Happiness

'What is happiness? Is it the same with joy?' this kind of thoughts continued to circle his mind as he warmed for his match. Kirihara was there, where his childhood dreams were, yet he did not seem too happy at all. He was supposed to be excited for such an event but somehow, all was lost.

'I told you to never return,' the other side of his thoughts resounded, 'Look at what happened to you.'

The voice was right; for there he was facing a very difficult match, needing concentration, though he conversely thought of trivial things. 'But I don't regret anything.'

He walked toward the court, toward his dream and after the tournament he will know what to do. Yes, he was decided.

ioioioi

The competition was finished, and the awards had been given. Though he did not get the first place, he was more enthusiastic to get it next time. Aside from that, he was also excited to come home. He planned it over and over his head, rehearsing all the things he would tell Sakuno, a bit embarrassed that he can only present her his second-place award.

But no matter how good you plan, something always goes awry—there he was, the cocky, 'I-will-stare-you-down-even-though-I-am-short' guy (who was no longer short by that time) named Echizen Ryoma.

Memories flashed through Kirihara's mind in a colorful disarrayed way, and he remembered that in many ways Echizen was his enemy. It was a fight he must win. He won a long time ago, so why won't he win the next battle? But as much as he hated it, the younger one got the first word,

"Second-place's good enough for you? You still have a long way to go." Echizen was in his usual smug attitude. Not like Kirihara has seen the guy in another way. Hopefully his determination does not falter...

"No, not yet. The battle's not over yet. I can still win." Akaya's voice was firm and his eyes were ablaze. Nevertheless, Ryoma had the look of a winner. Oh, for the love of God, he wanted to punch in the other's face so badly but he stopped himself from doing so.

"Oh, so you were referring to THAT battle," and a chuckle for a smugger look, "And I thought those kids would have been a dead giveaway."

'Kids? What kids?' It was more than enough to almost extinguish the flame in Akaya's soul, but not enough to crush his supposedly undying hope for his love. "What kind of crap are you talking about?"

"Didn't Sakuno tell you?" Ryoma's gloated beyond normalcy and the devil could only be speechless with a face that of utter shock.

"You should be closing your mouth unless you want to catch a fly. See ya." And Ryoma was the winner, his enemy left in complete shambles. Yet Kirihara would not go down without a fight.

Unwilling to give up his pride, "You should learn to stop spewing bullshit!" But the other man just waved him off.

In his lonesome agony, Kirihara's thoughts were as spirally as his permed hair could be. 'So that's why...' He was practically back at square one, 'I don't understand. Did she lie to me?'

ioioioi

By some miracle he was back in his living quarters, and he was glad he was still in one piece albeit brain-damaged. "She didn't lie. I just didn't ask."

Boom! His brain splat all over the room as it burst from all the thinking. Infuriated, dejected, surprised, steam streamed out of his ears.

"And kids! Why didn't anybody bother telling me?" But the years had taken out the child in him and he remembered the kindness that that woman always had in her heart.

"She probably couldn't say it to my face. She wouldn't." He shook his head with the look of disgust in his face for talking out loud and borderline insane. 'I won't be fooled.'

Picking up his things and getting ready to leave, he was having a bit of trouble about his reasons for going back to Japan. Confused, he dropped what he was holding then sat back down on his bed; he had lost count of the repetitions.

'What should I do when I get back? Ask her "Are those your kids with Echizen? Or with Tezuka?" and be a complete asshole? Wait, back up. What if it wasn't true and that Echizen jerk was just messing with me? There is that Tezuka...'

Kirihara was like that for three good hours, like a patient in an insanity ward, continuously muttering to himself, complete with those abrupt hair pulls that might have turned him bald. He couldn't stop thinking of the possibilities; kids, Echizen, Tezuka, Sakuno and him make up pretty large number of permutations and events that were life changing... and... and...

"I am not gonna snap."

