The harsh ring of the telephone startles both Thor and Loki awake. Thor groans under the assault of the bright morning light that pours in unchecked from the windows before clumsily dragging himself from the bed and into the living room.

After finding the source of the noise, he stares at the blaring machine with distrust, trying to decide whether or not to answer. After a few rings, the answering machine picks up and Tony Stark's urgent voice fills the room. "Thor! Thor! If you're there, pick up the damn phone!"

Thor clamors to pick up the phone, stealing a quick glance at Loki who's now watching him with curiosity from the bedroom doorway. "What is it, Stark?" Thor whispers urgently.

"Director Fury just contacted me trying to find you," Tony mutters, somewhat out of breath, "Something about Asgard having a message for you."

Thor freezes. What is dire enough that anyone from Asgard would need to contact him here?

"I told him I didn't know where you were," Tony continues quickly, "But if you don't want anyone coming to visit you over there, then you better report for duty ASAP. Just a heads up."

Before Thor can even respond, Tony hangs up and the line goes silent. Feeling dazed, Thor puts down the phone and looks up at Loki who is now tugging nervously at his shirt, unsure of whether to ask questions or not.

"I need to go out for a while," Thor says quickly, approaching Loki and gently placing his hand on his cheek, "Stay here. Don't leave the apartment. I'll be back soon."

Thor swoops in for a quick kiss, but feels Loki tense under the press of his lips. Thor pulls back, smiling reassuringly, "Don't worry."

"I'm not worried," he huffs, frowning, "It's just..." His expression grows dark, his eyes glinting in warning, "If you're cheating on me..."

Thor suppresses a chuckle before trying unsuccessfully to settle into a serious expression, "Fear not. I have seen what you do to your enemies. I am well aware that it would be unwise to incur your wrath."

Loki's brow furrows in confusion, as if this is not at all the kind of reassurance he was expecting. Thor turns away to hastily pull on some jeans and a new T-shirt before rushing out of the front door.

Figuring it would be faster than taking a cab in the morning rush hour, Thor decides to run the few blocks it takes to get to Stark Tower. After checking in with the SHIELD agents there, it takes almost an hour of talking to various people, getting security clearances, and being forced to wait before Thor is shuffled into an isolated room and seated in front of a monitor to receive a video call.

It's hard to conceal his surprise when Sif's face appears on the screen.

"Thor... I'm glad I found you," she begins hesitantly, looking uneasy.

"What's wrong, Sif?"

She takes a deep breath before leveling him with a steady gaze. "We have reason to believe that Loki is dead."

Thor's brow furrows, "That's impossible..."

"We got word that he was caught and killed after desecrating an ancient temple in Vanaheim, trying to steal a relic there..."

Thor shakes his head vehemently, "That can't be..."

"The All-Father wishes you to return immediately to... Thor! Thor!"

He doesn't hear her. His head is swimming as he quickly stands and leaves the room.

He makes his way out of the building and runs straight back to the apartment, his heart racing. It's not possible. He had just left Loki. He can't be dead.

He bursts through the front door to find Loki stretched out on the sofa reading peacefully.

Loki looks up, eyes wide in surprise, "Is something wrong?"

Thor's entire body relaxes in relief. Loki is alive. But what does this mean?

Then it hits him. Loki had said it would be obvious when it would be safe for him to return. Something has happened to make everyone think that Loki is dead, and in that case, whoever Loki is hiding from believes their goal is accomplished.

So Loki is safe now. He can come back.

An unexpected wave of sorrow washes over Thor as he looks at Loki. The man that sits before him now is truly free, innocent of the crimes of his past, and Thor suddenly feels the terrible weight of his responsibility to place the shackles of that past upon him again.

"What's wrong?" Loki asks, quickly putting down his book and rushing over to Thor, "Are... are you crying?"

