Chapter Five

I Cross My Heart

Friday, the day before Pacey and Joey would officially say 'I do,' passed quickly. As promised, Pacey and Joey didn't see, phone, or e-mail each other.

Pacey spent most of the day with Dawson, Doug, and Jack at the couple's refurbished home east of Capeside. They spent most of the day watching ESPN, drinking beer, and just getting ready for the big day, tomorrow.

Joey, on the other hand, spent the morning and afternoon making sure everything was ready for the ceremony. That night, Bessie surprised Joey and her bridesmaids (staying at the B&B) with a team of masseuses that provided massages, manicures, and pedicures for the women. The massage was just what Joey needed to coax her into a well-needed, deep sleep.

As Joey gradually woke to the smell of bacon cooking in the kitchen, she wasn't sure if this day was truly here. She glanced over at the twin bed beside her and saw Anne sitting up, stretching and yawning.

"Today's the day!" exclaimed Anne with a big smile and an excited shrug.

Joey couldn't believe the day had finally arrived: the day she would become Pacey Witter's wife. The same Pacey Witter who tried to drown her in the creek when she was 5. She took a deep breath and sat up with an anxious stomach.

At that moment, Bessie came in with a tray full of breakfast. Her hair was already up, in curlers, and she had her make-up on.

"Here you go, Jo," she said as she set the tray beside the bed, "You need to eat quickly and then get in the shower because the stylist is already done with Audrey's hair and make-up and is starting on Andie's. Anne you're next."

Joey took a couple bites of the breakfast, but couldn't eat it all since her stomach was uneasy. She was in the shower, with little recollection of how she got there and had very little awareness of what she was doing. Her mind was full of different thoughts and memories. She remembered her mother and yearned for her presence on this special day. Joey wanted her there to help her put on her wedding dress, give her some last minute marital advice, and get teary-eyed as she realized her baby was getting married.

She also thought about Jen. It wasn't right that the girl who grew to be her best friend couldn't be there to share these special moments with her. She sighed as she remembered Jen comforting her, her Jr. year in high school when she was afraid to tell Dawson about Pacey. It was Jen who first saw the passion in the couple's dance and backed away from Pacey completely when she realized he loved Joey. To this day, Joey wondered how her life might have been different without the imprint Jennifer Lindley left in her heart and on her life.

When tears threatened to fall, Joey reminded herself to be happy: for today she was marrying the man of her dreams. She got out of the shower and wrapped a warm towel around her damp body. She looked at herself in the mirror, unprepared for what the day would hold.

Bessie knocked on the bathroom door and came in to give her a pair of sweats. Aware of what it meant when her little sister bit her bottom lip; Bessie grabbed an extra towel and started drying off Joey's hair.

"You're gonna do fine today, Joey. I couldn't be prouder of you."

"Thanks." Joey replied, looking down not convinced.

"Pacey's a good man. He'll treat you right and if he doesn't, you know where to find me…"

"And me…" chimed Anne as she joined the sisters in the bathroom. Her blonde hair was already done: part way up with loose curls flowing all around. She was carrying the dress she would change into as Joey's bridesmaid.

"Thanks you guys, but I'm not worried about marrying Pacey… I'm just in a kind-of trance, thinking about the past," Joey confided.

"You're thinking about Mom," said Bessie as she suddenly understood the look on Joey's face. Bessie gently started brushing Joey's wet hair, trying to get the tangles out like she did when Joey was a little girl.

"I just wonder what she would say… What last minute advice she would have about married life… You know? It's times like this that I really miss her." Joey said, again looking down as painful tears ran down her cheeks.

"Well I have a pretty good idea of how it would go," answered Anne in a confident happy tone, as she zipped up her long, silk, strapless, apple-colored dress. Joey had temporarily forgotten that Anne had also lost a mother too, and looked up curious as to what she had to say.

"Well of course, I could just hear my mother going on and on about how I should have learned to cook when she tried to teach me and now my poor husband will be forever doomed to eat ramen noodles for the rest of our wedded bliss."

Joey closed her eyes and smiled as she remembered the time her mother had tried to show her how to put the stuffing in the bird one fateful Christmas.

