Normandy SR-2, Engineering Deck, Engine Room – Battle of Horizon
Gabby and Ken gripped their terminals, knuckles white and faces focused. It turned out Horizon would be a groundside campaign, but when faced with possible Reaper technology that could change in a heartbeat. They stared eagle-eyed at the hologram of the hulking Collector Ship, checking for any signs of change or movement, fearful of even blinking. A premature take-off launched by the enemy would mean an emergency extraction of Shepard and the team. Such a feat would be impossible without pinpoint timing and execution, and then they would have to either reach the Mass Relay first or do battle. Despite the proficiency of the SR-2 and its staff, not to mention a universally-shared hatred of the Reapers and their insect-like puppets, adequate standards for upgrades that would allow a direct confrontation with the Collectors were not yet reached. They still had yet to install either the Thanix Canon or Silaris Armour, meaning that right now the Normandy was little more than a big target with only a slightly better arsenal that its predecessor.
The enemy ship stuck out from the verdant green surface like an unsightly cancerous growth, plunging the colony into shadow. Even in a miniaturised form it was a hideous creation; every bit as unnatural and enigmatic as Sovereign had been, a bastardised union or organic and synthetic material from a time best forgotten. Kenneth felt a mixture of fear and disgust as he watched the monstrosity curse the planet with its very presence. So many helpless people were trapped within its walls and unless the team did their job right, so many more would be taken. As he glanced to his side he saw that Gabby wore the same expression that she'd adopted moments before the Perugia had cleared the Arcturus Relay en route to the climax of the Geth War.
Gabby and Ken's training and talent was almost unmatched and they had no shortage of faith in the abilities of their Commander and his team, but nothing could have prepared them for the rush of familiarity and excitement felt when at last the real enemy revealed themselves for another fight. They solemnly thought of Sovereign's victims – tens of thousands of good, selfless men and women slaughtered for no other reason than existing. They thought of the betrayal of the glorious dead by the Alliance and Council, who became eager to bury everything that would have made that sacrifice worthwhile. They thought of all the colonists who now suffered because of this incompetence. Kenneth's face was still white and his temperature high but nothing would keep him from this assignment. This was exactly why they had joined Cerberus. Everyone stolen, terrorised and killed, human or not, would be avenged.
They sure as hell aren't taking you Gabby.
Gabby and Ken waited and watched as the ground team tore through Horizon below. Shepard had taken Garrus, Jack and Kasumi, who to her annoyance had promised an insistent, almost tearful Kelly that she'd look out for Shepard, while the remaining squad stayed behind statically awaiting orders. All except for Zaeed and Grunt, who kept up their bizarre routine of simple and seemingly banal board games which always hid some deeper, darker meaning or symbolised a grisly life lesson that Zaeed would share in no less than twenty minutes with anyone who couldn't get away quick enough. Unfortunately for Jacob; 'scissors cuts paper,' meaning the task of telling Miranda she'd be left on the ship for their most important mission yet had fallen to him. Jacob was still unharmed and tending to the weapons in the armoury, but the prospect of the Ice Queen ever being melted was looking miniscule at this point.
"Engineers Donnelly and Daniels: please stand by as I am currently interfacing with the colony's GARDIAN Laser Towers," EDI declared in her cool, ubiquitous voice. They exchanged a determined look. The colonial defence system was top-of-the-line yet untested. Anything could happen, from an explosive backfire that would wipe out the ground team, to a short-circuit that would do nothing to harm the Collector ship at all.
"So we fire up and use the GARDIANS," Kenneth muttered to his friend. "What if that fails?"
"You whip on the old kilt and moon them into surrender," said Gabby, her eyes snapping back to the hologram. "If that fails, I jettison the toilet's contents from last night, sound okay to you?"
"Just another stag party in Glasgow," he said. "Which gives us a plan A, B and C, not bad."
