I am SO SORRY I haven't updated in like 4 weeks – I was in france for the last two and I thought I could update there because there's WiFi but it turns out the WiFi's too crappy for me to update and I couldn't and you all hate me because not only haven't I updated for ages but I am now making shit excuses that you really don't want to hear because you want me to get on with the story now ….

So here's a new chapter.

I OWN NOTHING.

(this carries on straight from the ending of the last chapter)

Magnus PoV

I stared at Alec, my eyes still glassy with tears and shock. I could only imagine what I looked like to him: pathetic, my eyes red-rimmed and blotchy – my eyes … how could he react like this? The only reaction I'd ever known was disgust or something along those lines. This was very new to me. Instinctively, I raised my own hand and covered the one of Alec's which was cupping the side of my face, entwining our fingers together. Despite everything, a slight red tinge coloured Alec's cheeks, and he smiled shyly. I couldn't help smiling back.

"Thank you." I mumbled. Alec let out a breathy laugh. "What for? What I did was something any normal person should do."

My smile faltered. Oh.

He was only doing this because he thought he should. Not because he wanted to. Not because that was what he really thought.

I dropped my hand and turned away, making his drop too. "Right." I stood up, ignoring my legs' protests. "I'm going to bed." I walked out of the bathroom, not bothering to pick up my contact lens solution along the way.

"Wait, Magnus, what did I-"

"Don't, Alec." I snarled, surprising us both with the amount of venom in my voice. I heard Alec get up behind me, and felt a hand grab my wrist. I tried to wrench my hand out of Alec's grip, but he held on tightly.

"Magnus, stop. At least just tell me what I did."

"No." I growled, still not looking at him.

"Magnus, please." I stilled, surprised by the tone of Alec's voice. I finally turned to see tears glistening in his eyes. I felt my resolve soften, but then harden again when I remembered what had made me so angry in the first place.

I sighed angrily. "Look, Alec, I don't want you to tell me things just because you think you should. If you tell me something, a compliment, a comfort, whatever – I don't want it to be because you think it's what 'any normal person should do'," I made quotation marks with my fingers as I quoted what he'd said. Alec seemed frozen. "If you don't mean it then don't say it." I pull my wrist away from his fingers, walked straight over to my bed and laid down, turning over so my back was to him. This seemed to snap him out of his trance; he started speaking, "Magnus, come on. You know that's not what I meant." I didn't answer. I heard Alec sigh in frustration, then footsteps coming around to the side of the bed I was facing. I resolutely stared ahead as Alec sat down near my head, one leg tucked underneath him. He reached out tentatively. I almost snorted at him similar this was to event that had taken place only a few minutes ago.

"Magnus…" Alec's voice was soft, barely above a whisper, and I could almost feel it wash over me, willing me to relax. My eyes closed of their own accord, and I barely supressed a shiver.

"I do think you're beautiful. I – my words just came out wrong. You of all people know that I have to have a script in front of me to say anything right." He snorted. "I just wish my brain could have picked a different time to fuck up."

"Oooh, Alexander Lightwood, innocent goody-two-shoes, said the f-word. What has the world come to?" I mocked playfully, cracking my eyes open again, slipping into our usual banter (well, mostly on my part) without thinking. Alec snorted again, this time actually laughing, and said "shut up," lightly whacking my arm. Then he sighed and went back to seriousness again.

"Magnus, I didn't mean that. I just meant that if anyone else treated you with anything other than kindness and respect then it's wrong. That doesn't change what I said."

Slowly, I turned onto my back and stared at Alec's bright blue eyes through the darkness, willing myself not to cringe away and hide my eyes as was my instinctual reaction. I had the sudden urge to comb my fingers through Alec's hair, still unruly from lying in bed, but held myself back. But then: why should I hold myself back? I've already shown my most vulnerable side tonight – what is there to loose. So, in total darkness I reached out to touch (reference to TRXYE's touch … just sayin') the slightly curling, delicate strands of hair flopping over Alec's forehead, then, as Alec's breath hitched and his eyes slipped closed, becoming confident enough to fully comb my fingers through the soft black strands.

Alec exhaled, and I felt his breath wash over me. I felt my elbow move so I was propped up on it, effectively moving our faces closer together. My hand stopped on the back of Alec's head. I wondered if that was the reason he moved closer to me, so that our noses were touching. I saw his eyes flick down to my lips only for a split second, but it was enough for me to know that he was thinking the same thing as I was.

Then he screamed.

Half a second before I saw Alec's eyes widen and flick away from mine to the wall behind my head, then he screamed and jerked back, effectively falling off the bed.

