Wedding Planners From Hell!

by Ulquiorra9000

Chapter 6: Grimmjow Forms the Bro Wedding Planner Team (that's not as productive as it sounds)

"Thanks again for having me over for dinner, grandfather," Rukia said kindly that evening in the Kuchiki house's large dining room. She was dressed nicely for the evening, in a deep blue, knee-length dress and a thin gold necklace and earrings. Definitely a step up from how she dressed at her place while watching the Batman animated series with Ichigo late at night! Here, the expensive china cabinet, grandfather clock, and classical music on the sound system were more Byakuya's speed than Rukia's.

"Anything for my darling granddaughter," Ginrei said with a quick smile. He dug his fork into his pasta dish. "So... I hear that your friend Halibel Tier got engaged a few days ago. You must be very happy for her."

"I sure am," Rukia said. "It's gonna be the biggest day of her life! The wedding, I mean..."

Byakuya looked up from his own plate. A tiny grin tugged at the corners of his lips. "Hmmmmmm. I think I recognize that tone in your voice, Rukia." Like usual, he wore a silver suit vest over his white shirt, and a gold wristwatch.

Rukia made a false innocent face. "What tone?"

"When you're plotting something with your friends," Byakuya said, and he took a bite. "I'd know it anywhere."

"Well... okay, you caught me." Rukia's face warmed. "Halibel got us all together to form the wedding planner team. But we ain't a team. I have the best ideas, and the other girls keep fighting me!"

Ginrei chuckled. "That sounds like a real problem, my dear."

"No problem is too much for a Kuchiki," Byakuya said simply, patting the corners of his mouth with his cloth napkin. "Rukia, whatever's going on, we can -"

"I appreciate that," Rukia said with a smile, "but I think I can handle it."

"It's quite a lot of work, you know," Byakuya told her.

"Halibel deserves the best wedding ever," Rukia declared, thumping an open hand on the table. "But Bambi and Tatsuki and Orihime are being dumb! It's up to me to make this magical day happen! I'm Rukia Kuchiki! I can do it!"

She realized that she had stood up, he voice raised. "Uh..."

Ginrei burst out laughing. "Now that's the spirit, Rukia!"

"Sorry," Rukia mumbled as she sat back down, her face going red. "I'm just... fired up, I guess."

"I appreciate what you're doing for your friend," Byakuya said. "I'll help you however I can."

"Thanks," Rukia said. "But no money."

Byakuya's slate-gray eyes widened. "I'm sorry?"

Rukia pointed at her brother-in-law. "I mean, I don't wanna borrow a bunch of cash and coast on it. Halibel and Grimmjow want a intimate ceremony that we all put together with our bare hands! I'll figure something out. It'll be authentic and personal."

"I see." Byakuya took a bite of spicy pasta. It didn't faze him at all. "I admire your work ethic, Rukia. Though I am still willing to help, expense-free. I, too, can roll up my sleeves and do some hard work."

Rukia giggled.

Byakuya pursed his lips. "What is it?"

"Sorry, big brother, but you don't look ready to get down and dirty," Rukia teased him.

"Not at all." Byakuya smoothed his expensive vest. "I can be handy if I so wish!"

"My grandson's idea of hard work is ironing his own shirts," Ginrei put in with a smile. "Such intense labor."

"Grandfather!" Byakuya went pink.

Ginrei chuckled. "Oh, it's nothing, Byakuya. I'm confident that you will help make that wedding a success."

"Of course," Byakuya said importantly. "I'm not afraid of a little hard work. Not at all!"

Rukia took a sip of wine. "Thank you, brother." Still, I feel like I should find more help, just in case. I think I need to reorganize the wedding planning team.

Then it hit her.

*o*o*o*o*

Grimmjow stepped off the bus, crossed the bustling afternoon sidewalk, and threw open the doors to Urahara Shoten. "Hey, Kisuke!" he announced. "Long time no see!"

"If it ain't the little Jaegerjaques!" Kisuke emerged from the back offices, his wooden sandals loud on the tiled floor, his eyes shaded under his hat's brim. "Welcome, welcome!"

Grimmjow scowled. "Hey, did you call me little?"

"Well, after having your dad work here for a few years..." Kisuke cleared his throat. "The shop really expanded, thanks to him. I might even open a second location soon. Can you believe it?"

