Author's Note: Warnings for triggers, particularly in relation to traumatic events as violation/rape. Please read with caution.

Let Me Be Myself - Chapter Six

Headphones on, foot and pen tapping to the beat, Kaname stared down at the work before her. They had started giving her 'homework,' which she had insisted couldn't be called that if she wasn't doing it at home. The response to that had been a laugh and a condescending "You're adorable" before she was sent back to her guard and their room. Slinging an arm over the back of her chair, she looked over at Sousuke, staring unabashedly. He had shed his shirt and set himself to using the molding around the archway to the kitchen as a grip for pull-ups. He'd been doing them as long as she'd been sat in front of her papers, which must have been at least an hour. Sweat gleamed on his chest and along his back, and his skin was flushed pink from the pumping blood and exertion.

It had been something like a month since she had been taken outside that night, and it seemed like he was trying to keep his distance from her. In a way, it was sweet. She noticed him looking at her when he thought she wasn't paying attention, and he stiffened whenever she watched him, like now. He remained respectful, listening to her requests and doing what he could to meet them, but he kept a distance between them when they spoke. The only times that distance was closed was when he was escorting her through the building or when he trained her.

That reminded her, they hadn't had a session yet today. Grinning, she stretched her arms over her head and put her music aside. She took a sip of water, setting the glass back on the desk with a refreshed sigh. "I need a break from this," she stood up, walking over to him. He glanced at her with confusion and wariness, dropping to the ground with a grunt when she poked his side. "Let's spar. It's been awhile." And it had. All he did anymore was drill her in techniques. It had been some time since he'd been willing to do a freeform match with her. Before he could argue, she pouted up at him, "I don't wanna get rusty."

"I see," he murmured, walking past her to retrieve a towel he'd pulled out earlier. Patting away the sweat, he sighed and closed his eyes. Considering his options, he realized he didn't have much in the way of a choice. She was right, of course, and there was only so much avoidance he could succeed in, particularly given their living arrangements. It wasn't that he was complaining. Oh, no, most certainly not. That night had been full of the most amazing sensations he'd ever experienced in his life. But it was obvious, even to him, that she wasn't any more accustomed to the act than he was, though she had certainly been determined, and he was helpless in the face of her will. The reason he was trying to keep space between them had much to do with the fact that she had been as inexperienced as he. Although it had been her idea, he couldn't help but feel as though he had somehow forced it, that he had made her feel indebted to him.

"Well?" she tapped her foot impatiently, arms crossed over her chest. He turned to face her and nodded, folding up his towel and setting it aside. Grinning, she stepped into the open space and lifted her hands into a defensive stance. Without a word, he took up his own spot opposite of her, barely settling into place before springing into action. Yelping with surprise, she barely managed to dodge the grab, ducking under the swing of his arm and squeaking when the other snaked around her waist and turned her upside down. She slung her legs over his shoulders and pulled together in a scissor, forcing his head to turn and his body with it.

She was dropped to the ground and she landed with a thud, turning her head and slapping her forearms on the ground to avoid smashing her face in. "You...," she seethed, rolling away from him and hopping to her feet. Huffing, face already red and sweat pouring down her from just the short time they'd been fighting, she could feel her hair sticking uncomfortably to her skin but couldn't affored the wasted motion of shoving it aside. For his part, he looked no different than when he had hopped down from his earlier workout, and that infuriated her. She wasn't that out of shape, not anymore!

Gritting her teeth and growling, she closed the distance between them and fell to the ground as though she slipped, a loud slap echoing and followed by another when she took his feet out from under him and he landed beside her, face-first. She rolled, her legs still wrapped around his from the scissor move she had come to favor, and bent him backwards in half. He strained as his muscles pulled in ways they weren't meant to. Forcing the issue, he leaned back and groped behind him, successfully finding her ankle and tightening his thumb around the Achilles' heel and digging forefingers into the dip in the front between bones, causing her foot to spasm and lose the lock around his legs.

He took advantage swiftly, spinning back and dropping his heels onto her biceps, pinning her arms to the ground where she'd foolishly left them. Never loosening his grip on her foot, he knelt above her and grabbed hold of the other, tucking her feet in under his arms and pulling back, standing and bending her more harshly than she'd had him. "Aw, c'mon! You're gross and sweaty!" she whined, complaining about the placement of her feet in a voice strained from the way she was being pulled.