Shocked, I turned around to see what could have possibly made Alec react so dramatically, and saw, of all things, a spider the size of my thumbnail on the wall, quietly minding its own business. I felt laughter bubble up inside my chest and I looked back at Alec, and incredulous smile forming on my face.

"You're afraid of spiders?"

Alec's terrified eyes flicked to my face for half a second, them back to the spider where it hadn't moved so much as an inch of the wall behind my head. "Don't say it like that. It's not my fault Jace decided to hide five in my sandwich when I was eight." He shuddered. Okay, maybe that's an exception to be afraid of spiders. Ew.

I sighed, then, deciding to be a little mean, said, "aww, does ickle baby Alec want me to get rid of it? Does he? Aww-"

"Shut up and get it away from me." Alec said through gritted teeth, his eyes still fixated on the spider.

"Oh, but, Alec, darling, it is away from you," I said, picking the spider up gently, then, with a small mischievous smile playing around the corners of my mouth, jerked my clasped hands towards Alec, saying "whoops!" Alec shrieked and jumped up from his position on the floor to flatten himself on the wall opposite to the bed, frantically brushing himself off.

I couldn't help but laugh loudly. I mean, can you blame me?

Once the spider (Frentus, I'd decided to name him) had taken off out the window, I walked back over to Alec. He was still stiff as a board against the wall, and I sighed as I stopped in front of him, placing my hands on my hips, resting my weight on one leg and regarding him sceptically. "You're really that afraid of spiders?"

His only answer was a strained: "go wash your hands. Please."

I only debated for a second whether he was being serious or not, before laughing under my breath and shaking my head slightly. "If it makes you happy." I sighed dramatically, and went back into the bathroom to wash my hands, spotting my contact lens pot and solution still on the sink. I bit my lip. Did Alec really mean what he said? It was so hard to believe. I thought whilst I washed my hands, drying them absentmindedly and wandering back into the bedroom to see Alec sheepishly seated on my bed, a light blush smattered over his cheeks.

"Um … sorry about that. It's – I'm not – I mean, spiders are …." He trailed off, staring at the ground when he realised I obviously wasn't buying it. He bit his lip and looked up at me through his eyelashes, blinking a few times, and I think I very nearly melted right there from the sheer cuteness of him, right from his ruffled bedhead and blushing cheeks to his bare feet that were shyly pointing towards each other at the toes.

I smiled. "It's alright. Everyone's afraid of something."

Alec looked at me curiously. "What are you afraid of?" I paled, which is hard considering my golden complexion, but managed to choke out one word: "water."

Alec didn't seem to have noticed my discomfort, because he asked, "why?"

I swallowed nervously. "I ..." just spit it out, Magnus. I sighed. "My dad tried to drown me when I was younger, because he thought it was my fault that my mum hu-" I stopped cleared my throat and tried again, "hung herself."

Alec sat there with his eyes wide and mouth open in the shape of an "o". I cocked my head, raising my eyes sceptically. Well, he seems pretty frozen, I thought and sighed (again) wearily before heading over my bed, lifting the covers and turning so I was still facing him.

Alec was still looking at me, except now the initial shock was mixed with sadness. "I'm sorry you had to go through that." He said quietly, then snorted mirthlessly. "And I thought I had family issues."

"What happened to you?" I asked, wondering if I was stepping over some sort of line. Alec bit his lip, then swallowed. Then he did something I didn't expect, but certainly didn't object to; he led down next to me under the covers, cuddling into my side. I automatically slid my arms around him, and it felt completely natural.

"When I came out to my parents," Alec started, and I looked at him, surprised. I hadn't actually expected him to tell me – but he carried on. "they didn't take it well. Well, I think my mum would've been okay after a while, but my dad … he didn't like it to say the least."

I saw the sadness and regret behind Alec's eyes and was about to interrupt, to tell him that he didn't need to tell me, but he looked at me, right in the eyes, and smiled, albeit a little sadly, but it was enough for me to know that it was okay, and that he wanted to share it with me.

"He had always been a little more angry than my mum, or any of my friends' parents, but I didn't think too much of it … until then. He went mad, and … do you remember that song I sang? I told you it was about my little brother Max?" I nodded. "Well, like I said, my dad got really angry, and Max-" his voice broke and I hugged him closer, rubbing his back comfortingly. "Max was just in the way."

I heard a sniff and looked down to see one single tear running down Alec's pale cheek. I wiped it away with my thumb. "I'm sorry you had to go through that," I said softly, repeating his words from earlier, and I really was. Alec smiled through his tears. "It's fine. It's over now."

We stayed there like that, staring into each other's eyes for the longest time – or, at least, until one of us fell asleep.

WWOOOOOOO finally another chapter. If you've stuck around long enough to read this, THANKS! I probably don't deserve it after neglecting you munchkins but still. Thanks anyway.

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