in Tori's voice brought her up short.
"Jun, enough!"
Startled, the bassist turned, gulping when she saw the look on Tori's face. The guitarist was as angry as she'd ever seen her in the brief time they'd known each other. Her words ripped into Jun like razors.
"You're the one who made the mistake here, Jun. This gentleman works with Maeda-san, and we were talking about the possibility of their firm representing Steelflower. Azu was busy, so I agreed to talk to him since I've dealt with agents before. We came out here to get some privacy. I asked her to tell you what was going on if you came looking for me."
Suddenly, Jun felt like a complete fool. Azusa had been trying to tell her all this, but she'd been so fixated on Tori that she'd paid no attention. Her overreaction had embarrassed Tori in the middle of a potential business deal, and made both women look unprofessional. Blushing to her roots, she turned back to the man and bowed deeply.
"I…I…humbly apologize…sir…"
"It's okay," he replied, looking at the two women uncertainly. "Uh, I can see you two have some things to discuss. Takeda-san, if your band is interested, I'd be happy to meet with you to talk details."
With a last doubtful look at Jun, he bowed, then hurried off. Unable to meet Tori's eyes, Jun braced herself for the inevitable scolding, which wasn't long in coming.
"Dammit, Jun, what is wrong with you? You made us both look bad, and probably ruined any chance of the band doing business with that company. Look, when you ran that first guy off, it was cute, but this was just…"
Tori's words trailed off into an annoyed growl. Mortified at disappointing her like this, Jun wished a hole would open up in the floor and swallow her.
"I'm…really sorry, Tori. Can you forgive me? Please say you will."
She bowed even more deeply than she had to Sadao's co-worker, and this time she held it, waiting for a sign that Tori's anger had lessened. For a long moment, the hallway was deathly quiet, until Tori spoke again. Her voice was much gentler this time.
"Pigtails-chan, look at me."
Encouraged by the use of her familiar nickname, Jun slowly stood upright, and allowed her eyes to meet Tori's. To her relief, there was no anger in them, only concern.
"I've never seen you act like this. It's one thing to be protective of me, but you really don't have to go to such extremes. I mean, we're just friends, but you're acting more like a jealous lover."
Her words ignited Jun's frustration all over again. She was tired of Tori pretending they were "just friends." They were more than friends, and they both knew it, but Jun realized that by not being plain about her feelings she was giving Tori an excuse to ignore reality. It was time to end the charade. Whatever happened, good or bad, Tori needed to know exactly where Jun stood.
"How can you not understand? I refuse to believe you're this dense. I act this way because I don't want to be 'just friends.' I want you for myself. Not just your friendship – I want all of you, and I won't stand by and let anyone else take you away. Are you so blind that you can't see how I feel about you? I don't think you are. So quit running from the truth."
Tori appeared to be totally taken aback by Jun's bold declaration.
"P-pigtails-chan…I…I…"
"What, you don't believe me?" Jun pressed.
"N-no, it's just that…we can't…"
Jun was not about to let up.
"We can't what? Be together? Why not? Your ex-boyfriend dumped you this morning, so you can't use him as an excuse anymore. So what other reason is there? Wait. Don't tell me it's that 'I don't date fellow band members' thing."
Tori hesitated, then nodded unhappily.
"Jun, please…I'll only wind up hurting both you and the band…I need you to understand…"
"Well, I don't understand," Jun interrupted, infuriated by Tori's hesitation. "Why can't I be the exception?"
Tori hung her head, and didn't answer. As her emotions surged, Jun was unable to keep the pleading out of her voice.
"Please, Tori, give me a chance. We're way past friendship, and you know it. I've never been so crazy over someone before. And we're right for each other in so many ways. I'll treat you like the Empress…worship the ground you walk on. Hell, I already do that."
Tori simply shook her head.
"It's not possible."
"It is, dammit!" Jun snapped. "Good God, what do I need to do to get through to you?"
She moved closer to Tori, so close that they were almost touching. Her heart was pounding so hard that she could hear the rush of her pulse clearly in the silence of the hallway. Even though she was trembling with desire and anticipation, she was somehow able to keep her voice clear.
"Tori…look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me."
Slowly, Tori raised her head, and the anguished expression on her face was like a dagger into Jun's heart. As the bassist nervously waited for a response, her breath caught in her throat, and her insides felt like lead. What if Tori actually said the words? If she did, Jun was sure she'd die.
It looked like the guitarist was trying meet Jun's challenge, but when she opened her mouth to speak, the words wouldn't come.
"I d-…I…can't do it."
Jun really wasn't sure why she did what she did next. Maybe she just wanted to convey, in clear and unmistakable fashion, the depth of her devotion to the woman standing before her. Maybe it was because she wanted to help break Tori out of her indecision. Or maybe it was a bit of both. For whatever reason, she leaned forward, and gently captured Tori's lips with her own.
They were soft, softer than Jun had imagined. It was just a gentle, momentary caress, but she could still feel their deep connection. There was something there in Tori's heart, something bearing the label "Jun." The bassist had never been surer of anything in her life.
After the too-brief contact, she pulled away, and for several heartbeats, the women locked eyes. Growing uneasy, Jun was just about to break the silence, when…
…crack!
Her vision exploded into a burst of colored lights as Tori's palm smashed across her jaw. The force of the sudden blow sent her staggering backward as the sting of the impact brought tears to her eyes. As she leaned against the wall, trying to shake off the pain and vertigo, she heard a gasp.
"Oh, no…what have I done? Jun…I'm sorry…"
Tori took a step toward her, but Jun retreated, staring numbly at her horrified companion. As she rubbed the side of her face Tori had struck, her mind was reeling. How could she have misread the guitarist so completely? It didn't seem possible. A sickening feeling of despair filled her, and suddenly, she didn't want to be anywhere near Tori. She needed to get away, to think things through.
So she took off running, heading back the way she came, ignoring Tori's desperate calls after her. When she came to the entrance to the party room, she didn't even break stride, continuing past the puzzled employees and down the stairwell at the other end of the hall. All she could think about was getting out of there, so she could put some space between herself and the situation and sort things out. Luckily, there was still time to make the last train, because there was no way she wanted to ride back to Hachiōji in the limo with Tori and the others.
It wasn't until 10 minutes later, while she was standing on the westbound platform at Shinkjuku Station, that she sent an email to Azusa explaining that she was headed home early. The final six sentences of that message were the most heartbreaking she'd ever written.
Totally screwed things up with Tori. She hates me now. Not sure I can face her. Looks like I'm going to have to quit the band. Won't be able to keep my promise to Ui. I'm really sorry, Azusa.
A/N:
− As always, I'm grateful to Musician74, my long-time editor, for her invaluable assistance with this chapter.
− In this story, Akira's boyfriend is the senpai she had a crush on in high school. In Volume 5, Chapter 9 of the K-On! manga, he is identified only by the surname Maeda, which I've used here. The given name Sadao is my own invention. In Volume 6, Chapter 12, he works for a small, independent record company, but for purposes of the narrative, I have assumed that in the six years since the end of canon, he has left that job to start an artist management firm, and that Akira is one of his clients.
Thanks for reading this chapter! Like it? Have some constructive criticism? Submit a comment below!