Brow raised curiously, he turned his head and looked down at her, grunting softly, "You can't choose the cleanliness of your opponent, and besides," he gave her a short tug and she slapped the ground, glaring up at him from the corners of her eyes, "this was your idea."

"I didn't think you were gonna use your disgusting arm pits against me!"

He shook his head at her, a frown tugging on his lips, "A large variety of the moves I have shown to you involve that part of the anatomy. Why are you surprised?"

Snorting derisively, she folded her hands under her chin and gazed straight ahead, avoiding looking at him all-together, "I thought you were more of a gentleman than that."

"And you think anyone that you fight is going to be one?"

"Shut up!" she snarled, not appreciating him throwing logic in her face. "Are you going to let me go!"

He twisted to look down at her, shaking his head, "You haven't even tried to reverse the hold."

"How in the hell am I supposed to do that! It hurts, okay!"

Sighing, he stared up at the ceiling, not loosening his grip, "This was your idea."

"I said shut up!"

"How can I tell you what to do if I'm not allowed to speak?"

Growling, she muttered unkind things under her breath. Not for the first time, she wished they fought closer to the furniture, thinking how satisfying it would be to club him over the head with a lamp right about then. "Fine! What do I do!"

"Try to figure it out first."

"Hey! But you said-!"

"I asked a hypothetical question. I am not going to give you all the answers. You're a clever girl, aren't you? Try to figure it out."

She let out a string of swears, insulting him and his supposed ancestry before finally quieting and pondering her position. Wiggling experimentally, she winced as his grip tightened and he tugged on her, elicting pain spikes through her spine. Finally deciding to commit to a move, consequences be damned, she thrust all of her weight to the side. Succeeding in throwing off his weight, he fell heavily to the ground, releasing one of her legs so he could break his fall. He immediately curled into a ball with a weak cough, releasing her other leg after the knee connected painfully with his groin.

Rolling away from him, Kaname leapt to her feet once again, glaring defiantly down at him and standing in the 'ready' position. When he didn't move, she frowned and slowly lowered her hands. Edging carefully around him, she cocked her head to the side, "Are you all right?"

"Fine," he uttered pathetically, slowly uncurling himself. Hunched over, he rose to his knees, one hand bracing himself and the other resting at his lower abdomen. She sat down beside him, wrapping her arms around her legs. Realization dawned on her and she covered her mouth, stifling laughter. He slowly lifted his hand off the ground to join the other, covering it over his abdomen and leaning forward until his forehead touched carpet. His breath came out loud and long, taking deep, slow breaths as his stomach settled and the pain gradually ebbed.

Giggling, Kaname sat cross-legged, leaning back and watching him with amusement. "Aww, poor baby. Did it hurt much?"

He didn't respond. He just kept breathing. His muscles tightened however, and she didn't miss it. Finally he drew back up, glaring furiously at her. For whatever reason, she just couldn't find it in her to be afraid. No, the whole situation was absolutely hilarious and she doubled over in laughter, clutching her own gut. He shook his head, carefully rising to his feet and walking slowly to the drawers, retrieving a set of clothes and disappearing into the bathroom, the sound of laughter following him.

Turning on the water, he paid no mind to the temperature and stripped his clothes from his body, taking special care as he lowered his pants. Letting the water pound away at his back, he gazed up where the wall met the ceiling blankly, frown seemingly permanently etched onto his features. How he managed not to throttle her for that - the act, the comments, the laughter - he wasn't sure. No, not throttle, that he could understand not doing. It wasn't his style. Gut, that was more appropriate. His knife was certainly more than sharp enough. Gritting his teeth, he shook his head, turning his gaze down and slowly lowering his lids with a sigh. He couldn't even entertain the thought for long. He rested his head against the cool tile, running a hand through hair before scratching at the back of his head.

He turned to the stream of water, letting it hit his face before shaking his head and setting himself to cleaning off. As he rinsed the soap from his body, the sliding door to the shower was pulled aside and a head poked in. "Do you want me to kiss it and make it feel better?"

"Go away," he growled, turning his back to her.

Pouting, she closed the door and moved to the other side, "Aw, c'mon. I'm trying to apologize here!"