Ichigo also emerged from the back offices, papers in his hand, a pen tucked behind his ear. "Yeah, but it won't have the oh-so-fond memories of this place."

Kisuke drew his fan and placed it over his mouth. "Oh, big deal! We'll just make new memories in there!"

"Gross," Grimmjow muttered.

"Anyway..." Kisuke snapped his fan closed and spread his arms wide. "What can I do for you, cat boy? I've got all kinds of new merchandise in stock. I even have ice cream makers! Perfect for this sweltering heat..."

"Actually..." Grimmjow grinned. "Can Ichigo take a half-day today? I need him."

Kisuke glanced at his second-in-command. "I dunno..."

"I'm putting together a wedding planner team, and our schedule is crazy tight," Grimmjow explained.

Ichigo looked to his boss. "It's a slow day anyway, Mr. Hat and Clogs. Why not?"

Kisuke chewed on his lower lip, his mental gears turning. "Well... would you buy wedding supplies from my store?"

Grimmjow shrugged. "Maybe some of them, I guess."

"Including the cake?" Kisuke pressed him.

"What the... you can do that?" Grimmjow asked, eyes wide.

"Sure I can! Of course!" Kisuke chuckled like a wise old man.

Ichigo elbowed his boss. "Watch out, Grimmjow. By that, he means he'll shove a bunch of Twinkies and leftover cupcakes together into a 'cake'. Don't do it, man."

Kisuke winced. "You gave away my trade secret, Ichigo!"

"More like spared your customers the horror." Ichigo grinned. "C'mon, Mr. Urahara... it'll be good for business. Let's plan a wedding."

"Mmmmmmm... oh, all right. Who am I to deprive you boys of your dreams?" Kisuke had his fan back out in a flash. "But you still have to buy some stuff from me. I gotta turn over a profit once in a while."

Grimmjow shook Kisuke's hand. "You're the best."

"At making trouble," Ichigo muttered.

Kisuke raised his eyebrows. "What was that, carrot-head?"

Ichigo went red. "N-nothing!"

"So..." Grimmjow texted Uryu as Ichigo put away his office stuff. "Let's get back to our place and get the ball rolling."

"I have basketballs and soccer balls in stock," Kisuke offered. "Special discount for -"

"See you." Grimmjow motioned for Ichigo to follow him, and beat a hasty retreat.

*o*o*o*o*

Escaping Kisuke's shop didn't put an end to all the complications, though.

"D'you all think Rukia could help us?" Grimmjow wondered as he, Ichigo, and Uryu met at the house.

Ichigo shrugged. "Probably not. She's been meeting with Orihime and the other girls to figure out some wedding stuff. They're trying to choose a venue and theme. Maybe we could work out the other details."

"Oh yes, Bambietta told me about that," Uryu said, his eyeglasses glinting angrily. "Your girlfriends did not treat her very well at their meeting, you know..."

Ichigo grinned. "Sorry, bud. I can't be held accountable for Rukia's wild ways."

"You can try it a little!" Uryu cried. "The way she treats my Bambi..."

Grimmjow waved a hand between his two friends. "Cool it, guys. We've got a mission."

"Oh, and there's one more thing to figure out," Ichigo realized as he went to the fridge to dig up some beers. "Grimmjow, who's the best man? You never mentioned it."

"Uh..." Grimmjow blinked as he caught the beer Ichigo tossed him. How could he forget?! "That's a good point."

"It certainly is," Uryu said, cracking open his cold one. "Perhaps you should decide now, before we move on to other matters."

Grimmjow toyed with the cold beer can in his hands. "Hard to say. You guys are tied in my mind."

"As long as it ain't Keigo," Ichigo said, taking a chug of beer. "You'd never recover from the bachelor party."

Uryu shuddered. "Tell me there won't be a bachelor party!"

Grimmjow's jaw dropped. "Why the hell not?!"

"Because they're horrible debauchery," Uryu argued. "We're better than that."

Grimmjow sighed. "It won't be Keigo. And Chad is cool, and Mizuiro is all right, but you guys are my top two choices."

"Gotta break the tie," Ichigo said. "C'mon, Grimmjow. Choose me."

