*hides in the corner* I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I am so VERY sorry! I know, it's been close to a month since I last updated, and I promised one two days after I posted the last chapter. I'm terrible, I know. May has just been a crazy month for me, and before I knew, 2 weeks had passed, and then another week, and I still hadn't updated. I've barely had time to think, let alone write. The writing may be awful in this chapter, so I'll apologize ahead of time. But its extra long, as a thank you for being so patient with me.
I headed towards my compartment the next evening, eager to get a good night's rest. Katniss, Dion and I had spent the morning deciding who would go on the mission. We had made up a list, and sent it out, with orders to be ready to leave the following morning. The first mission was just a small one in District 5 to fully take it over. The Capitol's forces were severely weakened, and one final shove would push them out of the District.
After a brief lunch, Katniss and I had done a short propo, and the rest of the day had been a whirlwind. Co-leading the war with Katniss, there was an endless amount of stuff to do. Up until now, Haymitch had been taking care of it, as we were training. But with other people coming in to help, it unfortunately freed us for the morning tiring tasks. Effie was pretty much our secretary, following us around, and reminding us of the endless list of stuff to do. I felt like my mind had been wrung through a washing machine.
Katniss was already in bed, curled up with a book. She smiled as I walked in, and patted the spot beside her.
Tossing my t-shirt on the ground, I crawled under the covers, and pulled her next to me. She set the book aside, and gazed up at my eyes.
"What?" I asked after a moment.
"I think we've earned this, don't you?" Without giving me a chance to respond, she flicked the lights off, and pressed her lips against mine, wrapping her legs around me. I smiled in the darkness, and lost myself in the next hour, just kissing her harder and harder, as if it would never quite be enough…
I squinted as the lights were thrown on, the bright light suddenly aluminating the room. Katniss stirred, and as I untangled myself from her, I found I was staring up into the gaze of Johanna Mason.
"What the heck are you doing in here Mason?" I growled. She laughed.
"Enjoying the aftermath of a make-out session. You two look hilarious after one."
"Get out Johanna." Katniss snapped, sitting up in bed.
"Fine, but you two have got 5 minutes to be dressed and upstairs at the loading dock for the mission."
"What time…" Katniss glanced at the clock. "Crap it!" She yelled, vaulting from the bed. "We overslept!"
"Thanks for early wake up call." I said, giving Johanna a shove. She merely laughed. I got dressed in record time, and reached the door at the same time Katniss did. She grabbed her bow, and was about to rush out when I stopped her.
"Katniss, look down." She did, and her face reddened. "Pants. Pants are good." She muttered, pulling a pair out from her drawer. Johanna was pretty much rolling on the floor.
"Tell anyone about that, and you're all dead." She warned, giving both of us a glare.
"My lips are sealed." I said, pretending to seal them with a cocky grin.
"Mine aren't." Johanna announced, holding up a camera before darting out of the room.
"Johanna, I'm going to kill you!" Katniss yelled, running after her. Shaking my head, I followed them, wishing I understood girls.
"Nice of you three to show up." Haymitch said dryly as we arrived out of breath at the hovercar. I quickly regained my composure in front of the other soldiers, and ignored him. Dion stood nearby, looking slightly irritated that we were late.
"Don't get mad at me. I was getting the lovebirds out of bed. It was rather fun, especially since I got a nice view of Katniss about to leave the room without any pants on." Johanna replied, showing him the camera.
"Oh this I have to see." Haymitch took the camera, and roared with laughter. "That's just precious sweetheart."
"I hate all of you." Katniss muttered, giving up her attempts at getting the camera. Behind us, the soldiers were trying to hide their snickers and giggles. I decided to take pity on Katniss, and ordered them back in line. They scrambled to attention, playfully saluting as they did so. I chose to not pay any attention to their attempts at humor, and turned back to the others.
"The goal is to simply force the Peacekeepers out. Remember to not fire unless needed. We're not looking for bloodshed. And while you three are leading on the ground, we'll have hovercars bombing the base in the far corner of the District. The Capitol's been forced out of much of the district area, but they still have a strong hold on the northern section. " Haymitch said, crossing his arms across his chest.
"We know all this Haymitch. We've been through this a thousand times before." I said boredly.
