The Unexpected Knight

by InvisiblePrincess2002

AU. While at home at the end of summer vacation, Tootie is sexually assaulted by a family friend. When she later learns that she is pregnant and is worried about her unborn baby's fate, Blair steps in and offers to help. However, both girls are concerned that when Mrs. Garrett eventually finds out about their plans, she won't be supportive.

6. New Priorities

Chapter 6: New Priorities

Several days after Harrison came to New York, he went to Eastland to pay Tootie a visit. It was a Saturday afternoon and he talked with his daughter in the lounge while Mrs. Garrett, Blair, and Natalie stayed in the kitchen. (Jo was out at lunch with her new boyfriend, a new mechanic at Mr. Garroll's garage named Paul Johnston.)

"So Dad, what are you doing here?" Tootie asked after they had sat down on the loveseat together. Tootie was now over six months pregnant and even though she was wearing an oversized blue blouse that came all the way down to her knees and a comfortable pair of jeans, the blouse wasn't enough to hide her growing stomach.

"Tootie, I have some things I need to talk to you about. Your mother and I probably should have told you what was going on a long time ago, but we wanted to protect you. We can't protect you from this any longer, though."

"Uh oh. This sounds bad. What is it? What's going on?"

"I'm sure you noticed when you were home during Christmas vacation that things just aren't the same between your mother and me."

"I'd have to be blind not to see it. There was so much tension between you guys. It's never been like that before."

"I know. We've been having problems for a long time now."

"Oh, God," Tootie said with dread. "Dad, please don't tell me you and Mom are getting a divorce."

"No, no, Tootie. Of course not," he quickly reassured her, and she let out a sigh of relief. "But we've recently decided that some changes have got to be made."

"What kind of changes?"

"Your mother and I are getting a legal separation. She's going to be staying home in D.C., taking care of the practice, and I'm going to be living here in New York for a while."

"A separation?" Tootie said in disbelief. "Wow, Dad. I don't know what to say. I know this kind of thing happens in a lot of other families, but I never thought it would happen to us. I'm worried."

"Worried about what, sweetheart?"

"Dad, whenever a couple says they're getting a separation, that's always the first step towards divorce. I'm scared it'll only be a matter of time before you and Mom break up with each other."

"Tootie, listen to me. That is not going to happen. Your mother and I have just reached a point where we need to take a break for a while; that's all. But our love for each other and our commitment to each other are two things that have not changed. I promise you that."

Tootie, deep in thought, simply nodded. Then after a couple of silent moments, she asked, "So where are you going to be living?"

"Right here in Peekskill. I've missed you, Tootie. I've missed you so much since your mother and I first sent you here to Eastland a few years ago. I want to be in your life again. I want to see you every day. With your mother and me living in Washington, D.C. and you here at school nine months out of the year, and then you being away at camp during the summer, I've hardly seen you at all the past three years. I want that to change. I just got hired yesterday by the Benson Law Firm in New York City. Now I have to find a house here in Peekskill. I figure I'll commute by train to the city every day and be home in the evenings. Once you've helped Mrs. Garrett and the girls clean up after supper, you can come home and you and I can spend our evenings together."

"I'd love that."

Harrison smiled and kissed his daughter on the cheek, and then he said, "Good. That's settled."

"Do you think it'll take long for you to find a house?"

"I don't think so. I'm a pretty straightforward kind of guy. I know what I want. I want something with at least three bedrooms, maybe four, and you know I'll need a study; I'll definitely need a place to put all my law books," he said with a chuckle.

"Why so many bedrooms, though? It'll just be you and me."

"Well, I was thinking it would be nice to have a guest room…and possibly a nursery."

"A nursery?"

"I know that we've entered into an agreement with your friend about her adopting the baby, but now that I'm going to be living on my own here in Peekskill, I wanted you to have the option to keep the baby if you wanted to."

"But what about Mom? You know she hates the baby."

Harrison was truly taken aback by Tootie's statement in that moment as it dawned on him that Tootie might have heard what her mother had said (or rather, yelled) during their big fight they had the day they all found out Tootie was pregnant. "Tootie, your mother doesn't hate the baby," he told her, although it was obvious he didn't even believe the words himself.

"Oh please, Dad. She does too. I heard her say it myself. I think the whole neighborhood heard her say it that day you guys were fighting."

