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The Tholian Web

Personal log of Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer on the USS Enterprise

It's been a tough week. We were faced with Jim's presumed death, with the possibility of getting killed as well, with the madness. And Spock and I couldn't agree.

I don't know why it's so difficult for Spock and me to get along sometimes.

But this time he was the first to bring out the subject. It happened today, while we were working on some alien samples in the biology lab.

"Are you feeling well, Doctor?" he asked.

"Sure. Why do you ask?"

"Your current behaviour significantly differs from your usual one" he stated.

"And how so?"

"You are not talking" he answered with the most aloof voice.

God knows why I insisted on the concept of humor with the man!

"I can resort to talking just now if you miss it so much, my dearest Spock!" I snorted.

He raised an eyebrow: "My observation was not meant to be a joke even if I have just realized that it actually has a humorous side".

I sighed: "Just thinking, Spock. Our last week hasn't been much relaxing."

"I agree"

"You agree with me? Your… how was that? Your current behaviour is different from your usual one too!" I rebuffed.

Spock just regarded me with the "I'm studying an interesting natural phenomenon" look before going back to his work.

"It's just that I'm sorry about the way everything went" I went on after some time "and I'm sorry that I questioned your command since you were right in the end". What must be said must be said.

"All the human crew of this ship was undergoing mental degradation at that time, Doctor" Spock pointed out.

"I don't think I would've acted much differently without the mental degradation. If I was able to synthesize the antidote, apparently I had some sense left. And you are too Vulcan to not know it as well".

Spock had nothing to say to this because I was right.

"Lately we've been able to find some… well, common ground and to cooperate more than we did some time ago. And I wanted –I really wanted- to be useful to you. But after this story it seems to me that our relationship has regressed." I stopped, that was enough for him to start fussing about logic and human emotion. But he didn't fuss.

"If you must know, Doctor, at some moment I believed that our agreement was teetering too. It happened when you implied that I was trying to usurp Jim's command" he stated quietly.

I had to blush. How could have I ever said that?

"Look, Spock…"

"I am not finished, please. Later I observed that your sentence differed from the emotions you had previously displayed towards me. The only logical explanation was that you did not actually believe what you said but that you were blinded by anger and trying to provoke me. Am I correct?"

"Yes you are. I could never actually think that."

"Then I do not believe there have been significant regressions in our agreement."

"I'm glad to hear that" I answered. Oh, my. I'm being so mellow to the damn man that I will have to berate him very soon.

"Moreover there have been some mistakes on my part too. I probably should have pointed out more clearly what I wished to do and why."

"And why you didn't?" I asked. Since Spock was in a rare talkative mood I had to keep talking.

"Because I did not think it was necessary."

You are lying.

"Spock, don't act like a Vulcan, damn it!" he raised his famous eyebrow at this "The situation was emotionally stressful and you feared your human side was going to unbalance you."

"Doctor, you have a curious habit of explaining to me my own mental processes" he pointed out, and I could recognize the slight sarcasm in his voice.

"It's called psychology, Spock. I kinda studied it." I snorted.

"Indeed" His voice was so full (Vulcanly full, of course) of sarcasm that I didn't even grace him with an answer.

"As for your desire to be useful to me, you actually were useful to me."

"Healing illnesses is my work…"

"I am not referring to the antidote you found, Doctor."

"Then what?"

"Once you questioned my decision of not pronouncing a funeral oration and you advised me to listen to my human side occasionally. I remembered your advice this time so, as I said, you were useful to me."

"That oration was a bloody good one, Spock" I said seriously "No human could've said it better. And as I foresaw after the Galileo Seven, your command style improved quite a lot".

"Maybe one day it will improve so much that you will not question it continuously, Doctor. How much time will be necessary for this to happen, in your opinion?" he asked. Mischievous Vulcan.

"Eternity" I declared. And he decided not to push me more.