Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan nor its characters.
"What's different? Armin… what's gotten into you?" Mikasa frowned, her brows furrowing. "Did the bullies say something? Armin, if something's bothering just say I—"
"You have feelings for Eren, don't you? You like him, don't you? Why else would you look so troubled after that silly argument you had with him! I don't like seeing you hurt, so can we just fix that first—" Armin quickly covered his mouth, upon realising what he just said. It wasn't like him to have such an… outburst, but perhaps maybe the bullies' words did get to him. Or perhaps in the spur of the moment, he let his bottled up emotions get the best of him, even after hiding them for many years. And unfortunately, for the most part, they were still bottled. Well, whatever the reason was, he couldn't take back his words, nor could he turn back time.
Slowly, he turned back towards Mikasa, noticing a look of surprise written all over her face. But that wasn't all. Along with the look of surprise, her cheeks tinged a light shade of pink, as if she were flustered. Armin bit his lip, he definitely regretted what he said. Because, now, things won't be able to go back to being the same, especially when the raven seemed like she had her moment of… revelation.
'Mikasa Ackerman is in love with Eren Jaeger.' Those were the words that echoed in Armin's mind the moment the raven had worn such a painfully, obvious expression that said everything that Armin already knew, but just didn't want to hear.
Armin couldn't pinpoint the exact point in time where he started having these sort of feelings for Mikasa, romantic ones. All he knew was that these feelings just… developed and developed, grew and grew as time went by. What he did remember, however, was the day that they met. The raven and the blonde were roughly six.
Armin's parents had received news that they were going to have a new neighbour. Not wanting to come off as rude or anything like that, they wanted to make them feel welcomed. But it wasn't just that, Armin's mother had heard that the new family moving in had a little girl, the same age as Armin, and she took it as a good opportunity for her son to make a friend. There weren't many kids around Armin's age to play with in the neighbourhood, so this seemed like a good opportunity for him to make a friend.
Upon the new family's arrival, the Arlert's went over to help them move in their stuff. Inevitably, Armin's parents dragged Armin out of the house to come along with. The blonde seemed rather… reluctant to meet a well, 'stranger'. For one thing, things at school were already… crap, for him.
He tried making friends, but in the end they all got bored of him, considering unlike all the kids who talked about their favourite cartoon characters—the blonde frequently chatted about the ocean, nature, the world and so on. It did capture a few attention from his classmates briefly, but it did eventually bore them. These days, you can just use a computer to look up a picture rather than seeing the real thing in person, so they didn't exactly understood his enthusiasm about exploring the world. Being the odd one out, unfortunately and inevitably, he became an outcast.
The new family, the Ackerman's seemed fairly friendly. The mother of the family approached the Arlert's with a warm smile as she started to thank them for their welcome and help, "Thank you for welcoming us."
"It's not a problem, you're welcomed to have dinner with us if you wish."
"Really? That'd be lovely… are you sure we can?"
"Of course, of course. Oh, and this is Armin, by the way, my son." Armin's mother had introduced, motioning to the kid who had been hiding behind her. Shyly, the blonde just gave a small nod, being rather wary of them. "Sorry, he's a little shy." Mrs Arlert had laughed lightly.
"It's okay, he's a cute little thing." She commented before flashing the blonde a welcoming smile, to which he looked away in response. "I have a daughter around his age, I'm sure they'd be get along… Mikasa! Come over here!"
With that, the little raven rushed over to her mother obediently, she had been helping to move things inside the house—the light things that a six year old like her would be able to carry, of course. Similarly to Armin, Mikasa stood by closely to her mother, being cautious about the Arlert's as well. They were strangers, after all. They were new people to her, the same went with Armin.
"It seems like he isn't the only shy one." Mikasa's mother commented with a small smile. "Yeah, perhaps we can change that." The blonde's mother said, a slight smirk creeping onto her lips, and it seemed the raven's mother shared a similar look.
"Armin. Go and show Mikasa around our house while we help them settle in, make her feel welcomed." Armin's mother instructed. The blonde's immediate response was a shake of his head. He didn't want to, he was too anxious to. He didn't even know what to say to her. However, after his mother gave him a stern yet fierce look, the blonde was quick to comply, reluctantly. He had seen his mother angry before, when he had done any form of mischief before, to which, was rare. She had been scary. And he wanted to avoid such a thing.
