Authors Note: As always thank you everyone for the support and if you have any questions or queries, or even just wanna chat about this story all you have to do is message me. Now continuing from that, this chapter is not an easy one, it will hurt, and may shock, I am prepared for whatever reactions follow (I'll just post and run away for awhile :P) but no seriously, I apologise wholeheartedly if I cause any distress, things do get a little smutty too, but nothing not within the rating. So I wont say I hope you enjoy, but I hope you understand, and hold on tight for the inevitable angst and pain that will be here.
Oliver sighed as he loosened the knot of his tie and undid his top button. He'd been stuck in a day of meeting after meeting barely even managing to get food before he was whisked away into another. He'd spent literally hours hearing about proposals and deals. He knew his last meeting had run over late into the night, but finally they'd closed the deal of taking over another company, and now he was on his way home in the back seat of the company limo. He grabbed the whiskey decanter taking a quick gulp straight from the bottle after the long day. He pulled his phone out his pocket finally turning it back on. He froze when he saw the 20 missed calls from Felicity, 10 from Thea, and handful from Tommy, Laurel and even Diggle. He stared at the array of messages in his inbox and instead listened to his voicemail messages.
"Message 1, received today at 5.30pm."
"Oliver, it's me where are you? Thea's rehearsal dinner starts in an hour." Oh god, he had completely forgotten about it!
"Message 2, received today at 6pm."
"Oliver I've tried calling but no answer you've got 30minutes until it starts, if not you'll have to meet us there."
"Message 3, received today at 6.28pm."
"I've called work and even left a message with your dad's receptionist, but she said you were busy. Don't miss your sisters dinner."
"Message 4, received today at 6.45pm."
"Ollie man, where are you? Felicity is worried sick, and Thea is pissed. Just get here asap." Tommys voiced ended as he sighed deeply, he had completely forgotten about Thea's rehearsal dinner and at this time of night it would be completely pointless.
"Message 5, received today at 7.30pm."
"You're an hour late Ollie! Where are you? If you don't get in touch within the next hour don't bother showing." He could hear the hurt in Thea's voice as he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He grabbed the whiskey bottle taking another generous drink before continuing to listen.
"Message 6, received today at 8.30pm."
"Oliver I've called repeatedly, so have others, and we've left messages at QC too. The receptionist says you're stuck in a meeting she can't interrupt. So I guess I'll just see you when I get home." Felicity's voice faded and the instant disappointment made his heart ache.
"Message 7, received today at 10.34pm".
"You better have a damn good excuse Ollie! Not only did the man who's supposed to be giving me away not turn up, but he also abandoned his wife. You've got some making up to do." Thea's angry tone finally faded and he hit delete getting rid of all the messages. He grabbed the bottle again, not even thinking as he began to drink and drink. He needed to numb away the anger, and disappointment, and the feelings of regret.
When the car finally rolled to a stop he'd drank over half the bottle and everything didn't feel as bad as it did 10 minutes ago.
"Thanks," he mumbled to the driver as he staggered out of the limo and up to the door. He pulled his key out and unlocked it, expecting the house to be in darkness but was surprised to see the kitchen light still on.
"Oliver?" he heard Felicity call out and he took a deep breath as he locked the door and walked towards her voice.
"Yeh it's me," he called back stepping through the doorway. She was wearing her pyjamas, her hair down in loose curls and her glasses on, her makeup was removed and she stood up from the table.
"Where were you?" she asked with a frown.
"Where do you think I was?" he snapped angrily walking towards the refrigerator.
"Well with the smell of you I'd say a brewery," she answered instantly.
He ignored her as he pulled a bottle of beer from the fridge, easily opening it with his hand. He took a long sip as she crossed her arms over her chest shaking her head at him. "If you must know I've been stuck at work," he answered in anger.
"So works more important than family now?" she countered.
"You've got no idea what you're talking about," he snapped. "They are my family!" he shouted slamming the bottle on the side.