Thor blinks away the tears forming in his eyes and shakes his head. This man is innocent, yes, but he knows nothing of the centuries they spent living together and fighting side by side. This man is a lover, but Loki is so much more than a lover to Thor. He knows he can't expect Loki to be different after all this and he doesn't dare hope that he will be, but is it selfish of Thor to want his brother back even so? However imperfect he may be? Even with all his darkness now entwined with the light in his soul?

So Thor forces himself to smile as he looks into those innocent eyes of a time long gone and says to Loki, "I have a gift for you."

Thor's feet seem impossibly heavy as he heads to the hall closet and returns with a small bundle of white cloth. Loki's worried eyes follow him warily as he approaches with it.

"Before you open it," Thor says, struggling to keep his voice calm, "I would ask you to kiss me."

Thor doesn't add "one last time," but Loki seems to have seen it clearly in the pained expression on his face. Inexplicably, Loki finds himself overcome with emotion as he looks up at Thor, his eyes wide and growing wet with tears, "Why does it sound like you're saying goodbye?"

Thor can't breath. Those eyes are tearing his heart to pieces. "Please do it for me."

Loki gently caresses Thor's cheek, and Thor's eyes flutter shut. He feels Loki's warm breath, his lips upon his own, and he can't help but pull Loki to him with one arm as they kiss.

He holds on to Loki for as long as he possibly can before releasing him. For a few moments, Thor gazes fondly at him before reluctantly letting his eyes return to the bundle in his hand. He takes a deep determined breath and offers it to Loki.

Suddenly seeming frightened, Loki gives him a questioning look, and Thor tries his best to smile reassuringly, "Trust me."

Loki hesitantly accepts the bundle of cloth. His hand trembles as he moves to unwrap it, but he stops. Some part of him, deep inside, must know what is coming. "I can't," he pleads, his voice uneven with emotion.

Thor's insides twist with anguished guilt as he gently lays his hand on Loki's, helping him unwrap the dagger.

The moment Loki's skin touches the polished metal, he screams as if scalded by it. He lets it fall from his hands as he stumbles to his knees and bends over, his breathing strained and heavy. A few seconds later, his breath evens out, and he looks up at Thor sharply.

Thor's heart sinks. The hatred is back.

Loki glares at Thor as he slowly rises to his feet.

"Do you..." Thor begins.

"Yes," Loki hisses, "I remember. Everything."

Thor lowers his head. It's over then. It's all over.

Loki is unrelenting. "No words of apology for what you did to me?"

Thor finds himself remarkably calm as he fixes him with a steady gaze, "I have no regrets about the time I was able to spend with you."

Loki scoffs, "You sentimental fool. So you enjoyed having me that way? A toy for your amusement?"

Anger flashes in Thor's eyes, "You know that's not true. I suffered as well. You saw my pain!"

"Hmph, yes," Loki's hushed voice is razor sharp as he steps forward to invade Thor's space, drawing close enough to whisper in his ear, "I saw your weakness..." Thor shudders as Loki's lips brush against his ear, his breath warm on his skin. It makes Loki's meaning painfully clear. It's me, he means to tell him, I am your weakness, Thor...

Thor grits his teeth, but stands his ground, refusing to back away from Loki.

Loki smiles broadly as he drapes his arms around Thor's neck, caressing the bare skin with his slender fingers. "And, oh, how I love to see you brought to ruin."

Thor lashes out, violently knocking Loki's arms away before grabbing hold of him by the collar of his shirt. "How dare you!" he growls, his face contorted with rage, "My affections were genuine, Loki! I – "

Thor suddenly stills, his breathing heavy, his face inches from Loki's. This exact situation has happened countless times before, brother confronting brother, but this time it feels entirely different. They are different. The angry tension is tainted with something new. It's clear Loki feels it too, in the hitch in his breath, his eyes wide in surprise mingled with anticipation.

Something snaps in Thor's mind. He pulls Loki to him, kissing him with brutal force, and Loki responds in like kind, pressing greedily into Thor's mouth before drawing a lip between his teeth and biting down hard.