At the very least his body was smart enough, or trained enough, to do a lot of things without his conscious mind constantly controlling it, resulting in all of his belongings to be stuffed in his bag, and all other specific and important tasks taken care of. The next thing Kirihara knew was that he was standing in front of his service not letting go of his luggage like a pre-occupied idiot.

Snapping out of stupor, he mumbled a quick apology, handing over his precious stuff, sitting like the king he was inside the vehicle, and off to the airport. But there was something helpful in that small awkward moment, as he was able to clear his mind and be back to the real world, think about what's happening, finally releasing him from the confusion spell that Echizen has conveniently put on him.

So, he began thinking in the usual way he knew. He must first verify Echizen. Then his next action would have to depend on the outcome. Also, his bad temper had to be checked; he didn't want a bad impression as much as possible. It would be hard, he knew, but he was not going to choose the easy choice of escaping. That was the only thing that he tried to do his best, aside from tennis. And he wished that his efforts would be rewarded.

ioioioi

Spring was just around the corner but the winds remained unchanged, still bitter, but not as bitter as Sakuno was. No matter how hard she tried to occupy herself, she just couldn't remove Akaya from her thoughts. All those sweet moments they had still make her blush heatedly like they were happening then and there. It was wrong.

His voice was deep, "Are you alright? You've been staring at the night sky for a while now." But Tezuka could never arouse the feeling in her that she wanted to hear his voice all the time. "Sakuno?"

She was deep in space, or simply put she does not want to speak to him. But her thoughts weren't devoid of this man that stood behind her.

'Why is he here again? Ah, yes. Grandma told me that I need a man in life but I wonder why of all men I chose this guy. Just a few months ago I was happy with him... But then Akaya showed up and I went bananas over him to the point that I forgot that Kunimitsu here is my treasured man.' Sakuno could only sigh. It was not like she still loves loves Kirihara Akaya, just made her jumpy.

Such a sigh would not go unnoticed by Tezuka, "A penny for your thoughts?" and the woman turned from her perch on the window sill to face him, her facade contorted in a way he could not read the emotions over-running her.

"I'm afraid..."

"Of what?"

"That I would make the same mistake again," and her eyes returned to glaring at the snow outside.

"Why do you think that would happen?"

"I'm... unsure."

He could only offer a hand on her shoulder, "I see. Maybe I should go. So you can clear your mind."

Tezuka never failed to care for Sakuno and the kids, whilst not knowing who the father was. For him it did not matter; Sakuno liked him for that. He was strict but kind all the same. Whoever snares his heart will be lucky. Funny she didn't count herself.

He left after kissing the kids and bidding her grandmother goodbye, the latter came close behind her. Sumire wasn't exactly young anymore, symptoms of ageing had shown through and Sakuno fears that she didn't have much time.

The old lady slowly sat on the nearest couch to her granddaughter, her hips supported as if they would break like very thin glass. "I saw Kunimitsu leave. What happened?"

"The overseas tennis competition was great Granny. Did you watch it?" Her answer perplexed the older woman. What did it have to do with her question...?

"I barely did."

"So you didn't see him win?"

If she was not mistaken it was Echizen who won... And Sumire can't remember the last time Sakuno mentioned that cocky guy. "He was your boyfriend after that devil runt, yes? I hardly can remember."

The young woman could only sigh, "I thought I have already forgotten."

"Why didn't you agree to have that shotgun wedding again?"

Whatever she said was like a switch that turned Sakuno raging.

"I didn't want to be a hindrance!" Sakuno's face was flushed with anger but her eyes were too sad and were out of place in her fury. Of course the old woman didn't mean it to sound offensive in any way but a wounded person would always perceive things as threats to them...

"But now he has fulfilled his dreams, Sakuno. Is it not too late?"

"It already is." Retreating upstairs was all she could do, back to her two bundles of joy.

