Chapter 6

How long can one ignore the laws of God and man? What punishments lie in wait for those who defy the will of God and make idols of His creation? Can true happiness be obtained when we dismiss our Maker's rules?

For a little while all was paradise at Falaisesmer. As the long Mediterranean summer wore down to its final days, it seemed Edward and I were rarely out of each other's company. Days were spent in leisurely strolls through the countryside, in affairs with local friends, and nights (that often extended into lazy mornings, or begun in sweet afternoons) spent in each other's arms. We had learned to forget all that we had left behind. I knew somehow, that such pure happiness could not last.

I began to have dreams. Once more I began to dream of a mysterious child - always a sign of trouble in my past. I tried to ignore them, but the baby-phantoms insisted on making appearances.

One dream in particular I found quite disturbing. I was walking down a woodland path, leading a child by the hand who was barely able to walk. Suddenly the child broke free from my grasp and began to run with much more speed than one would expect of a child that age. Its journey ended in a glade where a waterfall spilled into a small pond.

I glanced into the pond. Many brightly-colored fish swam around it in slow circles. For a few moments, I watched them, mesmerized. I looked up and realized that the child was gone. It had slipped under the surface of the water. Panicked I began to search for it, pull it out before it drowned. Then I spotted it, swimming under the water as gracefully as the fish.

Suddenly the child began to turn into a fish. The legs fused to a tail. The skin became silvery scales. The head changed shape. Still the fish retained something of the child's face, and it looked at me almost balefully. Then, without warning, it jumped out of the water. I don't know if it meant me harm, but it flung itself at my face. Terrified, I screamed and woke.

I must have screamed out loud, for I woke Edward as well. "Jane, what is it my darling? Did you have a bad dream?"

"Yes, I did. I had a terrifying one."

He pulled me close and tried to soothe me. "It's all right Jane. Don't let your mental terrors frighten you. It was only a dream. What was it about?"

"I seem to have forgotten," I lied. I simply could not tell Mr. Rochester of the dream nor how it frightened me. In the waking world, it seemed rather silly.

"Go to sleep, my love. Dream only of happiness." He kissed me and held me close, but he was asleep again before long, while I continued awake. I could not shake the sense of dread I felt.

The next day I took a walk to the village to run some of the household errands. I loved walking through the shops and streets, where the local populace had come to embrace me as Madame Rochester, mistress of Falaisesmer. I went to the post office in case Edward had any correspondence (I had none for I contacted no one about my new residence). There was one letter for Mr. Rochester that day.

I normally paid little attention to Edward's business correspondence, although as fetching the post was often my duty (something that was a lingering remnant of Thornfield days), I had come to recognize the seals and handwriting of Edward's associates and agents. Today I saw a seal and writing that were completely unfamiliar to me. The letter was from London, and the name was Briggs.

I knew that Mr. Briggs was the solicitor for both my uncle in Madeira (whom I had given little thought to since our ill-fated wedding) and Mr. Mason. I wondered what business he would have with Mr. Rochester. I could not imagine what else he would have to say after stopping out marriage. He had let me know that my uncle has received my correspondance and was ill and close to dying. I knew little else of Mr. Briggs or my family.

I found myself being very afraid of whatever was in that letter. I had come to see Mr. Briggs as nothing but a bearer of bad news. I was quite impatient to find out what was in the letter and hoped Edward would let me know that day.

Edward was in the library when I returned and I brought him the letter. He was occupied with some other business, so he barely acknowledged it, and told me he would like to take a walk later. I left the room and waited.

Edward said nothing to me on our walk. He said nothing to me at tea time or at supper. I wondered if he had read it yet.

Another day went by and I still knew nothing of what was contained in Mr. Briggs's letter. I tried to tell myself that it was likely not anything of importance. Maybe it was related to the Mason family and Edward did not want to trouble me with thoughts of the maniac. I still could not shake this feeling that I needed to know what was in that letter, that it might somehow be important to me.