Thor grunts and pulls away, eying Loki suspiciously. But Loki's eyes are dancing with mirth as he wets his lips with a swipe of his tongue. "Come, brother. No more games. Show me what you truly wish to do to me."

Thor pauses, his expression stormy as anger and desire mingle in his veins. A flicker of reason returns to his eyes for only a moment before it vanishes again, chased away by the press of Loki's fingers against the front of his jeans. Thor doesn't think anymore, he simply acts. He grits his teeth and bats Loki's hand away before he grabs hold of Loki's hips, pulling their bodies flush together as the attacks Loki's mouth again.

The kiss is savage as Loki digs his fingertips unrelentingly into Thor's biceps, and Thor's body roars in response. Yes, this is Loki. The one who would turn a kiss into a battle. The one whose passion runs fierce and wild.

Thor's hand entwines in Loki's hair as he moves to bury his face in the crook of Loki's neck and inhales deeply. "Loki..." he breathes, grinding his hips insistently against Loki's thigh as his other hand lowers to grab hold of the curve of Loki's buttocks.

Loki grins into Thor's shoulder, "Now who's the eager one?"

Thor's anger instantly spikes through the taut line of his lust. His body stills as he tightens his hold on Loki, his teeth threatening to scrape against the soft skin of Loki's neck as he growls quietly, "And you still need to learn to still your tongue." He doesn't move a muscle as he speaks, but the thunder of threat rumbles deep in his voice. Loki's body seems to resonate with that thunder, tensing as his eyes flutter shut, savoring its tenor.

In a sudden flurry of movement, Thor struggles to strip Loki of his shirt, tearing the fabric in his haste before throwing it to the floor, then removing his own shirt in one swift movement. He lays a sloppy kiss on Loki's lips as he swiftly works to unfasten Loki's jeans.

Loki grunts into Thor's mouth as Thor pulls their bodies together again, locking an arm around Loki's waist as his hand reaches down to run his fingers along the front of his underwear, feeling the firm flesh of Loki's erection straining underneath. The touch is barely enough to tease, but when Loki attempts to press into it to feel more, Thor moves his hand, raising it to his stomach before following the jagged line of Loki's hip around to his back. He reaches down into Loki's jeans again, slipping beneath his underwear to feel the sleek curve of his buttocks, then questing further down to run a finger lightly across the outside of his entrance.

Loki bucks in surprise at the contact, breaking the kiss to spit out a curse, but Thor keeps hold of his waist, moving his lips to Loki's ear to whisper between heaving breaths, "Is this what you want, Loki?"

Loki bites his lip to silence the desperate sounds that threaten to fall from his mouth as Thor's finger slowly circles the outside of his hole. "Tell me," Thor chokes out, his voice completely wrecked with desperate need. His finger stills above the ring of muscle, pressing gently without penetrating.

Loki makes a strangled sound before Thor's hand retreats, rising to rest at the base of Loki's spine. Thor takes a deep uneven breath in an effort to calm himself. "Tell me, Loki," he repeats gently, his voice barely a whisper, "I wish to hear it truly from your lips."

Overcome with frustration, Loki roughly grabs hold of Thor's hair to tilt his head harshly to the side, bringing Thor's ear in line with his lips. "Yes, damn you, yes!" he hisses.

Thor practically groans in relief, pulling Loki closer before his body suddenly stiffens in realization. "Oil," Thor mutters breathlessly, "We need oil."

Loki rolls his eyes in exasperation, "Bedroom. Now." He pries himself out of Thor's arms before grabbing hold of Thor by the waistband of his jeans and dragging him into the bedroom.

He shoves Thor roughly towards the bed before opening the drawer of the nightstand, swiftly taking out a small bottle of lube.

Thor eyes it questioningly, "What is that?"

"The Midgardian equivalent," Loki explains, offering it to Thor.

Thor makes no move to take it, instead he looks darkly at Loki, a hint of anger in his voice, "Why do you have this?"

