HEY Y'ALL! FIRST JOINT CHAPTER!

Another week, another failed attempt at matchmaking...

So the other day, I decided to try and convince Clary that Jace hated her and that she should become a nun.

Don't ask why, my 900-year-old brain does not withstand feline perr pressure very well.

Did I mention? Alec was in on it too. In a way...

"WHAT?"

"I'm sorry, he just brought this to my attention the other day."

"Why would Jace hate me? Have I said anything wrong?"

"..."

"Why are you avoiding my eyes, Magnus? Got something to say for yourself?"

"Maybeyoushouljoinanunnery"

"Slower, please."

"Maybe you should... become a nun?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Look Clary... You're shorter than a pixie, your hair is that atrocious shade of blood red and let's face it... Jace is too gorgeous to ever love you."

"Wh-why should I take your word on th-that?" Her shoulders were shuddering with choked-back sobs.

Purrfect. Although I feel kinda guilty for totally lying to her, but, you know, all part of the plan. *cue winky face*

"Clary, Clary, Clary." I soothed. "We can both can become nuns!"

She stopped crying, and gave me a strange look. I was just smiling like an idiot. It's what happens, mkay.

Later that day, Clary and I arrived at a nunnery. Upon arrival, we received nun-clothes. Yes, that's what they're called. Your argument is invalid.

"Welcome, sister," the man-woman greeted us at the door, "and a mister. You are not the only male we have here..."

...Kay...

"Come on, let us go talk about things," the lady led us out to the courtyard.

We followed in silence. Well, not for me... I like Ke$ha, so...

"I FEEL YOUR HEEEART BEAT TO THE BEAT OF THE DRRRRUMS. OH WHAT A SHAME THAT YA CAME HERE WITH SOMEOOOOONE. SO WHILE YOU'RE-"

"Magnus!" Clary interrupted. "SHUT UP!"

"Sister Clarissa! You will not say that to Sister Mags," the woman who's name I never caught told us. I wonder who she is.

"Magnus," Clary whispered when we started walking again. "Why on earth were you singing?"

"The acoustics in here are wonderful," I whispered back.

The corridors began to get wider, with more stain glass windows and even a few suits of armor. A few nuns were bustling around, their hands full of important, religious-looking books and objects.

"ALLLLLL I NEEED IS A BEAUTY AND A BEAT," a blue-eyed nun sang from behind us.

All of a sudden, every other nun in the convent started to sing along. It became quite awkward. Then again, it was awkward just being in a convent with manly nuns...

"Wait a second," Clary whispered to me under the singing of the man-nuns. "Is that... Alec?!" I looked at her strangely. She pointed at the nun who began the singing, who was now right in front of us. "There, that one."

I looked closely. Piercing blue eyes, flawless skin, and what look like a faint scar on one of her - his? - hands. More than one scar, actually. There were a lot of them.

"Who the hell knows," I threw it to the wind.

Every. Single. Nun. Turned and looked at me.

And then we were running out the exit with a horde of angry man-nuns at our heels, cursing us for cursing. (What? As weird as it sounds, it's true.)

Moral of that really odd story - don't cuss in a convent.

Especially not the 'H' word. I would say H'bomb, but - you know what? Don't drop hydrogen bombs on convents either. That would be terribly inconvenient for people who did not support the Nazi party.

(Which, perhaps, is why there was never an H-bomb dropped on a convent.)

So, back to world news. Russia is currently being a dick - well, Vladimir Putin is currently being a mean man who doesn't like freewheeling bisexual warlocks like me.

I'm never going (back) to Russia.

Ever.

Also, NEW HARRY POTTER MOVIES!

The movies are completely incorrect pertaining as to how warlocks work their magic, and as far as I know no mundane has powers like that so they don't actually exist (in this universe) but they're still good movies so I think that's a good idea.

The other day I got an odd visit from some guy in a trench coat claiming to be an 'Angel of the Lord'. I told him he didn't know what he was smoking and to go back home.

He disappeared. Vanished. In front of my own eyes.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say the guy has anger management issues. Wonder what's up with him?

Aaaaaaaanyways, I better be getting to bed. I think I'm hosting a party tomorrow. Raphael the vampire wants me to throw him a birthday party. It'll be his 75th!

He doesn't look a day over 15... That worries me...

SEE YOU GUYS NEXT WEEK ON MY BLOG!

- Sister Mags

So so so so so so so so so sorry we haven't updated this in forever! Riley here, by the way. Ali and I started writing this chapter at the end of June *hides face in shame* and I just now decided to finish it due to motivation of REVIEWS!

So if you want this story to keep going with its hilarious crackiness, then REVIEW REVIEW AS FAST AS YOU CAN

As other news - NEW HARRY POTTER MOVIE NEW HARRY POTTER MOVIE OH MY FRUGGIN GOD

I also have classical music stuck in my head.

THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT!

-ThemPeskyParsnips :)

P.S. DO NOT FORGET TO REVIEW OR WE WILL THROW YOU INTO THE DOG PARK.