"I think that more than anything, she just hates the fact that you were raped, and I think that even though she knows it's wrong, she's taking her anger out on the baby. I know that you've been through more than anyone; that you're still going through more than anyone, including your mother and me, but still, what has happened to you has also affected us very deeply. Your mother loves you, and she is absolutely devastated over what you've been through. I know that what she said about hating the baby was a cruel thing for her to say and I know she was wrong to say that. I know that must have really hurt you."

Tootie looked into his eyes then and told him seriously, "Dad, you have no idea."

"It was inexcusable. There's no denying that. I know. It's just that your mother's been in so much pain and many times, when your mother's in pain, she lashes out because she doesn't know what else to do. Please believe me, Tootie; the last thing your mother ever meant or wanted to do was to hurt you. I know it's hard, and I know it's not fair, but try to be patient with her. Try to forgive her."

"I think I'm going to need a little more time on that one," Tootie said quietly, and Harrison nodded.

"I understand."

"As for me keeping the baby, I appreciate the offer, but I don't want to back out of our arrangement with Blair. But speaking of the adoption, I just want to say that with all due respect, I really don't appreciate the way you and Mom just shoved this whole adoption thing down my throat. I know that I'm way too young to take care of a baby. I know there's no way I can be a mother at fourteen, and I know giving it to Blair is the best thing for it. I'm grateful she's adopting it. But still, you and Mom should have let me come to that conclusion on my own without forcing it on me the way you did."

"I know, baby. I know," Harrison sighed. "You're right. Your mother was just being so impossible about the whole thing and I didn't want to listen to all her ranting and raving anymore. I just wanted a little peace. But I know I was wrong to give in to her. I know I should have stood my ground and insisted that we allow you to come to your own conclusions about this without trying to shove anything down your throat, as you put it. I'm terribly sorry, Tootie."

After staying silent for a brief moment, Tootie told him, "Apology accepted."

"I think we should have a nursery in our house anyway. Even though you won't be keeping the baby, Blair has made it clear that she's going to let you see it anytime you want, so there will be times when we'll have the baby over at our home."

Tootie nodded, and then she looked over at her father and smiled. "That's a good idea, Dad," she told him. "I'm really happy the baby's still going to be a part of my life, even though I can't be its mother."

"The baby should be in our lives, Tootie. It's family."

Tootie stayed silent for another couple of moments as she got lost in thought, and then she told her father, "Maybe one day, Mom will see it that way."

"That's what I'm praying for."

Tootie talked with her dad for several more minutes, and then after a long hug and kiss on the cheek, he left.

After he'd gone, Tootie walked into the kitchen where Mrs. G., Nat, and Blair were still hanging out, and she let out a tired sigh.

"What's the matter, Tootie?" asked Natalie. "Looks like you and your dad must've had a pretty heavy conversation."

"The heaviest," Tootie responded. "My parents are getting a legal separation. Dad says that he and Mom need to 'take a break.' Mom's staying back home in Washington, D.C. to run their law practice, and Dad just got a job at another law firm in Manhattan. He's planning on getting a house here in Peekskill and commuting to the city by train every day. And he wants me to move in with him so I can see him every evening after my classes are over."

Blair lovingly wrapped her arm around Tootie's shoulders and said, "I'm sorry, Tootie. I really am. I'm happy for you that you'll get to see your father more often, but that's terrible news about your parents. I know from experience how painful it is when your parents get divorced."

"Blair, nobody said anything about divorce," Mrs. Garrett cautioned.

"Yeah, Blair. Tootie's parents are just taking a break. That's all," Natalie chimed in.

"Call it what you will, you guys, but the cold, hard fact is, Mr. and Mrs. Ramsey have taken the first step down Break-Up Boulevard. I've seen it so many times with all my mother's and father's broken marriages. First comes separation. Then maybe a year or so later, they're filing for divorce. It happens like that every time."

"Not every time, Blair. Sometimes all husbands and wives really need is a little time apart; a little time to themselves. It's true that separations sometimes do end in divorce, but that isn't always the case," Mrs. Garrett insisted.

"I don't know what all of this is going to mean for my family," Tootie said quietly. "There was a time when I used to think that it would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me if my parents got divorced. But after all I've already been through, that way of thinking seems pretty silly now."

Tootie's words really got to all their hearts; they were so heartbroken because of everything she'd been through that they couldn't bring themselves to say a word, so they simply remained silent for several long moments.

Finally, Mrs. G. broke the silence and said, "Tootie, I'm sure everything is going to be alright with your parents."