The lasers came online and finally began their pounding of the unwelcome dreadnought. Shards of the Collector Ship flew off, looking small golden sparks in their holographic form. Kenneth felt a surge of pride as he watched the myth of Collector invincibility come to an end. At last they were fighting back. But the moment was short, as a different surge came immediately afterwards; a massive tremor which shook the entire Normandy, almost threw the engineers into Jack's pit on the sub-deck and ruined Zaeed and Grunt's game of Connect Four.
"Guys it's taking off!" This time it was Joker's frantic voice which rang through the room. The tremors intensified, setting off the deck's alarm system. "I'm maximising our kinetic barriers, God help us we may also have to use the Javelins. Kenneth; watch the power draw on the fusion plant."
"Got it," said Kenneth as he uploaded another hologram.
"Gabby," continued Joker, "keep an eye on the antiporons' aft exhaust port. If we have to use evasive manoeuvres they'll get a hell of a kick and this really isn't the time or place to stall the engine."
"Done," she said, beginning a diagnostic of the ship's thrusters and preparing for the worst.
"Oh and Kenneth, one more thing," Joker added.
"What?"
"No matter what happens…Gabby wuvs you!"
Gabby's face reddened as the sound of whooping and high-fives could be heard through the speakers. Kenneth refocused his eyes onto the screens in front of him, trying not to look too bothered by this.
"Twat."
It happened with incredible speed. The colossal eyesore shot upwards, leaving a smoking crater and dozens of shattered buildings in its wake. Kenneth's breath caught in his throat, his hand trembling on the keyboard in anticipation. This was it.
"Gab, we may have to resort to B."
"Have you waxed that zone recently?"
"No."
"All the worse for them." Gabby's wit under fire never ceased to amaze him.
To their surprise, the long-awaited exchange of hypervelocity firepower never came. It seemed the Collectors would rather leave with half a day's work done than risk sticking around having to deal with a damaged hull and pissed off Commander Shepard. The creatures flew straight past the SR-2 and before long were off the ship's sensors, heading straight back to the Omega 4 Relay to lick their wounds and process their findings in gruesome ways. Calm silence returned as the chorus of quakes, beeps and alarms died down.
Gabby laughed derisively. "That's right, run you little bastards!" Their mission was far from over, but the ship was intact and to her relief Kenneth had gotten through it without repainting the room's surfaces with his innards.
"Good news, everyone!" said Mordin over the intercom, sounding more excited than usual. "Seeker Swarm countermeasure consistent, direct combat a success; two thirds of colony saved!"
Kenneth whooped and pounded his terminal. "Consider your daddybags kicked! And here I was thinking we'd have to resort to plan C."
Gabby patted his shoulder. "Maybe next time, Ken." Her voice then turned sweeter, yet much more forceful. "And until that time comes, you'll be in the doc's office, and you aren't leaving until you're well again." Ken's hatred of doctors went back to an eventful and most regrettable night during their first semester at Tech Academy but Gabby's tolerance for his excuses was wearing thin.
Kenneth looked like a child hearing a yell of bedtime. "Can I leave early if Chakwas jokes about my nationality?"
"No Kenneth."
"What if she's been indoctrinated by the Reapers?"
"Yes Kenneth."
"What if she performs a faux prostate exam just to see the look on my face?"
"No Kenneth."
"What if she tries to seduce me?"
"Highly unlikely but, yes Kenneth."
"What if she tries to indoctrinate me through a faux prostate exam which is just a front to plant Reaper tech up my-"
"JUST GO DAMMIT!"
He skipped out of the room.
The battle's immediate aftermath went as expected; Shepard hadn't uttered two words before he was fighting off Kelly, who didn't wait to begin questioning him on the status of his relationship with Ashley Williams. Jack slunk back into her quarters without paying any heed to the adulation, stopping only to once more laugh at Kelly over the 'copper-crotch' gaffe ("man, you Cerberus bitches really crack me up!") and Garrus resumed his saga of uninterrupted calibrating. After three hours of untraceable absence, Kasumi showed up in her room while Kenneth underwent a lengthy medical examination at his best friend's behest. It had been a dampened success. The team had met a vastly larger and more advanced force with no squad casualties, but one third of a Terminus colony locked up and en route to their end. Team building and upgrade gathering would be the only step forward and before the day was through they were Haestrom-bound.