"What and Thea isn't? I'm not?" she asked standing her ground.
"Of course she is! But we had to seal the deal!" He couldn't help how loud his voice was as he stepped closer gesturing around. "That is my job!"
"Yeh but it isn't your whole life!" she shouted back, and the fact that he was now directly in front of her, towering over her and she didn't even bother made something inside Oliver snap.
"My whole life? I DON'T KNOW THIS LIFE! I DON'T REMEMBER ANY OF IT!" he screamed into her face.
"Stop using that as an excuse Oliver," she answered staring into his eyes.
"AN EXCUSE!" he bellowed leaning closer.
"You didn't come to Thea's rehearsal and that's not down to your accident, that's on you," she said calmly. He could feel the anger bubbling the more he looked at her, the more he stood this close to her. He hadn't touched her, not for nearly a week and being around her was driving him insane. He wanted to ravish her, wanted to fuck the anger and frustration out of himself, and get her off at the same time.
"Fuck it," he mumbled right before he furiously latched onto her lips. She didn't respond for a second, but then she seemed to kiss him back with as much vigour. He wasted no time in grabbing her, lifting her, spinning around and pushing her up against the wall. She gasped in clear surprise as he continued to kiss her. He wasn't gentle, he wasn't soft and tender as he bit into her lip causing a moan to erupt from deep in her chest. He smirked despite himself, loving that he could do this to her, that he made her into such a lustful mess as she clearly did to him. Her legs wrapped around his hips as she pushed herself further into him, rubbing right up against his now clear erection. He growled in response, kissing even more forcefully before he moved one of the hands holding hers up to her pyjama pants. He didn't even hesitate as he pushed his hand under the fabric between them.
"Oliver," she moaned loudly as his fingers brushed against the skin of her abdomen. He moved his attention to her neck, sucking and nibbling not caring at all if he covered her in bruises. He pushed her a little harder into the wall and her hands grasped his shoulders tightly as she panted. His fingers delved further as he came into contact with uncovered skin. He groaned into her neck, knowing she was bare right under her pants. He pushed his hand lower, cupping her. She gasped loudly and then moaned deeply. He could feel how wet she was just from the simple action.
"God you really want me to fuck you don't you," he grumbled by her neck. "You said all this stuff and all you really want is me to fuck all this anger and hurt away." He could feel her pushing his shoulders but she didn't even move him as he continued to kiss her neck.
"Oliver, stop," she said unable to help the moan that followed.
"I'm not convinced you truly want me to," he said cupping her more firmly. "I don't know why you just don't give us both what we want." She shook her head violently, before she did something that truly stunned him. She slapped him hard across the face. In an instant he pulled away from her, leaving her flush against the wall looking completely dishevelled.
"I said stop," she repeated. "And when I say it, I mean it." He could see her bottom lip trembling as he averted his gaze.
"Well if you won't give me some relief I might as well go to someone who will," he slurred the last words as he stormed off from her without even a second thought.
Oliver downed the row of shots to cheers of the women around him. He wasn't 100% sure where he was or truthfully how he'd gotten there but none of that mattered, because truthfully nothing did. He couldn't remember why he was so angry, or most of the night. He just knew he was having a good time. Women had practically thrown themselves at him the moment he stepped through the doors, and truthfully the distraction of their warmth was somewhat comforting. He'd danced, he'd sang, he'd drank all, and he knew he should feel bad but he just couldn't seem to care. He was smiling at a brunette sat beside him, she was leaning closer and closer to him and he just wanted to feel the warmth of another person.
"God damn it Oliver!" Tommy shouted instantly drawing his attention away from the woman at his side. "Do not serve him another drink," he directed the bar tender.
"But he owns-"
"As do I, but who do you think is the one sober enough to remember all this?" Tommy snapped.
"Of course..." he added with a nod clearing up the bottles and glasses around where Oliver sat.
"You're coming with me."