Tootie shook her head and told her, "I'm not worrying about it, Mrs. Garrett. I am happy that I'll be living with my dad again and that I'll be seeing him more often. Of course I'm scared of the possibility that they'll eventually get divorced. I was really afraid at first that that was what Dad had come here to tell me. But I have just officially made up my mind that I am not going to allow myself to worry about it. It's my parents' lives, not mine, and it's between them and God if they want to end things or not. I'm not wasting any energy getting all upset or anxious over it. I've got to focus all my energy on bringing this little one into the world safe and sound," Tootie said as she held her round stomach. "My parents can do whatever they want," she told them then, and in the following moment, she went upstairs to their room.

"Way to go, Blair!" Natalie snapped.

"What did I do?" Blair asked defensively.

"Break-Up Boulevard? Blair, could you possibly have been more insensitive?!"

"I wasn't being insensitive, Natalie. I was being honest. I was telling it like it was. And with all due respect, Mrs. Garrett, you really shouldn't try to fill Tootie's head with fairy tales of her parents getting back together. It isn't wise to encourage her to get her hopes up like that, only to have them crushed later on. It'll be a lot less painful for her if she starts accepting the truth about what's going to happen to her parents now rather than later. It's better if she starts preparing herself inside for the worst so that when the blow comes, it'll be a little easier for her to take it. Believe me; I know."

Mrs. Garrett put her hands on Blair's upper arms, looked kindly into her eyes, and told her, "I know you've been through a lot, Blair. I know all the family divorces you've endured through the years haven't been easy for you. But every marriage is different. Your parents' marriages may not have worked out, but that doesn't necessarily mean that Tootie's parents are going to end up getting divorced. We never really know what's in store for us in this world. It's okay to let Tootie hope for the best."

"I suppose there's no harm in Tootie hoping for the best, but I still stand by what I said a moment ago: she should also be prepared for the worst so it won't hurt as badly if the worst does happen."

"Well right now, I think it's best if we just put this whole thing aside for a while," said Mrs. G. "I think Tootie was absolutely right when she said that she needed to just let her parents deal with this while she focuses on taking care of herself and her baby."

Blair nodded and said, "I see your point. Maybe I was a little insensitive, even if I didn't mean to be. I guess I should go upstairs and apologize to Tootie."

Mrs. Garrett patted her arms and gave her an encouraging nod, and then Blair went up to their room to speak with Tootie.

A while later after Blair apologized to Tootie and they had a nice little talk, Jo came back from her job at the garage to help everybody set up for supper. Shortly before they got started cooking, though, the girls and Mrs. G. got into a friendly little discussion while sitting around in the cafeteria.

"So Jo, how was your lunch date with Paul today?" asked Natalie.

"It was great," Jo said with a big smile. "You know, for a mechanic, he is surprisingly deep. We wolfed down our lunch and spent most of our lunch break discussing that book I'm reading in class, The Great Gatsby. We also got to talkin' about that book Gail's so crazy about that she keeps tryin' to get me to read, The Grapes of Wrath."

"I still can't get over you calling our English teacher Gail," Natalie told Jo. "I can't believe that. I can't imagine being close enough to a teacher to actually be on a first-name basis with her. That's freaky. It goes against the laws of nature."

Jo shook her head and said, "It's no big deal, Natalie. We're friends."

"We're also friends with Mrs. Garrett but we don't go around calling her Edna, so I still say that you calling our English teacher by her first name is just plain weird," Nat argued.

"Well Natalie, it's really more of an unwritten school rule than anything else," Mrs. Garrett explained. "Jo doesn't address Miss Gallagher as Gail unless they're off campus. If I weren't a member of the Eastland faculty, I wouldn't have any problems with you girls calling me Edna."

"You wouldn't?" Natalie said in pure disbelief.

Mrs. Garrett laughed and said, "Of course not. Hey, I'm hip."

"Can we call you Edna when we're away from campus?" Natalie inquired with a big, curious smile.

"I don't see why not," Edna answered with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Well anyway, Jo, I think it's terrific that you've landed yourself a deep mechanic for a boyfriend. Paul really sounds perfect for you," said Tootie. "And speaking of dating, I still can't get over the decision you've made, Blair."

"What decision?" asked Edna.

"To use my father's expression, Blair decided a few weeks ago that she is officially 'taking a break' from the dating world," Tootie answered.

"What?!" Mrs. Garrett cried out, unable to believe her ears. "But Blair, I thought you were still seeing Andrew, that senior from Bates."

"Oh, that's been over forever now, Mrs. G.," Jo informed her.