Little nine-year-old Joey Potter closed her eyes and turned away from her mother as she felt the stuffing in her hand. She knew she would have to inject it into the dreadful, uncooked turkey and was revolted. "Now Joey," her mother had said sternly, "Open your eyes. There is nothing to be afraid of. It's like all the yummy things in life- you just take a deep breath and a leap. Always remember that Joey… Always remember…"

Joey opened her eyes as one lingering tear managed to escape.

"And we can't forget that all important detail about waiting at least one year before conceiving your first child," Anne continued, gently putting dangling diamond earrings in her earlobes.

"Mom, do you regret having me and Bess?" little eleven-year-old Joey asked her very ill mother while sitting on the bed with her. "Of course not Joey. You shouldn't think about such things..." Lily would reply stroking Joey's soft brown hair. "Well, I heard daddy tell you how young you were when you had us and I didn't know if you regretted it…" replied Joey looking down, feeling guilty and chewing on her bottom lip. "Joey, it's true that I was really young when I had you and your sister, but that doesn't mean I regret having you girls. I just hope that you wait until you've found the right man and wait until the appropriate time to bring a child into this world. Even though I would never trade you girls for the world, I hope that you learn from my mistakes and wait… Trust me Joey; it makes things a lot less complicated."

Joey sniggered, recalling how she wrinkled up her nose at the thought of 'bringing a child into this world'.

"There's that familiar smile I had hoped to see!" exclaimed Anne embracing Joey.

Joey looked at her bridesmaid, all ready for the wedding and her heart skipped a beat. 'I am going to be Mrs. Pacey Witter today,' she thought as the reality of it all flooded her mind, making her more anxious.

There was yet another knock on the bathroom door and this time pregnant Audrey and Andie walked in wearing their long, strapless, silk, apple-colored dresses. Each had their hair partway up with loose curls matching Anne's.

"All right girly. It's your turn… Manuel just finished Gretchen's hair, so she ran over to check on Pacey," stated Audrey as she took the hand of the bride and led her to be seated in the kitchen to have her hair blow-dried and curled.

"How's he doing?" Joey asked Andie as the anticipation was building.

"Well, he's been really quiet. Or at least that's what Jack said when I called him this morning. Jack said he was so nervous he couldn't even remember how to put on his tie."

"Yeah I know," interrupted Audrey laughing, "I had to run over there to help the hopeless case with his suit. I had to make sure everything was perfect for our little Joey Potter on her wedding day."

Joey sighed, feeling relieved that she wasn't the only one nervous.

Bessie came out of the bedroom as Manuel pinned the last curl to the top of Joey's head, creating a beautiful, yet elegant display of brown hair, perfect for any bride. Audrey applied her mascara, while Andie finished Joey's make-up with a natural colored lip-gloss.

"Oh Joey!" gasped Bessie with a tear, looking at the graceful woman her sister had become, "You look beautiful!"

Joey blushed, but nodded appreciating the compliment. Then, Anne walked in with the all-important dress. Joey carefully got out of her sweats, hoping not to ruin her hair and make-up. The women in the room helped Joey get into the pure white, glistening, silk dress. Holding back the tears as best she could, as to not ruin her own make-up, Bessie buttoned up the dress in the back. Manuel, with the veil in hand, carefully placed it on Joey's head. The ladies stepped back and admired how beautiful Joey looked in her bridal attire.

The moment was interrupted when Anne got a call on her cell phone. She politely excused herself and went into the living room.

"OH! I almost forgot!" said Audrey as she ran into the other room and came back out with a white bag. "Pacey made me promise to remind you to put this on when I was over there this morning." Joey opened the bag where a white box was found. She opened the box and of course there was the white band she was supposed to put around her thigh for the groom to take off at the wedding dance that night. "I could tell he's got big plans for that poor band!" smirked Audrey. Truly, the garner made Joey laugh and she put it on. "I wouldn't want to disappoint him…" Joey teased, finding her sense of humor again.

When she put the box back into the bag a note fell to the ground. When she opened the letter she immediately recognized the handwriting. It was dated for the Spring of 2000, when she was just a Jr, right before Pacey had kissed her.