"Tommy! Come on! Don't be a spoil sport, join us!" Oliver replied wrapping his arms around the shoulders of the two nearest women.
"I don't want to."
"You're no fun anymore," Oliver slurred reaching for another drink.
"Nope," Tommy pushed it out the way. "You either come with me now, or I'll have security drag your ass to the office."
"Oh... you want to play it that way?" Oliver added with a wink.
"We aren't kids anymore Oliver, this isn't a game," he could hear the anger in his tone, as the women giggled around them. He felt Tommy's hand wrap around his arm.
"Okay, okay," he said throwing his hands up. "I'm coming. Sorry ladies," he added with a wink.
He stood up and instantly his head and legs felt wobbly. He watched as Tommy instinctively wrapped his arm around him and helped him into the back. He walked them into a long corridor that lead to a key coded door. Tommy opened it easily and before he knew it, he was inside an office sat on a sofa.
"What the hell were you thinking man?"
"What?" Oliver asked blinking trying to focus with the lights.
"How much have you had to drink?" he asked walking towards him and looking in his eyes.
"Lots, shots, whiskeys, wine, beer..." He shrugged leaning into the sofa.
"You're an idiot," Tommy said with a shake of his head. He wanted to protest, wanted to say things back but he was too tired. His eyes felt heavy as he relaxed into the soft material, Tommys voice became distant as he let the darkness take over.
It was an alarm blaring out that caused Oliver to rise. He could feel his head pounding, and the room spinning without even opening his eyes. He wrapped himself in the duvet, trying to ignore the sound but it only seemed louder. So even despite the nausea he sat up opening his eyes.
"Nice to see you're up," Tommy said standing in the doorway, his phone in hand blaring out the alarm.
"Would you stop that?" he snapped. Tommy pressed a button, the sound stopped instantly and Oliver lay back onto the bed. "Thank god," he mumbled throwing his arm over his eyes to stop the light from filtering in from the window. "Wait... where am I?" he asked sitting up once more with a wince as his head pounded.
"You're at my place," Tommy answered. "Water and painkillers are by the bed, you have time for a shower in the ensuite but we're leaving in 30 minutes."
"What? Why? Let me sleep this off."
"No," Tommy answered crossing his arms over his chest. "We're going to get breakfast and talk, properly," he said staring at him. "Got that?"
"Why?"
"Do you even remember any of last night? What you did? What you said? Where you went?" Oliver frowned unable to remember anything. He sat there frowning trying to focus.
"I didn't think so, so you better hurry up." Tommy turned leaving the room without another word. He knew he must have royally screwed up if he was at Tommys and if he'd drunken so much he couldn't remember a single thing.
Oliver sat in the booth, his cup of coffee in front of him whilst he leant with his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. He had his eyes closed, his head throbbing but all he could see was the black hair, and purple lips of a woman that had been haunting his dreams, and his daydreams even more lately.
"So are you ready to talk?" Tommy asked with a mouthful of food.
"Have you finished eating?" he countered not even looking up.
"Do you remember this place?"
"Of course I do, it was our usual haunt for a hangover cure."
"Yep."
"But clearly my 27 year old self is not used to this," he mumbled finally looking up.
"Well of course not," he answered with a shake of his head.
"What are we doing here Tommy?" he asked as Tommy pushed his plate to the side.
"Well considering I couldn't have breakfast with my family I thought I'd take us somewhere you'd remember, oh and you're paying the bill," he replied before drinking his own coffee.
"But why?" Oliver grumbled.
"Because I don't want to talk about what happened in front of my daughter," he answered. "Can you remember anything now?"
"I missed Thea's rehearsal dinner," he supplied. "I had a big deal at work and I never noticed the time."
"Yep well Thea is the one who needs to hear your explanation because she is pissed Ollie."
"But she should understand, what with dad and work."
He watched as Tommy grimaced. "Exactly, dad and work, not you. We always said from being kids that we didn't want to be like our dads."