"But you still go out with him every Saturday afternoon," Edna pointed out, although Blair hadn't gone out with him today for the first time in quite a while.

"Yes, we do go out every Saturday, but just to the library, and just as friends. He's really struggling in his art history class. We only go to the library to study. That's all," Blair explained.

"Let me see if I get this straight: you haven't been dating anyone? For weeks?" Edna asked incredulously.

"That's right," Blair confirmed.

"Amazingly enough, Blair Warner has officially decided that there are more important things in life than dating and boyfriends," said Nat.

Mrs. Garrett jokingly put her hand on Blair's forehead then and asked, "Are you feeling alright?"

The girls all laughed, and then Blair said, "I'm fine, Mrs. Garrett. I just realized a few weeks ago that I really do spend a ridiculous amount of time in my life trying to get a new boyfriend or juggle two boyfriends – or three boyfriends – at the same time. I'm tired of dedicating so much of my life to just boys and dates and playing the field. I could be putting all that time to much better use."

"I wish I could dedicate as much of my life to boys and dates and playing the field as you used to, Blair," Natalie quipped.

"Don't we all?" Tootie agreed.

"Blair, what brought this on?" Mrs. G. inquired.

After a pause, Blair replied, "It's a long story, Mrs. Garrett. Let's just say that over the past several weeks, my priorities have really changed. I've got much more important things to think about in my life right now."

In that second, Jo could see that Mrs. Garrett was about to start doing some serious digging to try and get to the truth. What Tootie had blurted out without thinking was enough of a clue to Mrs. Garrett to let her know that something very unusual was going on in one of her girls' lives. It was enough to instantly transform her into a bloodhound who had gotten a scent and was hot on the trail. Jo knew she couldn't let Mrs. G. do too much digging around or else, she'd eventually get the truth out of Blair, Natalie, and Tootie, so she quickly got Mrs. Garrett's mind on something else.

"Uh, Mrs. G., I think it's about time we started setting up for supper now," Jo suggested.

Mrs. Garrett looked at her watch and said, "Yeah, you're right. Come on, girls. Let's head for the kitchen and get started."

The girls agreed, and then they followed Mrs. Garrett into the kitchen and got started on supper that night.

After they were done cleaning up a little while later, Blair announced that she was going to Alison's to visit her and her twenty-one-month-old daughter Emily that evening, and she took off.

Ever since Alison had come to Eastland for a visit fifteen months earlier – and had taken off to Cooper's Rock without her baby after becoming overwhelmed with the responsibilities of motherhood – Blair had made it a point to go and visit her and Baby Emily frequently. She'd usually gone to see them and go places with them a few times a month, but ever since she decided to adopt Tootie's baby, she was practically living over at their house. Blair wanted to spend a lot of time observing Alison with Emily and babysitting Emily so that she could gain as much experience with a baby as possible before Tootie's baby arrived. Shortly after Blair made up her mind to adopt Tootie's baby, she went to Alison's house and had a heart-to-heart with her old classmate and friend, asking for her advice and her point of view as a young mother, herself. As Blair walked up the porch steps of Alison's house that evening and rang the doorbell, she fondly looked back on their deep discussion.

"Well Blair, I know there's all kinds of advice floating around out there. People are never afraid to share their opinions about child-rearing," Alison told her one Sunday afternoon as they sat down together with a cup of hot chocolate in front of her roaring fireplace. "But from my standpoint, I think the most important lesson I ever learned about motherhood happened a few weeks after I walked out and left Emily with you girls and Mrs. Garrett."

"What happened?" asked Blair.

"My grandmother happened. I knew when Grandma found out about what I did, she was pretty disappointed in me, but I honestly had no idea how furious she was with me on the inside. She did something to me that seemed unforgivably cruel to me at the time, but now I realize that as painful as it was, it was necessary. Grandma may have been harsh, but she taught me an incredibly important lesson about what it really means to be a mother."

"What did your grandmother do?"

"One of David's sisters offered to babysit Emily so I could go to town and do a little shopping one day. Unbeknownst to me, while I was out, my grandmother came to the house and she told David's sister that she'd take care of Emily, so she left. Then Grandma took Emily out to her old cabin where she goes on vacations and camping trips occasionally. She never got in touch with me to let me know. She never called David to inform him. She never let anybody in the family know where she had taken Emily. When I got home, my daughter was gone. There was no trace of her, and I had no idea where she was."

"Didn't David's sister tell you your grandmother had come to the house?"

