Felicity sighed as she swung her feet softly over the edge of the bed.
Her remaining time seemed to go by fairly quickly. Late last night, Diggle and Sara had headed home with the promise of being back in the morning. They were hesitant to leave at first but eventually gave in. She figured it had to do with the fact that Oliver insisted on staying and that was good enough for them.
Once Digg and Sara had departed, Felicity anticipated an awkward rest of the night. Surprisingly however, Oliver hadn't been as quiet as he had been. Not to say he was striking up full conversations here and there, but there was occasional small talk, like before, yet not like before. There was still some tension and she couldn't help but wonder if it was really there or if it was all in her head.
She inquired where Oliver was going to sleep, after making it known that she wouldn't let him go without sleeping, knowing how stubborn he could be. She could tell he wasn't thrilled with her argument, but he was even less thrilled when she sought out the call button, asking a nurse to have a cot brought to the room. He continued sitting in the chair even after the cot was brought into the room.
"Would you rather the bed?" She had asked after a while.
"What?" Oliver responded after a few seconds. She didn't need to see his face to tell how confused her question had made him. She sighed.
"If you're not going to sleep on the cot, I'll sleep there and you can have the bed. I'm kind of sick of it anyway."
"Felicity, you're not sleeping on a cot." He replied, his voice flat and she could almost hear his eyes rolling. It didn't take long after that that she heard the springs of the cot as he settled atop of it. She had known he wasn't sleeping. Not sure how long before he would sleep. If he'd sleep at all.
She remained in the bed, intent on going to sleep but she couldn't. Diggle's words replayed in her head and she wanted nothing more than to ask Oliver about it, but she hadn't been able to even think of how she could put her thoughts into words. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't been a little relieved to hear that Oliver had been so close most the time. Yet the fact that he had remained silent for the majority of the time was like an incessant nag in her mind that he could still be mad at her. Whether or not it was as extreme as she had thought, the possibility still built a home inside her thoughts. A big and loud home that blocked out the view of anything else.
Though he wasn't sleeping as his breaths had yet to even out, she had focused on that trying to forget everything else and eventually she welcomed sleep.
When she woke up it was a blur of tests and scans to make sure she was up to par. She tuned most of it out due to the anxiousness of whether or not she'd be able to go home. As much as she had wanted to leave the hospital, she couldn't help but wonder if maybe she'd be better off in the hospital. In the hospital she didn't have to worry about whether or not she could see, she could just lay there and waste time away. But that's not who she was. It's not who she wanted to be. She didn't want this obstacle to get in her way, to weigh her down and make her weak. She just wasn't quite sure how to keep that from happening.
So now she sat on her bed dressed in the jeans and sweatshirt that Sara had brought her the day before. Her results came back indicating the swelling, while it didn't go down very noticeably, wasn't getting worse either and so she was able to finally leave. It was scheduled for her to come back twice more in a weeks time to make sure she was getting better.
She lightly scuffed her sneaker clad feet against the floor as she swung her feet back and forth waiting for Oliver and Diggle to come back after following the doctor out as he went to sign her release forms. Presumably bombarding the man with questions as Sara sat with her. She wasn't sure when exactly Sara and Diggle had come back to the hospital, but when she came back from her scans they were there as promised.
"You okay?" Sara said as she sat down next to Felicity, nudging her lightly. She stilled for a second, trying to think if she was doing anything to give away if she wasn't. She came up with nothing but she had been lost in her thoughts so she was sure she could have been doing something unknowingly.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." She offered a smile hoping to make her words more convincing.
"You're going to get your sight back again." She said it with so much conviction that Felicity believed her, until the reality of the situation reminded her that there was no way to really tell.
"What if it doesn't?" She cringed realizing that's not what she meant to say, but the fear of it was so strong that even her subconscious was against her. "That's not what I meant to say."
"It will, Felicity. You've got to believe it will and hold on to that." Sara said as she put her arm across her shoulders. She had just leaned in towards Sara's side only straighten up again.
"What's that noise?" She listened intently as a small constant squeaking sound started getting closer to the room faintly followed by what sounded like footsteps.
"I don't k- … oh, it's a wheelchair." Sara said as the squeaking sound stopped.
"What?" Felicity asked.
"Hospital policy." A voice she didn't recognize at first until she realized it was Doctor Richards, "You've got to use it until you're out of the hospital. I've signed your release forms so you're free to go. Mr. Queen has all the information you're going to need including when and where you'll need to go for your checkups. Any questions before you go?" he asked.
"I'm sorry, um, I've never been in a hospital before so I'm not really sure how the hospital bills work?"
"Oh, well, Mr. Queen has already taken care of that for you." He replied sounding a little uncomfortable.
"What? No, Oliver-" She started hastily before Oliver cut her off.