Loki lets out an exaggerated sigh, "For some strange reason, I was under the impression we might get around to using it. Forgive me if I didn't realize what an insufferable moral code you mmph – "

Thor quickly silences Loki with his lips before grasping his shoulders and pushing him onto the bed. He tugs off Loki's jeans and underwear with a swift fluid motion before turning his attention to himself, shedding the rest of his own clothes and kicking them to the side.

Thor's chest is heaving as he towers over Loki, taking in the beautiful sight of the pale body laid out before him. Loki's eyes widen slightly in apprehension as Thor climbs onto the bed gently spreading Loki's legs apart with his knees. Thor plants a soft kiss on Loki's lips as he reaches down to take Loki's erection in his hand, stroking him with slow deliberate motions until he feels Loki's fingers clawing at his hips in a silent plea.

Thor quickly reaches for the bottle of lube that Loki had left lying next to him on the sheets. He sits back and fixes his eyes on Loki's face as he prepares him. Although Loki has closed his eyes, Thor can still see the way his brow furrows in strain and his lips quiver in anticipation as he takes Thor's fingers inside him. Loki's mouth is open and panting, groaning softly as he is stretched. Finally, when Thor adds a third finger, Loki slowly opens his eyes and looks at Thor, imploring.

Thor wastes no time removing his fingers and positioning himself above Loki. His member is painfully hard, and it takes all of his patience to ease himself slowly into Loki. Hands clinging helplessly to the sheets, Loki's body tenses as he feels the stretch. "Thor..." he moans out between gasping breaths.

Thor smiles as he pauses to catch his breath. "I finally get to hear you say my name," he says as he settles over Loki.

He cups Loki's face in his hand and looks into those brilliant green eyes. He's so close to him. Thor can feel every inch of Loki's soft skin against his own, he is breathing Loki's warm breath, and his heart aches with the strength of desire bordering on anguish. This longing for Loki is not as simple as love or lust, Thor realizes. It's something that weighs real and profoundly in his chest. Something resonating deep inside him like a dark echo to the warm light of his heart. It's a response he desperately needs, a verification of the reality of his existence.

Thor feels Loki's legs wrap around him, drawing him close and urging him to move. Thor struggles to comply, still overwhelmed by the tight heat inside Loki. At last, he seems to find a steady rhythm, thrusting into Loki in long deep strokes, and Loki's hands tangle eagerly in his blond locks as Loki seeks his mouth for a hungry kiss.

Thor marvels at Loki writhing in pleasure beneath him. For as much vulnerability as he has seen Loki show in the time he'd thought himself mortal, this is Loki truly laid bare, knowing full well every protective layer he casts aside, knowing full well the heart of what lays underneath.

He can see that Loki won't last much longer. He reaches between them to grab hold of Loki's member, and Loki moans mindlessly as he strokes him. Soon, Loki tenses and cries out as he comes, his back aching off the bed. Thor groans in response as Loki's hole clenches around him, and he plunges deeper as he finally releases into Loki's body.

Struggling to catch his breath, Thor pulls out and collapses next to Loki. For several minutes, they lie there quietly with only the sound of harsh breathing filling the room, Loki on his back with his eyes closed and Thor gazing warmly at Loki. Finally, Thor reaches out to carefully sweep Loki's hair away from his face so he has a clear view of his striking profile.

"I love you," Thor whispers softly.

Loki's expression turns pained, "Don't say that. I'm not your little innocent, mindless plaything anymore."

Thor grasps Loki's chin and sharply turns Loki's face towards him, locking eyes with him. "I know exactly who you are," he says with a sudden intensity verging on anger, "and my words remain true."

Loki gazes at him quietly for a moment, his face expressionless. "Fool," he finally mutters before turning to face away from Thor.

Thor can't resist putting an arm around Loki's waist, and when Loki doesn't protest, he pulls him close, pressing his chest against Loki's back and burying his face in his dark hair. "Loki, how much of it was true?"

Loki clenches his jaw, "Let's just say, I sincerely wish none of it had ever happened."

Thor's blood runs cold. It couldn't have all been false, could it? Every laugh, every touch? His voice trembles as he speaks, "You mean... You didn't..."