"And we'll go through it a thousand times more if I think it's necessary. Just because you're not in the Games doesn't mean I'm not still your mentor."
"You never were my mentor. Katniss was."
"Well now I am. I'll be monitoring you from here, and will give orders when necessary. See to it that you follow them. Now get going!" We were about to board the hovercar, when a voice behind us drew me to a stop.
"Wait for me!" Rory was standing there, a gun under his arm.
"What the heck do you think you're doing?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.
"Coming with you."
"Yeah, like that'll happen."
"Gale, I've been training for weeks! I'm ready!"
"Soldiers who have been training for months aren't coming. Go back inside."
"No, I'm coming on this mission. I want to help."
"You can. By staying here."
"I'm 15 Gale! I don't need you to look after me anymore!"
"Rory, you're my brother. I'll look after you till you're a hundred. But that still doesn't change things."
Katniss gave him a sympathetic look. "Your turn will come eventually Rory. Just be patient."
Rory gave a huff, and pointedly turned away. Prim had apparently followed him, and shook her head as Rory walked towards her.
"I won't tell you I told you so, but I want you to know I'm thinking it."
"Oh shut up." Prim laughed, and Rory slipped his arm around her.
As we turned back towards the hovercars, I glanced curiously at Katniss.
"There something going on between those two that I should know about?"
She shrugged. "Oh, just puppy love. You know how kids can be at that age."
"We weren't."
"We had families to feed, and other responsibilities." We boarded the hovercars, Dion in one, Katniss in another, and Johanna and I in a third. After giving the signal, mine took the lead, and the other two followed. Within a few minutes, District 13 had faded away from view. And with it, went my feeling that this mission would go according to plan. I couldn't explain it, but I had a growing sense that today would be a day many of us would remember.
After a couple hours, District 5 grew into view. The hovercars landed on the outskirts of it, and we split up into our separate patrols. The goal was for the 3 patrols to push the Peacekeepers into the center plaza, surround them, and hopefully get to them surrender without bloodshed. Should they resist, we would be forced to fire upon them. Katniss, Dion, and I were leading each patrol.
"You two have your earpieces?" I asked, placing mine in my ear. We'd be in contact with each other through it, as well as with Haymitch. Dion and Katniss both nodded. "Well, good luck then."
"You too." Dion headed off, and Katniss and I parted with a quick kiss, though we were careful to hide it. We had mistakenly kissed in front of the soldiers once, and it had been weeks before the teasing had stopped.
Johanna was in my patrol, along with several other soldiers. Using my radar cuff, I pulled up the map of District 5, my patrol's path laid out.
"What direction?" Johanna asked. She wasn't in charge, but with her experience, she was definitely a rank above the other soldiers.
"Right." I replied, pointing down one of the roads. She nodded, and we set off, weapons drawn.
The first Peacekeeper we encountered was alone. He clearly had no intention of surrendering, a fact proved by him pulling out his gun.
"Stay your fire!" I ordered, yanking out my stun gun. One quick shot sent him falling to the ground. We left him there, as he'd be out for quite a while.
We made our way through the quiet streets, occasionally seeing a face in a window of a nearby house. But as soon as they saw us, they quickly ducked back behind the curtain. So much for support from the citizens. Though I couldn't really blame them. The last rebellion had failed, and they probably figured this one would as well.
Katniss' voice sounded in my earpiece.
"Gale…" I could hear a roar in the background, and had to focus to hear what she saying us. "Peacekeepers. A whole group of them. We're being overwhelmed."
"Send me your location." A moment later, my radar cuff beeped, and Katniss' spot flashed on the map. It was too far for us to get there in time.
"I'm not close enough, but I'll see if Dion can help." I didn't hear a response immediately. "Katniss?"
"Sorry, had to take care of Peacekeeper. So much for no bloodshed." Her voice sounded again. "And okay. We should be able to hold out till then. We might be able to do without Dion, but I don't want to take that chance." I quickly contacted Dion, and alerted him of Katniss' predicament.
"We're not too far from her. I'll try to get my patrol over there." He responded.
"Thanks Dion." As we walked, I radioed Haymitch as well.
"You aware of Katniss' situation?"