"Felicity, it's fine. Don't worry about it." He said
"Okay, well you're all set. I'll see you in a few days. Be careful, okay?" She nodded, still trying to process the fact that Oliver paid her medical bills. Sure he had the money, but this was her responsibility and he shouldn't just be throwing his money around like that.
"Your chariot awaits, Smoak" She laughed lightly at Digg's words as the doctor left the room. Sara hopped off the bed and she went to follow, but before she was even off the bed, Oliver grabbed her hand, "Thank you" She said as he guided her towards the wheelchair and turning her until she felt the seat at the back of her legs. She felt around for the arm of the chair until Sara grabbed her other hand. With both their help, and a surge of embarrassment, she was seated in the chair. With the hand that Sara had had, she now had a death grip on the arm of the chair. She felt Oliver starting to pull his hand away just as a wave of anxiety overcame her at having to face the real world. She snapped out of it briefly just as she felt herself not letting go of his hand. "Sorry." She said quickly, releasing his hand just as fast.
"I'm going to bring the car to the front." Diggle told them as he went to leave the room.
By the time they made it outside, she was surprised she was still breathing. As she was wheeled through the whirring sound of the automatic doors, she immediately squeezed her eyes shut bringing her arm up to cover her eyes.
"Felicity, what's wrong?" Oliver said, the worry in his voice was apparent.
"It's just… I guess I didn't take into account how much brighter outside was than indoor lights were." She slowly pulled her arm away trying to adjust to the change. While it certainly wasn't as bright as it seemed to her, the switch from inside to outside light was more than what she had expected. She tried adjusting to it as she also tried to process what she was 'seeing'. It wasn't as blinding as looking into the sun or a flashlight, but rather looking into those things with your eyes closed. Though instead of red or pink it was like a mass of faded colors blurred together as little spark-like things came and went.
She brought her head down as she felt a headache forming. Oliver must have taken notice as she felt the chair being turned, "I'm taking you back inside."
"No," She shot her head up, "No, Oliver, it's fine. Please. Just leave it." He stopped pushing the wheelchair but still hadn't said anything so she continued. "I think they mentioned something about this… said it was to be expected. I just forgot."
"You're sure?" Sara asked from in front of them, "It'd be safer to check it out while you're still here." She suggested and the last thing Felicity wanted to do was to go back on there.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure." She willed her eyes to cooperate with her through the sensitivity and luckily after some time it got a little more bearable.
"Here, put these on." She heard Digg say, not realizing he was already at the front of the building, as he pressed something into her hands. "They're sunglasses. Maybe they'll help."
"Thank you." She gently ran her hands along the pair as she opened them and positioned them so she could put them on.
"Better?" Oliver asked from behind her as if he'd be ready to bring her back inside at any moment if she needed to. She 'looked' around briefly, satisfied when they managed to make an impact. "Yeah, much better. Thanks, John."
"You can keep those. I rarely ever use them anyway." Diggle responded.
"I promised I'd go meet up with my dad so I'll see you guys later." Sara said, "Felicity, call me if you need anything at all, okay?" Felicity nodded in thanks, glad she already had Sara's number, as well as the guys, already set on speed-dial.
After they said their goodbyes, she started to rise from the chair, gripping the arm rest as she went. Before she was even fully standing, Oliver was lightly grasping her elbow, helping her up.
"Okay, so where's my horse drawn carriage?" She joked as she held her other arm in front of her, not fully outstretched but enough so she would know if she was about to walk into something. Oliver twisted her a little, "Car's straight ahead." He told her as they started forward.
"Car? Oh man, I wanted a horse. Digg, you wound me." Digg laughed as she took cautious steps forward until Oliver stopped her.
"There's a curb and then about two steps until the car door." Oliver told her, her grip tightening as her foot searched for solid ground after stepping off. She took two steps as he said, while she reached out with both hands to find the top of the car, not wanting to knock her head against it as she entered. She got in successfully, sliding over in the seat until she felt the door against her left arm, so Oliver could move to sit next to her.
Once they were on the road, Felicity leaned her head against the window, listening to the sound against the tires on the road, the cars driving past them. She let it lull her into a world of thoughtlessness. When the car finally rolled to a stop she noticed the lack of traffic sounds.
"We're here, Felicity." Digg said from the front seat as she sat up straight. She searched for the handle at the same time she heard the car doors opening. As she continued searching, her door was opened knowing it was Digg as she heard Oliver just coming around the car. A popping sound was made before she realized he must be getting her bag from the trunk.
"Would either of you mind helping me to the door? Face planting on those concrete steps doesn't seem that appealing." She asked once she was out of the car waiting for Oliver to hand her bag over.
"You didn't tell her, did you?"
"Tell me what?" She asked, confused by Digg's question. Oliver sighed.
