Chapter 5: All He Sees Is White

The gangplank creaked under Gar's weight, and while his body kept wanting to shift into something more solid and bulky, he told himself that a tiger would do. It also wouldn't make the walkway collapse underneath him like a rhinoceros would. And if he was willing to bet that a cat charging towards those guys in masks freaked them out just as bad as a rhino. He smacked one of them off the ramp with a hefty paw swipe when they got too close to the people running…And the screams got a lot louder when the civilians realized there was a tiger around.

'Oh, COME ON! I'm on your side!' He wanted to yell, but the only thing he could manage was a growl. His mood didn't improve any when he saw another soldier managing to touch down on the ramp…And someone tackled into the attacker's side before he could get close, in the same way a quarterback slammed into someone from the other team.

"…That is so unfair!" Gar snapped as he shifted and watched Mal pitch the mook over the side and into the bay. "Why do you get all the cool moves?"

"Unfair or not, it does the job." Karen replied as her feet touched back down on the ground. She kept her hood pulled snug over her face, glancing back at the fleeing crowd. "I did my best to lead the evacuation in civvies, before rushing back here…Looks like we're holding the situation down so far." Gar wanted to question that, but stopped when she shot him a look that said 'trust me, it could have been a lot worse.'

"Yeah, and that's what worries me." Mal replied as he glanced over the railing before moving towards them. "Look...I'm not an active fighter like you guys, but doesn't it feel weird? It's been really easy getting a handle on this-"

"Right, right." Gar cut in, giving Mal what he hoped looked like a knowing, insightful nod as he rubbed at his chin. "It's sort of like the baddies are just handing us this one?" Karen looked like she wanted to argue that for a second, but then frowned as she shook her head, and went to the purse she'd left at the bottom of the gangplank.

"Either way, better touch base with Conner. Make sure they're not sweeping around to look for him or M'gann..." She trailed off as she scooped her phone out of the front pocket, and began punching in some of the buttons. But as the quiet stretched out, she shook her head. "…Are you kidding me?" Bee scowled at the phone, as if she could scare it into working, and when that failed muttered a collection of words Gar had never considered stringing together like that. "Line's dead, and we're still caught up here trying to evacuate. We can't reach them-"

"But I can!" He leaped over to her, grinning despite the situation. "Just tell me whatever they need to hear, and I'll get it to them right away!" He had to keep his teeth closed around 'See, I KNEW this was a Beast Boy Mission,' although that smug grin across his face probably said plenty. Karen rolled her eyes, while Mal turned away to have a sudden coughing fit.

"...Fine. But listen up, because this is what I need you to do..."

-o-o-o-

It felt like someone tried to drive a rail spike through his skull, and even with his invulnerability had almost succeeded. As Conner rubbed at his head the pain was already starting to fade out, but that didn't make having to muscle through it much easier. His vision blurred as his eyes blinked open, making the room go hazy as his fingers ran over and massaged his temples. Something had been tearing down at him with a touch that was nauseatingly familiar, even after several years. He still knew Psimon's methods…And just how strong his mental grip could be. He was amazed that he'd even managed to hold out against it somehow-

"Conner?" His name drifted out of that dimly lit space and echoed in his head; not in his ears, but as his eyes refocused Superboy could instantly see why. M'gann was hunched over in the far corner of the room, staring down at a pair of gaunt, pale claws. Her red eyes were stretched open in a way that made it clear she couldn't believe those hands were hers. Her mouth parted, but the only sound that came out was a low chittering sound that cut out the second it echoed off the walls. She flinched from her voice, curling in tighter on herself.

'This isn't-' He didn't know how to finish that thought; that this wasn't any of his business, that this didn't concern him and he was only here to make her remember...Which she was a lot closer to, now that she was seeing herself. That was what the still angry and raw part of his thoughts growled at him.

The rest of his head wouldn't let that thought fully process, and that this WAS his business. That he'd felt something pulling his thoughts free from Psimon, with a familiar brush of fierceness that had wrapped itself up in his thoughts for just a second.

The floorboards creaked under his feet as he took the first step towards M'gann. And that anger in his head didn't feel as loud or blaring as before...Not compared to how much his chest hurt when he watched her.

"What am I?" Her voice was so fragile in his ears, shaking the same way her shoulders were quivering and a shudder ran up her neck. He could see her eyes flicker over at him and a solid feeling of terror trying to eat away at his thoughts; it was already shredding through hers...And he could feel something in him wrench when he realized how scared she was of LOOKING at him. That fear of what she might see in his face. He didn't think that he could hate this situation any more, but realizing they were moving through those same doubts and fears from five years ago made him want to punch something. Instead, he forced himself to take a deep breath.

