Hey everyone! Once again, I'm sorry about not updating sooner. School is really kicking my butt (curse college algebra honors!)

Special thanks to: Shadow-wolf78, Wolfwind97, Guest, Melissa, Gothic Nightmare, Nicole, Dragon, Gershwin073, Glarinetta, Cata007, abusenarniadreamer1, abuseAurora Abbot, abusenarniadreamer1, Archer0378, abusenarniadreamer1, abuseHopeForDuende and anyone else I forgot to mention!

This chapter is much longer than previous ones and I can't personally tell if that's a good thing lol. Some parts of this chapter I really love but other parts not so much.

ALSO! This chapter has many references to the last chapter so you may want to reread that to understand some of the story.

Warnings: Language, mild talk of self-harm, angst AND sexual content (yeppers, you read that right!)

Chapter 6: Lost Connections

Once upon a time, the Sun and the Moon coexisted in the sky. They were always side by side, casting both rays of flaming heat, and shadows of chilling winter. The Sun secretly fell deeply in love with the Moon, but he soon realized that he was choking out the other's beauty. So now the Sun dies every day to let the Moon breathe.

Lydia ran her hand carelessly over the jeep's dashboard, loving the way the vehicle hummed beneath her fingertips. The jeep was possibly her favorite place in the world. It held memories, their memories and she felt an unexplainable ease sitting there in the passenger seat watching the clouds pass by.

She took a chance and peaked at Stiles under her eyelashes.

God, he was beautiful. He was the kind of beautiful that stole your breath away, the kind of beauty that snuck up on you. It was painful to look at him sometimes. He was perfect, yet completely broken and Lydia was addicted.

It was ironic really. Had they been different people, had they lived in another life, another universe, Lydia somehow knew that they would have had their happy ending. She knew that one day Stiles would have plucked up the courage to ask her out and she would have said yes. They would have dated, fallen in love in high school and gotten married. It would have been the perfect white-picket fence life with an infinite amount of love.

They would have been happy.

But this wasn't an alternate universe. Their lives weren't fairytales and there was no happy ending in sight for a long, long time.

"Stop staring," Stiles mumbled plainly, without glancing her way. His voice was hoarse.

Lydia crossed her arms in defiance. "I wasn't staring."

"Liar."

Okay, so she was staring but how could she not? Last night she watched Stiles crumble apart. She could still remember kissing his head as he convulsed violently in his sleep and begged for his death. She could still feel the blood on her fingertips from the time Stiles tried to attack her and hear the sound of his apologies.

The whole night was a nightmare and the worst part was that it was all her fault.

When she walked past Scott the next morning he could barely even look at her and Lydia knew why. The guilt was eating away at him too.

"Stiles-"

"I don't want to talk about it," he said, cutting her off. He clenched his jaw tightly and stared at the road ahead of them. He was lost in his mind again, fixating on the same memories that had plagued his thoughts for the past three weeks.

Time was a funny thing really. It moved continuously. Through both tragedy and joy, life moved on. People didn't have the luxury of dwelling on anything anymore. No matter the pain, the sorrow or guilt, time continued. To survive without getting buried in the heap of it all, people had to move forward.

If only Stiles could.

"It's gonna rain," Stiles muttered after a few minutes of awkward silence. The clouds were grey and the sky was a charcoal black. Perhaps he'd go jogging later.

Lydia bit her lip. This was what their relationship had come to: painful small talk and uncomfortable silence.

She'd give everything away to have it all back. She give her life and soul to stop all of this from happening to Stiles, to everyone. She'd stop Peter from biting Scott. She'd stop Derek from returning to Beacon Hills to screw everything up. She'd stop herself from making a decision that was never hers to begin with.

Lydia turned to face Stiles. He really had changed a lot in the last few weeks. The scars no longer held a home on his skin but instead on his heart and in his eyes.

Did he feel anything for her anymore?

"Can I ask you something?" Lydia asked quietly.

Stiles visibly stiffened but nodded. He didn't really feel like talking but he wasn't going to argue with her.