"Felicity, I'm staying with you." Oliver responded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"What? Why? I mean, I get why but there's no need for you t-"
"It's either that or you stay at the mansion, but I figured you'd be more comfortable and more familiar with your own home." He interrupted.
"Well, yeah, but…" She trailed off. Any other day, she would put up more of an argument. That she didn't want to put him out and that it wasn't necessary for him to stay with her. But right now she knew that wasn't true. She hated it, but she was terrified. Not so much of the darkness, but the sheer loneliness that came with not being able to look at anything. She wouldn't be able to just walk into her home and read a book, or watch television. And while she didn't expect much from Oliver's end, at least there was the security of having someone there with her.
She just wished the act wouldn't be so imprisoning for him.
Being stuck there with the blind girl.
She never imagined feeling awkward in her own home. While it was minimal, there was still the fact that she couldn't just saunter around as she pleased. When they got to the door Oliver had taken her keys to unlock it. He turned the lights on when they got in, locking the door behind them. She'd managed to convince him to let her find her way to the couch on her own. He obliged, but no matter how quiet he could walk, she knew he was hovering. She had made it to the couch in one piece with the exception of banging her leg against the end table and a muttered curse.
After a few moments of silence, she told Oliver he could leave, that he didn't have to stay here.
"Felicity." He said, sternly. She should have known it wouldn't have been easy.
"Fine, then can you at least sit down or something. It's a little weird to have you just standing there not doing anything." She said as she leaned forward toward the coffee table. Hands moving along the surface until she found the remote. "Here, watch something at least." Holding it out in his direction. He was silent until he sighed, grabbing the remote and taking a seat on the other end of the couch.
They had gotten through at least two sitcoms, so she could only assume an hour had gone by. She barely paid attention though, still too guilty that he was pretty much babysitting her. As if she was some kind of child. He didn't deserve this, to have to basically be her eyes. She was sure she could manage on her own.
She wrung her hands in her lap as she realized, yeah, she could manage in her own house, but how was she supposed to manage in the foundry, or at Queen Consolidated?
The thought hit her heard. She certainly didn't want to be under house arrest until she was able to see again. Sure, she could make do without being at Queen Consolidated, but then she would feel bad that Oliver had to deal with a new assistant who didn't know their routine.
New.
No, not new. Temporary. She pushed those thoughts away not even wanting to think of not being able to go back to her job. It wasn't her ideal job, but it kept her close to Oliver and Diggle and it made it easier to handle any Arrow business when they couldn't just leave and head to the foundry.
She felt her heart clench at thought of not being able to go back to helping Oliver at the foundry. It was a huge part of her life and that place was her second home. It was bad enough that a few weeks seemed like it was going to be forever. She didn't want to abandon them in order to sit at home completely useless. She tried thinking of ways she could get around it. She could always just have the computer read her the text on the screen. Though what if she needed to look at security feed while he was out on the streets? Or if she needed to give him directions? She couldn't even fathom how that would work. Maybe if she had more time… but she didn't want to have more time. She wanted her vision back.
She didn't want to have to think of all these new ways she was going to have to adjust until she could start to see again. In retrospect, a few weeks wasn't that long, but in the darkness, even the past day felt like a lifetime.
She tried to will her thought-induced tears away, but it didn't seem to be working. Especially that her guilt now felt like it was literally eating away at her. To make matters worse, a range of emotions were passing through her and she couldn't seem to get a grip on any of them.
"Oliver," she rushed out as she rose from the couch, "Oliver, you don't need to stay anymore. I'll be fine on my own."
"What? Felicity, I'm not leaving you alone." He stated as the sound of the television was no longer heard.
"No, please. It's okay. If anything happens I'll call one of you guys, I promise." She brought her hand up to rub at her now watering eyes.
"Felicity, stop." Oliver said, now right in front of her, his hands on either side of her arms. "What's wrong? Talk to me." While his words came out in a rushed whisper, the underlying emotions buried in his voice were deafening. She pulled out of his arms. She selfishly didn't want him to go, but realized it would be easier to distance herself now, to prepare for when he actually did leave.
She knew she must have looked foolish, opening and closing her mouth as she tried to find the words.
"Hey…" He tried encouragingly and for some reason that was all it took before anguished tears streamed down her face almost as fast as the words from her lips.
"I know you don't want to be here, and that you probably hate me. And that's okay, it really is! I understand I messed up, and I'm so sorry and I wish I could go back and have been more aware. But we got the information and we didn't get caught so that's something, right? And you shouldn't have to suffer, or…. or be put out because I screwed up. So you can leave, because I'm sure that making sure I don't walk into a wall or something is the last thing you want to do. So you can go home, or to the foundry or wherever and it'll be okay. No one will blame you, I promise." She barely got the words out before a wretched sob broke through. Putting the back of her hand against her mouth to block out anymore unwanted sobs, she turned to walk away in the direction of the door so Oliver could leave. She barely took a step before he was grabbing her and turning her back towards him. Her arms now stiffly at her side, just wanting this to be over.