"You're a hero from Mars." He kept his voice steady and level, hoping that she would pick up on that and focus on it instead of her body. But instead her head curled down, and that combined with the fear pouring off her pushed his feet forward several more steps. M'gann caught that motion in the corner of her eye, and flinched as he moved closer. She wouldn't lift her face to look at him, dropping her head lower as her body tensed into a tighter ball. But it at least put her face in easy reach of his hands. He put them both on either side of her head, and his touch must have done something to help her relax; her eyes stopped squeezing shut as they blinked back open to look at him.

"I…" Her throat was still trying to work; he could see her mouth moving, doing whatever she could to form words, but without a human mouth the best she could manage were a few distorted chirps. "I'm like THIS?" And underneath that, he could hear a secondary thought coiling up in her head and trying to squeeze down on her chest; 'This is what I am?'

"Don't." Conner didn't realize how close much he'd leaned in until he felt his bangs brushing against that plate that formed her forehead. That still didn't make him break eye contact, and if anything he looked at her more intently while trying to press those words into place. "Don't think of yourself like that; you just saved me and stood up to that Psimon guy, remember?" Her thoughts gave a slight waver, but they finally laced into and around his words, accepting them for at least the moment.

"And if you want to…You can change back. Trust me, I've seen you do it a million times." He frantically tried to remember what she'd told Gar as he spoke; what he'd overheard during her lessons with him when it came to shape shifting. "Just…Focus on what you want to be." Slowly, it was starting to flow back into his memory, and he clung to those words; if she couldn't remember, then he had to have perfect clarity for both of them. "Think about the feel of your limbs, how they move under your control." A shudder ran through her body as she listened to him, traveling up through her back and neck until her skin fluttered underneath his fingers. Before it subsided, she'd already ducked her head as a low keen slid through her throat.

"I…I can't…'" Her voice was still so impossibly small, muffled under waves of anxiety and confusion that were crashing against her head. And threatening to spill into his, which shot tension straight into his hands. "I can't focus-" And it was true; he could feel how the strangeness of her body and her fear of it kept wearing away at her thoughts. Conner let his breath out slowly between his teeth, gathering his thoughts back up again as he tugged at the planes of her face so he could look her in the eyes.

"Then focus on MY thoughts. I remember what you're like." He could feel her waver for a second, before he pushed his memories of her forward. There was a bare heartbeat of hesitation from M'gann…And then she latched onto them, like they were all that kept her from drowning.

Then again, considering how he could feel her still struggling to hold onto that tiny scrap of calm, that analogy didn't feel too far off the mark. He pushed and sharpened all of his focus on M'gann…On HIS M'gann. Beautiful, tall enough that they easily fit together. That long hair that he could rest his chin against, and how their hands felt, clasped together. The softness of her lips, even the freckles on her face…His heart was picking up, at the same time he could feel something sinking sharp needles into it and holding it so tight he thought his heart would collapse in on itself.

"Conner." That time, he could hear his name clearly in his ears. Not his head. And felt something resting against him, still shivering a little as it made a few more shifts. When he opened his eyes, he found himself looking at the top of M'gann's head, her face tucked under his chin and nestled against his collarbone. He could just pick out how wide her eyes were, and in his head it felt like she needed to pry herself loose from those memories he was still playing through.

Superboy let them go mute as he watched her. Her eyes slowly fell to her hands, looking at them and slowly flexing her fingers to get a feel for them again. Widening for a second when she saw the green skin coating them, a perfect match for his memory. She was still shaking, from her neck to her shoulders-

They must have realized at the same time that her shoulders were bare, and there wasn't much aside from her hair covering them. M'gann gasped while Conner yanked his eyes back up and turned his head away from her, stammering out an apology.

"I didn't think you'd shift back like that; I thought you had those clothes-" It was only then that his eyes picked out the torn remains of her outfit, strewn across the floor in shreds.

The second that clicked, Conner let his jacket slide off his shoulders and into his hands as he moved towards her. M'gann didn't turn, even though his footsteps were loud against the floor. She only reacted as his jacket fell across her back, jolting her head up and giving a murmured, almost half-aware "thank you."

Even with a coat between his fingers and her skin, he could pick out the feel of M'gann's shoulder and collarbone; it had never felt so fragile before, like a dried out leaf that was fluttering in the breeze. Her breath was fluttering as well, and he could see her shoulders getting pushed back as she fought to get more air into her lungs and even out her heart rate.