One morning Edward went out and I decided to do the unthinkable. I stayed behind and crept into the library and began to carefully search through his papers. I did not know if the letter was even opened yet or was possibly destroyed, but I needed to see for myself. I needed to at least try to know. I felt a sense of guilt going behind Edward's back like this. I felt a sense of betrayal, but it was just one of many sins that could be added to the pile I had already committed.

There was a pile of letters on Edward's desk that had been opened and placed aside. I sorted through them and did eventually find the one from Mr. Briggs. I read it with a sense of utter disbelief.

Dear Mr. Rochester,

I am writing to inquire of the whereabouts of your former governess Jane Eyre. Her uncle, John Eyre of Madeira, has died and she is the sole heir to his estate, worth twenty thousand pounds. Mr. Eyre was had been quite insistent in his life that his niece claim her inheritance quickly. If you know where we can write to her and inform her of this, please let me know as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Edmond Briggs

-Street, London

I was overwhelmed at the news of what I had just read. I had inherited a fortune - twenty thousand pounds! It was more money than I could ever dream of having. It brought a sense of shock, but also one of sadness. My uncle, my only living relative, was dead. I would never know him, even though he had been so eager to care for me throughout his life. What saddened me the most though was the Mr. Rochester did not want me to know this. Twenty thousand pounds would make me fully independent, and I suspected that was something Mr. Rochester wanted to avoid. Not only that, but having a fortune would mean I could take my place in society. I would no longer be obscure. I could not do this as Mr. Rochester's mistress.

I gave Mr. Rochester another chance to say something that evening. He continued silence on the subject. He did notice though my own silence and foul mood. "Are you well, Jane?" he asked at supper. "You have hardly touched your food and you look pale? Where is your beaming smile tonight?"

"I am not feeling well tonight," I said. "I hope you will excuse me and allow me stay in my own chamber tonight."

"Very well. If you are unwell you should rest. Why don't you go to bed now and see if you are better in the morning." As a rose and walked toward my room he stopped and kissed me. I barely returned the embrace.

I decided to write to Mr. Brigg's myself. I asked him what I needed to do to claim my fortune and that I would come to London and meet with him if necessary. While I waited for a reply, I continued to wait for Mr. Rochester to say something to me, but he never did. I continued to grow distant from him. I said I wasn't feeling well, and it was true. It seemed that I was often tired and needed more rest than usual. Mr. Rochester expressed his concern, but I rebuffed most attempts he made to soothe me. I continued to beg to stay within my own chamber at night.

I did eventually hear from Mr. Briggs. He suggested I come to London and sign all necessary documents. I decided that I would go. I only had one problem. I had no money of my own. I had enough pocket money to take me as far as Marseilles, but nothing that would provide conveyance as far as England.

I found myself doing something utterly unthinkable. I had accepted little jewelry from Mr. Rochester and rarely wore what I did have. I did not like the way it made me feel like his possession, his doll that he could dress. I felt that none of it truly belonged to me. Now I knew it was my only way of leaving. I found a ring, a locket, and a pearl necklace that had once had special meaning to me that I was almost loath to keep. In Marseilles I could change these for a ticket to England.

I did not tell Mr. Rochester of my plan. The day I left I left early in the morning before anyone was awake. I packed a small bag and wrote Mr. Rochester a note that I left on the breakfast room table.

Dear Mr. Rochester,

I am sorry to leave you thus, but I feel that I must leave this place. I have inherited a fortune from my Uncle John in Madeira, who died quite recently. It was he who helped stop our wedding by sending Mr. Mason to the church that day.

I am going to London to meet with my uncle's solicitor. Please do not follow me. I must do this alone and claim my place in society as an independent woman.

Thank you for all of your great kindness to me. Our time at Falaisesmer has been the happiest of my life, but I feel that it must end now.

Please know that I will always love you with all of my heart, but I can no longer live with lies and deceptions.

Love,

Jane

I sobbed as I wrote the note and sobbed as I left it. I could barely keep myself composed as I made the journey. I did not know if I could survive the heartbreak. But I did survive and my new life, whatever it held, lay ahead of me.