Mortal Kombat 4: Mayhem!

Chapter 5:

"Welcome back!" announced Shinnok, "Took longer than expected! Who's that?"

"I ran into some trouble," said Chi, "His name is Sektor. He's my new bodyguard!"

"Oh, how lovely," said Shinnok, "You found a new boyfriend for Noob!"

"Damnit!" snapped Noob, "I'm not gay!"

"Sektor is pleased to meet all of you," said Sektor, "Sektor will aid you in your quest to dominate the world!"

"Why does he talk like that?" asked Mileena.

"His programming's a bit messed up," said Chi, "But there's no denying his skill as a fighter. Did you know he worked as a sumo wrestler before joining the Lin Kuei?"

"Sektor is not very proud of that career choice," said Sektor, lowering his head in shame.

"Interesting," said Shinnok, sarcastically, "Now, where is everyone? We must prepare for our journey into Edenia!"

"I'm on it!" said Noob, who left to gather up the Brotherhood of the Shadow.

"Man," said Mileena, "I hope this goes well. I'm a little scared of travelling after my incident a few years back..."

-Flashback-

Mileena walked into an airport holding a couple of suitcases. She was supposed to meet up with Shao Kahn in another part of Outworld. She was wearing a hoodie with what appeared to be a bomb strapped to it.

"Put your luggage here ma'am," said the airport security guard, "And walk through the scanner."

However, just as Mileena was about to walk through the scanner, the security guard stopped her.

"What is that?" asked the guard.

"What is what?" asked Mileena.

"That thing strapped to your chest?"

"That? Oh, it's a little 'art project' of mine."

"Jesus Christ! It's a bomb!"

"But it's not real!"

"I'm gonna need back up," said the guard in a walkie-talkie, "We got ourselves a terrorist!"

"But..."

Within seconds, Mileena found herself surrounded by security guards who held her down.

"She's fighting back," said one guard, "Tase her!"

The guards then all tased her and Mileena began to spaz.

Meanwhile, in the background, Kai and Shujinko stood watching the incident.

"Damn," said Kai, "Maybe I should go home and change my shirt before getting on the flight."

Kai then opened his jacket and showed Shujinko his shirt, which read: Bombs Away!

-End Flashback-

"Oh," said Quan Chi, "Well, that explains the skimpy clothing!"

"Hey!" snapped Mileena, "Shut up! I'm traumatized, okay?"

"Who knew traumatization could be so sexy?"

Mileena then slapped Chi and walked away.

"BUUUURN!" said Shinnok, "She totally pwned you man!"

Chi simply shook his head.

"Sir," said Noob, returning with the army, "We're ready..."

"Excellent," said Shinnok, "Now, remember: We are supposed to be refugees from a war torn nation seeking refuge in Edenia's capital...Got it?"

Everyone nodded.

"Costumes everyone!"

Everyone put on a series of robes and cloaks that made them look like they came from a third world country.

"Sir," said Noob, "This cloak I have to wear is embarrassing! I look..."

"Gay?" said Shinnok.

"What?" said Noob, "No! Er, let's just go!"

"Alright," said Shinnok, "Brothers, our time has come. Within seconds, we will be in Edenia. As long as we are in disguise, there is no need for violence. If something should go wrong, then you must obey my general, Noob. I will be up in the heavens, taking care of those pesky gods. Once I am done, the conquering will begin!"

Everyone cheered. Once Shinnok got the portal open, the Brotherhood began making their way through it, one demon at a time.

"I don't get it, Drahmin," said Moloch, who stood watching the gathering from a distance, "I thought Shinnok wanted to destroy the gods, now he says he wants to take care of them?"

"I think he means 'get rid of them'" replied Drahmin.

"Oh," said Moloch, "I kinda feel bad about not going...I like dressing up. Especially at night when we put on the leather suits and...

"Shh!" said Drahmin, "Not so loud. I don't think people, not even in the Netherrealm, are ready to visualize that yet."

"Okay," said Moloch, "Hey, look who's there! It's our old friend, Lester! HEY LESTER! Good luck taking over the world!"

Moloch waved at a random Oni standing in the crowd of soldiers, who promptly flipped him off.

"Oh, Lester," said Moloch, "He always cracks me up!"

"Come on," said Drahmin, "We better get home and continue cleaning out the closet. I can't believe how much space those damn iron balls of yours take up!"

Jarek, still shaken from his encounter with Baraka, ran through the city, searching for a place to hide. He eventually stumbled upon the Royal Palace and knocked on the large doors. A tall, dark-skinned woman wearing a green unitard answered.

"Yes?" she said.

"Damn," said Jarek, "Why does everyone in this realm dress so skimpy?"

"Ahem," said the woman, "Get to the point, please."

"Er, yes," began Jarek, "You see, I'm lost and possibly in danger. Can I lay low here a while, or at least use your phone?"

"I don't think so," said the woman, "Queen Sindel has strict rules about who she lets in here."

Just then, a guard approached the woman and whispered into her ear.