"If you want to make it up to me, leave me alone."

She made an indignant sound and pulled back. Thinking that was the end of it, he stayed under the water for several moments longer before turning around to shut off the stream. His eyes widened and he took a step back, his hand almost having closed around a bare breast. "You-!"

"Well?"

Shaking his head, he slid open the door and stumbled out of the shower hurriedly, snatching up a towel and rushing to dry himself. She grumbled and opened up the door all the way, standing there as the shower sprayed at her, "I'm trying to do something nice for you here!"

"You don't understand," he growled, refusing to look at her.

"Apparently not," muttering, she glowered at his back. "I would think all guys would want special attention paid to those parts, especially by a cute girl." Pouting, she leaned against the wall and crossed her arms under her chest, "Or aren't I cute?"

Twitching, he pulled clothes on with a sigh. "No guy wants those parts to even be thought of after going through that," he scowled, face red. Staring at the doorknob, he shook his head, "You... are certainly... cute, as you put it." 'Cute' wasn't the word he'd use to describe her. It didn't even scratch the surface. 'Cute' was something you'd use for a wide-eyed, almost child-looking girl, someone who was the embodiement of youth. Kaname was the furthest thing from childish in appearance. No child had those curves, no child could speak in that voice, no child would do those things...

Shaking his head fiercely, he left the bathroom in haste to put distance between them. He sat down on the chair and dropped his head to his hands with a groan. "I never should have agreed to that," he muttered to himself. The sparring match was a mistake. He banged his head on the desk and groaned again, a hand dropping to rub at his lower abdomen once more, the pain still there though not as sharp as when it first happened.

In the shower, Kaname sighed and closed the door with a shrug. Turning her face up to the water, she opened her mouth slightly as water ran down every inch of her body. 'As you put it,' what did that mean? Did he find her attractive or not? It was going to bother her until she got a straight answer out of him.

"Are you really that naive?"

"You," Kaname whispered into the air, though it was unnecessary. Her blank view of the tile before her shifted and shimmered until her mirror self appeared before her. "What do you want?"

"Please. It's not like this is anything new."

Since their first meeting, Sophia had come to her every few days. What had Kaname annoyed was that it was just yesterday they last spoke. What it meant for her to increase their time together, Kaname wasn't sure she wanted to know. Turning her speech inwardly, the last thing Kaname wanted was for Sousuke to bust in thinking she was having another breakdown when she was just having a conversation with an alter ego.

Because that wasn't crazy enough by itself.

"This idyllic life will come to an end soon."

"You call this idyllic?"

"Well, with what it could be..."

A wave of nausea hit her hard and she doubled over, covering her mouth as her breakfast threatened to show itself after the images that went through her mind. The harsh reality of Sophia's life never ceased to bring her to her knees, disgust and horror at the treatment given to her from such a young age.

"All right," she gasped, "I get it. What's going to happen?"

Sophia shrugged and put her hand under the water, though it went right through her to splash against Kaname's back. "Another of your kind will be coming. He's got a sweet face and talks a good game, but he's selfish. If you don't play well with him, who knows what he might do to you."

Clenching her fists, Kaname glared up at Sophia, flinching as water splashed her face. "What do I do?"

"Play his game," she shrugged, looking bored, "His goal is the same as mine, anyways."

"You don't seem to care too much for him."

Turning her back, Sophia stared longingly up at the water coming from the showerhead. "He was a good boy. Once. I had high hopes for him. Maybe I drove him too hard... Ah well, it doesn't matter now. Just go along with him and it'll work out."

Kaname rose to her feet and glared at the girl who seemed intent on taking her face and her identity along with it, "I never said I would go along with your plan. I just said that I'd consider it. Don't get so full of yourself!"

"No, you!" Spinning swiftly, the hands that rested on Kaname's face felt real, terribly cold against her skin, and the wild rage she was faced with cowed her. "You are the one too full of herself! Don't you ever forget where you are, don't you ever forget that you're at the mercy of everyone around you!"

"Not everyone," she muttered defiantly, her body trembling against her will.

Smirking now, the hands warmed and Sophia leaned in, whispering against her lips with no breath, "Ah, yes, your guard out there. He is cute, isn't he? Try not to lose your hold on that one, you might need his strength later."