Normandy SR-2, Deck 3, Kasumi's Room
Kasumi removed the neural implant and placed it back in the drawer.
I swore to stop doing this all the time Keiji, but you're making it so damn hard.
Her attempts to move past spending all free moments living in the Graybox's memories had partially motivated the wager. The other reason was far more personal.
I may have lost you Keiji, but I won't let those two miss out on what we had.
The knock at her door was no doubt from Kelly. Kasumi felt like giving up on hoping her friend would ever discover the devices – the vibrant redhead and gone to sleep with four more hidden on her person following her unexpected change of clothes yesterday.
"Come in!"
Kelly entered, looking as dishevelled as she always did whenever Shepard was within five hundred feet. Kasumi leapt backwards onto her bed with silent, dextrous grace and resumed her usual cross-legged sitting position.
"What's up?" the thief asked.
Kelly sat on the leather sofa though remained stiff-backed and missing her usual friendly smile. "I'd like to discuss our little bet," she said.
Kasumi pulled a patronising face and cocked her head to one side. Kelly was never this concise. All the other discussions the yeoman started with her had been preceded by several minutes of small talk on either the wonders of a sustained dalliance with Shepard or asking which memories of Keiji she was most fond of. It seemed her opponent was getting cold feet.
"Aaaawwww," Kasumi crooned. "Only one day into a bout of healthy competition and you want to discuss it? What's the matter, can't stand the heat?" Issuing such challenges in a high adrenaline, post-mission environment had been her favourite method for getting a rise out of Keiji. He was never one to back down.
Don't you disappoint me again Kelly Chambers.
"I think it's time we discussed the priiiiiiiiiiiiiize," Kelly said through a yawn. "Sorry, late night." The yeoman cleared her throat, "the prize of this wager."
"Oh, what brought this on?" Kasumi's look was playful yet challenging.
"Let's cut to the chase, how much money?"
There it was again. That abrupt, no-nonsense tone. Kasumi knew that right now getting Gabby and Ken together was like convincing a volus to perform a striptease on Therum and accomplishing such an act would no doubt leave the successful matchmaker wanting something more than bragging rights, but what had brought about the change in Kelly's demeanour?
"How about we start with the cost of my shirt?" Kelly folded her arms and leaned back, though her expression was anything but relaxed.
Yes!
"What an unusual place to start at," Kasumi said with her best attempt at incredulity.
"Not really," Kelly said, idly stroking her brand new Cerberus personnel badge. "Especially considering what Mess Sergeant Gardener told me about that strange 'coffee stain' which somehow ruined my last one. Along with one of our washing machines."
"Honey, you're not making any sense." Kasumi wished she had more opportunities in life to play dumb.
Kelly pointed at her badge. "You used a distraction device," she said in a blunt, impatient tone. "It struck me as rather underhanded."
"We didn't go over any detailed rules," Kasumi said in her defense. "You're in a bet with a thief, what did you expect? Anyway you lied! You went straight down there to Gabby. Booty call with Shepard my ass!"
Kelly frowned.
"No pun intended," Kasumi added, though this was not the cause of Kelly's frown.
"Never mind the pun, how did you know I was...you put a tracking device on me too?" she cried.
Kasumi shrugged, letting that trademark mischievous grin spread over her face. "All's fair in love, war and galactic extinction cycles."
And you're getting plenty of the former.
"I can't believe you'd resort to that!"
"You gave a sappy speech, that's the oldest trick in the book!" Kasumi hadn't needed a device of any kind to figure that out.