"Go on, Mikasa. Have fun with Armin. We'll be fine here. Get along, okay?" Her mother cooed softly to the raven, and she easily complied. Mikasa didn't really have a problem with it anyway, plus she wasn't one to be disobedient. She knew her mother was already exhausted from packing all their stuff, so, she didn't want to cause any trouble for her by refusing the Arlert's house tour invitation.
With that, they went over to the Arlert's, which was simple, considering their house was just next door. On another note, the silence that filled itself with awkwardness was starting to bother Armin. He didn't like situations like these, it was just uncomfortable. All the blonde said during this 'tour' whenever they reached a new room was just… the name of the rooms, like living room, bedroom, kitchen and so on.
Mikasa didn't really say much either, she just gave nods for the most part. What was there to elaborate about the rooms anyway? It wasn't as if Armin was a sale's agent. Mikasa looked around the house as Armin tried to find more stuff to… well, say or address. Something caught her eye however, there was a room that Armin didn't seem to have toured to.
"What's in that room?" Mikasa asked quietly. Upon hearing her voice suddenly, Armin flinched a little, and then turned around, realizing that she was referring to that room. His room.
Armin had specifically tried to avoid touring inside his room. For one thing, unlike many kids whose room was probably filled with action figures, toys and so on, Armin's room was filled with… books, for the most part. At a young age, Armin had developed a love for books. It all started when his mother started to read him bedtime stories, and when she ran out of them, she bought a few books to read to him.
Soon after, Armin didn't need her to read it out to him, he wanted to do that much by himself. Just like that, his interests for reading had piqued, and quickly after, he found himself reading books that often contained images or paragraphs describing the world. It didn't matter if it was fantasy or not, it was just interesting to him. Armin's parents then decided to give him a book that had been passed down from generation to generation. Originally, they didn't think a kid his age would be interested. But seeing his love for many sorts of books, especially the ones that were about the world, they decided to let him give it a read.
That book, in summary, was about the world. And that only sparked his interest even more. Sure, even though these days it was easy to see the world by practically looking it up on the internet for its images, Armin had always preferably wanted to see the real thing with his eyes. The ocean, in particular, interested him a lot. So, his parents took him to the beach—definitely, it was fun.
However, Armin couldn't exactly go there often, his parents' job involved a lot of travelling, so they were really unable to spend much time together, leaving Armin with his grandfather who didn't exactly like travelling far distances. At most, he brought Armin to the park. Armin often found himself lonely, but thankfully his parents had taken more time off for him. But still, he didn't like they had to travel a lot. Surely, they had their own reasons. Although, whenever they came back from travelling, they'd show him pictures of the places that they went to overseas for work. That was the only good thing that came out from them travelling without him.
Armin didn't really want Mikasa to label him as someone boring, and then start to make fun of him. Considering, that's what happened in school. Sure, there were some kids who liked reading books…but they weren't the type of books Armin liked and would indulge himself in completely. And whenever Armin would try to talk to them, he would end up talking about the beautiful things about the world, the forest, the ocean. And just like the rest, it was interesting for a while, but after a bit it got boring. It wasn't as if the 'outside world' was unknown to any of them anyway. Because of that, people would whisper about him, but it wasn't anything so severe. They were all only six. At most, the nasty, ill-mannered ones would just label him as 'boring' or 'weird'.
But still, it bothered Armin, how he was different. Plus, he had kept his distance from most of his classmates, some were nice to him, sure. But he couldn't be bothered to try to make friends again, he didn't like that feeling… the feeling of rejection.
"It' just… my room. It's messy, so we don't have to—"
"It's okay." She had assured. "We can… go inside and play with your toys or any game boards… since there's nothing else we can do." Mikasa had suggested. For the most part, Mikasa did feel pity for him, she could tell he was a little anxious. And he seemed like he didn't really know what to do after he toured her around his house. The raven also didn't want him to give another tour, and another until her parents came to pick her up—which didn't seem to be anytime soon, given the amount of things ne
Mikasa wasn't against in making friends anyway, specifically being friends with Armin. But, she also wasn't against the fact if they were not able to become friends. Whatever happens… just happens.