"What do you think I'm doing, taking a nap? Of course I'm aware, and I've given her instructions. Focus on your own patrol Hawthorne."
"She's my girlfriend Abernathy. It's my job to look over her."
"Katniss is a capable young woman. You start being overly protective, and I'll start fearing for your life."
"I don't doubt that a bit." We clicked off, and several minutes later, Katniss' voice sounded once more.
"Everything's good. Continue on with the plan."
"Got it."
I walked ahead of my patrol, my feet softly thudding on the ground. The sky was sunny, with a few clouds. Things were quiet, a little bit too quiet, and I stayed on high alert, ready for anything.
"Boss!" One of the soldiers called, and I turned in the direction he was pointing at. A line of Peacekeepers stood ahead, their guns drawn.
"Surrender, and you won't be killed. Fight, and whoever's left will be executed." One of them called.
I was about to respond, when someone beat me to it.
"Like we'd ever surrender. You guys are a bunch of cowards!" I whirled around at the sound of Rory's voice. He stood near the back, and the soldiers parted so I could see him.
"Stupid kid." Johanna muttered next to me.
"I told you to go back inside! Just what in the blazes are you doing here?" I growled.
"Helping out. Like I said."
"You disobeyed me Rory. You and I are going to have a long talk when we get back. Get to the hovercars, and you'd be wise not to disobey me this time."
"I'm helping you guys whether you like it or not!"
"Gods, why do I have to have such a thoughtless, and irresponsible brother? If he gets himself killed because of this, I swear I won't shed a tear." I said more to myself than Rory. But he heard, and the hurt look that came over his face would later slice right through me.
"I said get back-" The sound of gunfire cut me short, and I had to forget about Rory for the moment, and deal with the Peacekeepers.
"Spread out! Three-point-arc formation!" I shouted. The soldiers obeyed, Rory getting into position with them. I wanted to wring his neck, but it'd have to wait till later. We pushed forward, forcing the Peacekeepers back against a couple buildings. Shots continued to split the air, the dust swirling around us. I coughed, and raised my hand to my sleeve to keep from breathing in the debris. I heard Haymitch click on.
"Update me Hawthorne."
"Group of Peacekeepers fired on us. And Rory snuck on the hovercars. He's here, and fighting."
"Get him out of there. He has way too little training to be fighting."
"If you hadn't noticed, we're being fired upon. I have more important matters on my hand."
"More important than your own brother?"
"This is the mission we're talking about. This could determine whether we win or lose. Rory will have to take care of himself."
"Fine. Just try to avoid as little commotion as possible. I want this mission clean and quick."
"It will be." I focused back on the fight, firing a several shots. A few of my patrol had been injured, but no one was down yet. Johanna was a blur, ducking and firing a mile a minute. I continued to fire, keeping low to the ground to avoid the wave of bullets coming at us.
As we pressed forward, the distance between us and the Peacekeepers shortened considerably till we were practically among them. Since Dion, and Katniss were a ways away, and had already dealt with one group, I didn't notify them of our situation. Yet. If things got worse, I'd be forced to. But I hoped not. The mission had already been compromised enough.
And then things began to look up. The Peacekeepers were weakening, more of them dropping or giving up their guns. Those that did surrender were pushed to the other side of the street by a couple of my patrol.
As I looked for Rory, I spotted a Peacekeeper hit him with the butt of his gun, and he went down. As Rory reached to pick it back up, another hit sent it spinning away. He was bleeding from a head wound, clutching his arm, and despite my anger towards him, my heart still went out to him. Raising my gun, I made my way towards him, intending to come to his aid. But I was too late.
It seemed to happen in slow motion. Rory was practically lying on the ground, raising his hand, and saying something as if he were surrendering. But the Peacekeeper ignored him, held up his gun, and shot my brother in the head.
I screamed his name, and flew towards him, my feet slamming against the asphalt street. My breath was coming in gasps, and panic was threatening to choke me. Shots continued to ring out, but I heard none of it, everything just fading away. In one flash, the Peacekeeper was dead, and I was by his side. I could hardly think straight, my emotions going in all different directions. His eyes were closed, and he laid deathly still. In the background, I heard the remaining Peacekeepers defeated, and silence overtake the street as my patrol noticed me. Johanna made her way towards me, but I was barely aware of any of it. The only thing on my mind was my limp brother lying in my lap.