"You keep saving me," her voice was hushed as she ran her fingers over the collar of his jacket. "I'm amazed that you keep going through all that trouble…"

"Well…Technically, you did just save me from Psimon, and you helped with that fight from before. So I think we're more or less even?" He offered, but that didn't do much for the tension curling up in her…Though it did convince her to lift her head enough to look at him.

"I-I guess."

"…And it's not trouble." His voice was low as she turned around to fully face him. Her hands pulled his coat close around her, but even with that layer on, he could see how the night air was biting at her skin and sinking into her limbs. His arms twitched, wanting to wrap her up and hold her close against his chest-

He blinked when he felt a weight against his shoulder, and saw that she was resting her head against him. Her weight shifted forward as the adrenaline seeped out of her muscles, and her balance wobbled. THAT was when his arms decided all on their own to wrap around her shoulders, and take that weight off of her feet. She gave a low sigh from his touch, not once moving from her spot against his chest. He couldn't help but rest his head against her hair for a second, letting them move back into place.

It took time for realization to slip in past that warm fog in his head, and the intoxication of his lips brushing against her forehead. But once it did, he pulled back so quickly it was almost a flinch.

"S-sorry," his voice came out weirdly hushed, almost shy in his ears. M'gann was blinking at him, half her focus clearly set on what it had felt like to be curled up against him. "I shouldn't have-" he almost got back up to speaking volume, until she made up her own mind and bumped her head back against his. Her voice was a low thrum against his cheek, wordless but still carrying plenty of meaning. She hummed against him, and as he tentatively traced circles over her shoulders, Conner could feel her relaxing one breath at a time.

"…Wow. Um, do you two need some time alone?" She also tensed up a second time when that voice broke in and forced both their heads up. When his eyes focused on the broken window, Conner could just pick out a blob of green sitting on the edge, and a beak that had somehow worked itself into having a smug smile.

"You've got thirty seconds to explain why I shouldn't be using your tail for a feather duster. I'd start talking." Conner growled out.

"Geez!" Garfield squawked at him. "Fine, fine; Bumblebee saw that the battery on your phone must have died, so she sent me back to look for you. And she wanted me to pass a message on when I found you; so is that good enough for you?"

"…Go on." Conner finally growled out, while M'gann kept staring at the green talking bird.

"She said that they've evacuated all the civilians, but she's worried that there might be something else coming, like those attack goons were just the first wave. And she wants to meet and relay with you." He canted his head to the side when he was done, waiting for Conner's response.

"…Okay, look. Tell her that…Tell Bumblebee that I need her to come up here. We're okay so far, but I'm not sure about moving her just yet. She's…We've both had a rough time. And see if you can find something that she can wear." That feathered head quirked to the side again, giving them a careful look.

"Okaaaay," Gar said, with a 'Karen isn't going to like this' underneath his voice. Conner responded by rolling his shoulders in a shrug; he wasn't going to go dragging M'gann through the halls again while she was like that. "Uh, anything else I should tell her?"

"That it would be good if you hurried. Psimon is here too, and I don't want to be around when he gets back." His voice was sharp on the end, which spurred Gar to take off into the air with a whirr of feathers. It was only after that flutter of wings dropped out to the edges of his hearing that Conner picked up another sound. Fast, stuttering breaths…And when he looked back at M'gann, he could see how much her sides were quivering. When she looked up at him, he could just make out tears collecting at the edges of her eyes.

"M-" he caught himself on her name just in time. "Megan?"

"I'm sorry. But I…You ever feel like you can just remember something you lost?"

'All the time.' He thought, but settled for nodding instead.

"I just…Thought that, when you were…H-holding me. Like this happened before. That you're…Someone so important to me, but I can't remember WHY-" she cut off, and Conner realized how his arms were squeezing against her. Keeping her pressed tight against his chest until he could feel her breathing, and he forced them to relax and give them some distance.

…Though even when he let go, she didn't move very far from him. Her voice was close to a whisper as she continued. "But I know what I'm not, now. I'm not…Megan. I'm not some ordinary girl…And I can't pretend that I am any longer." Her voice settled into something more decisive as she spoke, as she started to blink away those tears in her eyes.

"I'm M'gann…Whoever that is." And beneath that firmness she was trying to force into her voice, he could also pick out an undercurrent of fear; over who "M'gann" might actually be. His throat wouldn't let him speak, so instead he cradled her against his chest, and hoped that his grip was steady enough for both of them.

-o-o-o-

"Glad to see you brought Thunderbird One with you." It was amazing how Superboy could fit wry and tired into the same sentence. Mal just rolled his eyes and muttered "Don't you start, either." while Karen helped M'gann into a change of clothes.