Alison shook her head and explained, "After David's sister left the house, she went out of town with some of her friends and we weren't able to get in touch with them for quite a while. I think they went mountain climbing or something."

"Oh."

"Anyway, like I said, David's sister never got in touch with us. We weren't able to track her down. We called all the rest of the family. Nobody knew where Emily was. I tried to get in touch with Grandma at her house but there wasn't any answer. It wasn't until over a day later that it finally dawned on me to try calling Grandma at her cabin and when I did, sure enough, she answered and told me she had taken Emily there.

"When I went to go get Emily, that's when all hell broke loose between Grandma and me. You have absolutely no idea what it did to me all that time that Emily was gone."

"I can only imagine," Blair said sympathetically.

"I was never more terrified in my life than I was during that time I thought Emily was missing. I just knew something had happened to my baby," Alison said as she wiped a tear from her eye, and Blair lovingly touched her friend's arm. "And when I finally found Emily at my grandmother's cabin, Grandma let me know that David's sister had told her that she was planning on leaving town with her friends. Grandma told her to go ahead and leave early and that she'd stay with Emily until I got home. But, she left with my daughter and she never told me or David or anyone where she'd taken her. She put me through all of that on purpose. Well, to put it mildly, I really went ballistic. I yelled and screamed at my grandmother for the longest time. I just went through the roof."

"I'll bet you did. I know she's your grandmother, but still..."

"Well, Grandma just stood there, perfectly silent with her arms folded, while I yelled and yelled at her. She just let me get it all out of my system. Then when she finally did decide to speak, you know what she told me?"

"What did she tell you?"

"She said, 'I'll bet you don't think of Emily as a burden anymore.'"

"Think of Emily as a burden? What was she talking about?"

"You know that while my mother was born into a wealthy family, my father built up his own business from the bottom up and earned his own fortune. My grandmother wasn't rich all her life. She had to work very hard while she was raising my dad. She got married right out of high school and she gave birth to my father when she was only nineteen. While she was pregnant with my dad, my biological grandfather – her first husband – got killed in an accident on the job and she was all on her own with a baby on the way. And if that wasn't bad enough, this was during the Great Depression."

"Wow."

"Wow, indeed. Both of her parents were dead and she didn't have any siblings, and my grandfather's parents were broke and unable to help. She managed to find a job working for a cheap motel. All through the rest of her pregnancy and Dad's childhood, she sometimes worked over ten hours a day. She did everything. She cooked. She cleaned. She washed windows. She scrubbed floors. And then after all that, she came back home and took care of a baby. She was lucky to get three or four hours of sleep a night. She is the toughest person I have ever known."

"She sure sounds like it."

"Well, she reminded me of that that day. She stood there and she reminded me of everything she went through to raise my father on her own during the Depression the way she did. Then she made me realize just how soft David and I have had it in comparison to her. David and I both come from wealthy families; we've never had to work for anything in our entire lives. We've always had everything we ever needed or wanted just handed to us on a silver platter without having to work for it. And when we made the stupid decision to fool around and we got ourselves into trouble, we never had to face any real-life consequences like a lot of teen parents do. We never had to struggle to take care of our daughter. Both our families came right to the rescue and gave us this condo, and David's parents are still sending him to college, then later to med school; they're still supporting us financially while David works on his degree and I stay home and take care of Emily. Compared to the way my poor grandmother struggled, I have had it so good and so easy, yet I still whined and complained like a spoiled brat because I actually had to put somebody else's needs in front of my own. Grandma told me that day how spoiled and ungrateful our generation is; how we have this ridiculous sense of entitlement and how we whine and complain like a bunch of two-year-olds about having to simply do the things that we as parents are supposed to do for our kids. My grandmother worked her tail off all day long at that motel in the Great Depression and then she came home and took care of a crying, colicky baby all night long, and she did it all without complaining. She didn't whine because she couldn't go to school dances anymore. She didn't whine because she didn't have time for kids' stuff anymore. She sucked it up, grew up, and did what she was supposed to do. She never complained or whined about what she didn't have. She got down on her knees and thanked God every night for what she did have. She thanked Jesus constantly for the fact that she had a healthy baby, and she thanked Him for the fact that she even had a job in the first place so that she could take care of him. Me? What did I do? How did I respond when I became a mother? I may have always taken good care of Emily before, but I never thanked God for her, and I never saw her as a blessing. I saw her as a burden, and Grandma knew that and she called me out on it.

