Holiday Special #1: Talk Like a Pirate Day

James was enjoying a no-longer-quite-as-rare day of peace and quiet. After almost four years of hell, dealing with the ABB, E88, Merchants, Endbringers, Coil, Echidna, the S9, the Teeth, the Fallen, and fucking Scion himself, he felt justified in taking a day every now and then. Sure, there were still threats, but nothing immediate. He hadn't even had a quest alert in weeks.

Taylor looked just as content as James felt, curled up in an armchair with an anthology of English literature. He'd think she was asleep if it weren't for the wolf spider, perched on the spine of the book, turning the page every few minutes.

It's a good thing Dennis eventually got over his entomophobia, he couldn't help but think with a chuckle. Even after working with the Protectorate for years now, he knew opinions and reactions of the whole team were sometimes skewed by those first few months. Missy still glared at him if he opened his inventory around her in combat. And Chris still regularly warned Taylor to keep her creepy crawlies away from his sensitive electronics and fine moving parts.

With nothing else to do for the day, James wandered over to the rather staggering collection of Aleph DVDs the team had collected. Ever since the Final Boss Battle trade between dimensions had flowed much more freely. Even superhero comics were having a comeback on Bet, leading to some really awkward copyright infringement issues the lawyers were still sorting out.

The word "Stranger" caught James' eye, bringing Aisha to mind. While the years hadn't mellowed her at all, she had matured enough to focus on truly deserving targets. Several plutocrats who had been profitting from the suffering in the wake of Scion's rampage were now destitute, hugging themselves and gibbering their days away in padded rooms after earning her full attention.

With that happy thought, James grabbed the film from the shelf. On Stranger Tides: A Pirates of the Caribbean film sounded like a good way to blow a few hours. He opened the case a-

[New Quest Alert: Talk Like A Pirate]

If it weren't for years of quests, both odd and dangerous, he would have reacted more. As it was, his slightly stiffened posture was enough to alert his partner.

"New quest?" Taylor was already on her feet, swarms of the world's nastiest bugs oozing from every nook and cranny of the room.

[Dress and talk like a pirate for the day.]

If it weren't for years of experience with her, and very high levels of Physical Endurance and Poison resistence, James would have shrieked like a girl as bullet ants climbed out of his shoes to join the teaming mass gathering around Taylor. He settled for a reproachful, if half-assed, glare.

She smirked back.

[Reward: "Part-time Pirate" title, 15000000 XP, 1 doubloon, and a dozen doughnuts]

"...you remember last Fourth of July?"

[Failure: A plank to walk]

"When Gaia asked for a firework show and gave you the 'Apprentice Pryotechnician' title?"

"Yeah. She's learned about talk like a pirate day."

Author's Note: Originally posted on September 19 on SpaceBattles, so I didn't miss the day. This is a possible future, so it may or may not be canon to this story.