AN: Spawned by the same Haven dance challenge from Ffordesoon that gave birth to DISCO KIMFERNO. The Caller was created as part of a Haven story help thread to create new Go City villains.

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SQUARE DEAL

A quickie by SHADO Commander

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Kim stopped and looked around. This wasn't an active lair… there was dust on all the beams and rafters… even the occasional cobweb on the wall… yet the floor had been meticulously swept clean. That didn't make any sense.

And then there was the minor question of where Drakken and Shego were. The message she'd received indicated that they were up to something that had to be stopped immediately… That was the main reason she was here by herself. Ron would just have to catch up once he got back from his date with Yori. Kim had TRIED to get ahold of him, of course, but if there was one thing that she'd learned the hard way over the course of her best friend's romance with the Japanese girl, it was that trying to find two ninjas when they didn't want to be found was a fools errand.

Kind of like this mission was looking to be. Drakken hadn't been here in at least a year, and if he wasn't here then…

"Princess?"

Kim dropped into an automatic combat stance as she heard her former arch-rival's voice coming from… somewhere… Kim's yes scanned left right up… Aha!

"Right here, Pumpkin," Shego grinned, assuming a wary stance of her own. She was wearing the same form hugging skintight outfit she'd worn in her villaining days, which gave some truth to the message, but that was quickly undone by the pale woman's next words.

"So why did you want to meet me, Kimmie?"

"Me? I got a message to come and…" Kim stopped before she said something she might regret. Now that she thought about it, it was a little embarrassing how readily she'd been willing to assume that Shego had gone evil again. No, to be honest, how hopeful she'd been.

Fortunately, Shego didn't seem to catch on to what Kim had been thinking. She was too busy in her own thoughts.

"So… if YOU didn't call ME, and I didn't call YOU…"

"Then who…?" Kim picked up the thread…

"Called both of us?" Shego finished.

The answer came in the bizarre form of a fiddle playing.

"Oh no!" Shego gasped, her face going even paler than usual. "The Caller!"

"Huh? What?" Kim asked, but it was too late.

From out of every corner of the room, a smooth melodious voice suddenly spoke and Kim felt her limbs beginning to tingle.

"Places all," the voice spoke and Kim felt her body suddenly stand straight. "Bow to your corner, bow to your own."

"What the hell is going on," Kim asked in disbelief as she found herself bowing twice… once to an empty corner of the room and once to Shego.

"One of the sickest villains Go City ever produced," Shego shivered, completing a bow of her own. "He makes you Square Dance."

And then the jug and the bass joined the fiddle and the true horror began!

"Three hands up and 'round you go," the disembodied voice sang, and Kim watched in terror as she and Shego's bodies moved as if of their own accord!

"Break it up with a dosey-do.
Chicken in the bread pan kickin' out dough,
Skip to ma Lou my darling."

This was impossible, Kim thought. She didn't even know HOW to square dance… it had banned as cruel and unusual punishment by the Middleton PTA years ago!

"Green lady takes red, you pretty little thing,
Promenade around the ring…"

"What the hell do we do?" Kim whispered to Shego as, cheek to cheek, they danced in synch together around the center of the cleared out section of the floor."

"Big foot up and little foot down,
Make that big foot jar the ground."

"Wait for him to stop," Shego moaned. "The only other thing is worse."

"Ladies together nose to nose, step back and take off your outer clothes,"

"Worse than this?" Kim asked disbelievingly, as her own hands pulled her shirt against her will over her head. At least she was doing better than Shego… apparently there wasn't that much under the catsuit… just a tiny black thong and… GARTERS?

"Maybe not," Shego admitted, having never lost step during the entire striptease. Meanwhile Kim was down to her bra and panties, the latter bearing the monogram TUES.

"Back you go and forward again.
Step right up with an elbow swing,
Skip to ma Lou my darling."

"Alright," Shego gave in, "But I want you to swear you will never admit it to ANYONE!"

"Allemande left with the old left hand
Follow through the right an' left grand."

"For God's sake yes Shego!" Kim screamed, "Tell me now!"

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"Excellent work, Ms. Possible," Betty Director nodded. "We weren't even aware the Caller had escaped until you called."

"Yeah," Will Du shook his head as if he had seen his worst nightmares realized. "Those guards he'd bewitched had been dosey-doing with each other for over two days when we checked. I've never seen anything so evil."

"I have," Kim muttered, only to be poked sharply in the ribs by Shego.

"Ah, yes, and thank you to you too, Ms. Go," Doctor Director added. "Would I be correct in assuming that your prior encounters with the Caller lead to your being able to defeat him so easily."

"There was nothing easy about it," Shego glared, looking back at Kim, then to Betty again. "And no, we're NOT going to tell you how we did it."

Betty looked at Kim hopefully, but saw the same refusal branded in her eyes.

"Right," Betty sighed. "Well, we'll be taking him off then."

Kim and Shego watched as the Caller was carted off in the special soundproof paddywagon designed to handle sonically enhanced meta-humans.

"I won't tell anyone," Kim promised again. "I'd have to admit what I did myself."

"Yeah," Shego sighed. "The thing is, sometimes to defeat a great evil, you have to use an even greater evil to defeat it."

"True," Kim agreed. "But the Chicken Dance…"

"Don't even SAY it," Shego shuddered. "I'm trying to blank it out of my mind."

That thought seemed to prompt another in the former villain. Well, a couple, actually, some of which revolved around monogrammed panties. "Hey, are you legal yet? You wanna go get a beer?"

"No." Kim responded to the first question, then looked at the green woman with interest, wondering about certain... garters. Oh, what the hell. "You wanna go to Canada? That's where I usually go to get plastered."

"Your hovercraft or mine Princess?" Shego smiled. "Your hovercraft or mine?"

fin

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Bonus points to the first person to place the source of the music! Legal stuff: Kim Possible, Shego, Betty Director and Will Du and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Jar Jar Binks, Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader, Princess Leia, Obi Wan Knobi, Lando Calrissian, Han Solo, Chewbacca and the Imperial Stormtroopers are the creations of George Lucas and the property of Lucasfilm. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18. Okay? Okay!.