"Oh!" she said, "I just remembered; we were waiting on a new servant to come work for us today. I guess that would be you?"

"Actually, I..." Jarek, however, thought this was a great way to make money for the while, "Yes, that's right! I applied for a job here."

"Excellent," said the woman, "My name is Jade. I am the head guard here. Welcome to the Royal Palace! Let me show you around."

Jade showed Jarek many different areas of the castle.

"So," began Jade, "This castle was built a bazillion years ago by King Jerrod's Grandfather's cousin-in-law's step-brother whom he absolutely despised and admired at the same time. This castle survived two wars: The War of the Sacred Jewel and the Blockbuster War. It was in the latter that this entire wall you see here was knocked down and had to be rebuilt by my very own great-grandfather and his buddies in what turned out to be the coldest winter of the past 15,000 years..."

"Excuse me," said Jarek, "Blockbuster War?"

"Yeah," said Jade, "Blockbuster was pissed because we rented The Matrix and forgot to return it on time. Of course, that was before they got rid of late fees."

"God, what a nut!" thought Jarek.

"Anyways, now that you are a servant here," began Jade, "You answer to me, Princess Kitana, or Queen Sindel only. Got it?"

Jarek nodded.

"Good. Now, hold out your hands!"

Jade then slammed shackles onto Jarek's wrist.

"Hey!" he said, "What's the deal?"

"I thought you knew already," said Jade, "We're kinda suffering a small monetary crisis here at the palace, so we laid off most of our workers and turned to slave labour."

"WHAT? NOOOO!"

Jade brought Jarek to the palace kitchen.

"What am I supposed to do here?" he asked.

"You're on clean-up duty," said Jade, as she walked out the door, "Just talk to Reptile. He'll explain everything."

"Reptile?"

"Ahhh," said a voice, "Ssssssso glad you're finally here!"

"EEK!" screamed Jarek.

The creature that stood before him was a half man, half lizard wearing a mask that only half-covered his mouth and a purple ninja-like outfit.

"Yesssss," said Reptile, "Now, lisssssten to me. I have been working here for yearssssss as a punishment for ssssserving Shao Kahn and attempting to take over Earthrealm. As the mossssst ssssssenior member of the kitchen ssssstaff, you will do as I ssssssay. Underssssssstood?"

Jarek nodded.

"Exssssssssellent," said Reptile, "Here, take thissss mop and ssssssweep the floor. The chefsssss recently made an omelette sssssupreme and left a hell of a messsssssss."

"This is a mistake," said Jarek, "I'm not supposed to be here! I just want to go home! Why do I always get the shitty end of the stick?"

"I want to go home too," said Reptile, "But my home realm was dessssstroyed! And everyone I love is gone. And I'm going insssane! And...And...I'm ssssslowly de-evolving into a horrid lizard creature! Ah-ha! Now look who got the shitty end of the sssstick!"

"I'm sorry..." said Jarek.

"That'sssss nothing," said Reptile, "Did I ever tell you the ssssstory of when I worked asssss a Protector?"

"Seeing as we just met, no..."

-Flashback-

Reptile stood in the penthouse suite of a large building surrounded by several large men.

"You're fucked," said one of the large men, "We're gonna take you out!"

"That isssss where you are misssstaken!" said Reptile.

Reptile charged towards one of the men, but was suddenly picked up and tossed across the room, where he crashed into a large elephant ornament.

The large men laughed. Reptile angrily stood up and picked up the broken elephant legs off the floor.

"Here's ssssssomething to shake a leg at," chuckled Reptile.

Reptile swung the elephant legs around like clubs, knocking out two of the men before they broke.

"You're done, pretty boy!" said the last guy.

As he charged towards Reptile, Reptile threw himself to the floor and slashed the man's ankles with the splinters formed by the broken legs. Once they were all down, he saw a tall, thin woman running up the stairs.

"You!" said Reptile, "Get back here!"

Reptile chased her all the way to the rooftop where she jumped onto a helicopter that immediately took off. Reptile ran as fast as he could and leapt off the building in an attempt to catch up to the helicopter.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!" screamed Reptile.

-End Flashback-

"Wait," said Jarek, "Isn't that from the movie The Protector?"

"Um," said Reptile, "It was basssssed off of me!

"Right..." said Jarek.

"Jusssssst get to work!"

The Brotherhood of the Shadow stood at the gates of Edenia's capital, waiting for Tanya to come along and let them in.

"What the fuck is taking that bitch so long?" asked Noob.

"Relax," said Quan Chi, "She'll be here soon."

"I'm telling you," said Noob, "It was a mistake trusting her. I mean, she's the ambassador's daughter! How do we know she won't just rat on us or something?"

"Hey!" said Chi, "Don't look at me, Shinnok was the one who told me to go find her!"

"I just suggested it," said Shinnok.

"Fucking liar!" said Chi.

"Sektor is growing impatient!" added Sektor.

"Don't you get involved," warned Chi.

"Boys, boys!" said Tanya, arriving at the gate, "Calm down."

"Geez," said Chi, "What took you so long?"