"We aren't kids anymore Tommy," Oliver answered with a shrug.
"No, we're adults," he replied. "And we have to take responsibility for our own actions now."
Oliver couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. "You're kidding me right?"
"No."
"You went to college and studied business to take on your father's company, you drank, you did drugs, and you slept your way through it all!" His voice rose as Tommy just sat there.
"Yeh I did, because I was young and stupid."
"Yeh well I'm doing exactly what you did."
"No, you're doing exactly what you did 5 years ago, well actually longer than that. You aren't growing up or taking responsibility, you're using your accident as an excuse to drink, and if I hadn't stopped you last night, you'd probably would have cheated on your wife too."
"It isn't an excuse Tommy," Oliver snapped. "I woke up and I thought I was with your wife, I don't remember anything, at all. Now I have to pretend to be a part of a life I do not even remember!"
"And that, right there is exactly why you need to go talk to someone."
"I don't-"
"If you finish that sentence with you don't need help I will literally drag your ass out of here." Oliver merely glared at him. "What do you want me to say Tommy?" he asked.
"So you remember not showing up to the rehearsal, what else do you remember?"
Oliver closed his eyes trying to focus on anything, and everything from the last 12 hours. "I remember dancing, and shouting, and shots."
"That's the scary thing," Tommy started. "That you got so wasted you can't remember anything."
"That was a common occurrence-"
"No, not for me I always remembered things. But you, the drugs, they made you forget."
"So you think I'm doing drugs now?" Oliver asked shaking his head.
"Truthfully can you tell me you aren't? Can you tell me you remember last night in such detail to remember if you did or didn't?"
"I..." He stopped to think about it. "I don't know."
"And therein lies the problem," Tommy said staring at him. "We all care about you, and we're all here for you but you have got to help yourself before something bad happens."
"Like what? I end up getting my stomach pumped."
"As bad as that would be, I was thinking more along the lines of hurting someone, maybe even someone you care about."
Oliver shook his head. "That wouldn't happen."
"If you say so," Tommy mumbled. "But I think you need to get help before things get worse and you can't fix them. Before you do something you can never take back."
"Why do you say that like I already have?" he asked frowning at him.
"When you were off your face last time you and Sara got arrested, you only got off because of your parents, but it isn't that simple now. You have got to learn to take responsibility."
"You keep saying," Oliver spat back, fed up of hearing the same things repeated.
"I've never heard Felicity as upset as I did last night."
"So that's the real reason we're here, I hurt her feelings?"
"Truthfully I don't know what you did. But it takes a lot to shake her, and the fact she sound so distressed last night was the only reason I came to find you, which I'm glad I did."
He tried to ignore the pang of regret and shame from hearing how much he had upset her instead changing the direction of the conversation. "How'd you even know where I was?"
"Well considering it's you, I knew you'd be at our club," he answered with a shrug. "But you need to talk to Felicity."
"Why? She hasn't exactly showed any concern."
"You are joking right? She insisted I stay in the room with you last night incase you were sick, she's been texting every hour or so just to see how you are. That woman has done nothing but show concern for you since you met 5 years ago." Oliver swallowed hard at the insinuation that Felicity cared about him more than anyone ever had, and the weight of what that meant.
"What did I do?" he uttered more to himself than Tommy. He ran his hand down his face willing himself to remember something more about last night.
"I think the time's come to ask her," Tommy answered snapping him out his thoughts. He looked up at him as he pulled his wallet out.
"I thought I was paying?" Oliver asked raising an eyebrow.
"Oh you are," Tommy added pulling out a business card and handing it over to him. "For when you decide to talk to someone. They were suggested to me from a dear friend, a friend who I trust implicitly and was right that I needed to share some thoughts with someone. So trust me, and them." Oliver stared at the simple writing on the card his fingers running across the letters. "I'm going to nip to the bathroom, you pay the bill and I'll take you home." Oliver merely nodded in response as he pulled out his wallet, placing the card inside before he left a few bills on the table.