Armin hesitated at first, however he eventually decided to… let her visit his room. He didn't want his mother to get angry with him or anything like that if she found out he was being a bad 'host' to her, plus, he did have some board games in his room… actually, just one, snakes and ladders. That's about it. At first, he did seem bothered about what if Mikasa would find him 'boring' and 'different', even 'odd' if she saw his room… just covered with books rather than toys, like any 'normal' kid. But there was that small child-like part of him, that wanted to play, wanted to have a friend. Although, there was also the gloomy part of him, which whispered to him ever so softly yet maliciously, that like the others, she would just get bored and leave.
"I… guess we can go into my room." Armin murmured hesitantly. Mikasa gave a small nod, along with an assuring smile, as if she were attempting to make him feel more… soothed, comfortable. Armin appreciated her effort, but he still felt nervous nonetheless. She then walked over to his door, twisting the knob to open it.
Armin then felt a jolt of regret shooting within him, the moment she did that. Instinctively, he spoke, "Actually, never mind—" But it had been too late, Mikasa had opened his door, and had already taken a step inside as her eyes took its time to tour itself around his room. Definitely, she was surprised, by the amount of books she saw in his small room.
His room was small in size, Mikasa didn't mind that nor was her focus on that factor. Rather, she was more focused on the fact that his room had shelves and shelves of books. Picture books, children's books and so on.
Armin quickly followed in after, scratching the back of his head, starting to stutter inarticulate things. He didn't know what to say. Mikasa, however, was the first to speak. "I didn't know you like to read." This was her first comment about his room, and she didn't seem bothered or bored by that fact. But in Armin's mind, he thought otherwise.
"I-I do… I read a lot of things…" Armin stuttered. "W-We can play a board g—" He had been cut off, when the raven suddenly bent down after seeing something hidden under his bed. Curious, she had dragged it out—it was the book that had been passed down generation by generation in his family, the book that contained detailed and remarkable drawings and descriptions about the world.
"What's this?" Mikasa queried, intrigued. This book wasn't anything she's seen before. She read books and went to bookstores every now and then, but this book was different, it was old, it had a vintage sort of feeling along with it. Just by a glance, Mikasa already knew this wasn't your every-day book that one would easily purchase at a bookstore.
Immediately, Armin snatched the book out of her hands, being rather protective of it. Mikasa flinched, caught off guard. It didn't seem like the blonde had been aware of his actions until he saw Mikasa's reaction to it. "S-Sorry…! I just… really like this book..."
"It's okay… I'm sorry for taking it without permission." Mikasa apologised, not really thinking too much about how protective he had been over a book. Everyone had their own different things that they'd treasure, whether it be full of meaning or something trivial. "…What's that book about? I've never seen such a book before…" Mikasa asked, curious.
Armin hesitated in answering her. What if she found it boring? What if she were to make fun of him for being so protective over a book about… things you could just look up online? But… the way she looked so curious about it, he couldn't help but share the contents of the book.
"… This book was given to me by my parents… who got it from their parents, and they got it from their parents and so on…" He started off shyly before continuing, "It's a book about the world." He summarized, however Mikasa gave a little puzzled look, unsure what he fully meant by that. Armin then quickly flipped to one of its pages where the book described snow, a drawing of a forest covered in snow was next to that paragraph.
"It's pretty." Mikasa murmured, in reference to the drawing. She had seen snow before, but to see it drawn in such a detailed and realistic manner on the brown page was definitely something else. It had caught her eye. She squinted her eyes, trying to read the paragraph. There were some big words that she had trouble reading, as well as some descriptions she found hard to understand—all of these words, Armin had already looked up, analysed and memorized its definition. Call him a nerd or bookworm for that, he couldn't help it. He had nothing else to do when his parents would be away anyway, or during his spare time both in school and at home.
He noticed Mikasa's troubled looking sort of expression when her eyes scanned itself through the paragraph of words. "I can… read it to you." He offered, a small yet timid smile forming on his lips. Mikasa's first comment about how she thought the image was 'pretty' had probably sparked some hope in him, and seeing that she seemed interested in the text next to it, it ignited even more hope— hope that perhaps, he could finally have a friend. Again, he was getting his hopes up, and he was too blinded by such to think that anything bad would happen.
After Mikasa had taken up his offer, Armin started to read to her about… well, the world. He even added his own descriptions, and he didn't hesitate to elaborate and elaborate on many things, nor was he bothered when Mikasa would ask him to explain a certain paragraph or word. Mikasa truly found the book intriguing, but what she found more intriguing was… Armin. He didn't seem like the shy boy she had met earlier, he was practically glimmering and sparkling while he elaborated on and on. Upon realizing that, Mikasa had let out a small chuckle to which Armin was confused by, then worried.