Gar's main focus was on bounding over to where M'gann sat, once she was dressed.

"You know, I found that!" Gar let some pride slip into his voice as he looked at her new shirt. "That red X on the fabric has the same feel as my costume, so it was easy enough for me to pick it out!" It didn't hurt that he'd gotten sick of standing around and went tearing through the dresser until his fingers snagged on something that felt familiar...But he decided not to bring that up just yet. "I did good, huh?"

"Y-yeah. Yeah, you did." M'gann tugged at the edges of her shirt, looking unsure on how to make it fit properly.

"S-" He almost called her sis, and had to swallow the word before it got out of his throat. Somehow, she didn't look ready for that, on top of everything else. "M-M'gann? I can call you M'gann, right?" When she nodded, he continued with a little more confidence. "You know you can shift that around, since it's made out of the same material as my suit?"

He tapped his chest, while M'gann managed to dip her head in a nod. "Yes, I...I'm starting to figure that out?" Her eyes flickered over to Conner, and her voice dropped to a murmur. "Conner told me about changing shapes before, and...Helped..." He had to bite his tongue to keep from asking how, and if that had to do with their cuddling session from before. M'gann was closing her eyes by then, resting her hand over her chest where the red lines crossed to form an X. "Just concentrate..." That sounded more like it was for herself then anything else, but as she breathed out her shirt slowly started to stretch and darken, tracing down under her skirt until she was cloaked from neck to toe in a familiar, dark suit. When M'gann opened her eyes, her gaze was instantly caught on it, while her hand tightened into a fist.

"This feels familiar, somehow."

"How familiar?" Her eyes narrowed as she shook her head back and forth, like she was trying to shift something into place in her thoughts.

"It's...Hard to put into words. I keep feeling like there's something right at the edge of my thoughts that I can almost remember...But it's always out of my reach. It's like I'm just getting flashes of something before a bag gets pulled back over my head."

"Hey, do you remember anything about me?" He winced as the question worked out of his mouth, already feeling a sharp pain in the back of his head that told him he shouldn't have asked that; not if he could already guess the answer, and how much he wouldn't like it. She'd say no, and he'd be left alone again-

M'gann was already shaking her head, too. But she froze for a moment, staring straight through him as her mouth started to work. "I...I really wish I could-" Her hand balled into a tighter fist, and she looked ready to drive it into the ground. "I just keep thinking it's something important."

"Okay. Well...That's better then nothing at all?" He offered, as much for himself as for her, while M'gann's eyes kept looking into thin air and trying to pull answers from it.

"And I don't know why, but I'm sorry for...For something?"

"Maybe it's because...You left." He HATED how nasty those words tasted on his tongue, but choked them out anyway. Even when it made M'gann start and stare back at him for a heartbeat. "I get that things were rough, but...Why did you have to leave?"

"Oh Gar…" She whispered, and he could see how wide her eyes went as his name slipped out. She touched her lips as she tested the name again. "Gar, I'm…I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you why, but I don't remember…I wish you hadn't felt any of that though."

"I wish you hadn't left." He repeated, as M'gann wrapped him up in a tight hug. And even though she wasn't sounding exactly like his sister, it was familiar enough that he was ready to drop his forehead onto her shoulder.

"...Wow. And I thought this night couldn't throw anymore surprises at me." M'gann's head jerked up at the new voice before he could do more then register that there was someone standing in the doorway. When he finally managed to focus his eyes, Gar picked out black hair, and a face he knew he'd just seen a few minutes ago.

"W-wendy!?" M'gann's voice was a squeak, as her hands went tight around his shoulders.

"Oh man...Girl, what are you doing here?" Karen was on her feet and moving towards Wendy, shoulders tense; as though she couldn't decide whether to push the other girl outside, or pull her in and out of sight. Wendy solved that by stepping inside herself, glancing around.

"It wasn't too hard to find everyone; I just had to watch where that green parrot-"

"Oh for...I'm a BUDGIE in that form! Why doesn't anyone ever get that!?" Wendy continued over Gar's outburst.

"...Watch where he went, which was straight up. And I figured the only safe place to go was the lounge...So here I am. I was already wondering when HE burst through the window...Didn't expect to find my roommate in green skin, though." His sister bunched up over that, tense enough that it felt like she was trying to hide behind him. Gar could just hear her murmur "...Green isn't as bad as before..." Which Wendy must have caught. She shrugged past Superboy and Karen, didn't do more then give Mal a blink and a small wave before she knelt down next to M'gann. One of his sister's hands was eased off Gar's shoulder when Wendy took it into hers, and M'gann gave a small "But...Why are you here?"