"I don't plan to."

Sophia chuckled and pressed a ghostly kiss to Kaname's lips. "Good girl." Pulling back, Sophia's hair blew away from her as she floated in the air as though on a wisp of a dense, gentle wind. "Don't forget my warning. He'll only cater to your whims for so long."

"Which 'him'?"

The question went unanswered as the girl dissolved into the tile wall. Grumbling under her breath, Kaname snatched up the shampoo and finished up her shower with grim intent. "Bitch," she growled as she rubbed at her scalp harshly. "Showing up when it's convenient for her, but never sticking around when I need something." Deciding that she might as well consider the last sentence to apply to both 'hims,' she twisted the water off finally and stepped out to dry herself. Looking at the door, she wondered just how it was that she was going to make it up to her guard. She hadn't meant to knee him there, and she thought he knew that. But then, she didn't really do right by him by laughing at his reactions. Once she was dried and dressed, she stepped out into the main room and saw him sitting with his head against the desk. "How long have you been like that?"

"Hm," he sat up and looked over at her, blinking drowsily. "The whole time," he muttered, looking down at his watch before shrugging.

Kaname shook her head and stepped over to him. Placing a hand on the desk, she looked down at her work with a sigh. He went to stand and she put a hand on his shoulder, "Hey... I'm sorry, all right? I didn't mean anything by it."

He blinked up at her, contemplating the words for a moment. "It's not a problem," he murmured quietly and she nodded, pulling her hand away and letting him stand. Stepping away from her, he rubbed the back of his head and turned to look at her, "Just... try not to do that again. Or, at least don't laugh."

She couldn't help but giggle at the petulance in his voice, and his frown deepened. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just, the way you said it, you're adorable." Folding her hands together behind her back, she grinned and shook her head, "I said I'm sorry, and I meant it. It wasn't my intention to do that to you, all right?" She smirked and leaned forward, "It goes against my own personal interests to do any damage to that part of you."

"Uhh," he turned away quickly, missing the victorious grin she sported for a moment. "I-I see. Then...," he shook his head, stepping into the kitchen in search for a light lunch.

Kaname followed along behind him and leaned against the archway frame. Taking advantage of the fact that they'd had more interaction that day than in the whole of the past month, she decided to push her luck just a bit. "Other than that mishap, today has been kinda fun, huh? Why've you been ignoring me so much?" She realized she'd developed a warped sense of 'fun' since being there. Well, with so little to entertain her, it wasn't really surprising. He sighed and shook his head, pulling out a CalorieMate and peeling the wrapper down. Taking a bite, he ignored her question. Irritated, Kaname walked in and trapped him by opening up the door to the fridge as she contemplated her own lunch. "Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure you'd enjoyed yourself."

"That's...," he sighed. There was no getting out of this, it seemed. "I can't help but shake the feeling that you did it out of a sense of obligation. That does not sit well with me."

Pulling out a few items, Kaname shut the fridge and set them down on the counter. She smiled over at him and shook her head slightly, "You're sweet, you know that?" Setting to making herself a sandwich, she spoke with a warm voice, "I did it because I wanted to. I wouldn't have if I didn't. All right?"

He shuffled uncomfortably, staring at his empty wrapper silently. She'd finished making her lunch by the time he threw it out and regarded her carefully. "I see. Then, I suppose it's not a problem."

"Yup!" Stepping over to him, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and leaned in to kiss him. He stood still, afraid to move, unsure of how to react. She pulled back with a grin and tapped a finger against his lips, "Don't worry yourself about it. I'm enjoying this. You should too."

"I... see." He didn't, really, but he was afraid of what she might do if he argued the point any further. Dropping it, she patted his cheek and grabbed her sandwich, walking out to sit at her desk and return to the work she'd left unfinished. He rubbed the back of his head, dropping his hand and leaning back, smacking his head against a cabinet. Internally berating himself, he wondered once again just how it was she'd come to have such a profound effect on him. The point that she'd gotten to, it saddened him to hear her talking like that, and the emotion in and of itself was bizarre and foreign to him.

He wasn't sure just how long he stood like that, but when Kaname came back in to wash her plate, she gave him an odd look. "You sure you're all right?"

"Fine," he muttered, opening his eyes slowly and looking at her thoughtfully.