Josephine Potter,

I tried to go to sleep last night, but thoughts of you kept me awake… I have never felt like this before… So many emotions all jumbled up in one mass in the pit of my stomach. Every time you're near, I have to remind myself that you love Dawson… And you would never even look at me the way you look at him. But then, as if my mind was playing tricks on me, I saw it… I saw it when you told me you cared for me too: (The morning after my drunken ramble, in the drunk tank, about you and Dawson. The morning I taught you how to drive stick…) I saw that fire in your eyes as you looked up at me on the porch. I thought my heart would jump out of my chest, I thought my gut was going to burst and I knew… Josephine Potter was the one for me. I knew I was a different man from that point on… Whether you are with me or not, you will always be the girl I love…

I don't know if you'll ever see this, but this is my Thank you… You have awoken something inside of me that can never be replaced. You have momentously changed my world and made me see the man I want to become… And for that Josephine, I owe you my life. I love you and always will… I just hope you will see it someday…

Pacey

Joey was mad at Pacey. It was just like him to wait until she had the hair, make-up and dress on to make her cry...

Anne came back into the kitchen and announced, "Sorry guys. That was Dawson. He called to let us know they were all at the church."

"Well, on with the show then!" said Audrey, as her, Bessie, and Andie picked up Joey's train so she could walk out to the limo, to join her future husband at the church.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Pacey walked back and forth in a small room located in the back of the church, where the groomsmen were getting ready. He looked very handsome in his black suit and vest with an apple-colored tie in the front. Nervous didn't even come close to the emotions he was overwhelmed with at that particular moment. He peeked out of the small room and into the church and saw that people had already started to take their seats. He looked at his watch and saw he had fifteen minutes before he would take his place in the front of the church.

Dawson came up to him, from behind, and patted him on the shoulder.

"We're just about ready for ya…" Dawson paused, seeing the anticipation on his face, "I just saw Joey and she looks beautiful Pace."

Pacey gave him a nervous half smile, acknowledging what his best man had just said, and then went back into the room to sit down. His heart pounded faster with each passing minute. All he could think about, at that moment, was how appealing eloping in Las Vegas sounded. He didn't even notice that all his groomsmen had left the room until Bessie entered.

"We are ready for you to go up to the front now Pace," she said as she pinned a single red rose to the front pocket of his jacket. "Dawson went back to get Joey and I don't want you seeing my sister before it's time, so you need to hurry."

He looked up at Bessie and gave her the same nervous smile he had just given Dawson. He took a long, deep breath and rubbed his hands together, "I guess it's now or never!"

He got to his feet and could hardly feel his legs as he walked to the front of the church to stand by the pastor. He looked around the church and saw his mother and father sitting in front of him, in the front pew. Sitting directly behind them was Caleb James and his uncle, Ben Witter with his large family. And not too far behind them were some of his mother's relatives, whom he saw on rare family holidays, but couldn't tell you who they were exactly.

And then of course there was that group of friendly faces he recognized sitting to the right, on Joey's side of the church. Bodie sat proudly in the front with Gail, Mike, and Grams by his side. Then, naturally sitting behind them was Dawson's aunt Gwen with her new husband and Roque Gonzales, Audrey's husband and Andie's boyfriend sitting close by.

They all looked at him with comforting smiles and he felt touched that they all cared so much.

His heart took a giant leap when he heard the grand piano start playing that all too familiar wedding song. He looked up and saw Henry Parker walking down the aisle with Anne Sommers on his arm. She was carrying a bouquet of red and white roses that matched the rose on his tuxedo. As Henry took his place beside the groom, Pacey noticed Anne give him a smile and wink before taking her place on the right.

Next came Will Krudsky, with Audrey in his arm. She too had on a dress similar to Anne's. They quickly took their places at the front and Jack and Andie soon followed. Before Andie took her place in front of Audrey and Anne, she went over and softly kissed Pacey on the cheek and whispered 'I'm happy for you'.

When Pacey looked up again, he saw his brother Doug proudly walking his beautiful sister Gretchen up the aisle. Gretchen gave him a proud nod with a smile while Doug slapped his little brother on the shoulder.