Hearing the distress in Thor's voice, Loki sighs heavily, "Must you be so dramatic. I'm lying here with you now of my own volition, aren't I? Shouldn't that tell you everything you need to know?"

Thor is silent for a moment. He knows that fact should be a comfort, but the pang of unease remains. He needs to know for certain. "Loki... please... When you were under that spell, your actions... your feelings... Was that really you?"

"I don't know!" Loki snaps angrily. He takes a deep frustrated breath, then says more calmly, "That's the truth, Thor. I just don't know. It's not like I've done this before. The effects of memory spells are complicated..."

His voice seems calm on the surface, but Thor hears a distinct note of fear underneath. Thor suddenly remembers something he'd overheard Frigga say to Loki about being so observant about everyone except himself. Perhaps Loki can't even tell if his actions were truly his own or not. Perhaps he's just as confused as Thor.

Thor's voice is gentle when he speaks again, "When you came to my apartment, did you know – "

"Did I know this was going to happen? Do you really think I would have come within a mile of you if I thought this might happen?"

Thor's grip instinctively tightens around Loki's waist.

"But it's happened now," Loki continues, "so there's nothing to be done, I suppose." He untangles himself from Thor's arms and gets up from the bed, calmly walking out of the room.

Thor quickly stands and follows him, "I'm glad it's happened."

Loki almost laughs out loud as he heads into the bathroom, "Of course you are. You think I'll go back to being the good little brother now."

Thor's face falls, "You're leaving then?"

"As soon as you show me where you've hidden my clothes." Loki glances at the shower as if considering it before settling for rinsing off his face and toweling himself down at the sink.

Thor tries to hide his disappointment as watches him for a moment before disappearing to retrieve the outfit Loki arrived in. He had tried his best to clean it, but it was difficult without the proper tools. There are still remnants of blood caked in the creases and crevices of the leather and metal as he hands it over to Loki.

Loki frowns at the state of the garment, but proceeds to start pulling on the pants.

Thor looks at the floor, his voice sounding small, "Could you not stay?" Thor already knows what the answer will be, but he decides to ask the question anyway.

"Think, Thor," Loki says with exasperation, "Do you have any idea how many people I had just killed before I wound up on your doorstep? My double may have fooled the tracking curses on that damn book, but Stark knows I'm here and eventually that will get back to Asgard."

Thor closes his eyes briefly and sighs in resignation. "Then before you go, may I ask you one thing?"

"Something tells me you will, whether you receive permission or not," Loki mutters as he finishes lacing up his trousers.

"Why did you never tell me what happened to you after you fell off the Bifrost?"

Loki gives Thor a puzzled expression.

"I mean..." Thor clarifies, "Was what you wrote in that notebook true? The one you said was dreams? Did that really happen?"

Loki opens his mouth to speak, then closes it again, pausing and furrowing his brow in confusion. "That's not... I... I don't..." he fumbles before looking away, utterly perplexed.

Thor is stunned. He's never seen Loki tongue-tied before.

Loki looks back to him as his eyes widen in realization. He rushes into the bedroom with Thor on his heels before hastily scattering the stack of notebooks on the nightstand and picking up the dream journal. Flipping madly through a few pages, he finally grows still and drops down to sit on the bed, his eyes unfocused and lost in thought.

"How did I forget all this?" he mutters quietly, "What the hell did they do to me? I..."

Loki's voice falls away as he lets the notebook fall to the floor. Still staring into space, his eyes widen in fear, "No... oh, gods, no... please..." Suddenly he's madly gasping for breath, his chest heaving.

"Loki! Loki!" Thor calls as he kneels before Loki, grabbing his shoulders in an attempt to draw the attention of his brother's unfocused eyes as they frantically dart around the room. "It's okay. You're safe now. Look at me. Loki! Look at me!" Thor frantically begs as he frames Loki's panicked face between his hands.