"I was getting my hair done," replied Tanya, "Now, before we enter Edenia, you guys gotta fill out these forms."

"But," began Shinnok, "We're not really immigrating here, we're trying to take over the world!"

"Yeah, I know," said Tanya, "But Jade is keeping a close eye on me and I can't let her get suspicious, so just play along here!"

"Grrrr," said Shinnok, "Alright, give me those papers!"

Shinnok took one paper and passed the rest down.

"Did everyone get one?" asked Shinnok.

"I didn't get one," said a random guy in the back.

"Hold your horses," said Quan Chi, "They're coming!"

After several minutes of signing paperwork, the "refugees" were allowed to enter. Tanya lead them through the town and eventually, to the Royal Palace. Tanya knocked on the door.

"Oh hi, Tanya," said Jade in an irritated voice.

"Hello," said Tanya, cheerfully, "How's my favourite girl in green doing?"

"What do you want?" asked Jade.

"I brought the refugees I told you about," replied Tanya.

"Right. Listen, I appreciate you helping out foreigners, but next time, try not to make it so short notice. We're up to our ears in paperwork over here!"

"Yeah, yeah. Alright, guys! Let's go!"

Tanya and Jade lead the gang into the palace. Quan Chi and Shinnok admired the sheer beauty of the palace.

"So," said Jade, "What realm are you guys from?"

"Um," began Chi, "The war-torn realm of, um, Letva...Nia...Lazackstan."

"Never heard of it. Is it near Edenia?"

"Actually, it's on the border..."

"The border?"

"Of Outworld and Seido...I think."

"Right. Do you guys speak English there? Your English is pretty good."

"No...Er, I mean 'yes'. Uh, actually, we speak many languages. We are a very smart country."

"I see. Here in Edenia, we are forced to learn at least seven languages by the age of five-hundred."

Quan Chi just stared at her.

"I only learned six," whispered Jade, "Don't tell anyone."

"So," began Shinnok, "Where are you taking us?"

"To see Queen Sindel," replied Jade, "So she and Tanya can officially welcome you as citizens."

"Cool," said Shinnok.

"Actually," said Tanya, "I need to speak to Jade in private first. Why don't you guys just stay here for now?"

"Er, Tanya," began Jade, "What is this about?"

"Just come with me," Tanya pulled Jade into another room, leaving the gang out in the hallway.

"Perfect," said Shinnok, "Now, we can carry out our plan. In case I don't make it back, I need you guys to run back to the Netherrealm as fast as possible! Now, where is the portal?"

"At the back of the palace," replied Chi, "First floor."

"Let's go! You guys, make sure no one comes our way. Got it?"

"Yessir!" said Noob.

As Shinnok and Quan Chi ran one way, Noob and the rest of the gang headed the other way.

"I don't get it," said Jade, "You pulled in here just to talk to me about your father's terrible foot odour?"

"It's a legitimate problem," began Tanya, "He needs help on how to cure it! I mean, you know how bad the house smells because of him?"

"Geez!" said Jade, "I don't know, just put baby powder on his feet! I'm not a doctor for Christ's sake! What do you want me to say?"

"Thanks I guess..."

"We better get back to the refugees," said Jade, heading for the door.

"WAIT!" said Tanya, "Have I ever told you about the time I used to grow azaleas?"

"It sounds to me like you're trying to distract me from something..."

"What? No! That's crazy! Why would I be doing that?"

Tanya began to sweat.

"I could leave now," began Jade, moving up to the door, "Or, I could stay here and listen to you blab about foot odour and flowers for the next while. Eh, boring conversation it is."

"Really? Phew..."

Noob and his troops ran down the corridor until they reached a large room.

"Uh," said Mileena, "What are we doing here?"

"Just making sure no one comes," replied Noob, "As Shinnok ordered."

"But I don't think we were supposed to leave the room..."

"Who's the general here, huh?"

"HEY!" shouted a guard, "What are you people doing here?"

Noob looked around nervously.

"Um," he said, "We are refugees seeking refuge in Edenia, and we, er, got lost...Can you can tell us where the bathroom is?"

The guard eyed Noob suspiciously and pulled off his hood.

"AAAAHHH!" he screamed, "A Wraith!"

Noob then grabbed the man and snapped his neck.

"Uh-oh," said Mileena, "This is not good."

"Relax," said Noob, "It's just one guy. We still..."

At that moment, an alarm went off.

"Damn!" said Noob, "These guys are good!"

Jade, hearing the alarm, left the room and discovered the refugees were all gone.

"Where the fuck did they go?" she demanded.

"Don't look at me," said Tanya.

"Why in the fuck did I just sit there listening to your dumb stories? God, I am gonna be in so much trouble!"

Jade then ran off.

"I guess my work is done here," said Tanya, "I better get out!"

"THE FUCK?" shouted Shinnok, angered by the sound of the alarm.

"It sounds like somebody sounded the alarm..." replied Chi.

"NO SHIT!"

"Well, there goes out stealthy approach."

"You're right. It's time to do this the old fashioned way! Let's go!"