Lydia took a deep breath and asked Stiles the question she had been dying to know since the very beginning.

"What was it like? When you were possessed, I mean. You don't talk about it much."

It was a personal question, Lydia knew that, much but at this point she didn't care. She desperately needed Stiles to open up to her. She needed something.

Stiles swallowed the lump in his throat and shrugged. He wanted to wallow in his self-pity without being bombarded with questions about his past.

"It doesn't really matter. I mean, it's over now."

Wrong. It wasn't over. None of it was over and they both knew it.

"Look who's lying now," Lydia scoffed. "Come on Stiles, talk to me."

If possible, Stiles' grip on the steering wheel tightened even more. It was surprising the stupid thing didn't break off the freaken car.

"Lydia drop it," Stiles growled.

Had he threatened anyone but her they would have backed away in fear but Lydia was different. The banshee had had her fair share of teen wolves with anger problems and Stiles was no exception.

"No. Stiles, what happen to you? We used to be so honest with each other. Now I can barely get you to even talk to me." Lydia explained desperately. "Please talk to me."

Stiles clenched his eyes shut and breathed through his nose. He could smell the anger and frustration radiating off Lydia but he couldn't do it. He couldn't talk to her. Not about this. Not about the nogitsune.

"I can't Lydia," he muttered. Why couldn't she just drop it? Why couldn't she just let him have one fucking thing for himself?

If he told someone about the horrible things he remembered about the nogitsune, then it became real. Every death, every spill of innocent blood, it all became real once he acknowledged it.

"Well I think you're a coward!" Lydia yelled, her patience now running thin.

"You think you're the only one who went through hell? I was there too, Stiles. I felt every death too but I'm not shutting everyone out. I'm still living."

She always had to be the strong one. Hell, she was attacked by a freaken alpha and kidnapped by both a psychotic English teacher and a nogitsune and she still acted like the strong one.

Why couldn't someone else be the strong one?

Stiles didn't say anything and Lydia wanted to cry. Maybe this was karma. Maybe this was the universe telling Lydia that she would never be forgiven for letting Stiles get bit.

"We're here," Stiles whispered when they finally pulled into Lydia's driveway. He wanted to say something, anything really but the words never formed.

Without saying a word, Lydia sprinted out of the car, not even bothering with the rain that was now starting to pour. All she cared about was getting away from Stiles. If she stayed with him, she'd start to cry.

When Lydia reached the front porch she turned back to look at Stiles, hoping against hope that he was somehow there. One last time.

But his jeep was gone and there was no trace of the boy who once faced an Alpha for her.

"Typical," Lydia mumbled.

It rained the whole day. The sun never came out, never gave Beacon Hills the fresh break it desperately needed.

Lydia sat by herself on the couch, watching reruns of Doctor Who and drinking tea the entire day. She didn't bother with putting makeup on or changing into something nice. No one was going to visit her anyway.

Looking around the room, Lydia sighed. "Oh, how times have changed," she said aloud.

Three years ago Saturday nights meant parties and boys. Now, they consisted of usually running from the latest town villain and trying to catch up on math homework.

If she was being honest with herself, she was a bit lonely. Like, really lonely and Lydia didn't know how to feel about that quite yet. On some level, she knew it was healthy to be alone, to be independent, but on another she felt like a complete loser. She was Lydia freaken Martin and she was spending her Saturday night all by her lonesome self.

Suddenly, Lydia heard a knock on the door and jumped. "Who the hell could that be?" she muttered wearily as she slowly got off the couch and grabbed the nearest weapon she could find (a bat, of course).

As she approached the door, Lydia thought of all the possibilities of who it could be. It could be Kira, surprising her with another 'Super Saturday Sleepover'. It could be Scott, checking up on her as usual. It could even be a supernatural serial killer coming to eat her bones.

It never even crossed her mind that it could Stiles. She didn't even think it was possible, considering the fight they had just had that morning.

But it was Stiles. It was a soaking wet Stiles Stilinski standing at her doorstep, looking as equally depressed and determined as ever.