Frowning, she gave him a sidelong glance as she put the dish away, "You're giving me the creeps, looking at me like that."

"My apologies."

"Don't apologize, just stop being creepy and tell me what's on your mind."

"That's-."

A knock on the door interrupted him. He pushed away from the counter and stepped past her, tapping out the return on his end. It was a code that changed daily so that Kaname could not overpower Sousuke and give out the proper code, gaining the jump on those who entered and making her escape. Not that she would, anyways, that would be suicide. Didn't those idiots realize she was smarter than that?

Sighing, Kaname grabbed her paper, which she'd finally finished working on, and walked over to them, taking up her place in the middle. She was long past the point of defiance, at least when it came to this. The halls they walked through were familiar up to a point, and then she was led a direction she'd never been taken before. Unnerved, she ducked her head just a bit, the corners of her lips tugging down before the anxiety got the better of her, "Where are you taking me this time?"

"Exam room."

"Great, more tests," she muttered.

"Not that kind of exam."

"Huh?" No answer. Not surprising, really. That she was given so much information already was a rarity. Sighing and resigning herself to her fate, she shook her head and dropped her shoulders. "What a ray of sunshine you are," she mocked, glaring at the back of the head of the man who'd spoken to her. He was someone she'd never seen before, which might be why he'd actually answered her. For that matter, the girl beside her was new, too. The other three men she knew, one of them being Sousuke, but these two... And there was something about them that had her feeling nervous.

Arriving at their destination, the guy who'd spoken opened up the door and waved her in. He grinned at Sousuke and nodded, "No point going anywhere, this won't take long. Ah, and Miss," he turned back to Kaname, "I'll be taking that sheet, all right?" She handed it over and stepped past him, the short-haired, stoic woman following her in and closing the door behind them.

Inside was an exam table, the medical type. More than a little uncomfortable now, Kaname saw the female scientist that had been working with her since the beginning. "Good, you're here. Let's get this over with. Sit in that chair, I need to take some blood first."

Knowing that if she resisted, it'd be made more painful, she warily made her way over and set both of her arms out, giving the lady the choice. Perhaps they were in a giving mood, as it was her left that the draw was taken from and they were well aware that it was her off-hand. A paper gown was tossed at her and she changed into it swiftly. She was gestured to the table and went through the basics of a medical exam. As fingers pressed gently against her throat, checking lymph nodes and thyroid, the curiosity got to her once more, "Why the sudden exam, anyways?"

"Hush, child."

"It just seems weird that you would do this now and not when I first got here."

The girl standing by the door spoke up, and Kaname nearly jumped, having forgotten all about her. "An important person will be coming here to work closely with you. We can't have him getting sick from anything you might have."

Frowning, Kaname had to hold her thoughts as she was told to breathe while the woman pressed a stethoscope to her back. Laying back when she was told to, she stared up at the ceiling, "I'm perfectly healthy, you know. If I am sick, it's because of what you guys have been doing to me."

"We can't take chances."

"Important person, right, I get it," she muttered. Closing her eyes, she sent out a mental thought, Is it the person you were telling me about, Sophia? She wasn't expecting an answer and didn't get one.

Stirrups were pulled out from the table and first one ankle then the other was grabbed and her feet were dropped onto them. "Huh? Hey, what are you doing?"

"A full exam, of course."

"What's my health down there got to do with this guy, what are you planning to have done to me, huh!" She pulled her feet out and sat up, glaring at the woman with a fierce blush on her face.

She was slapped for her defiance, and the glare she turned on the scientist was matched, "Remove your underwear so we can finish this exam."

Trembling, Kaname couldn't let this one go without a fight, "I'm not going to let you violate me! There's going to be nothing going on there, I promise, nothing's ever happened!"

"Sabine, please restrain her."

"Understood." The woman, Sabine, pushed away from the door and walked over to them. Fingers dug sharply into Kaname's shoulder and she yelped before the breath was knocked out of her, slammed back against the table as she was. "Just relax and this will go easier. It'll happen whether you want it to or not. We'd prefer you not be traumatized by it. Miss Sakamoto is a medical doctor as well as a scientist. She knows what she is doing, and she is a professional."

