It's so hard to get a full night's sleep. I wake up so often, afraid that she will be coming in again. Sometimes it is nothing but my own fear, but other times, maybe twice a week, I can dimly see her figure in my room, in front of the door. I shut my eyes, pretending I am still asleep. She walks over to my still form... and it happens.

She pulls my bedcover aside and puts her hand into my pajama bottoms. I can't stop my body from responding the way it does to her touch. Sometimes she uses her hand, sometimes her mouth. She has a wad of tissue paper in her back pocket to clean up when it is over.

It doesn't hurt, but I don't want it. I am only nine years old. I just want to be able to sleep the whole night through.

She knows I am awake, but I do my best not to respond, for fear that anything I do will make her stay longer. I don't want that.

I know that what she does is not right, but I am too scared to say anything. I would be an immediate outcast, a freak. My friends... what would they think?

And... I don't want to get her in trouble. Deep down, I don't hate her at all. She has otherwise taken good care of me. It's just this one thing that is bad.

I had to write this down. Somebody has to hear me, even if it's a piece of paper. I will bury this piece of paper in the backyard, and she will never see it.

I hope she stops it when I am older. Then I will not be afraid anymore. When I am older... then I can break her heart. But until then, I will be a good boy. I will be Fuji-nee's good boy.