"Rest well, you still have classes tomorrow."

ioioioi

Kirihara was back in Japan, and back to pestering his senior Marui for much needed information. The black-haired man knew well that something was being kept from him and Ryoma's hint didn't stop ticking in his mind. And so, he was on his way to visit the daycare center that Sakuno was working at. According to Marui, Sakuno is well known in the community because a lot of the kids she teaches liked her a lot. If he got lost then it wouldn't be a hard thing to trace his woman, so Marui said.

'Maybe I should stop playing after all. It's not like it's gonna be like this forever... Maybe that will bring her back to me, to become somebody who thinks of real life. But I don't see why being a tennis player isn't real life...' were his random thoughts to occupy his self as he walked through the barely populated streets.

The center was near and he could see a few women chatting with each other on some benches just outside the place. Still a bit far though, and he started freaking out, which he thought was incredulous.

'What if Ryoma was right? Won't I make a fool out of myself? Hoping that she'd run to me... But if that was the case, then my seniors should have stopped me when they saw it coming... Or maybe they also didn't know?' And he was there gazing at the place, sizing it up. He garnered stares from the women and they all had knowing smiles on their faces. 'What's this? I'm chickening out now of all times.'

Looking around, he found a free bench some way to the side of the building. He brushed of the snow and sat down not knowing what to do next. In his moment of silence, a tap was felt on his shoulder. He knew what the person wanted thus he answered coolly,

"Go ahead, it's free," while pointing at the other half of the bench beside him.

"Who are you waiting for, your daughter? Or maybe your sister?" The woman, as the person who tapped him turned out to be, smiled nicely at Kirihara. And realization has dawned on him "Small world, isn't it?"

"Senritsu, was it?"

"So how are you? Finally have her with you?"

"Not yet. I'm still a ways away. And I'm starting to doubt myself." And he lowered his head into his hands.

"Aw come on. You can do it. Well, that's unless she has a husband..."

"That's my dilemma."

"Oh... so sorry." She truly was.

He was still calm until he heard a very, very familiar voice and it was unfortunate that he wasn't in a reminiscing mood; it only annoyed him. Akaya looked on and saw his senior Marui with Chesca tagging along, "The hell are you doing here?"

"Just checking on your progress is all," Marui presented him with a toothy grin.

"Aren't you supposed to be on work?" The ex-junior ace asked but the other waved him off nonchalantly. "Oh, so you are teaming up against me, huh? That's why you're here."

"Stupid, we are here to pick up my super genius son Boshi," said Marui while Chesca left him to sit beside Senritsu on a different bench, "And I support you on this." But the younger one looked at him with ferocious, narrowed eyes.

"Tell me, senior, why are you letting me do this despite the fact that Sakuno has a new life? Doesn't she have a family of her own now? Fuck, she has kids!" Venom dripped from his gaze and Marui swallowed that little lump in his throat that suddenly formed out of nothing.

"What, kids? Are you sure man? Where did you pick that up?"

"You... don't know?" Akaya grabbed his senior's shirt and shook him close, "Stop screwing around!" And people were looking at them.

"You're making a scene, you idiot!" and Marui was freed. That was a close one. "First and foremost, Sakuno stopped seeing us after you two broke up. Okay?" adjusting his shirt and eyeing the onlookers, he was back to his normal self.

"All of you?" it was unbelievable to Akaya but Marui nodded. "What about senior Yanagi?" he had to try his best then or none at all.

Marui was righting his jacket that time, "Nope. None. Nada. And if you're gonna ask again: Je ne se pas. When I chance upon her, she evades all possible kind of conversation about her life and she escapes like a slippery eel!"

"But you said she teaches here. Don't you get any chance at all?"

"How many times do I have to repeat myself so you can understand? She practically doesn't speak to us about those things. It was as if she spoke a word she would die. Poor woman." Crossing his arms, Marui continued, "Well it is your fault dummy."

"It is, isn't it?" Kirihara's voice was weak and it made Marui regret what he said. So okay, he was sorry.