"I was extremely hurt by what my grandmother did to me at first, and on top of that, I was downright furious at her. I grabbed Emily and I took her home that day, and I didn't even speak to Grandma again for months. But after a while, after I really thought about everything Grandma said to me, I eventually realized just how right she was. Like I said, I always loved my daughter, but it wasn't until Grandma made me think I'd lost her that I understood just how much she meant to me. It wasn't until I was terrified that I'd never see my daughter again that I truly began to appreciate her. It wasn't until that point in my life that I learned to see my daughter as a blessing to thank God for and not as a burden that was keeping me from being a teenager. What Grandma put me through was cruel, but it was also necessary. It taught me an extremely important lesson as a parent, and I guarantee you that no matter how 'hard' I may think being a stay-at-home mother is at times, I will never walk out on my daughter again whenever things get a little tough. Being a stay-at-home mother may be a frustrating job sometimes, but I know it can't even begin to compare to what Grandma had to go through taking care of Dad on her own in the Great Depression. Grandma rolled up her sleeves, got in there, and did what she had to do, and unlike me, she did it without whining or complaining or resentment. She really was right about our generation. We are such a generation of spoiled whiners and complainers! We have it so much easier than so many of our grandparents did, but most of the time, we're too spoiled to really appreciate everything we have."

"I never really thought about that, but you're probably right. I can't say I agree with what your grandmother did, but I think I understand what she was trying to get across to you."

Alison chuckled a bit and said, "What she was trying to get across to me, Blair, was that I needed to grow up and stop whining like a spoiled teenage brat about how 'hard' I had it in my life. She was trying to tell me that I needed to start appreciating everything I had that I'd been taking for granted – including Emily. Until Grandma took Emily away from me for a while, I always saw it as a burden in the back of my mind that I had to stay at home and take care of my daughter and put her needs before my needs and wants. Deep down, I resented it that Emily had to come first and that I couldn't finish high school and college. There was always that part of me that saw being a mom as a burden, not a blessing. But after Grandma screwed my head on straight for me, I realized that when she was working so hard during the Great Depression and struggling to take care of my dad, she would have given anything to be in my position. It would have meant a lot to her to be able to stay at home with my dad and not have to scrape by as a single parent. I realize now what a gift it is that I have David and that we're financially set for life and that I can be at home with Emily without having to scrape by the way Grandma had to.

"Anyway, I guess in the end, the best piece of advice I can give you about adopting Tootie's baby is two words: be sure. Be absolutely, one hundred percent certain that becoming a stay-at-home mother is what you want to do with your life right now; that you don't have any problems whatsoever with postponing college. There cannot be the tiniest trace of doubt because this is a commitment like no other. In some ways, it's an even bigger commitment than marriage. As you well know, marriages can end in divorce. But no matter what, your child is always your child for the rest of your life. If you're really going to do this, then you have to understand that no matter what, your child always has to come first, and no matter how hard it gets, you do not have the option of resenting your child or walking away from your child. Once you're in this thing, you have to be in it all the way, and you have to be in it for life. You won't have time for juggling boyfriends or dating or going to dances and parties anymore. As much as you love your social life, you'll barely have time for one at all once you're taking care of an infant. You won't have time to be a teenager anymore. And you have to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you're ready and willing to accept this responsibility; that you want to accept this responsibility. If there's even the smallest part of you inside that doesn't want this, you'll end up resenting Tootie's baby and that'll affect how you treat it. You'll think of it as a burden and not a blessing, and the baby will eventually pick up on that, and in the end, it'll be the baby who suffers."

Blair nodded and told her, "I get what you're saying. I won't lie; I am scared. I'm really scared about this. I'm so afraid that I'll make a big, terrible mistake as a parent that'll really hurt my child in the long run. But no matter how afraid I am, I don't have any second thoughts about going into this. I do want to be a mother; a good mother. I had always planned on going to college, being an art major, and starting a career as a professional painter someday. But no matter how important it's been to me all my life to have a career in the arts, it's always been even more important to me to have a family of my own, where I'm able to give my child all the things that I never got. I know that I have more money and material possessions than most people can ever dream of, but there are much more important things in life that I always needed from my parents that they were never able to give me."

"Such as?"

