Episode 6

Madoka watches as Sayaka and Kyoko fight.

Sayaka: Ow, ow, ow, ow-

Madoka: This fight scene sucks.

(Puella magi Madoka Magica Opening)

Madoka: She seriously can't be the main character right? She's getting pretty owned.

Sayaka: Ha, I'm catching my second wind-

Kyoko: Boop (shoves Sayaka with her spear and launches her off)

Sayaka: My organs!

Madoka: This isn't gonna be one of those deconstruction animes is it?

Homura freeze time and stops the fight between Kyoko and Sayaka

Homura: You have no idea kid.(knocks out Sayaka) Deconstruct this!

Sayaka: (before completely falling unconscious) So. . . meaningful . . .

Kyoko: Hey! Number eight is not pleased with this!

Homura: What does two say?

Kyoko personality 2: Hey leave me out of this!

Kyoko personality 8: Get back in your cage two!

Kyoko personality 2: No! Don't hurt me! Aaaaa!

Madoka: … Ya'll are crazy as ****

Kyoko: (gasp) Such language! I'm out of here. (jumps away)

Madoka: . . .

Homura: So yeah, just be sure to tell Sayaka to follow her heart and junk and everything will be okay.

Madoka: That's doesn't look like its true from everything I've seen so far.

Homura: Heh, heh heh... Mwahahahaha!

Madoka: Why is everyone I meet lately a psycho!

Sayaka in her room cleansing her soul gem.

Sayaka: So why are they called grief seeds anyway?

Kyubey: Oh, because they contain the soul of magical girls who have fallen into utter despair. Their suffering aids us in preventing the heat death of the universe. It's a brave sacrifice, but that what makes these girls so noble!

Sayaka: He he, you so funny space ferret.

Kyubey: (takes grief seed into his back) Um, I'm serious. Don't you know this already?

Sayaka: You didn't say anything about it before I became a magical girl.

Kyubey: I didn't? Dang . . . HR is going to kill me if anything bad goes down.

Sayaka: So wait, if I were to fall into despair Imma turn into one of those monsters I fight?

Kyubey: . . . Yeeees . . . Sorry, if I had known I hadn't told you yet I would have never-

Sayaka: Awesome!

Kyubey: Wha . . .

Sayaka: They look so freaking awesome! I can't wait to turn into one~ Kyousuke will fall for me entirely once I turn into something so boss.

Kyubey: You know he's more likely to freak out and run away from you.

Sayaka: Not with the power that I'll control. He'll be mine for certain!

Kyubey: . . . Madoka is right, ya'll are psycho.

At an arcade Kyoko and her multiple personalities are playing a dance battle game

Kyoko personality 8: Step it up three!

Kyoko personality 3: You're going too fast for me, ask five to do it.

Kyoko personality 5: Leave me out of it, I'm content to just kick back and watch you two dance this out.

Kyoko personality 3: Why you little-

Homura: Ahem. Sorry if I'm interrupting something, but we have an important matter to discuss.

Kyoko personality 8: Number eight doesn't wish to hear it Yakuza Princess.

Homura: How did you-?! Never mind. In two weeks time a witch called Derwienerschnitzel will come here and-

Kyoko personality 8: Wha? A witch called Walpurgisnacht is coming?

Homura: No, I said Derwiener-

Kyoko personality 8: You want number eight to take this seriously, then don't give this witch such a stupid name.

Homura: Look I didn't name it, but whatever. If you can help me destroy the tow- I mean defeat this witch I can give you anything you want. You can have this whole town as your territory.

Kyoko personality 8: Snore!

Homura: . . . And you can have all the Pocky you want.

Kyoko stops dancing and turns around to face Homura, holding up a box of Pocky.

Kyoko personality 8: Now you talking number eight's language~

Madoka and Sayaka are now alone in an alley with Kyubey.

Kyubey: I'm glad you could all meet me here today. I called into work and they said that we could possibly reverse this magical girl thing before it goes south for you.

Madoka: What? You can reverse this?

Kyubey: Well yeah, the girls are free to revoke their wishes if they want.

Madoka: Oh my gosh! Sayaka, you can still have a normal life! I don't know why I care, but you could stop having to fight these witches and that magical girl and-

Sayaka: You honestly thought what happened the other day was just a fight.

