Chapter six
Have you ever had that feeling where you wake up feeling nauseous? You can't quite explain why, but it's like your body has already resigned itself to some terrible fate that your waking mind has yet to comprehend. That's how Sarah felt when she awoke, eyes sore, mouth feeling dry and full of cotton and the most gut wrenching feeling of sickness.
She clutched miserably at her abdomen as reality slowly started to filter through her tired haze. Shakily, she let out a huge sigh and almost decided then and there to go back to sleep. After all wouldn't it be reasonable for her not to awaken for hours after her stressful day yesterday. Another icy pang shot through her stomach making Sarah wince. No, she decided, she wouldn't draw out this torture for longer than necessary. She'd make herself presentable and then she'd go and find him.
With this in mind she swung her legs over the bed and staggered to a decent sized mirror across the room. She couldn't deny she looked awful. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, caked with itchy, flaky sleep and framed with dark circles, a traitorous sign of Sarah's fitful sleep. Her hair was a tangled knot on her head, and she felt herself cringe at the thought of brushing it out. Even her posture looked frail, drawn in on itself, her shoulders hunched defensively. As though to stave off any more emotional attacks, with a physical posture.
She turned her back on the mirror, not wanting to look at the pitiful sight before her. It also unnerved her, if she was honest, to look at her reflection and not see the face she remembered. To see the older Sarah, the not Sarah, mimicking her actions in the glass was disconcerting to say the least.
Pushing the sickening thoughts from her head, she began to search the room for anything to aid her in getting dressed. A knock sounded at the door before she was able to find much in the way of helpfulness. Sarah panicked, the blood in her veins turning cold with anticipation. Was it Jareth, tired of waiting for her, come to find her? She held her breath, eyes wide and waited for a noise, any noise to identify the visitor.
Her breath came out in a short burst of relief as a clearly feminine voice requested entry. Still, even if it wasn't the king, Sarah wasn't sure she wanted anyone to see her in this state. She especially didn't want to deal with anymore people who 'knew' her that she had never met before.
So thinking quickly she replied "I-I'm not decent." Blushing at what the other person must think of her, she cast it aside in hopes of whoever it was leaving her in peace.
Her hopes were shattered shortly after however when the voice replied, "I know your highness. That's because it's my job to help you with that."
Could smugness radiate through the door? Because Sarah was feeling it in waves from the stranger.
Seeing no way around the matter, and unwilling to admit to herself she had no chance on her own anyway, she reluctantly told the other female to enter. Almost immediately, the door was pushed gracefully aside and in strode the woman. She was carrying a bundle of cloth, which she draped over the back of a chair with practised ease, that Sarah fervently hoped was fresh clothes. Only when she turned her attention to Sarah and beamed from ear to ear did she recognise the tiny woman.
"Cassandra isn't it?" She questioned, swallowing back the panic at having admitted the strange creature into the room.
"I knew you'd remember me!" Cassandra quirked with an air of familiarity.
Her forehead puckered, Hoggle had said they were friends hadn't he? With that in mind she tried to be as delicate as possible. So, she tentatively replied, "um ah well not not exactly, Hoggle he mentioned you. He said um," she began to fidget. "He said we were ah friends, but he made no mention of you being…" Sarah let the sentence hang and swept her hand in a gesture to encompass the situation she didn't have words for. All the while a little voice in the back of her head was cursing Hoggle for not telling her.
The woman- Cassandra- Cassandra's face fell. Her lips formed a near silent oh and she dug her big toe into the carpet in a circular motion, looking down as if the action had more merit than the conversation. She looked almost childlike in that moment of vulnerability, prompting Sarah to utter a staggered "I-I'm sorry for not rem-em-ber-ing you" Sarah winced at the upward lilt her voice had taken, it sounded like a question even to her ears. A mediocre apology at best.
Still it seemed to have the desired effect as the smaller woman shrugged, her smile brightening. "Let's forget it for now. I'm here to help you after all, that is my job first and foremost."
Sarah gave an experimental smile and the woman grinned back enthusiastically. "Now first things first. I'm sorry your highness but you stink and your hair is a birds nest so off to the bathroom with you." Sarah had no time to protest as she was unceremoniously shoved through a wooden door. The woman drew her a bath and Sarah felt a blush creep up to colour her entire face at the thought that she wouldn't be leaving.
Blessedly, the woman gave Sarah a wink before exiting the room. All the while reciting that she knew how 'private' Sarah was. She felt her shoulders drop their ridged stance and the flaming heat on her cheeks settle at the casual parting words. Left alone to her thoughts once more though, Sarah wondered if she would have rather endured the embarrassment of the other woman's presence.
"You're worrying aren't you?" Cassandra's voice filtered through the, thankfully, still closed door.
Sarah sighed. "Is it that obvious?"
The woman's voice took on a serious tone that even in the brief time of knowing her, Sarah felt was out of character for the woman. "It makes sense I guess and even though you don't remember me Sarah I know you. I mean I really really know you."
Sarah closed her eyes tightly, her face contorting into a mask of pain. "can-can I ask you a question Cassandra?"
"Cassy," The woman replied reflexively "and yes of course."
"What was-" an abrupt strangled sound forced its way out of Sarah's throat and she swallowed thickly before trying again. "What was I like before before… the the me that you knew, what was she like?" she couldn't bring herself to acquiesce herself with the woman they seemed to think she was.
