I don't own anything, just having some fun.

Chapter six

I smile shakily at Damon as he opens the door. Why can't anything be simple anymore? All I want is to be able to see Stefan. Once I see him I can make a decision, I'm sure that everything will become clear and I'll know what it is that I have to do. Although with Damon around it's always so confusing, he clouds my judgement.

"Is Stefan around?" I ask, trying to sound normal, like nothing is the matter. Damon looks at me for a moment and I swear he knows everything that I'm thinking just by looking in my eyes. I think of the dream I had recently and feel myself blushing under his intense gaze. He nods, and gestures with his hand for me to come in.

"Luckily for you I'm heading out," he tells me. "I'm sure you want to be alone. Because you have your memories back and everything."

"Right," I try to sound happy about this and hope that I pull it off. How can I let Damon know that I know his secret? And, how am I supposed to be reacting to this news anyway? Maybe I should be angry at him. He stole a memory from me that is my right to know about. But most of me is glad about this confession. It means that Damon isn't as evil as he makes out to be, he has good inside him. He cares about me. And I shouldn't lie to myself, the thought that I have made him feel this way, and that he could look at me in that way, gives me a tingling feeling of excitement. It's something I can't ignore, but I have to make my mind up first about what I'm going to do. And I think that I need some time by myself for a while, away from the two brothers. Obviously we will have to deal with this Klaus issue, but I want to try a hand at being single, so I can get my head clear again. And at least give it a little time before deciding what to do about Damon, so that Stefan doesn't think that I never cared about him.

Oh, it's giving me a headache all of this. There is just so much history and I don't want anyone to get hurt, but they're going to either way. So single Elena it is. If I'm not even sure I'm in love with someone anymore, I shouldn't be with them right? Even though he has done so much for me and looked out for me?

I try to ignore the hurt look in Damon's eyes, a look that flickers into existence and then flickers out again in less than a second and walk further into the house.

When I find Stefan the words stick in my throat and I feel slightly dizzy. "What's wrong Elena?" he asks instantly and I feel like crying. "Stefan, I'm so sorry," I murmur. "There's no easy way to say this. We need a break."

I see the hurt in his eyes, how can I have hurt two people in the space of a few minutes? See him become colder and more closed off to the world, put his barriers back up almost instantly.

"A break? All of a sudden out of the blue? Do we really have to go there again, and what brought this on?"

Maybe I have to be truthful with Stefan, I think. Doesn't he have a right to know things just as much as I do?

"I know it is bad timing, with everything going on at the moment," I tell him, trying to be strong. "But...it's not that I don't care about you, or appreciate everything that you're doing for me. And, a part of me will always love you Stefan. Well, this isn't a break. I need some time by myself to figure things out. "

"Figure what out, Elena?"

"How I feel about you...and Damon," I look away from him as I say this; at least it's said now though.

"Oh," he replies softly. "You and Damon."

"I swear to you Stefan that nothing has ever happened between him and me while we have been together. But that spell we cast to get my memories back, it released a memory that had been hidden from me. Damon compelled me to forget it. He said that he was in love with me and that I didn't deserve him but that you did and it was the most selfish thing he had ever said. That proves that he has good in him."

"And this has suddenly gotten you to change your mind about everything? Really?" He has a bitter edge in his voice now. "Even knowing what Damon has done, what he is capable of doing, the people he has hurt and killed, this changes everything and you're in love with him?"

I shake my head fiercely. "No, it's not like that. I'm not in love with him. But we do have a connection and I thought you deserve to know this."

"I've always known he loved you. I still claim it's because I have something he can't have, he does it all on purpose. It's a game to him."

"He's changed; I know he wants to change more if we help him. But I don't love him. It's not like we have had some horrible affair. I'm not Katherine I would never play you off against each other. But I do care for both of you. And I need some time by myself to clear my head. I hope you can understand that and respect that."

He shakes his head at me sadly. "I'll let you have space Elena, but don't ever expect me to understand any of this. And don't expect me to wait for you. If you want to be with Damon so be it. But I tell you this...I will help you with Klaus. I'll stay until this is over and then, if you are with Damon I'm gone. It will be up to him to look out for you then."

"Stefan," but there is nothing else I can say. I hate this so much but it has to be done. I turn away from him and walk out of the room, not looking back, with tears streaming down my face.

...

Dear diary,

So much has happened since Stefan and I broke up, and it's too hard to write about this still, still so fresh in my mind and so painful. First of all, Jenna has died, and so has John. Both gone, one more important to me than anything, the other a stranger still in so many ways. Klaus performed the ceremony and Jenna was turned into a vampire, but then killed anyway. Something is going on with Jeremy but I don't know what exactly and Damon and I are on the hunt for Stefan, who has disappeared with Klaus. I wish that he had just gone, just left town like he promised me all those weeks ago, instead of this.

Damon was near death because of a werewolf bite, but Katherine brought him some of Klaus's blood, and that was the cure somehow. I feel guilty that I kissed him and Stefan and I are not even together, but I was saying goodbye to a good friend, that's what Damon is at the moment. Some day he could be more, but not right now. Not until I know that Stefan is safe and can move on with his life and be at peace with me and Damon. Not until Klaus is gone for good.

None of this is getting my head clear at all, most of the time I feel like curling up in bed and hiding from everything forever, but Damon never lets me do that. "You have to eat, and see sunshine and civilization every now and then," he tells me and I groan at him and make a big fuss before eventually doing what he says.

Bonnie has tried every kind of locator spell going and nothing. Klaus maybe has witches working for him, blocking her spell. Maybe Stefan is being compelled into staying with Klaus and that must be the reason. I don't know how I'm supposed to cope with all of this or how I'm going to get through it, but I will try my best. After all, I am Elena Gilbert.

I look at my diary and then slam it shut again, willing myself not to fall into despair. Things would get better, I'm sure they would. Until then I just have to take it one step at a time. Damon will make me feel better, seeing him always makes me feel better although I will never admit that. Oh god, I think to myself suddenly. School. I have to go to school and act as though everything is normal, how am I supposed to do that? One step at a time, I tell myself firmly. That's how.

And then I go downstairs, I've been staying in the boarding house a lot lately. It's too early for Jeremy and Bonnie to be here but they are. Both of them including Damon are sitting around the television. Bonnie and Jeremy have cups of tea and Damon; I decide I don't want to know. "What's going on?" I ask sleepily.

Jeremy turns to me gravely and points to the TV. "It's Stefan."

TBC

Please review and let me know what you think. It's not going to be too many chapters I hope, maybe up to ten. Damon and Elena moments coming up, promise, I am looking forward to writing them but the Elena/Stefan break up was harder to write then I thought