Tommy dropped him off with a simple goodbye. He walked slowly up the path hoping that the door was open because he really didn't want to have to ring the doorbell or worse call Felicity to let him in. To his surprise the door was opened, he stepped inside to utter silence. He stood there for a moment briefly remembering that he slammed the door on his way out last night. He stood listening for any sign that Felicity was awake in the house, and that's when he heard the soft gentle tap of fingers on a keyboard. He took a deep breath trying to ready himself for what was about to come. He walked over to the study door and stood straighter before pulling the door open.
"Arrgggghhhh," Felicity squealed as the door opened with more force than he intended. She spun in her chair, her hand up to her throat pulling her dressing gown closer around her neck. "Oliver!" she exclaimed.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you jump." He stepped closer and she stood abruptly from her chair taking a small but noticeable step back. Instantly he stopped in his tracks tilting his head to look at her as she avoided his gaze. An uneasy silence fell where Oliver shuffled his feet on the spot.
"Do you even remember any of last night?" she whispered into the space still not meeting his eyes.
"Not really," he admitted. "I just remember lots of shouting, and slamming the door, and lots of drinking," he answered rubbing the back of his neck.
"So you don't remember any of this?" She turned to her computer and clicked a few buttons before article after article popped up onto her screen, there were various photos and even looked like video clips. He swallowed as he took a glance at it all, he was in various states throughout. He was doing shots off of a woman in one, in several others he was dancing with women but appeared to be more like them grinding than dancing, and he was drinking heavily. His shirt was partly opened on several, his tie and jacket missing from nearly all.
"Felicity, I'm sorry."
"Don't," she said firmly raising her hand.
"What?"
"Just don't say something you don't mean."
"But-"
"No okay? I have been trying so hard to take the pressure away, I have been trying hard to not push anything and let you make the decisions you need to but I am not your punching bag. I am not a woman you can just use and damn all the consequences."
"What? Why would you think that?"
"I get it you're frustrated and you need to blow off some steam because…" her voice broke as she tried to find the words, "I'm not able to give you what you want right now." He watched as she let go of the gown and rubbed at her eyes under her glasses. "But that doesn't give you any right to treat me like you did."
His eyes instantly landed on her neck as her arms crossed over her chest. Her neck, throat and collar bones were littered in array of bruises and bite marks.
"What… what happened?" His mind instantly trying to pieces things together.
She moved her hand up to cover her neck the moment he spoke. "Nothing it doesn't matter."
He stepped forward without thought and gently moved her hand replacing it with his own. "It does matter," he whispered staring down at her, and he could see her legs shaking and her body tensing from his touch.
"I've had a lot worse," she answered.
His fingertips gently touched every visible mark as he took all the small whimpers and sounds she made to heart. "Did… did I do this?" he asked unable to hide the quiver in voice. He watched as she bit her bottom lip and have him a nod. Instantly he pulled away, taking several steps back and he watched her reach out for him.
"I… what did I do? How could I have hurt you… what was I thinking?" he rushed the words out, the guilt gnawing at him.
"Hey listen." She grabbed his wrist and he looked at her. "I promise, I have had a lot worse bruises caused by you."
"What? Why?" He felt completely and utterly ashamed of himself. "How can you bear to be near me? How can you want to touch me? I know I caused great pain with the drinking, and all those things but to physically hurt you… I've never… I wouldn't, would I?" His mind was a mess as he tried to figure out if he'd ever hit a women before, ever marked someone.
"Oliver…" he didn't even register her words as he stepped away from her running his hands up his face pressing the palms of his hands to his eyes before moving them and threading his fingers at the back of his neck. "Oliver!" She said forcefully, grasping him to stop his movements.
"How can you even look at me?" he whispered unable to meet her eyes.