"D-Did I say something weird…?" He asked nervously. Mikasa shook her head, but before she could say anything else, Armin continued, "Do you find it… boring? Or interesting…?"
"It' definitely interesting. But I've seen the ocean, the snow and the forest before. So it's nothing really new." Mikasa remarked bluntly, causing Armin to flinch. He was reminded of how things would start. They would first say it's interesting, but overtime they'd get bored by it because… well, they've seen them before, either that or they've seen them online. He had gotten his hopes too high again… of having a friend. He should've been more careful, he thought to himself. A small frown then crept to his lips as his 'sparkling' expression disappeared. Mikasa noticed.
"I really didn't find anything you said weird! Honest! It was very interesting!" Mikasa swore before she continued, "It's just… I found it interesting because you're an interesting person, Armin" Mikasa smiled. At first, Armin was confused by what she meant, and then she continued with an explanation. "I mean… you glimmered and sparkled the whole time when you talked about these things, the ocean especially." She giggled.
"S-Sparkle?" Armin stuttered, shy and embarrassed as his cheeks fluttered a light shade of pink. "Yes! Sparkle! Your eyes sparkle like the stars you were talking about!" The raven exclaimed playfully.
"And your eyes…" She continued, moving closer to the blonde, staring deeply into his eyes in such a focused manner. Armin could feel his heart thumping quickly, mostly out of nervousness… he didn't know what to do or what she was doing. "They're like the ocean… is that why you like the ocean so much?" Mikasa queried before taking a step back, letting the blonde have some air to breathe. Armin was truly caught off guard, he still didn't know what to do or say, or even react. It took him a while to form an answer, or rather a question in regards about his oceanic orbs.
"R-Really…?"
"Yes, really. I mean, you said the ocean was beautiful, along with its colour. Just like your eyes." Mikasa laughed lightly causing the blonde to feel even more embarrassed and even flustered.
It had been the first time, that someone had said something like that to him—that he was interesting, that his eyes… were beautiful. That he was 'sparkling'. It really… made him feel happy on the inside. "Y-Your eyes are pretty too!" Armin remarked, an attempt to return the favour of compliments. "T-They're like the night sky!" He squeaked.
Mikasa had been caught off guard by his words, she hadn't expected him to find her eyes pretty or to even compare them to the night sky, to which she had also found to be beautiful. A light shade of pink overcame her cheeks as well, flustered by his sweet words. "Thank you." Mikasa's smile widened as she said this, no one had called her eyes 'pretty' before, so, this was a first.
Armin couldn't help but return the smile that she gave him, he didn't know why but seeing her smile made him smile. It just had been a long time, since he felt this warmth… the warmth that shooed away his loneliness. He only hoped it wouldn't be temporarily—that much wasn't too much to ask for, right?
And it wasn't temporary in the slightest. That was the beginning of their friendship, or so Armin recalled. Mikasa never found him boring, she never left him. And their bond just grew more and more. Armin could remember the time they'd spend together, it was truly fun. He became less nervous, at least around her. He had something to look forward to whenever he'd return home from a dreadful day of school. Eventually, Mikasa did transfer to his school, both of them were definitely elated by that news. He introduced her to Eren as well, and after a while they got along. The trio's friendship just grew even more as time went by.
Armin had always thought things would stay that way, all three of them best friends. But soon enough, after some time went by along with particular events that occurred, he noticed that the way Mikasa would look at Eren sometimes was… different the way she'd look at him. After a while, he understood why.
Mikasa Ackerman is in love with Eren Jaeger. He had told himself. And then, he started to notice his own feelings.
All of these observations, Armin kept quiet about it. He didn't want anything to change. Although, overtime, keeping things bottled didn't do him any good. Considering now, in the spur of the moment, Armin had revealed one of his observations that had bothered him for quite a while, that Mikasa Ackerman is in love with Eren Jaeger. Not to mention, out of all people, he revealed that to Mikasa. Mikasa Ackerman. The Mikasa who was in love with Eren Jaeger. He already knew this was going to be the start of a 'change' he had wanted to avoid for a long time. Keeping things bottled truly sucked, because in the end, if you're not careful, the bottle cap may just fall out unknowing, exposing things… feelings.
