Chapter Five: Baby its cold outside

Kurt's just trying to freak you out. You know he's only jealous because you get all the lead solos. And all the girls and guys want to be with you. You're the heartthrob of the group and he doesn't like that he isn't getting attention. He keeps wanting to stand out and be the leader, if he got you doubting yourself and freaking out then he could take charge.

Kurt's not like that. He's just concerned for you. He isn't trying to freak you out and he may actually be right…

What? Only girls get anorexia, he's insulting your masculinity by even considering that you have anorexia. You just have self control when it comes to food

Guys can get anorexia…

Whatever. Just because you have a crush on him. You always have to see the good in people… he's just trying to get to you. You should trust your own judgement when it comes to your health.

I guess you're right…

I'm always right. I'm you remember?

"Excuse me?" Blaine managed to find his voice, he had spent the last few minutes stuck between thoughts. He had only known Blaine a couple of weeks and the guy had the audacity to try and diagnose him? He didn't even know him!
"I… I think you have…" Kurt obviously heard the offended tone, "anorexia…" the last word was quiet and timid. Blaine took a sharp intake of breath,
"Oh really? Are you a professional?" Blaine asked, sharply, causing Kurt to wince. Maybe he is genuinely worried… He's a performer, don't start doubting yourself. "I didn't think so." Blaine said, tearing his eyes away so he didn't have to see his face and he stood up, moving further forward in the coach to sit beside Trent. Trent barely looked at him, his eyes focussed to gaze outside the window but Blaine didn't try to engage him in conversation. He laid his head back against the headrest, his energy dropping again and he closed his eyes.

You're not even skinny enough to be anorexic.

I guess not. But I did collapse

That could be anything, the stage was hot and you were stressed. Nothing to do with food.

I suppose.

I mean… you can feel the second chin right now, can't you? As your head falls?

I…

And your stomach is probably sticking out under your shirt

Stop it…

What, can't you take the truth? Kurt's far skinnier than you, who's he to talk?

I said stop it

Stop what? Like I said before, these are your thoughts. This is the truth that you are trying to fight.

Christmas. The one time of year he may be able to see his parents and the one time of year Blaine just wanted to be left alone. He loved the songs in the air and he was far from a scrooge but he hated how his parents would just pretend. He remembered last Christmas around the table, it had been a ready cooked turkey dish with a few sprouts, potatoes and gravy. He and Cooper talked and pulled crackers whilst his parents were forever glancing to their phones in case work called. This year, he was worried Cooper wouldn't turn up, he had seen all the adverts with his brother's grinning face – he probably had some girl back in LA to spend Christmas with or maybe some Christmas parties. If Cooper didn't come back, however, it was hardly likely his parents would make much of an effort to create Christmas for their workaholic 'antisocial' son. He had already auditioned for several Christmas shows, and just before he finished at Dalton for Christmas, he had heard back from the Kings Island Christmas Spectacular.

It had been a few weeks since Sectionals and he had avoided Kurt as much as he could, only seeing him at Warbler practises and he had started coming late so they just jumped into rehearsing rather than having time to talk about anything. He was trying to avoid thinking about why he was avoiding Kurt, if Kurt had been wrong with his assessment then it would be Kurt that feels awkward –right? Blaine tried not to think of the alternative, as much as he wanted to believe Kurt and work with Kurt, his mind was telling him he was wrong. He would know if he had Anorexia, right? Anyway, after hearing about the spectacular (and seeing the girl he would have to perform with) he knew he couldn't avoid Kurt any longer. He was beginning to miss spending quality time with him and Christmas was supposed to be a time of forgiveness. So, he went looking for him.

It was strange, being the one to interrupt someone else studying rather than being the one to be interrupted. He bit his lip as he watched him a moment, wondering if he had missed him or if he was happy that he managed to make Blaine doubt himself. He took a deep breath, put on a smile and then carried in his CD player. Kurt jumped slightly, looking up from his book, his glance moving from Blaine to the player and then back, "Oh… you scared me." Blaine gave a small smile, some part of him happy to see that Kurt had withdrawn himself again after speculating such a thing before but he wasn't going to make Kurt feel worse. As he was in a relatively good mood, he decided to relax a bit, "Good… because I'm Marley's ghost… and I'm here to tell you to stop studying so hard," Blaine said, moving closer and gesturing to the books. Christmas wasn't a bad time, he loved the holiday itself, just at his house it felt fake and he'd prefer if they just pretended it was a normal day whilst he watched 'It's a wonderful life' by himself in his room.
"Oh really? Whats with the boombox? Going to put on a show for me?" Kurt teased, seeming to relax a bit, which made Blaine grin,
"Well, actually… I was hoping you'd sing with me. I need to rehearse…" he waited for Kurt to ask him why just with a look before he explained, "I'm singing 'Baby it's Cold Outside' for the Kings Island spectacular." Kurt's face lit up,
"Oh, it's a personal favourite, but they would never let us sing it together… as two artists I mean." Kurt's stammering was lost on Blaine, who found it hard to believe Kurt would ever be interested in him and Blaine nodded,
"Will you sing it with me now?" He waited for Kurt to nod before turning on the music and waiting for Kurt to start.