"Come on Rory, wake up!" I begged, pounding on his chest. I got no reaction. "Dang you! You can't die on me Rory! Gods, wake up!" My voice rose to practically a scream as I desperately tried to resuscitate him. Several minutes passed, and Rory remained as still as ever. I felt Johanna's hand on my shoulder, gently pushing my arms back to my sides. It was no use. Rory was gone for good.
"Rory, please. Please don't go. I'm sorry for yelling at you, I'm sorry for being mad. Just please open your eyes. Please, please, don't leave. I need you. I need you more than anything." I whispered, taking his hand in mine, and looking into his eyes, so desperately hoping to see his vibrant brown irises looking back at me. But they didn't. My hands fell limply to the ground, a wave of grief, horror, anger, and so much else rushing over me.
I put my face in my hands, trying to keep back the tears. I should have been more forceful, should have made sure he went back inside. It was my fault he was dead. My most grievous fault.
"Come on Gale. It's time to go." Johanna said softly. I got to my feet, putting a wall up around my emotions. I couldn't break down now. I nodded for Johanna to take the lead, and after giving me a sympathetic look, something that was rare for her, she did.
I pressed a button my earpiece, and contacted Katniss.
"Trouble?" She asked as she heard me.
"Not anymore. Rory's dead." I replied, my voice hollow.
"What?" A gasp escaped her.
"Rory, he's dead. He followed us, hid on the hovercars. He was killed in a fight with some Peacekeepers."
"Oh Gale."
"Just thought you should know." I clicked off, giving her no chance to reply. She'd worry about me, but she worried about everyone.
"Focus on the mission Gale. Just focus on the mission." I heard Haymitch quietly talking to me through my earpiece. "Don't let his death be in vain. Defeat these Peacekeepers. For him." I couldn't find my voice to give a response.
We made our way through the streets, and I felt as if I could take anything on. Let the Peacekeepers come. I'd shoot them all dead in their tracks. These rats who called themselves humans would pay for it, and pay for it dearly.
My emotions had shut down, in order for me to focus on the mission. The time for grieving was later. I would avenge Rory's death, and see to it he got the justice he deserved. The Capitol would regret the day they crossed Gale Hawthorne.
We rounded up a few more Peacekeepers, and reached the center plaza. Dion and Katniss were already there, the other groups of Peacekeepers sitting in the center. They looked dejected and worried about what we would do.
I saw Katniss trying to catch my eye, but I didn't look at her. I couldn't take pity or sympathy right now.
"You'll all be taken back to District 13 as war-" Dion began, but I cut him off.
"No. We have no need for prisoners. We could never trust them, and they'd be no use to us."
"What do you suggest we do then?" Dion looked at me curiously.
"Shoot them. Shoot them all."
"Gale!" Katniss' outcry echoed across the plaza.
"Shut up Katniss." She didn't.
"You're speaking out of grief, and anger. You have every right to hate them, to wish them dead, but you're making a rash decision. We can't-"
"I said SHUT UP!" My voice rose to a shout, and she gaped at me. I had never snapped like that at her. A hurt look came over her face, but I ignored it, and turned to the soldiers.
"I said shoot them!" They seemed caught between obeying me, and obeying Katniss, so they looked to Dion, who just waved his hand for them to go ahead.
"They did the same thing to us. Let 'em have a taste of their own medicine." Katniss' expression changed to pure fury, and throwing her gun to the ground, stomped out of the plaza.
"Wait." I held up my hand. "Make it slow. They deserve to suffer." The soldiers hesitated, but reluctantly started shooting slowly. They tore them apart, hitting arms and legs before hitting vital organs. Peacekeeper after Peacekeeper fell, they cries and shouts splitting the air.
Blood splattered on the pavement, the ones lying still screaming in pain. Dion was looking at me with a wary look, seeming to be not happy I was taking it to this level. But still, I couldn't help but relish every death. They deserved it for what they did to Rory, and for what they did to so many others. Fiona, Stryder, Rose, Eli, little Terra…They were all dead because of them and the rest of the Capitol. It was time they got to feel what they had done to us for so many years.