Kelly didn't pursue the argument; if Kasumi wanted to go this far then fine.
"There's something else," she said. "Shepard just got three more dossiers and a distress call from the Illusive Man. We're going straight after Tali on Haestrom. Joker's headed for the Relay right now."
This would be a most interesting development. "Scared Miss Chambers?"
"Of course not. Tali's going to be spending all her time down there with them and it won't be long before she realises those two need to be locked up until they realise they're in love. Who knows, this game may even end up with a third participant. If Tali wants to play along I'm fine with it."
"Then we'll just have to put the wager's prize at whichever cost covers one Cerberus shirt and one ruined distraction device which comes to," Kasumi checked her omni-tool's calculator. "Seventy-eight credits."
No way is it gonna stay that low.
Kelly stood up and nodded. "Agreed. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to show Shepard why he shouldn't go back to Ashley Williams."
She turned and marched off but then stopped by the open door. "Oh, and I want every one of your devices gone, period. Not just the kinds I didn't mention."
Kasumi reluctantly came forward and removed three minuscule devices from Kelly's hair and one from her trousers.
"Oh," said the thief with an awkward expression, "you and Shepard haven't been…intimate in the last twenty-four hours have you?"
Kelly laughed. "Does the Illusive Man watch Box News?"
The tension dissipated and Kelly and Kasumi shared a lengthy bout of giggling, which Kelly from recovered first. "To answer your question; a couple of times," her face changed. This clearly unsettled her. "Why?"
Kasumi breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh...well, in that case it's probably been destroyed. Bye!"
She closed and locked the door, leaving a wide-eyed Kelly standing there.
No need to tell her that last one was a joke.
Normandy SR-2, Deck 2, CIC, Crew Workstations – Twenty minutes after The Battle of Haestrom
"Yes!" Matthews breathed, rubbing his hands together as the mission reports came up on the crew database. "Tali Zorah has arriiiiiiiiived! Do you think she'll be hot?" He looked around to his colleagues Patel, Goldstein, Hawthorne and Joker who were seated nearby at their usual posts. "I bet she'll be hot!"
Patel paused her game of solitaire and tutted. "What is it your obsession with quarians?"
"Why the hell do you even need to ask that?" asked a dumbfounded Hawthorne. "Have you seen the quarian body shape? Beautiful! Miranda needs modded genes to fit into modded jeans but with those girls it's all natural!"
"Don't forget the accents!" interjected Matthews, "those lovely girls with their sultry, vaguely eastern-European accents." He sighed dreamily and leaned back in his chair, lost in thought. "They're like Bond villainesses in candy wrappers!"
Goldstein chortled. "How much quarian action has that line got you?"
"None," he admitted, eyes still on the ceiling. "But soon enough none of that'll matter." He leaned over and gave her a nudge. "Lighten up Goldie, weren't you once stationed on Horizon?"
"Yes," she murmured. "But I didn't dodge a fatal bullet so I could spend my days listening to this shit."
Matthews shook his head. "So, so cynical," he stretched and cracked his knuckles. "Mark my words Goldie, before the day is done I'll be up to my eyes in dextro-DNA pie!"
"You?" said Hawthorne with cutting disbelief. "I think Tali's a girl who wants a bit of experience and you're hardly the kind of..."
The elevator doors hissed open and two occupants stepped into view.
"Dude!" Hawthorne suddenly gasped. The flamboyant technician lurched forwards and almost fell out of his seat, eyes round as saucers. "Epic hips at twelve o'clock!"
There she was in all her curvaceous glory. She stood at Shepard's side as the Spectre pointed to each part of the deck, giving her a brief summary. But unfortunately for Matthews and Hawthorne, Tali's grand tour of the ship and their grand tour of Tali would have to wait a little longer. A brief, slack-jawed glimpse of the machinist was cut short as Jacob beckoned them into the Briefing Room.
Matthews wolf-whistled. "Oh manthe rumours were true! I'd let my Fleet Migrate into her Flotilla any day."