She heard a sharp intake of breath and Cassy's voice was husky with repressed emotion when she answered. "She-you," she pressed firmly, "You were much the same as you are now I expect. You're kind, caring and compassionate to a fault. You fight for what you believe in, even if it goes against the grain. You're fiercely loyal and always there when the people need you. But you're also mischievous," her voice brightened, "sarcastic and the only woman I have ever seen able to take the king down a peg or two. You're my best friend Sarah," she trailed off.
"Thank you." Sarah whispered.
After Sarah was clean, encased in a fresh dress and had her hair tamed into a semblance of uniformity, Cassy gave her a short hug, whispered some words of encouragement and left her to her own devices outside the royal chambers. Steeling herself she took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and pushed open the giant doors.
He looked terrible! His hair matted and sticking up at odd angles, his face drawn and pale and he was still wearing the clothes she'd last seen him in. His eyes shot to the door as she entered and he leapt to his feet in one lithe movement. He tentatively approached her before gesturing with his hand for her to take a seat. His moves were jerky and made awkward by his desperation for her not to bolt again.
Sarah sat down stiffly and perched just on the edge of the lounger, her muscles tensed in anticipation. Jareth took a seat next to her and winced as she shuffled minutely away. Her body faced straight ahead whilst his was angled towards her. Her eyes roaming around the room while his settled heavily on her.
A few minutes passed in silence before Sarah took the initiative to begin the inevitable conversation. "I should apologise for my reaction the other morning…"
Already he was shaking his head, wisps of spiky hair almost whipping her in the face with his conviction. "You have nothing to apologise for! You didn't-don't remember me," he swallowed "your reaction was understandable."
Another painful silence passed before Jareth dared the question, "So you've accepted that you're my wife then?" he grimaced at the total lack of tact he'd displayed.
She stared at her hands. Her fingers twisted around each other, hooking together and apart several times before she raised her head to answer him. Wiping her sweaty palms on her dress, "I spoke to Hoggle and he confirmed it, I spoke to sir Didymus and he confirmed it. I-I know they wouldn't lie to me. Not about something like this. I just," she sighed, "I don't trust you, I'm sorry but I don't. I know that's hard for you to hear but you have to understand, Jareth last I remember I was fighting you, you had my brother and and you were going to hurt him-"
"I was never going to hurt him!" he cut her off indignant.
She furrowed her brows, "you were going to turn him into a goblin! That's not exactly kind now is it?"
"Sarah," he ran a hand through his dishevelled hair, catching more than a few snags along the way. "What you have to understand is this, unless a child is in abusive circumstances we don't set out to keep them. Most runners, like you, just need to be reminded that they love the child they wished away. You'd never have really tried unless you believed that Toby was actually in danger."
"So everything I went through in there, thinking I was going to lose toby, thinking I was going to die for fuck sake. That was all to teach me a god damn lesson?"
"Yes it was! To teach you a lesson you needed to learn!" he bit out. Sarah stayed silent an angry pout marring her features. Jareth sighed his voice softening, "I don't want to fight with you, I just- god Sarah I was so worried about you." He reached out to brush a stray piece of hair behind her ear.
"I'm sorry for what you must be going through, truly I am, but I meant what I said before. You were my enemy, and that was real to me. The person I was might have agreed to marry you, but I didn't. That woman is gone and I don't know if she'll come back. You may think you're my husband but I can't be your wife." She slipped the wedding band off her finger and held it out to him. He accepted it with shaking hands, not bothering to hide the tears streaming down his face. Two twin trails of sorrow glittering on his cheeks.
"I-I understand. You need time." He tried to reassure himself.
She drew her bottom lip between her teeth, "maybe" she finally replied.
The room felt suffocating all of a sudden and Sarah determined that this conversation had gone on long enough. "I guess I'll be going now," she rose to her feet awkwardly.
"Of course," he stood with her, forcing his emotions down as he walked her to the door. "I'll take different chambers now that…" he couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.
"Oh no I couldn't ask you to do that, it is your castle after all."
"I insist!"
"Well ah okay then." She accepted, not knowing how else to avoid the situation and unwilling to hurt him further more with a flat out no.
Jareth smiled to himself, he would never admit it but it made him feel better to know she would still be sleeping in his room. Almost like they were still connected somehow, like he wasn't losing her.
As they were approaching the door a thought struck Sarah, and before she could stop herself she voiced her worries. "Can I see my family?" she blurted out.
Jareth stopped in his tracks his tongue darted out to wet his lips. Did she want to go back to the surface? Was he going to lose her before he even had a chance to win her back? Schooling his features into a blank mask he answered her as casually as possible, "of course they can come and visit. Toby does like coming here." His smile was a genuine one. She smiled in response and not just because it seemed the appropriate action.
They were finally at the door and the awkward air was back. "Well um bye." She gave a half-hearted wave but Jareth caught her hand in the air and placed a gentle kiss across her knuckles. Her cheeks flushed heavily and she took a ragged breath in before giving a jerky parting nod and darting swiftly out the door.
As she walked away she tried to ignore the fact that her left hand felt awfully light.
A/N so sorry it's taken me so long to update. Not sure I'm happy with this chapter but I felt like I had to get something out. As always thanks to everyone who's reviewed followed and favourited you guys are amazing! We'll be seeing some more familiar faces soon, and remember a lot of time has passed (ten years) so it's not going to be the family that Sarah remembers! Until next time…