"Oliver, these bruises, these bites they'll fade-"
"But not… not how I scared you or the pain I caused making them…"
"No, stop," she said firmly grasping his chin to force him to look into her eye. "You have never scared me or hurt me like that Oliver, never. You've only left marks when we've gotten carried away, in pleasure not pain. Believe me, I know what it's like to be beaten by a man and this wasn't it." He stared into her eyes trying to figure out if it was the truth, but all he could see was warmth.
"Someone used to hit you?" he whispered stepping closer.
"Yes, but that's in the past," she said with a soft smile.
He nodded letting it drop for her sake. "And we mark each other in pleasure? I did that to you in pleasure?" He gestured to her throat.
"Yes, you were a little more forceful last night, but I didn't stop you, not at first anyway."
"But you did?" he whispered his eyes closing briefly before he remember her hand hitting him hard across the cheek. "You slapped me, to get me to stop."
"Yes, but you did stop."
"I am so sorry," he whispered his hands flying out to cup her face. "I… I'm so sorry, I'll stop drinking, I'm not… I won't…" He could still feel the guilt and shame hallowed deep in his chest at thinking that he could hurt Felicity, or anybody in that way.
"I think it's time we got you some help," Felicity whispered not looking into his eyes. "I know, you don't want to talk but after last night-"
"I need to," he answered letting her face go.
"And maybe book an appointment with the doctor too, that way we can get the full picture." He nodded. "I'll sort it."
"I can help you, go with you."
"No, I need to do this myself," he replied with a determined look, unable to stop staring at the marks.
"Hey listen." His eyes snapped back up to hers. "Maybe, maybe we should find some time, before the wedding, between our jobs for us."
"Like a date?" he asked.
"Well, it doesn't have to be that not if you don't want it-"
"No, I think that would be a good idea," he answered. "Where we can just be us two, without everything, and everyone."
"Then I'll arrange it," she added with a gentle smile.
"And I'll sort it with work." She nodded reaching her hand out placing it on his chest. He stared down at her hand placed over his heart. "I'm truly sorry," he whispered.
"I know. That wasn't who you are, and it doesn't define you. I know who you are right here." She tapped her fingers against his heart and he could feel it beating erratically in his chest.
"How?" he whispered staring down at her, unable to see what she could.
"Because I always have. You might have forgotten it all but deep down, the great man I know you can be is in there still."
"How can you be so sure?" he asked placing his hand over hers and stepping closer. "How can you believe that after everything?" His other hand landed on her shoulder as his thumb brushed against one of the visible marks.
"I just do Oliver," she answered. "You have to believe that, we've been through so much together, and we know each other. Well, knew each other, and I don't want to lose that."
"I want to get to know you Felicity." He watched as she smiled shyly, and her fingers twitched beneath his and her body relaxed.
"As do I."
"So we'll have a new first date," he whispered.
"I'd like that," she answered with a nod.
"And…" he stopped himself as he gently removed his hands from her. She kept hers on his chest staring up at him.
"What?"
"It doesn't matter," he replied rubbing a hand at the back of his neck.
"No, don't do that. You can tell me anything," she uttered staring him straight in the face with such a caring expression it took him by surprise.
"Can we touch each other? I know you want to go slow, and last night I was a drunken idiot, but… I…" he struggled to express his words, he didn't feel he had any right to ask for her touch or him to be able to touch her after what had happened.
"Yes, god yes," she answered her hand moving up his chest to run her fingers up across his jaw. He couldn't help but laugh at her obvious need as much as his, even if he didn't fully understand.
"Good," he whispered before he did something bold. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a hug. Instantly her arms wrapped around his neck as she buried her face there too. Instantly she surrounded him, and for the first time in a long time he felt a warmth deep in chest, something he wasn't sure he'd ever felt, and suddenly he felt comfort. He held a little tighter trying not to hurt her as he buried his face into her hair.
"Hey, everything's okay," she whispered, holding him tighter. It was only with her words that he realised he was crying, that his shoulders were shaking as the tears rolled down his cheeks, and for the first time since he'd woken up in hospital he felt a sense of peace.