Chapter 6
Freddy and Intelligent Salad Meet A Pretty Lady
I was in the middle of that awful math class with Mr. Summers. He was giving a really boring lecture on planes, slopes, reflecting light, prisms, and a whole bunch of other math stuff that I really could care less about.
"…Just remember, that if you go out into the field and a guy has a pulse rifle, and trust me they usually do, you can use these formulas to be sure that they never hit you." Mr. Summers said.
Could he get any less boring? Even then, who the hell could do all this advanced math in their head in the time it takes to dodge a pulse rifle? This isn't practical! It's…
My thoughts were interrupted. A tall, white-haired woman wearing huge boots and tight leather lingerie walked into the classroom. Who the hell was this woman, some kind of stripper? Either way, she was pretty and I may sound like a pig for saying this, but she was a hell of a lot more interesting than advanced math formulas.
"Ms. Munroe?" Mr. Summers said to the woman.
She smiled.
"I need one of your students to come with me. Fredrick Clayton? Is he in here?"
Holy crap! That was me! What did she want me for?
"Freddy, that hussy over there is Ms. Munroe, one of the leaders in this school. You met her on orientation day, remember?"
No. I think if I saw a half-naked leather queen on my first day, I'd remember it.
Intelligent Salad sighed at my thoughts.
"She was wearing normal clothes when we first met her."
Ms. Munroe spoke up again.
"I repeat, is Fredrick Clayton here?"
I stood up.
"That's me." I said.
"Good. Come with me. We have some important things to talk about."
She took me by the hand and led me out of the classroom and down the hall.
"Do you go by Freddy?" Ms. Munroe said.
"Yeah." I said. I held up Intelligent Salad.
"And this guy is…"
She interrupted.
"I already know about your Intellectual Salad." She said.
"That's Intelligent Salad." I said to correct her.
She gave me another laugh.
"I see. Well Freddy, I'm here to test you on something real important, something that we value more than anything else here at The Xavier Institute." Ms. Munroe said.
"Oh good lord, it isn't something saccharine like love or sharing, is it?" Intelligent Salad said.
"Teamwork." Ms. Munroe said.
She paused for a moment and continued.
"We value teamwork above all else here. That's why we're going to put you and a few other students in a specially designed scenario and see how well you do. Remember: You'll be graded on your teamwork, not whether or not you complete the scenario."
I knew what was coming, The Danger Room. They talked about the place back on orientation. I'd never gone in there before, but I was nervous. I mean come on, right? The place is called The Danger Room! A place with a name like that is right up there with "The Woods of no Return", "The Caves of Death", or "Laceration Valley". Even then, I didn't have much fighting experience. How the hell was I supposed to make it out alive?
"Let the fools rush in and use their corpses as shields." Intelligent Salad said.
Shut up. I'm serious.
"I'm serious too. Your only hope of making it out alive here is to let the strong fight for you and attack like an opportunist. It may not be the most honorable or praiseworthy fighting, but it is your only hope." Intelligent Salad said.
Ms. Munroe turned to me.
"You okay?" She said.
"Yeah. I'm fine." I replied.
"Your palms are sweating. It's okay to be nervous, you know." She said.
No shit I was nervous. Anyone would be if they were going to a place called The Danger Room.
Ms. Munroe took me to a locker to get changed into a field uniform. Those things leave very little to the imagination, all form-fitting and such. Anyone who looked could see my bulge. Oh lord, if I get deployed and captured by a villain, they'll see my bulge and laugh at how small it is.
"You don't have a small penis, Freddy." Intelligent Salad said.
Shut up. I do. Don't lie to me.
"You don't. I'm not lying." Intelligent Salad said.
No, I do. That's why none of the ladies want me.
"No, ladies don't want you because you don't talk to them. What is it with you animal celled beings and genitalia anyway?" Intelligent Salad said.
I didn't feel like arguing with him even more and just went to The Danger Room. Time to face my fears and get it over with.
I met with Ms. Munroe in the Danger Room entrance. She had a two other students around my age with her. There was a muscled up guy I didn't know and… was that Lauren? She wasn't wearing her Castro hat, meaning that her antenna were in full view. I tried not to stare at them. That would be rude.
"There won't be a better time to talk with her, Freddy. Take the opportunity." Intelligent Salad said.
Okay. Yeah, you're right. Let's be calm, relax, and start slow.
"Hey, Lauren. Remember me, Freddy?" I said.
She smiled.
"Oh, I know you! You're from my Geology class with Ms. Aquilla. How's it going?"
"Okay. I'm a little scared." I said.
"Really? I'm excited. This is going to be fun. I'm actually going to be working in a team!"
Well, she seemed to be more interested in this than I was. I guess that was a little encouraging.
Ms. Munroe turned to us.
"Okay, boys. The scenario is pretty simple. Sentinels are attacking the city and they've captured some mutant children. Your goal is to rescue the children and defeat the sentinel fleet."
Sentinels? The hell, does she want to kill us? I've seen those things on the news and they are huge! How the hell are we supposed to fight them?
"You should probably get to know each other a little before going in. Take a few seconds to talk and then we'll begin."
The muscled up dude spoke up.
"I guess I'll go first. My name's Zack. I'm from Sydney, Australia. I work out every day, like to watch wrestling, and my favorite food is asparagus. My mutant power is that I have real sharp teeth and my saliva can melt diamonds."
Great, his power is super eating. I'm not sure how useful that'll be, but it could come up.
"My name's Lauren. I'm from Austin, Texas. I like to read sci-fi novels, I watch anime and cooking shows, and my favorite food is ice cream. My mutant power is turning into a giant bee."
Zack gave her a strange look. She only giggled. I guess it was my turn.
"My name's Freddy. I'm from Bangor, Maine. I like video games, watching tennis, and my favorite food is mashed potatoes. My mutant power is talking to plants and strengthening them."
Zack tilted his head.
"Talking to plants?" He said.
I held up my best friend.
"Yeah. This here is my best friend, Intelligent Salad. Say hi, Intelligent Salad!" I said with a big stupid grin.
"You're making me look like a buffoon, Freddy." The salad said.
The door to The Danger Room opened. We walked in. The simulation had begun.