My sparkling prince glimmered lyriumishly in the moonlight. He stood in front of a creepy yet soothing mansion in hightown. I slowly turned my head, whipping my long raven hair through the night. My hot body, which was covered in amazing warrior armor like Andraste's and also the blood stains of my many enemies, shone powerfully in chagrin.
"Oh, hey Fenris, I didn't see you there," I flirted seductively.
"That's odd, because you've been staring at me for the past ten minutes," he replied - how seductive and he is clearly into me.
"Yes, but I managed to stare at you while killing like a hundred street thugs on my own with only minimal help from Isabela and the Merrill," I said while thrusting my sword into the bodies of like a hundred street thugs. "I can do this because I am totally great at multitasking unlike my stupid sister Bethany."
"Alright then," said Fenris chocolately. "Can we get on with this?"
"Of course, my prince husband of the ancient and respected race of elves which I revere because I am not racist," I said.
We went inside and there were like a ton of demons and blood mages! I quickly shielded the Merrill's eyes for I did not want her to be corrupted.
"Quick, we have to kill them before the Merrill gets any ideas!" I shouted.
"Mages ruin everything!" Fenris shouted. "I was a slave!" was his battle cry as he charged into the mass of writhing demons, glowing almost magickly but not actually like magic because that would be an abomination against the will of Andraste, our lord and Savior. I would have helped him but I was too busy protecting the Merrill from her own sins like a good Andrastian, and also, Fenris was so capable and handsome like a strong warrior but not a woman.
I had never seen a sight so beautiful. I never knew that men could be so strong and powerful like Andraste. And not only that, but he clearly had a strong conviction in the word of Andraste and understood that mages are a blight on the world and need to be destroyed systematically and one by one until the world is cleansed of their wickedness. After we killed all the demons, the blood mages pleaded for their lives.
They were all like, "Oh great and benevolent Hawke and assorted associates, please spare us!"
I looked right in their eyes which were red like blood because they used blood in their blood magic. Slowly, I withdrew my hand from over the Merrill's eyes.
"Where are we?" asked the Merrill with a naive smile.
"The Merrill, I have an important lesson to teach you," I said. "Look at these blood mages. Look into their bloody blood mage eyes."
"How are you, blood mages?" the Merrill asked. "I hope your day is going well."
"No, the Merrill, it is not going well," I told her. "Behold how their eyes are red with sin. They are too far gone. Unlike you, the Merrill, who I have charitable faith in, they will never redeem themselves in the eyes of the Maker or Andraste, praise be Her name. But I am ever sympathetic to them as I knew they know not the error of their ways. The only way to stop them is to save them from themselves."
With that, I cleanly decapitated all four blood mages except one. Their blood splattered over the Merrill's face, but she seemed unphased probably because she is used to blood because she is a blood mage.
"You missed one," said the Merrill.
"I will deal with him," said Fenris's cool and calm and collected and sexy voice from behind me.
"No," I said. "Behold, the will of Andraste!"
I raised one hand to the heavens and channeled the powers of the Maker and Andraste. With the other hand I raised the hilt of my sword and pressed it to the blood mage's forehead. He shreiked a shriek most foul and monstrous before suddenly seeing the light and becoming cool and calm and collected but not sexy. He smiled at me and thanked me for I had saved him from himself.
"That was some pretty cool blood magic," said the Merrill.
"OMG the Merrill that was clearly divine power, not blood magic!" I said, slapping her. "Isabela, couldn't you tell that that was not blood magic?"
"Yeah, that was pretty obviously not blood magic."
"Thank you! Fenris?"
In a flash, Fenris was disappeared. "Andraste's breath!" I swore. "Where has my elvish prince disappeared to?"
"I have no idea and I was looking at him the whole time," said Isabela.
"Gurl, I totally understand your good taste, but I still have dibs," I reminded her.
"True," said Isabela. "We should probably check outside."
I left the mansion and made the Merrill come last in case there were more blood mages outside, but there were none, only Fenris, standing in the rain, his white sparkling hair glistening, the raindrops slowly sliding down his skintight armor. His head was slightly bowed, and he looked trouble.
"Fenris?" I asked sexily.
"I never got your name," he said.
"It's Hawke. Mercie Hawke. No Ls."
"That's… a nice name."
"It's better than Bethany Hawke who is my sister and Leandra Hawke who is my mother but it's almost as good and Gamlen Hawke who is a man and also my uncle and also drunk. Mercie Hawke. That's me. Remember it."
"I'm glad to find someone of a similar mind," said Fenris, "but I couldn't help but notice your companion here."
"OMG Isabela? Ok she's not that good looking. Andraste!"
"No, I mean the blood mage."
"Oh, the Merrill? She may have been a blood mage in the past, but I am converting her to the ways of Andraste. Don't worry, if she does anything out of line, I will not hesitate to murder her to put her out of her misery. I love curing mages, no matter what it takes.
"As do I," said Fenris.
There was a pause. I stared deeply into his emerald, jade, leaflike eyes, so full of sorrow and despair and righteous anger. He looked at me with gratitude and respect, and a modicum of lust, I could tell. Pretty much everyone looks at me with lust, even Bethany sometimes because she is a gross mage, but could this be different? Could this be the beginning of something more?
"By the way, Daenerys was not in there," said Fenris. "I will continue to seek for him, but I seem to be safe for now. In the meantime, I shall hole up in this abandoned mansion. Sleeping next to dead corpses warms my heart. Also, I hear Daenerys keeps some excellent aged wine in the cellar."
"Gurl I love wine," I said. "Because I am an adult and I love to drink especially after killing darkspawn. Sometimes templars buy me drinks, but I would much rather drink with you, baby."
"Hmm," said Fenris, and then he dsiappeared but not mageishly. More like he walked away real fast and I didn't follow because I enjoyed the air of mystery. Besides, I could totally tell that he was into me.
"So where are we off to next?" asked the Merrill. "Are we tranquilizing more mages?"
"No, the Merrill, that's enough tranquilizing for today," I said. "Run along home now, and if you see any blood mages, remember to look away."