Armin never had the guts to tell Mikasa anything about his feelings for her for obvious enough reasons. He didn't want things to get weird or awkward between them. Although there was a side of him that thought that even if he did confess, and Mikasa rejected him, she'd still remain friends with him—she wasn't that cruel of a person to avoid him because of that… right? However, there was no way to confirm that assumption without it actually happening. Not to mention, even if they still retained their friendship if that rejection were to happen, things would be different. That much, Armin was sure of. Well, either way, it wasn't as if he exposed his own feelings. It was actually the other way around, but still, it was just as bad.
Mikasa just stared at him, at a loss for words. Her reddened cheeks however, already gave Armin an answer that he didn't plan to ask for—that he didn't want to know. "I-I…" Mikasa stuttered, she felt her heart racing after it had skipped a beat after Armin's words that gave Mikasa her own moment of self-realization and self-revelation. She could feel her cheeks warm up, she was sure enough they were red. The idea of her and Eren together was truly flustering, it made her feel all sorts of butterflies fluttering about in her stomach.
'You have feelings for Eren, don't you? You like him, don't you?'
Armin's words echoed in her brain continuously, and each time it did, she got redder whilst she tried to find a response to give to Armin. Yet, nothing came to her mind.
Jean's confession suddenly passed through her mind. She didn't feel anything like how she was feeling right now. Then, the idea of Eren confessing to her instead decided to cross her mind, and hell, the flutters she was feeling doubled, if not, more. Much more.
Mikasa opened her mouth, as if she finally had something to say, but before she could, the school bell rang. She almost forgot. School ended an hour early that day, due to whatever conference most of the teachers needed to attend.
"Let's… go home." Armin muttered out suddenly, getting out of the bed slowly. Instantly, Mikasa snapped out of her thoughts as she went over to help him get up.
"A-Are you sure? Do you want to rest more before w-we leave?" Mikasa asked. Just hearing her stutter, Armin already knew that what he said was still on her mind.
'Why did I have to say that?' Armin thought silently to himself, and unknowingly an agitated sort of look overwhelmed his face. He wished he had been more careful, about these emotions, his emotions that should've been bottled more tightly. But no matter the amount of regret, turning back time to undo what he said was impossible. Biting his lip, he looked downwards onto the ground—only to look up when Mikasa called out for him.
"Armin…?"
Her voice was soft, sweet and gentle. The expression she wore was soft, yet full of concern, at the same time there was still the obvious traces of red that lingered on her cheeks. It bothered him, but he didn't say anything.
Instead he chose to smile, then chuckle.
"You'd feel more comfortable talking about your feelings for Eren at your house or mine, right? So let's go home already."
I don't want to know what you feel for him. I already know. It hurts.
"W-What? I—"
"Come on, Mikasa. Don't you want to talk about it?"
It hurts. I don't really want to hear it. I already know.
"I m-mean…I do… b-but—"
"I can help you." Armin had smirked, giving her a playful nudge. Mikasa had blushed again.
I don't really want to hear it. I don't exactly want to help. But…
"You… will?" Mikasa asked, in a rather bashful way.
"Of course, I'm your… friend after all." Armin had smiled. He hoped she didn't see past his smile, his words, and his actions. Because they weren't exactly a hundred percent genuine.
At hearing that, Mikasa smiled. Armin knew it was a genuine smile. He liked seeing her smile. It was beautiful. At the thought of beautiful, he subconsciously looked into her eyes. Till now, it still reminded him of the night sky. Except, it was sparkling now, like the stars, as Mikasa would call it. His own oceanic orbs softened at such a beautiful yet… agonizing sight.
She was in love, but not with him, with someone else—with Eren Jaeger.
But… I want you to be happy. I want to see you happy. Even if it's not with me.
As Armin thought this, he recalled what Sasha had said to him a while back.
'It must be hard, for you to be their wing-man.' She had once said. He never liked that role. He resented it, really. Although, he'll continue to play that role, the role of a 'wing-man', if in the end, Mikasa was happy.
Author's note: Back from my Hiatus haha. Sort of. School is starting soon for me, however, I will try to update this at least twice a month. Weekly, if possible :) . On another note, please leave a Review and thanks! Sorry if this chapter is a little longer than usual, I know some people don't enjoy lengthy things. I hope this was okay though... again, please leave a review, i would like to hear your thoughts !