"Stiles?" she whispered breathlessly. Damn, he looked hot in the rain. His shirt was literally clinging to his chest and his pants laid dangerously low on his hips. Lydia could actually count the small droplets of water that kissed his eyelashes.

"We need to talk," he whispered, looking at her in desperation.

Lydia nodded helplessly. Talk. As in something they hadn't really done in weeks.

"Okay," she replied quietly, opening the door enough to let him in.

Stiles walked straight into the house and began to pace. His hands were shaking and his eyes darted around the room as if he was expecting someone to come out from the shadows.

Lydia stared, dumfounded. What the hell was going on? "Stiles-"

"I need to tell you something and I need you to listen, okay?" Stiles said, cutting her off and staring sharply at the floor.

Lydia silently agreed and bit her lip.

"Imagine watching everything you love burn right in front of you," Stiles said, his voice nervous. "You can literally sense everything but you can't do a damn thing about it. You kick and you scream and you throw a tantrum but none of it matters. You still end up throwing the match. You still end up feeling the blood your hands every time someone dies and you still feel the pain radiating off your friend as you stab him with a sword."

Stiles nearly choked on his words and closed his eyes. His breathing was becoming short and rapid and he could feel the panic attack coming but he didn't stop talking.

He had to get this out. He had to tell Lydia or he'd lose her.

"You feel sick and you want to cry. You want to cry because it isn't right. You aren't supposed to be this way. You aren't supposed to be trapped like an animal, watching everything fall apart," he cried, looking at Lydia in despair.

"I just wanted to die. alright? I wanted Scott or Derek or maybe even you to take mercy on me and just kill me. I deserved it. I deserved to die."

"I deserved it."

"I deserved-"

And that was where Lydia couldn't handle it anymore. Softly, she grabbed Stiles face and pulled him down to look at her. His eyes were filled with unfallen tears and Lydia knew hers were as well.

"You do not deserve to die. The only people that deserve to leave this world are the evil ones like Peter and Gerard and the Nogitsune. You are not them, Stiles. You're a good person," she told him urgently as her hands cradled his face.

Stiles whimpered and looked at Lydia sadly. "I'm a monster, Lydia. All of those people I killed, t-they w-were innocent."

Lydia shook her head pulled Stiles close so their foreheads were touching. "You are not a monster. You're Stiles, my Stiles and I love you," she whispered.

Stiles froze in Lydia's arms and pulled away to look at her seriously. "You love me? After everything, you love me?"

All Lydia could do was nod. She hadn't planned on telling Stiles this way but she was glad she did. The truth was, she loved Stiles more than she loved life itself. He was her everything, her best friend, her anchor. He was her soul mate.

And then Stiles kissed her and time stopped.

The world that spun on its axis so quickly, stopped moving and all that mattered was the feeling of Stiles' lips on hers.

Skillfully, Lydia wrapped her arms around Stiles' neck and crushed his body onto hers. Stiles' chest was hot like a furnace and she reveled in it. She needed him.

As Stiles slowly slipped his tongue into her mouth, Lydia gasped. She was kissing Stiles Stilinski. She was kissing Stiles freaken Stilinski and it was wonderful.

Stiles moaned into the kiss and Lydia's body went into a frenzy. She hungrily sucked Stiles' tongue into her mouth and tasted him.

With hands suddenly so graceful, Stiles groped Lydia's ass, squeezing at the plump skin and pulling her impossibly closer.

Lydia groaned at the contact and cocked her head to the side to look at Stiles. "Bedroom?" she asked, pulling her hands down Stiles' soaked shirt and reveling in the feel of his tense muscles.

Stiles' eyes widened in shock for a moment and then immediately into lust. "God yes," he croaked as he urgently grabbed for Lydia's thighs and hefted her up onto his waist.

Lydia giggled and wrapped her legs around Stiles' body. She was literally climbing him like a tree.

"God bless werewolf strength," Stiles muttered as he quickly ran up the stairs with Lydia in his arms.