When it was finished, we marched back to the hovercars in silence, leaving the bodies piled in the center plaza. Let the Capitol see what happened when they messed with us. Katniss was waiting, and wouldn't even look at me. She made a point of not getting into the same hovercar as me. A small part me felt guilty, but at the moment, I didn't really care. The only thing I could think about was Rory.
As the hovercars flew back towards District 13, Johanna turned to me.
"Don't worry about Katniss. The world won't suffer because we have a few less Peacekeepers. Sure, you may have done it in a more brutal way, but the Capitol's done that and worse. You just know how she is about doing stuff like that."
I didn't respond, or even acknowledge that she had spoken. Now that the mission was over, the full reality of what had happened was hitting me.
"Gale?" The soldier at the wheel looked nervously over at me, and I glanced up.
"Just got word from Haymitch. The attacks on the base were successful. The mission's been fully accomplished." I merely nodded, and went back to looking out the window.
When we landed the hovercars, Prim was the first to meet us.
"I can't find Rory anywhere! Please tell me he didn't follow you."
I couldn't find the words to answer her, and my dejected face sent her spirits falling.
"Prim." Katniss took Prim's hands in hers. "Rory was killed."
Prim stared at her. "But…he can't be dead."
"I'm so sorry Prim." Tears filled Prim's eyes, and she darted away, Katniss calling after her. She was about to follow her, when Johanna stopped her.
"Let her go. She needs some time to herself." Katniss stopped in her tracks, though she looked reluctant to. She glanced my way, and Johanna whispered something to her. After a moment, Katniss walked slowly in my direction, but I brushed past her, and her eyes filled with hurt. I didn't turn back though. I couldn't. Not now.
Haymitch met me when I slipped through the doors, his eyes slightly sympathetic.
"You'll get through it kid. Rory died fighting for us. That won't soon be forgotten."
"He died because I didn't make extra sure he stayed."
"He was determined to follow you. Not even the sun, moon, and stars could have stopped him."
"It doesn't change the facts." Haymitch shrugged, and continued outside. I noticed he didn't mention what I had done. I couldn't figure out if that was a good or bad thing. I continued down the hallway, a very unpleasant conversation awaiting me.
"Mom?" I called her name as I entered our family's compartment. She exited her bedroom, a brush in her hand.
"Gale, you're back." She noticed the hollow look in my eyes. "What's wrong?"
"Rory followed us. I told him to stay, but he didn't. While fighting some Peacekeepers, he was…he passed on."
The brush clattered to the floor.
"Rory's…"
"Dead." I finished for her. She leaned against the wall, her face as white as a sheet. But then an angry look came over her, her eyes getting a look that scared the heck out of me.
"I told you to look after him. Its your fault he's dead."
"I tried! He wouldn't listen!" I scrambled to try and defend myself, while the small voice in the back of my head told me she was right.
"I told you to look after him! I told you to protect him, to take care of him, to see to it that he wasn't hurt! I told you to not let him die!"
"Mom…"
"Get out! You are no longer welcome near me, Posy, or Vick! Just stay away from us! Stay as far away as you possibly can!"
I stumbled towards the door, flinging it open before darting out into the hallway. Mom screamed something behind me, and the door slammed shut. Katniss was standing a few feet away, a quiet and sad look on her face.
"She'll come around. She's just looking for someone to blame. It's natural for people to do that." She said softly, before turning, and walking down the hall. I stared after her, but not because of what she had said. It was because of the look in her eyes, the look that told me she was keeping her distance. She resented me for what I had done on the mission, but couldn't she see that those Peacekeepers deserved to die?
Or did they? You killed them in the same way they killed Rory. Are you really any better than they are? Or are you just as much a monster as President Snow? You created the trap for the Nut. You said hateful things to Rory, and you killed people in cold blood, as well as tortured them. Who does that make you Gale Hawthorne?
But then…Katniss stopped, and turned around, about half-way down the hall.
"Who are you Gale? I'm not really sure anymore. You killed them, tortured them, people who didn't have a weapon, any way to fight back. You tore them apart, made it slow, and agonizing. The least you could have done was killed them quickly. I know they killed Rory, and many others, but stooping down to their level makes us no better than them. This time…you crossed the line Gale. I think you need to work out a few things before we continue what relationship we have. The road you're looking down is the road of a monster. And that's one road I won't accompany you on."