"Hey, don't take it too hard on yourself. The only way to know is to ask her. And I think if it is you, she'll give in and disclose it." Marui quickly turned his head toward the exit of the building where the parents were flocking. Apparently the last class for the day has ended. He stood up and grabbed Akaya on the arm, pulling the bachelor up. "If it's any consolation, you're still young and you're not shabby looking either... You can try again." His smile wasn't as bright as the one he offered before and it wasn't a sign of encouragement either. It was because no matter what he said it will still boil down to Kirihara's decision on things.

"Thanks."

"Go claim your happiness, man." And they were off to meet their tasks at hand.

ioioioi

Seeing her amongst the crowd, he pushed his way through. Akaya was not going to let such a precious chance to walk away. "Sakuno. Ryuzaki Sakuno," he called and he saw her hesitate. It was looking bad. They were together in the crowd then, and kids were gathering around the woman that he can't get her attention all for himself. "Can I speak with you for a moment? Please?"

"Teacher! Teacher! Over here!"

"I'm sorry kids but you all have to go home now. We will still see each other next time." Sakuno was a blinding light for Kirihara. But he must look on, for if he swayed a little she would disappear.

Turning to Akaya with a smile that was fading, she spoke in a bittersweet voice, "It's been a while." The people had slowly left the place; even Kirihara had lost track of the Marui family that accompanied him and the woman named Senritsu...

He smiled sheepishly at her, knowing well that offering her a second-place trophy wasn't much of a grand coming-home gift. "Well, I didn't get first place. But it's alright."

"I think you did great and I know you'll win the other majors. Next year you'll probably reach your long time dream."

"Wait!" Kirihara exclaimed all of a sudden, to which he was apologetic after. "I didn't come all the way here to talk about that." Uneasy yet still determined, he asked her if he could walk her home. She was rather hesitant but said yes. He had to wait though, since she had to tidy up a bit before she left.

"Hey Sakuno. Who's that hot guy? Your new man?" one of Sakuno's colleagues teased. The woman blushed and quickly admonished them for being presumptuous.

"I'd say he's more... dashing than the last guy who picked you up."

"Yeah, he's more alive than that guy. And his eyes! Oh my gosh! Those emerald eyes are real killers!"

Sakuno thought about that, those eyes were really killers, or maybe killer warnings, especially when they become bloodshot. Oh, the good ol' days...

"Well, I leave it to you guys."

"Sure. Have a nice date honey," which she adequately denied.

Breathing in deeply, she hoped that that day wasn't the day she would have to make a really big decision. It would be alright if the decision concerns only her, but her family is on the line. Coming out, she saw Akaya speaking with another woman and they were quite friendly with each other. Of course, he was always that friendly although a bit crude. The woman saw her and she waved goodbye at Akaya, a small girl with her.

"Hey, you ready to go?" Sakuno spoke with all familiarity she had with Kirihara. Trying to relive the days that were of a long time ago... "What was it that you wished to speak of?"

"I... just wanted to know how you've been." His green eyes looked wistfully at her and she knew at that very moment that it was all too late.

In answer to his look, she repaid it with a rather fearful one. "How do you want me to answer that?"

"As truthful as you can be?"

It was frightening to her that she had to lay her heart out for Kirihara to devour and she did not like the idea. As she stopped, Kirihara knew that she was going to back out and he was not going to let that happen.

"If you don't want to answer that, then this: do you... do you have kids with Echizen?"

And there was utter silence between them, stuck in the place that they were in for a while. Sakuno was wide-eyed at him, for asking such a thing.

"No, they are mine," she looked away with not enough strength to go on with the conversation. But cutting it off would mean that Kirihara would pester her for it for a long time. And so she decided, "And Tezuka's."

So long...

I just realized how immature this is... and I don't think I can make it better. :( This is the final test actually. It's hard to get by that feeling that you want to put something down to words.

Anyway, please don't forget to review this (long-awaited) chapter that I may not be able to follow up again in a month's time. Thanks to everyone, love lots!