"Whoa, whoa… Felicity, hold up." She felt the warmth of his palm against her cheek as his thumb wiped away the tears making the great escape out of her tear ducts. "I don't hate you, okay? I could never hate you. And I'm not mad at you. What happened was not your fault. It was m- It wasn't your fault, you understand?" When she didn't say anything, he guided her back to the couch easing her down as he sat next to her.
"Why didn't you say anything?" She asked. The words barely coming out audible, but he heard them anyway.
"Say anyt- … When?" His confusion was evident.
"The hospital." She said slowly, her voice still barely above a whisper, willing herself not to fall apart. "I didn't… I thought you were just avoiding me. That you didn't want to deal with me or something, or that you were mad, but Digg told me you were there practically the whole time. If you were there, how come you didn't say anything?" She asked brokenly.
A huff of air expelled from his lungs as he stood up. The amount of footsteps in the small area indicating that he was probably pacing back and forth. The distance he put in between them did little to calm her nerves as she wrapped her arms around herself. A small tremble coursed through her and she couldn't differentiate between it being from cold or from everything.
She didn't know if it was noticeable, or if it was just coincidence, but immediately after, she felt the couch dip down as Oliver sat next to her once more. She braced herself for what he would say. If he would say anything.
"I'm sorry. Felicity, I am so sorry." The raw intensity of his words shocked her, clearly expecting a different tone. Different words. "I am not mad at you. I never was." He paused for a few seconds before continuing, "I don't know why I didn't say anything. Maybe because I had no right to be there, and I didn't want to… make things worse."
"Make things worse? I don't understand." She said, her face contorted in confusion as she tried to process his words.
"I was supposed to protect you." His voice just as quiet as hers had been before. "You got hurt because I failed you. It was my fault that guy got a grab on you. I'm the reason you can't see right now." He spoke vehemently. "So no, I'm not mad at you. Not at all. But you have every right to hate me." She didn't miss how his voice started to break in the middle.
Worry now replacing her previous guilt, she turned her body towards Oliver reaching out to grab onto his arm, "Oliver, no. You did protect me. I…. " She trailed off, realizing the irony of the situation, "So basically, we're each trying to drown ourselves in guilt…" She said with a curt laugh as she wiped away the last of her tears.
"If I had know that's what you were thinking I would have fixed it right away, you have to know that." She didn't even have to question how true that statement was.
"I'm s-" She cut him off before he could finish the word. "No, please don't finish that. You have nothing to apologize for. Plus if you say 'sorry', then I'm going to say 'sorry' and while I still feel really bad about this whole situation I'm just really glad that you're not mad at me." She breathed out in relief. He didn't respond, instead grabbing her hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze.
She didn't know how long they sat like that, each processing what had just happened. She knew Oliver would still hold himself responsible. It's how he was.
But she also knew this because she couldn't help but still feel the responsibility was still all on her.
Knowing Oliver wasn't mad at her lifted a huge chunk of the weight off her shoulders, but she still didn't want to burden him.
"I, um, I know you might try and argue with me, but you really don't have to stay with me." She said to him.
"You're right." He responded and she felt her heart drop much to her dismay. He could do as he pleased and she wanted nothing more than for him to be free of her own problems, but part of her still dreaded him leaving.
"Yeah, so if-"
"About me arguing with you," He interrupted, "You're right."
"What?" She asked.
"If there's any reason for me to not want to be here, it's because I don't like that you have to deal with this at all. But unfortunately you do and god I would do anything to fix that for you, but I- I can't. Felicity, I'm not going anywhere." He promised. "I will always be here for you." He whispered.
His words were like an anchor for her and she held tried to hold on to them as much as she could. Doubt still flooded her mind, of course, but she was still processing the conversation. She didn't even notice at first, but Oliver had wrapped his right arm around her shoulder, pulling her in against him, her head resting against his right shoulder. With her thoughts reeling from the conversation they just had, topped with her earlier thoughts, her mind was racing.
"I don't know how to do this, Oliver." She said softly and she felt him still before he tugged her in closer to him.
"It's only for a few weeks. Just a few weeks and then you'll be able to see everything again, Okay? It'll be over in no time." She nodded her head. Bringing her right hand to rest over his left shoulder and winding her left against his back, she hugged him as slow silent tears fell. He didn't say anything and that was okay because he held onto her tighter and in that moment, it was exactly what she needed.
So... Felicity finally has some insight into Oliver's attitude! I meant for this to be more dramatic but my mind doesn't want to cooperate with me haha. What'd you think?
Let me know! Thank you for reading!