Smiling darkly, the woman nodded as she pulled out what she would need in order to perform the exam, "That's right. Sabine here is even a regular patient of mine, so just sit back and relax."

Kaname whimpered, seeing no choice. She tried to sit up but the hand on her shoulder kept her restrained. Looking up at the girl who appeared to be about her age, she shook her head slightly, "I'm not trying to fight. I... have to take off my underwear, remember?"

"Hm," the hand slowly lifted away and eyes watched her carefully as she did as she said.

Staring at the tools, Kaname frowned, "Can, can you please be gentle? I've never, I mean, this is..."

"I understand. I promise, this is purely professional."

Not liking the smirk the woman wore, Kaname resigned herself to her fate and leaned back, settling her feet back in the stirrups. Straps wrapped around her ankles and the stirrups locked in place. Sabine stood behind her and placed her hands on her shoulders, giving her a warning look. There would be no struggle or escape for her, they were making that much painfully obvious.

Sousuke stared at the bathroom door with concern. The shower had been running for well over an hour. Each time he knocked, he got a response, so he didn't think she was killing herself, but it made him worry about what had happened in that room earlier. Fowler had told him it was a simple check-up, but the way she was reacting had him more than just a little concerned. She flinched when he'd grabbed her elbow, which he was accustomed to doing when she was released from any of her duties. They'd returned to the room alone, and so when they'd turned the corner he'd released her, which seemed to relax her just a bit.

Sighing, he knocked on the door once more, and heard a weak response called out to him. "You need to come out," he tried to keep his voice firm and demanding, but he barely succeeded. It was laced with the distress he felt. Regardless, it got the job done. The shower was turned off and he heard her moving around. Finally, after what seemed like forever, she stepped out and looked up at him warily. "I don't feel like making dinner. I'm just going to go to sleep."

"You should eat something."

"I don't want to." She made her way over to the bed and collapsed on it, curling up into a ball and drawing the covers over herself.

He stared after her, unsure of what to do. Coming to the realization that there wasn't a thing he could do, he turned to the kitchen to reheat leftovers for himself. As he ate, he was surprised to see her step into the kitchen. She walked up to him, pulled the fork out of his hand and stole a bite of his food. Making a face, she handed it back to him. Leaning against the counter by his side, she forced herself to swallow. "I tried," she muttered.

Staring at his plate with a frown, he pushed the food around aimlessly. "What happened?" he finally asked, deciding there was no delicate way to broach the subject.

She closed her eyes and shuddered. He opened his mouth to insist she didn't have to tell him but she shut him up with a look. "They did a full medical exam. ...Full. Exam. I've never had one of those appointments before, and I've never...," she gulped and shook her head, her eyes squeezed shut. "I've never felt so, so, so violated before."

"I, I see," he murmured, suddenly having no appetite himself. "I...," sighing, he hung his head in defeat, "I'm sorry. I have no words."

Kaname smiled sadly up at him. "It's all right. Just... thanks, for understanding."

He nodded to her, setting his plate aside. They stared out at the opposite wall, silence stretching between them until finally she broke it. "Who were those people, anyways? I've never seen them around before."

"They're the personal detail for a VIP who will be arriving within the next few days. He has three, one of which is still with him. These two were sent to pave the way, as it were." He recited the information in a deadpan voice.

Looking up at him, she tilted her head, "This guy, he's going to be working with me, isn't he?"

"It seems that way."

"Do you know what he's like?"

"No. I've never met him before. If he's anything like his sister, then you'll have nothing to worry about, but somehow, I doubt he's so kind."

"Sister?"

Sighing, Sousuke rubbed the back of his head. "She was my old commanding officer. Her name is Teletha Testarossa. This guy, Leonard Testarossa, is her twin brother. They've been estranged from each other for years. All I know is that the colonel - Teletha - is willing to kill him."

"I see," toeing the ground, Kaname sighed. "Well, thank you. I guess I have some idea of what I'm going to be getting into now."

Nodding, he turned back to his plate and wondered if he should finish it. "He's your age, so don't be surprised by that when you meet him. I hear he's incredibly intelligent, and excellent at manipulating people."

"Yeah...," that seemed to fall in line with what Sophia had said to her, and she was convinced, now, that this guy was who she was referring to. "I'm going to try to fall asleep again. Good night."

"Good night."