"Quality time together. Their full, complete, undivided attention. Being a higher priority in their lives than their business or their love life. Stability. Maturity. I mean, I'm sorry, but with all due respect to my mother, whenever she and Daddy were having marital problems, I was always her therapist, even from the earliest of ages. It's really quite ridiculous. I should never have had to be my own mother's psychologist when I was just a little kid. It was her job to be the adult. It was her job to be there for me, not the other way around. Don't get me wrong. I really do love my parents, but there are so many things they never gave me that I desperately needed, and that's left quite a hole in my heart. I…gee, I can't believe I'm actually talking about this. This is one of those really deep, painful things that I don't usually like to let myself think about, much less bring out in the open."

"It's probably good for you that you're actually talking about it and getting it out," Alison told her.

"Maybe. But anyway, the point is, if I can have the opportunity to be the kind of parent to a child in need that I was never able to have myself, that would mean more to me than anything. Nothing would make me happier than being able to be there every time my child needed me or wanted me. Nothing would make me happier than getting to be there for every recital and every school debate and every science fair. Absolutely nothing could compare to it. I've recently realized throughout all of this that however much I want to have an art career, I want to be a full-time mother even more."

"Well if that is honestly how you feel, then I'd say go for it. As long as there aren't any traces of doubt lurking around in your heart that might turn into resentment later on, then based on everything I just heard you say, it sounds like you're ready – or at least as 'ready' as any future parent can possibly be, anyway."

"But that's just it, Alison. I'm not as ready as any future parent can possibly be. Not yet. That's why I've come here to talk to you today. I need your help."

"I'm listening."

"I want to start coming around here more often from now on – a lot more often. I know I've babysat Emily occasionally in the past, but now, I want to start babysitting her on a more regular basis. And I want to start coming around to visit more often, too. If you don't mind, I'd like to observe how you interact with Emily. I'm hoping that I'll pick up a few pointers if I watch you in action as a mother."

Alison chuckled a bit, and then she said, "Blair, after my track record, I'm hardly the poster-girl for parenting."

"That's not true. No parent is ever perfect, Alison, and you may have made some pretty big mistakes, but despite it all, you've really grown up. You've become a very good mother to Emily. I've seen you with her. You're terrific with your daughter."

"Well, thanks. I try my best. I'm certainly not the same selfish, immature little brat who ran out on her baby last year when things got a little difficult."

"No, you're not. And even if I do say so myself, I don't think I'm the same disrespectful brat I used to be when I first came to Eastland, either."

Alison shook her head and told her, "No, you're not. You are a very different person from the one I first met on the Eastland campus when we were both twelve. You have matured a lot."

Blair smiled and said, "Thank you."

"And in answer to your question, of course you can come around here and visit more often. You'd be more than welcome. And I would be more than happy for you to start babysitting Emily more often as well."

"Thanks, Ally-kins. I really appreciate this. I know I can't learn everything there is to know about taking care of a baby just by babysitting a few times a week and observing you with Emily, but I have to start somewhere. I believe the experience will do me at least a little bit of good before the baby comes."

"I'm sure it will, and you're very welcome, Blairy-pie," Alison said kindly, and then Blair reached over and gave her a hug.

A couple of moments after Blair had walked up to the door and rung the doorbell, Alison answered it with Emily on her hip.

"Blairy-pie!" Alison happily cried out, and then she gave her friend a halfway hug with her free arm.

"Ally-kins!" Blair said aloud while returning the hug.

"Bairy-pie!" little Emily called out, and both Alison and Blair had a hearty laugh at the adorable way Emily mispronounced Blair's name.

After Blair gave the blonde toddler a big kiss on her little cheek, they all went inside.

And while Blair was spending a lovely evening with Alison and Emily, back at Eastland, Mrs. Garrett was sitting alone on the loveseat in the lounge reading as Tootie came in and sat down beside her.

Once Tootie entered the lounge, Mrs. Garrett put her book down on the coffee table, wrapped her arm around Tootie's shoulders, and said, "Hey, hon. How are you two doing tonight?"

"We're okay, Mrs. Garrett," Tootie responded with a smile.

"I'm glad to hear that. It's so nice to see you smiling again, honey. I've been so worried about you."

"Yeah. It hasn't been easy. It still isn't. But I'm getting through it."

Mrs. Garrett stopped embracing Tootie then, and she put her index finger under her chin and gently tilted her face up so they were looking at each other eye-to-eye. In that moment, she told her, "Tootie Ramsey, you are an amazing young woman."

Tootie smiled and said, "Thanks, Mrs. Garrett. That's a very sweet thing to say."