The others stared at him.
"Y'know…" he said sheepishly, "my sperm?"
"Oh, of course!" said Hawthorne.
Patel stuffed her fingers in her ears, trying to block out the inevitable avalanche of lechery. Why hadn't she possessed Goldstein's intuition and brought a pair of earphones for her omni-tool? Hawthorne then began the inane exchange and his friend gladly met the challenge.
"I'd Keelah her se'lai!"
"I would vas that Neema!"
"I'd Traverse her Perseus Veil!"
"I'd probe her dark space!"
"I'd stim those nerves!"
"I'd take her on a pelvic Pilgrimage."
"Guys, will you shut up?"Patel snapped. It turned out fingers in the ears were no match for the raised voices of two young men in heat.
"But who first?" whispered Matthews dramatically, ignoring the woman's protests. Two pairs of eyes narrowed. There was only one way to settle this.
"Rock, paper, scissors, genophage, KROGAN!" they yelled in unison, shaking their hands and forming the appropriate signs.
"Yes!" Matthews hissed with a pump of clenched fists and thrust of the hips. "Paper outlaws genophage, seeya later! I'm off to get my vote…" he took a deep breath and stared at the Briefing Room door…"Tali'd."
"That doesn't even make any sense!" Patel snapped, enraged at this man's idea of humour.
Matthews rounded on her. "It doesn't have to! I'm about to score, be happy for me!" he marched off, slapping his face and mumbling to himself.
For all the annoyance and reluctant amusement she was feeling, Patel couldn't supress her nagging concern. A high-ranking quarian aboard a Cerberus ship would cause enough tension without Matthews attempting to boldly go where no microbe had gone before. She shifted towards Goldstein, who in turn removed her earphones.
"Does Matthews even know about Cerberus' history with the Migrant Fleet?" she whispered. "You know, the Ascension Project calamity, Miranda's attempt to 'interrogate' Veetor, the constant whispers of spies and sabotage from both sides?"
"I would tell him," said Joker from his seat up front. "But c'mon, where's the fun in that?" He swivelled the leather chair, wearing an excited smirk. "Something tells me he needs to find out for himself, however painful and entertaining it may be." The Helmsman then stroked a recently-bandaged wrist. "Plus that high-five he gave me during Horizon was really aggressive and I'm not in a very forgiving mood."
"Hey Hawthorne," said Goldstein. "Why didn't Miranda christen Matthews a Glorified Fratboy?"
Hawthorne stroked his chin and racked his memory. "I think she said he's more of an oversized pre-schooler."
Normandy SR-2, Engineering Deck, Engine Room
A disappointing and anticlimactic affair had unfolded at Haestrom; nowhere near as exciting as Horizon. Upon reaching the planet, Gabby and Ken took to their stations itching for another meeting with the geth warships. But the synthetic race's occupation of the former quarian-controlled planet had been so long that for efficiency's sake all time and resources were focused on establishing a strong, fortified groundside force. The only traces of geth ship activity had been signals from infantry and artillery dropships which, thanks to the SR-2's Stealth Systems and use of the Kodiak Drop Shuttle, remained focused on the ground team. Disturbing reports of Haestrom's dying sun forwarded to them by Shepard during the mission also explained the gradual withdrawal of geth from the area, meaning that the role of Gabby and Ken had only been symbolic today.
Gabby set down her Rubik's Cube; an object never before used during an actual military encounter with a known enemy. "Sometimes I wish we weren't aboard such an advanced ship," she sighed. "We just don't have as much to do as we did back in the day."
"Yeah, never thought I'd be this bored on a Cerberus mission under Shepard," Kenneth grumbled into the hand that had propped up his head for the last thirty minutes. "Fancy another game of I Spy?"
Gabby shook her head. "Nah. It was fun for the first hour but..." she turned her head towards Jack's pit and lowered her voice. "I'm sick of Jack offering obscene suggestions. How do you spot a 'rimjob' in an Engine Room?"