Madoka: . . . Um . . . technically speaking it was. But back to the topic of you turning back into a regular-

Sayaka: That was no fight. That was a real battle to the death.

Madoka: . . . Are you, deflecting me?

Sayaka: Dogs are awesome!

Madoka: Oh my gosh, you totally are!

Kyubey: Listen Sayaka, you don't understand how serious your situation is. You should really reconsider in case anything bad happens to you like you becoming a wit-

Sayaka: I am Sayaka Awesome Pants Miki! I will not listen to this! I am the hero of Japan! Kyousuke loves me!

Madoka: Please, if you become normal, I could maybe become the star of this show.

Sayaka: No! I'm the cool one! You're my meaningless friend who everyone will forget! (storms off) I'm so totally cool... I'll show ya . . . I'll have a rematch with that feral magical girl and show you how good I am.

Madoka: (cries) Kyubey, why is Sayaka such a dumbass.

Kyubey: I wouldn't have put it like that, but I'm working on it . . . I seriously don't want HR finding out that she didn't know the whole deal before making a contract. There will be mounds of paper work and I'll be replaced!

At night in the Madoka household.

Madoka: (coming down the stairs) Hey Momoka? Can I ask you something?

Momoka: Sure sweety, just pull up a seat.

Madoka: (Sitting down with orange juice) So . . . let's say I have this friend and she ended up getting the part in . . . a "play" I wanted. She's all happy with it, but I really wanted it. What should I do?

Momoka: Well, Madoka, the best thing to do is just be happy for her and let her enjoy her moment to shine. I know it hurts, but you'll have other chances to shine.

Madoka: But what about if she tells me I'm basically a loser and that the part I play will leave me fading into obscurity forever?

Momoka: She said that?

Madoka: More or less . . .

Momoka: Then here is what you do. Tell her to break a leg~

Madoka: Mom, you really think I should be so nice to her after-

Momoka: Then push her down a flight of stairs. Or something like that.

Madoka: Wow mom, thanks you for the great life lesson!

Momoka: You're turning into such a lovely young lady Madoka.

Madoka: He he~

Up on a bridge in the middle of the night.

Kyoko personality 8: So, you wanna battle me again do ya? I'll be sure to take your lunch money too this time.

Sayaka: Ha, if anyone taking lunch money its . . . not . . . you.

Kyoko personality 8: Weak! Fight now!

Homura: (suddenly appears) And what do you think your doing.

Kyoko personality 8: A rival fight? Duh, its an anime tradition.

Homura: Bah, traditions are meant to be broken. I suggest you kill her.

Kyoko personality 8: Number eight just wants lunch money . . .

Madoka: Sayaka!

Sayaka: Huh, background friend character. What are you doing here.

Madoka: . . . (snatches soul gem and runs to edge of bridge) I'm doing it ma!

Sayaka: Madoka, what are you- (Sayaka's eyes go blank and she falls over) Dead.

Kyubey: Do not throw souls!

Homura: No, she wanted this? She can't die yet! (poofs away)

Kyoko personality 8: What the hell just happened? She have an aneurysm or something?

Kyubey: What? Don't you know that your souls are housed in your soul gems?

Kyoko personality 8: Wha?

Kyubey: . . . Oh God I forgot to tell you guys about that didn't I. No wonder you threw it Madoka. You wanted to stop your friend from fighting so you thought throwing her power source would stop her.

Madoka: . . . Right. I had no idea that Sayaka's soul was in there.

Kyubey: . . .

Madoka: . . .

Kyoko personality 8: Number 8 is still confused. My soul is in my shiny gem thing?

Kyubey: Yeah . . . sorry about you finding out about this like- (Kyoko grabs Kyubey by the ears) Ow! Ow! Ow! Not the ears! Not the ears!

Kyoko personality 8: I still keep the Pocky boxes right?

Kyubey: . . . Yes, all eight of them.

Kyoko personality 8: Then I'm good.

Madoka: Pickpocket~

Kyubey: Madoka, are you stealing from your nearly dead friend?

Madoka: Hey, so that's where the taser battery went.

Kyubey: Dear God, what is going on here? Why are you all so crazy?! Why am I having such memory trouble? Who's responsible for all this?!

Homura: (finds gem on truck) Sheesh . . . making a really dark anime is harder than I thought