"Because...Look, I'm seeing a bunch of weird stuff tonight, but that doesn't compare to seeing my best friends get shot at. People in tights and with green skin or not, I don't want to leave any of you twisting in the wind."

"Fine," Superboy growled that in a way that made Gar think he meant the exact opposite. "But how are you supposed to help?"

"Well, Conner Kent," and her voice had a definite smugness to it, with how he double took at his civilian name. "I'm alert enough to pick out who you are. AND that there's something wrong outside."

"Woah, woah...Hold up a minute." Mal stepped between the Superboy and Wendy, looking Wendy right in the eye. "What do you mean, wrong? What'd you see?"

"...To be honest, I didn't want to stay too long in one place to look for sure, but I know I saw of something moving up the other side of the boat. And NO ONE that's part of the school is going to stick around after the gunfire and the fire alarm. I think..."

"...Hon, we're not out of the woods yet." Karen looked back from her spot at the window, pulling the goggles up from her head so she wasn't blinking through the filters.

"...Dammit." Superboy gave a growl of his own, scowling out into the dark. His eyes darted back and forth, while his lip curled up to show his teeth. "She's right. Two squads closing in. They've got us closed off on two points." Gar could already feel his fur starting to stand up on end, as several points started to sink in; the first that getting outside without getting shot at, and probably filled with lead, was going to be next to impossible with Wendy and M'gann. The second was that any help from the League or the authorities would be a good hour away.

From how Mal was tensing up, he must have realized that too. He stood at the window, his knuckles going white as they rested on the sill. "...We're going to need a better plan if we're going to survive this."

Wendy paced towards Karen, and Gar could just catch a flicker of her fingers brushing over the other girl's wrist. He thought for a second that he could see Wendy looking for...Something. Maybe assurance. "I...Don't suppose we're going to get anymore flying tables? Those helped a lot last time."

Superboy and Mal were both looking at M'gann as Wendy spoke; Mal with a worried look, Superboy fighting to keep from blanching. And M'gann...

...His sister was still a knot of tension and shivers. But she wasn't curled in on herself quite as much when she looked up. "I-I might be able to help? I still don't remember a lot, but..." She pulled herself to her feet, looking between Gar and everyone else as he tried to give her hand a reassuring squeeze. "...I don't want to wait around for another attack. Or for Psimon-"

"...Hell. Psimon is here, isn't he?" Superboy didn't QUITE flinch when Mal cut her off, settling for a curt nod instead.

"Yeah. We had to deal with him before...And I think that if he's going to try something else, we're going to need to be at top strength." And they weren't going to manage that with M'gann having holes in her memory. She must have known that too, from the way her grip tightened around Gar's hand, and how she looked Superboy straight in the eye.

"Conner? Like I said before...I'll do what I can. And if..." She trailed off, glancing up. Gar only got the beginning of a "Wh-" onto his tongue when she went from staring to clutching at her head. Her mouth was open in a scream, but all that came out was a high pitched breath.

But on the edge of that, he could just pick out something else. A noise like a skreel of static that was cutting in on the edges of his hearing. And it wasn't just him, as Superboy yanked his head up. His eyes were wide, all white with just pinpricks of blue in them, while his teeth were showing in a snarl.

"S-" M'gann's mouth was still trying to move, right as that shrill noise sunk right into Gar's head like a set of teeth. Her words jolted out as the others started to flinch. "Psimon!" He could barely hear the name over how much his head was pounding. His vision was going dark as M'gann pulled herself upright, standing as straight as possible on her knees as she stared out towards the windows. The vise kept squeezing at his thoughts, and he could FEEL something smug behind that attack. Like the creepy psychic guy was right behind all of them, holding them immobile by the scruffs of their necks. Superboy was still thrashing, and his shoulder crashed against M'gann. And somehow, that seemed to make things shift into place as her mouth snapped shut from his touch.

"NO." The word crackled across his head, cutting through the noise. "Not going to happen again-" M'gann's voice blared loud, and he swore there was a flash green that splashed across his vision as something crashed into what was clamping at his head. The two presences grappled for a second as M'gann's head jerked back-

And then everything went silent, as she slumped to the ground. The paralysis snapped out of his limbs as M'gann's eyes rolled shut and she crashed into the floor, limp and motionless. A second later, and Superboy thudded against the ground as well. M'gann was out cold, and Superboy was stretched out on the floor next to her, equally motionless. "Oh, no..." Gar had time to mutter, just as he heard the first faint footfalls as the soldiers stepped onto the ship deck.