Loki's frightened eyes find and focus on Thor, and Loki finally seems able to breath again. Tears well up in his eyes, and it takes a moment before he can choke out a quiet plea between uneven breaths, "Thor..."

Thor moves automatically as Loki's tears begin to fall, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close.

"Oh, gods, Thor," Loki struggles to say, his voice completely wrecked, "I remember... I remember it all."

"I've got you. You're safe," Thor whispers over and over in his ear.

So Loki had never told him because he didn't remember it. Whatever had happened in the void, Loki's memory of it was probably gone or altered by the time he had arrived on Earth. Thor grows hopeful. Maybe, just maybe, all that madness with the Tesseract had not been entirely Loki's fault. Maybe he can still get his brother back after all.

Bathed in Thor's gentle assurances, Loki's breathing gradually evens out and he grows still. Soon, he's glaring out over Thor's shoulder in grim determination, trembling with anger instead of fear as he whispers, "I'll find them. I'll kill them."

Thor takes hold of Loki's shoulders again and moves back to look him in the eye, "No."

"I swear, Thor," Loki's eyes glinting dangerously, "if you dare try to pull some high and mighty – "

"We will find them," Thor states firmly, placing his hand on the familiar place on the back of Loki's neck, "and we will deal with them together. Whoever it is, they will pay for every single second of suffering they caused you."

Loki's eyes search Thor's for a long moment before he lets out a small laugh. "It won't do any good to tell you 'no,' will it?"

Thor smiles gently as he reaches up to wipe away the tears on Loki's wet cheek, "That's right."

A precious moment of understanding passes between them, the kind that is only born of living side by side for centuries.

"In that case," Loki admits, "I suppose I can tolerate your presence for a while longer."

Thor can't help grinning like an idiot.

"Now, get some pants on for Hel's sake."

Still smiling, Thor releases Loki, grabbing his jeans from the floor and tugging them on.

With single-minded purpose, Loki rises from the bed and grabs the discarded notebook from the ground before tossing it onto the pile with the others on the floor. A flick of his wrist and the pile erupts into roaring flames.

"Loki!" Thor exclaims, "What are you doing?!"

"They've served their purpose," Loki says quietly as he gazes at the burning notebooks, his face impassive.

Thor watches sadly as the flames slowly die out. He's not sure what he expected Loki to do with the notebooks. Perhaps, in the back of his mind, he'd hoped to read them. Or perhaps it saddened him that the act felt so much like an act of self-loathing, a rejection of everything he had done while he was under the spell.

Thor swallows roughly as he reaches into his pocket and removes a folded piece of paper, the poem Loki had written for him. He gazes steadily at Loki as he hands it to him.

Loki doesn't move a muscle as he considers the offering, "Why do you give me this?"

Thor sighs in resignation, "If it's not your true feelings, then I do not want it."

Loki stands still as a statue for a long moment before a spark of warmth touches his eyes. "Keep it," he says softly, "It was true enough when I wrote it."

Loki quickly turns and exits the room, leaving Thor awash with relief. This, at least, was true. It's only one small thing, but it's enough for Thor to hang on to for now.

He moves to slip the piece of paper back into his pocket before realizing he should be putting on his armor. He rushes to gather his Asgardian clothes from the closet and dresses himself quickly, tucking the paper into the pocket of his tunic before proceeding to buckle on his armor.

Once he's finished, he enters the living room to find Loki fully dressed, kneeling down to pick up the dagger that was left abandoned on the floor. When Loki stands a moment later, the blade is sheathed and hidden again under his jacket. His outfit looks new and shining, the blood and dirt cleaned off with magic.

Loki is back in his old clothes, but he looks different. Not as Thor remembers him. It's then that Thor sees him. His brother. His true brother. There's a brightness in his eyes that Thor hasn't seen in a very long time. A small spark of hope.

Loki smiles, "Ready to go, brother?"

.~ fin ~.

A/N: This started out as porn-with-plot, but somehow all these complicated emotions took over. I was unprepared for how cathartic writing this would be for all my Thorki feels... Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the ride!