"No worries Gab," he chirped. "I'm sure this Tali will bring enough entertaining outlets with her." He checked the time on his terminal, "where is she anyway? The Kodiak docked a while ago."
Gabby and Ken had had little time to adequately prepare for the arrival of the woman who'd be taking over the newly-created post of Chief Engineer. They were glad to have more help aboard the ship. Fighting the Collectors to a standstill on the ground was impressive but had the SR-2 itself become the main target of the conflict, the results would have been catastrophic. According to Shepard, Tali's work on the SSV's kinetic barriers had proven invaluable and she would gladly overlook the difficulties of collaborating with Cerberus if it meant returning to work on such a ship.
"By the way," continued Kenneth with a certain suggestiveness in his voice. "Did I mention I had dibs on the lovely lady?"
"Yeah right, she's suited and masked Kenny, not blind and deaf."
Hypocrite, Gabby thought. If our new boss was a tall, scarred male turian you'd shit a brick and throw it at him. But this was no time to start another fight, and she'd only be that bothered if his intentions were sincere.
"Team!" Shepard's strong voice rang through the speakers, returning them to full awareness. Shepard's voice had that effortless quality of instilling a determined focus into all it commanded; despite the fact that this time Kelly's unmistakable giggling in the background reduced the announcement's severity. "We've torn two Reaper allies new ones on consecutive days..." The Commander stopped for a few seconds to let the Normandy's residents make their varied noises of approval. "Which means we'll all be heading to Ilium for a celebratory shore leave before resuming recruitment!"
A soft, distinctive beep then told Gabby and Ken Shepard had reallocated the transmission to the Engine Room alone. "Tali's headed your way guys, and according to EDI she just fired up a Combat Drone in the CIC." Shepard's tone was hushed, he sounded rather flustered.
Gabby's eyebrows formed a pained expression, Kenneth gulped. Shepard noticed the nervous pause and continued.
"I don't know if it was accidental or not but still…well, just be careful. I trust both of you completely, but Cerberus and the Migrant Fleet have some very nasty history. Tali's coming from a lifetime in the Migrant Fleet being raised on stories about the prejudices against her people and the evils of artificial intelligence, which was not helped by Jacob just a few moments ago. So just ma- not now Kelly! Just make her feel comfortable, show her around and lay off the flirting for the first few weeks."
"He's talking about you, Gabby," Kenneth whispered. She flipped him off.
"Understood?" Shepard queried.
"Aye, aye sir," said Gabby.
Rather than the usual loud buzz of the speakers dying down, Gabby and Ken heard the soft drone emanate from the speaker for a few seconds longer. A muffled giggle followed…then a lustful male voice.
"Now where were we?" It was Shepard, and from his tone this was not an intentional part of the transmission.
"That's it baby," moaned Kelly, "punish me, I've been a bad girl!" she yelped pleasurably after a loud crack.
"You like that, don't you slut?"
Gabby and Ken closed their eyes in horror and Jack spat out her snack. A ship-wide power failure would be really welcome right now.
"KELLY!" Shepard roared, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LET GO OF THE DAMN BUTTON!"
Normandy SR-2, Deck 2, CIC
Rolston yawned and shambled out of the elevator, glad to have caught a quick nap following the strenuous intensity of having to work through the Horizon and Haestrom missions with so little sleep. He eagerly awaited the next message from his family. Little Becky would probably be learning to walk soon. But as soon as the thought crossed his mind he found himself flat on his face, having tripped over some large object on the floor. It was Matthews. He was curled up in a foetal position, clutching his stomach and breathing raggedly. Rolston collected himself and knelt by his colleague's side.
"My god Matthews," he said. "Are you alright? What the hell happened?"
"Ice pack," Matthews gurgled. The colour was draining from his stunned face. "Get me...an ice pack quick!"