Mrs. Garrett stopped tilting Tootie's face up then, and she shook her head and said, "It's not sweet, Tootie. It's true. You are a remarkable individual, and I don't think I tell you that enough. When I was growing up, I was raised to be strong. I worked long and hard on my family's farm. It helped prepare me for when I went through hard times later on in my life. As you know, I went through a bad marriage, then a divorce. Then I had to take care of my two sons on my own. None of that was easy, but I don't think anything that's happened to me could even begin to compare to what you've been going through. I'm not sure I could do what you're doing, Tootie. I'm not sure I could handle going through this kind of a pregnancy knowing that I'd have to give my baby up in the end. I'd never end my baby's life, of course, but I don't know that I'd be strong enough to go through with the adoption. I can't even imagine what it must be like for you. And watching you handle it all with such strength and courage and grace…I…Tootie, there are no words. I just want you to know that I am prouder of you than I have ever been in my life."

Again, Tootie smiled and told her softly, "Thank you. That really means everything to me."

"Like I said, it's just the truth," said Edna, and then she kissed Tootie on the cheek.

After getting lost in thought for a moment, Tootie said, "Boy, it's pretty unbelievable how different things are now than they were during the last school year, isn't it?"

"It's like night and day," Edna mused.

"Something like this…it really makes a person grow up, you know? It really makes you think about things."

"I would imagine so. What have you been thinking about, Tootie?"

"Here lately, I've really been thinking about how ridiculous I acted last year. I was so stupid. Well, not all the time, but there were times when I really was an idiot and my priorities were so out of whack, it was ridiculous."

"What are you talking about?"

"Like the time when we all got back from summer vacation and Blair had secretly brought two bottles of wine with her. The girls left me out of their little secret party, and I was so hurt and I just wanted to fit in with them so much that I was willing to do anything, even something as stupid as getting drunk. Then there was the time I made a complete fool out of myself over Jermaine Jackson. I thought being 'friends' with a celebrity like him was literally more important than anything else in my life. And I wanted to go to that dumb concert so badly that I acted like a spoiled three-year-old and cried and screamed and yelled; I even disrespected you and disobeyed you. And I know I never told you this, but for the record, I am really sorry about all that, by the way."

"Oh Tootie, there's no need to apologize for that one little incident. It was ages ago. It's water under the bridge," Mrs. Garrett assured her with a wave of her hands.

"Anyway, I get so embarrassed when I think about all of that now. I cannot believe that there was a time when a stupid concert or fitting in with my drinking friends was the most important thing in my life. I can't believe my priorities were honestly that messed up. I can't believe there was a time in my life when I was that stupid. Now, I've wised up. Now, I know that nothing is more important than making sure my baby is okay. My biggest priorities in life are finally things that really matter."

"Well Tootie, first off, don't you ever say to me that you're stupid. You are not stupid and you never were. What you were was a thirteen-year-old girl. You were a child last year, plain and simple, and as one would expect with a child, you had a child's priorities. This year, after all the growing and maturing you've done, you have more of an adult's priorities. It's no secret that you have grown up tremendously since you were assaulted; you've grown up far more than any fourteen-year-old should ever have to."

"Yeah, I guess you have a point. I see things so much differently now than I did before. I know I'm not the same person I was before all this happened."

"That's very true. As I said, you've matured so much. You've become so strong and courageous."

"If I'm really so 'strong and courageous,' then why am I still so scared all the time? I may have gotten over some of the fears I had since I was raped, but sometimes, when I'm walking alone down a dark hallway, or if I'm outside after dark, I still get so frightened. I still have nightmares. Even though Earl died in the ICU a couple of months ago and I know perfectly well he can't hurt me anymore, I still have nightmares of him attacking me all over again."

"Tootie, being courageous doesn't mean that you don't still feel fear. Being courageous means that you keep going in spite of your fear; that you don't let it just paralyze you completely. And I'll tell you something else: you'll never have to worry about fitting in with the girls because of your age ever again. They have all told me countless times over these past few months just how deeply they admire you. They're all just as amazed by you as I am. They've told me on more than one occasion how much they regret all the times they excluded you or made you feel bad because you were the youngest. They have all told me time and again how much they respect you. I assure you, the girls do not think of you as the youngest anymore. They recognize the fact that in all the ways that count, you're more grown-up than they are."

"They've really said all that to you?" Tootie asked incredulously.

"Many times," Edna replied. "And I know I said this earlier, but I'm going to say it again: you are an amazing young woman."

"Thanks, Mrs. Garrett," Tootie told her, and then she gave her another long hug.