"It should be me, of course," Uryu said importantly. "I can organize and plan all sorts of -"

"A game of chance," Grimmjow decided. "We could flip a coin."

Uryu scowled. "You can't be serious. This is too important for a coin toss. It's your wedding, Grimmjow!"

Grimmjow nodded. "Exactly. The game shall be... rock-paper -"

Uryu held up a hand. "No way!"

"I wasn't done," Grimmjow said. "You and Ichigo play rock-paper-scissors-lizard-spock for it."

"What is that?" Uryu demanded.

"It's the awesome version of rock-paper-scissors," Ichigo explained. He mimed the two new moves. "Lizard beats Spock and paper and loses to rock and scissors. Spock wins against rock and scissors, and loses to paper and lizard. The original rules stay the same. Feel like playing?"

Uryu sighed. "Fine." He held out a hand, as did Ichigo, and they prepaerd to make their moves. "Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, spock!"

Ichigo threw out Spock. Uryu threw out... a weird tangle of fingers.

"That's not a real move," Grimmjow told Uryu.

Uryu went red. "This variant is confusing."

"Look: do this for lizard, and that for Spock," Ichigo told him, imitating the new moves. "Got it? Good. Go again. Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, spock!"

They both threw out lizard.

"Do it again," Grimmjow said.

"Forget this!" Uryu snapped. "Grimmjow, your best man represents your deepest trust and admiration for another fellow! You don't have a brother, so you must choose your best friend. Who is it?"

Ichigo put on his best puppy eyes.

"Uh..." Grimmjow scratched his head. "This is a real head-scratcher."

Uryu sighed. "Literally, I see."

"Hold on." Grimmjow dashed into the dining room and scooped up his calico cat, Pantera, into his arms. She meowed and purred as Grimmjow carried her back to the living room.

"Is that Pantera?" Uryu asked.

"Yeah." Grimmjow set her down on the floor. "Whoever she chooses will be my best man."

Pantera wandered in circles around Ichigo and Uryu, her tail twitching, her eyes wide. But she didn't seem to choose anyone.

Ichigo finished his beer. "This might take a while. I'll get the next round."

The three bros had another few rounds of beer as Pantera wandered around. Grimmjow even got out the catnip to speed along Pantera's mental process, but instead, she ran around the house like crazy, yowling. No decision was made!

Ichigo sighed. "There's just one way to decide this."

Uryu rolled his eyes as he finished his fourth beer. "Now what?"

Ichigo got another round of beers and invited everyone into his room. He powred on his TV and GameCube. "The game is... Super Smash Bros. Melee. And since Rukia isn't here, I'm free to turn the volume up. Pull up a chair, everyone."

Uryu sank into a chair and took a controller. "I'm not as good at this game as you guys."

"Who's your main character?" Ichigo asked as the game started up.

Uryu shrugged. "Bowser, I guess."

Ichigo burst out laughing. "There's your first problem."

"I play Fox and Captain Falcon," Grimmjow told him. "Play a character like that. Try Falco."

So they launched into the game. Uryu tried Falco, but couldn't beat Ichigo's Marth or Grimmjow's Fox. Then, after ten rounds, it was seeming like Ichigo was going to win. But first...

"No! Bad kitty!" Ichigo cried when Pantera, still high on catnip, sprinted into the room, jumped onto the dresser, and knocked the GameCube to the floor. All the cables were yanked out of the console, and the game crapped out.

Ichigo hung his head. "We still don't have a winner."

"I know," Grimmjow said, feeling woozy from the beer. "Y'know, I love you guys. How could I drive this divide between you? I'm the worst friend ever!"

"No! I'm the one who pushed you!" Uryu moaned, going red from the beer's effects. "You don't deserve me."

Ichigo clapped Uryu on the back. "Anyone would be lucky to have you, my man. I'm the bad guy here! I beat you up in Melee!"

They all sobbed together until Rukia came back and walked through the living room. "Ichigo, honey, I'm home!" she cried. "Where are you guys?"

She found them in the bedroom, sobbing over the fallen GameCube with beer cans everywhere. "Um... I'll see you guys later," Rukia said, rolling her eyes. She snuck out the front door.

It was evening by the time Uryu went home, and Grimmjow relaxed on his bed. Still no best man... but at least his friendships with Ichigo and Uryu were intact!

It was a good day after all.