I didn't have the words to respond.
"Rory was a loving brother, friend, and son. He died fighting for us, and for his service, and dedication, we thank him. He was quite a person, and will be missed by many. Rory, I'm so sorry for the way things ended between us. I love you more than anything, and I'd give the world to be able to go back and change things. I hope you can one day forgive me. Goodbye Rory." My voice caught, and I took a step back. I wasn't really proud of my little speech. It sounded rehearsed, and not at all personal. But it was what I had. Three days had passed since Rory's death, and I had spent all that time alone, not bothering to go to training. Katniss barely even looked at me, Mom hated me, and for all I knew, Prim hated me too. My life was really going great at the moment.
We were standing by our old house in District 12 for the funeral. Haymitch, Katniss, Prim, and her mom, my family, Johanna, Beetee, Dion, Waring, and a few others were in attendance. Posy and Vick stood by Mom, who refused to let them near me. But somehow, I don't think they would have come to me, had she let them. I think they blamed me too, but I couldn't hold that against them. They had every right to.
The small ceremony concluded; dirt was shoveled onto Rory's casket, and he disappeared into the ground forever.
We proceeded silently back to the hovercars, and returned to District 13. As soon as I slipped through the doors, I walked rapidly away, not bothering to look back. I went to the small supply closet, the one that had once been Katniss' refuge. Now it was mine. I had taken to sleeping here, not being able to go back to my own. There were no spare compartments, and though someone would have given theirs up to me, there was no way I would ever ask.
I closed the door tightly shut, basking in the soft darkness of the room. I leaned against the wall, and slid down it, my hands clenched. I couldn't get the hurt look on Rory's face when I said those cruel words out of my mind. I had truly hurt him, something I had never done before. And I would never get the chance to make it up to him. He was gone, leaving things a mess between us. We'd never be able to straighten it out, and I would hate myself forever for it.
You crossed the line Gale.
More important than your own brother?
Get out! Just stay away from Posy, Vick, and me!
I can't believe I have such an irresponsible, thoughtless, and insubordinate brother.
Shoot them. Shoot them all.
I'm the reason my own brother is dead. I gave him such cruel words, hurt him so. I focused only on the mission, not at all on him. And then I tortured some Peacekeepers. Their screams, and cries of agony…is this what I'm coming to? Katniss is keeping her distance, for one obvious reason. She thinks I'm becoming some sort of monster, an angry, hatred filling, endless fire. What if she's right about that? What's happening to me? I did all those awful things, and didn't blink an eye when I did them. I enjoyed watching some people torn apart, watching them scream, begging for mercy as their blood poured out onto the sidewalk. They begged for me to end it, but still I continued to cut them apart…
Who have I become?
I was yanked out of my thoughts by the creak of the supply closet door opening. Katniss slipped in, leaving the door ajar slightly to let in a silver of light. Without a word, she took a seat across from me, sitting cross-legged on the ground. I waited for her to speak, but she didn't even look up.
Finally, "What do you want Katniss?" I asked tiredly. She glanced up sharply.
"Who said I wanted anything?"
"You're in here, aren't you?"
"So? Maybe I just wanted some peace and quiet."
"Rather curious for you to choose the same closet as me." She shrugged, and we lapsed into an appalled silence.
"Who am I Katniss?" I said after a moment.
"Gale Hawthorne."
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
She didn't answer immediately. "Why are you asking me?"
"Because you know me the best. Or at least, you used to."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh I don't know. Maybe just that I'm turning into some sort of monster."
"Gale." Her tone turned sharp. "Don't you dare say such a thing."
"Why not? Everyone's thinking it."
"They are not."
"I tortured those Peacekeepers Katniss! I killed them in a cold blood! What kind of person does that make me?"
"A grieving one."
"That wasn't because of grief, a fact you are well aware of."
"No, it's not a fact I'm well aware of. It hadn't been more than an hour since Rory died in your arms. You were raging against the Peacekeepers, grieving for Rory, and eager to give him justice. Your anger and grief got ahead of you. So you were a little ruthless. We all make mistakes, not just you. So don't start acting like this makes you a monster. It's childish, and I'm done with it."