Singing with Kurt was something Blaine did enjoy. He liked singing with all of the Warblers but there was a chemistry when they performed that he couldn't explain (because he wouldn't let himself believe Kurt liked him) so he felt that if he rehearsed with Kurt, who also had the range of the female part of the song, he would feel a lot more confident before the show. What also helped was when they finished, he received a smile and Kurt told him,
"I think you're ready." Blaine smiled appreciatively and nodded before deciding to send a compliment back,
"Well, for the record, you are much better than that girl's going to be," Blaine said, he was being truthful too and wished it could be Kurt he was singing with. As much as he was wary that Kurt may continue trying to get him to admit he has something he doesn't, he knew he sounded better with Kurt and he was a perfectionist. He didn't say much else, unable to find the words that sounded right and, thankfully, he was prevented from having to say anything as Mr Schuester came in to talk to Kurt. Relieved, he greeted Kurt's former glee director and headed out, taking a deep breath when he was outside the door.

See, if he was REALLY worried, he would've said something.

Cooper arrived on the 22nd of December, Blaine had gone to the airport with his father to greet him. It was strange, his father had left his work phone at home, bringing his 'family' cell phone with him in case Cooper or his mother had any issues. Blaine was excited as they drove to the airport, the radio playing and his father actually seemed to smile. It was a wonderful feeling, Blaine was beginning to think that this Christmas would be the best Christmas ever. This feeling was only reinforced when he saw his older brother walking towards them, pulling a suitcase behind him and wearing his Hollywood smile,
"Hey Squirt!" he called, moving to hug Blaine. Usually Blaine would reproach him for calling him that, but he was on such a high with how his morning had been he just laughed with him, "How've you been?" Cooper asked as he pulled away and ruffled his hair,
"I've been great," Blaine said with a smile. It wasn't entirely true, but he was in such a good mood he didn't want to think of how he had really been. Cooper spent most of the journey home name dropping and talking about 'gigs' he had coming up. Blaine just smiled, listening to his brother; Cooper could be a bit of a jerk, but he forced the family to make an effort and around this time of the year it was all Blaine wanted -
"So, Blaine, I heard that your glee club got to Sectionals," Cooper looked back towards his younger brother who had been demoted to the backseat of the car. Blaine nodded,
"Yeah, we drew with the New Directions from McKinley." He said, smiling and Cooper nodded,
"Drew huh? Why didn't you win?" Cooper asked, his tone casual but Blaine felt an attack.
Yeah Blaine, why didn't you win? Because you let your team down. You didn't work hard enough
"I… the New Directions were good…" Blaine managed to say, his mood slipping already.
"Or you just weren't good enough," Cooper said, "Maybe I should drop by and give a master class-"
"No." Blaine said, quickly, "That won't be necessary." Cooper just glanced at him before he glanced to their father who gave him a look that Blaine couldn't place. Was his father telling Cooper off? That never happened…

He didn't find out what it was until dinner. Blaine helped his mom set the table, keeping himself moving as he tried to focus his attention away from the smell of the food cooking whilst avoiding talking to his brother. He loved Cooper, but the man seemed to go out of his way to make him feel bad about himself. He had enough of that in his head now, telling him that:
You haven't done any running today, you haven't rehearsed, worked out or anything… and now you're going to eat all that? Do you WANT to become obese? Do you WANT to lose to the New Directions at regionals?
He shook himself, setting out the crackers and pouring out the drinks as he tried to prepare himself for the meal and before he knew it he was sat with a full plate of food with his family around him. It didn't take him long until he realised his family were watching him eat – or rather, play with his food.
"Is it okay, Blaine?" his mother asked, an edge to her voice which made him think she was waiting for a specific answer. He nodded,
"Yes… just wondering where to start," he set a smile on his face as he cut up a potato and speared it with his fork. He licked his lips, taking a deep breath and raised the fork towards his mouth but then he froze. He could see the grease shining through the yellow, the heavy gravy fell off the other side. His stomach seemed to grow just looking at it and his breathing became heavy and his family were still watching him. "Is… everything okay?" he asked, placing down his fork, feeling sweat begin to fall from his hairline and run down his cheek.
"Blaine… your headmaster called us…." His father started,
"Yes… we only got the message the other week…" his mother joined in, "Someone has expressed concern to him that you have… an eating disorder." Blaine gritted his teeth,
"That's not true." He picked up the fork and took the potato in one bite and chewed the food quickly before swallowing it. He looked between them before his face fell as the voice came back and he pushed back and headed to the bathroom.

When he came out, he wanted to head straight to his room, but he was commandeered by his brother, who grabbed his arm and then held him at arms length and crouched to reach eye contact. "I heard it." He whispered, there was something in his face Blaine hadn't seen in a long time. Concern? But still, Blaine couldn't bring himself to help him,
"Heard what? Lemme go…" he tried to struggle against his grip but it was no use, he was too weak,
"You made yourself sick. You ate half a potato, for pete's sake! What happened?" he asked. Blaine tensed,
"It was the stress, everyone looking at me. I don't have an eating disorder! I may be gay but it doesn't make me a girl –" he started,
"Don't give me that crap, Blaine. You know I have always seen you as a brother, gay or not, so this isn't about gender. We're going to get you help. I thought the folks were making a big deal but I guess not." Blaine glared at him before Cooper continued, "We're going to get you help." Then suddenly, Blaine spoke,
"What if I don't want help? What if I'm not good enough yet?" Blaine asked, and smirked proudly as Cooper was left speechless.