Leaning up to suck at Stiles' neck, Lydia smiled. "So many new positions we can try…"

Without another word, Lydia was on her bed, watching as a now shirtless Stiles Stilinski undressed her slowly.

"I love your body," he muttered at the end of her bed as he kissed the side of her ankle.

"I love your smile," he hummed as he made his way up Lydia's waist, removing her clothes slowly.

"I love your heart," he grinned, kissing her chest and marking her skin with sinful love bites.

"And I love you," he finally said as he reached her abused lips and kissed her with passion. "I love you so much Lydia Martin."

Tears filled Lydia's eyes as she met Stiles' kiss. She had missed him so much. "I love you too."

For the first time in a long time, Stiles woke up feeling happy. His bones no longer felt like they were about to snap into a million pieces and his body felt lighter.

Being with Lydia was the best thing he had ever done in his life. Seriously, nothing could compare to the feeling of being inside Lydia Martin and hearing her claim her love. Nothing.

He hadn't planned on the night going that way. He hadn't planned on sleeping with her.

All he had wanted to do was talk to her, to apologize for being such a dick and tell her he still needed her, still loved her.

Had he known she felt the same way, he would have done things way differently.

From her bathroom, Stiles could hear Lydia in the shower, singing terribly off key. Lydia Martin was not a singer ladies and gentlemen.

Stiles laughed. Lydia could make the sounds of a dying giraffe and still adorable. He was considering joining her in the shower when he heard her phone start to buzz on the night stand.

Quickly, Stiles walked towards the phone, checking to make sure it wasn't Scott or someone texting about an emergency of some kind.

But it was from Scott and what Stiles saw made his stomach turn.

From Scott:

Lydia. We have to find some way to help Stiles. I can't handle the guilt anymore. If you and I hadn't decided to turn him, he wouldn't be this way.

Stiles froze. Lydia let Scott turn him? After everything, Lydia was the one that agreed to ruin Stiles' life?

"Stiles? Are you okay?" Lydia suddenly asked in concern from behind him.

All he could see was red. Lydia had betrayed him. All of his friends had betrayed him. "Why didn't you tell me?" Stiles whispered.

Lydia burrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean? What didn't I tell you, Stiles?"

She wasn't better than any of them. In fact, Lydia was worse. She lied to him. She led him to believe that she had no part in all of this. "Why didn't you tell me that you let Scott turn me?!"

Realization dawned on Lydia immediately and she began to panic. "Stiles, let me explain-"

"You let me think that this was all Scott's fault," he said slowly. "You let me think that you had no choice in this."

"How could you?!" Stiles yelled.

"No, no, no. You don't get it. Scott and I, we made the decision together. We had to do it to save you!" Lydia said urgently as she tried to grab Stiles' hand.

Stiles pulled out of her grasp and groaned. "Don't you get it?! Scott wouldn't have turned me if you hadn't asked him to! He knew how I felt about all of this! I told him that night after my MRI that I didn't want to be a werewolf!"

Lydia's face was covered in tears. "We did it to save you," she whispered weakly.

In anger, Stiles grabbed the nearest thing he could find and chucked it at the wall. He watched, mesmerized for a moment as the glass from a picture frame shattered into a million pieces.

"You ruined my life. You took the only choice that I had and stole it from me. I will never forgive you for this," Stiles said numbly as he stomped down the stairs and out of the house.

Once Stiles had driven away, Lydia began to cry.

This was all her fault.

She had ruined everything before anything had really began between the two of them.

Stiles' words rang in her mind the entire day. "I will never forgive you for this."

Holy cow?! A lot happens in this chapter. I probably should have split it up but oh well. It took a long time to write so I hope most of you guys think it's okay.

To all the amazing reviews: I love you guys. I don't know you but I love you. You give me strength to continue this story when my mind is mush! Please don't give up it! I swear it's gonna get really good.

Please review, message or even communicate with me telepathically. I would love to hear what you guys think.

Coming soon….

Chapter 7: Misery Needs Company