Katniss wasn't always the comforting type with me. Taking the route of almost accusing me for questioning who I was becoming was completely her style. She stared defiant at me, just daring me to shoot back another comment. I made a stupid decision, and took the dare.
"You're done with it? Well, then if I'm turning into some sort of monster, I guess you're done with me. Done with us." I never saw her next move coming. In one swift move, she had strode across the room, and delivered a slap sharp across my cheek. My face snapped to the side, and I raised my hand to the red mark, though I wasn't really shocked.
"I should have-" Her lips cut me off as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I was too surprised to do anything but kiss her back.
"I'm so sorry." She whispered in between kisses. "For leaving you when you needed me most."
"You have nothing to be sorry for."
"Yes, I do. You were alone, and forced to deal with your emotions by yourself. You had not only your family, but your girlfriend as well, turn away." I felt something wet on my cheek, and realized she was starting to cry.
"Katniss, don't cry. Please. I'm the one who should be sorry. I was the one who was cruel to Rory, cruel to the Peacekeepers. And I never got the chance to right things with Rory. He died feeling hurt by what I said, feeling angry at me. I'll never be able to fix things. I hurt him, and I can never say I'm sorry." By the time I stopped talking, I realized I was crying too. Crying for what I did, crying for losing Rory, crying for just being in such a mess.
Katniss pulled me to her, laying my head on her shoulder. Wet drops splashed onto my shoulders, and for a while, we just sat like that. I hadn't cried since the day Rory died, and I cried for him now. I cried for hurting him, and for never getting the chance to say goodbye.
"Go on Gale." Katniss urged. A few days had passed since Katniss and I made up, and during that time, we just spent every second together. I was trying to get through Rory's death, but everything seemed to remind me of him. It didn't matter where I looked, I always saw him. But I was managing, getting through each day. Losing him was just a wound only time could heal. And now we were standing outside my family's compartment, Katniss encouraging me to make up with my mom. She still wasn't speaking to me, but Katniss' mother had talked to her, supposedly easing my path to redemption with her. I could only hope that was true.
"Gale, it's now or never. Go on." Katniss gave me a little push, and I finally raised my hand to knock on the door. I hesitated for a moment, but knew Katniss was right. I couldn't wait any longer. I rapped three times, and a moment later, heard my mom call come in.
I nervously stepped through the door, and when my mom caught sight of me, she stiffened, but didn't look angry. I was hopeful that was a good sign.
"Mom." I said in greeting. She gave me a small nod back, lifting the iron from the shirt she was pressing.
I lost the formality with her, my guarded expression disappearing from my face.
"I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry." Her eyes flickered, but she didn't say a word.
"I told him to go back to the hovercar, I told him he wasn't supposed to be here. But I was too harsh with him. I was angry, and…said things I shouldn't have. Things I can never apologize for. Things I'll always feel guilty for. I'd give anything to be able to go back in time, and change things. I don't expect you to forgive me, or even talk to me, but I just want you to know, I hate myself for what I did. For not protecting him better. Maybe someday you can forgive me." I turned to leave.
"Gale." Her voice stopped me, and I looked over at her. Her hands were slightly clenched, her eyes reflecting the grief she had to be going through.
"I do forgive you. I was angry, and needed someone to pin the blame on. Rory was set and determined to go on that mission. You nor anyone else could have stopped him. But right now, I need some space. You look so much like him, and every time I see you, I see him. I don't hate you, don't blame you, but I just can't be around you right now."
I nodded. "I understand." I started to go, but once again, she spoke up before I could.
"I love you." I could see tears glistening in her eye, and tears were in my own.
"I love you too." I said hoarsely, and quickly left.
Katniss was standing outside, looking a little bit emotional.
"I know I shouldn't have listened in, but I just couldn't help myself."
I pulled her into a hug. "I couldn't mind a bit Catnip."
*in a squeaky voice* Am I forgiven? Review please? (Even though I don't deserve it) I promise the next update won't take so long. Unfortunatly I don't have it any of it written, but because you guys deserve a much faster update, I'll get write on it. Again, I am so, so, so sorry for the long delay.