When Bessie entered the church, she was wearing a different dress than the other maids, since she was the matron-of-honor. It was the same color as the rest of the dresses, but appeared more eloquent. She was beaming as she looked at Pacey. As most of the other's had done, she gave him a special look before taking her position in front of the other bridesmaids.

Little Alexander Potter walked down the aisle with Aimee Lindley on his right side and Lily Leery on his left. Everyone laughed when little Aimee stopped several times to pick up the red rose petals that Lily threw on the carpet. Pacey scooped up Aimee in his arms and gave her a kiss on the cheek when she got up to the front and then handed her to Grams before finally resuming his place at the front of the aisle again.

Suddenly, the music changed slightly and everyone in the church stood up. Pacey's stomach did a complete turn with the anticipation of seeing Joey enter the room. He held his breath, waiting for her to appear and then… he saw her…

Just as he thought he knew everything there was to know about Josephine Potter, there she appeared, in a virtuous white wedding gown, walking towards him. He had seen her in dresses before, but never a wedding dress: the dress that implied forever. And she was walking towards him…Pacey… Not Dawson…

'She really loves me…' he thought as the beautiful angel continued her graceful walk down the aisle. She was glowing and he couldn't take his eyes off of her… He had never seen this side of Joey before. He wasn't sure if he could maintain all the feelings that were begging to burst out of his body…

Joey gripped Dawson's arm tightly for support, as she slowly took small steps towards Pacey. He was grinning like an idiot and she had never felt more butterflies in her stomach as she did at that moment staring at his innocent face. She felt the connection between their eyes immediately, and her heart started to pound fast…

When Joey finally reached the spot where she and Dawson stood before Pacey, she felt a flood of intense emotions flutter from her heart as she remembered his words that started it all: "I'm gonna kiss you in about ten seconds… And if you don't want me to kiss you... Well, if you don't want me to, I guess then you're just gonna have to stop me…" he paused as she slowly looked up with anticipation. "Ten…"

The pastor's voice brought her thoughts back to the present.

"And who, may I ask, gives this woman to be married to this man?"

She looked over at Dawson and he looked back at her with a confident smile and declared, "I do."

Joey reached up and gave him a kiss on the cheek and spoke softly, 'Thank you Dawson…"

Pacey reached out his hand to Dawson and gave him a half hug before Dawson took his place to the left of Pacey, to resume his responsibilities as best man.

Pacey held out his left hand and Joey delicately placed her right hand in it, slightly trembling.

"I think I'm in love with you," her voice declared in Pacey's mind. "You think or you know?" he questioned with hope. "I know." she answered. "I've known it since the moment you kissed me and maybe even before that. As scary as it is, I don't want to deny it anymore, Pacey."

The pastor asked Pacey to take both of Joey's hands and face her. He laced his hands under hers and slowly began to caress them when he felt her shake.

"Pacey," The pastor started. "Do you take, Josephine Lily Potter to be your lawfully wedded wife, to live together in holy matrimony?"

Pacey smiled lovingly at Joey, as he looked deep into her chocolate eyes, taking in every word that the pastor was asking him.

"Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, be faithful only to her, So long as you both shall live?"

Not taking his deep ocean eyes away from her, he responded with two words that said it all: "I do."

The pastor looked towards Joey, "Now Joey, do you take Pacey Jackson Witter to be your lawfully wedded husband, to live together in holy matrimony?"

She felt her knees tremble as Pacey continued to rub his thumbs over the tops of her hands. Her love for Pacey was pure and powerful and she felt she couldn't hold it all in.

"Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, be faithful only to him, So long as you both shall live?"

She heard her voice break slightly as she responded: "I do."

They were lost in each other's eyes, not just hearing the commitment that they were making to each other, but feeling it too.

Just at the right moment, "It's Your Love" came over the speakers in the church and Joey and Pacey walked over to a special table dressed with a white-lace tablecloth, where three candles were placed in the center of it.

It's your love…

It just does something to me...

It sends a shock right through me…

I can't get enough…

Pacey took the candle on the right, while Joey picked up the candle on the left. He tangled his free hand in hers and they joined candles to light the one in the middle: symbolizing two separate hearts that now beat as one.

And if you wonder…

About the spell I'm under…

Ohhhh

It's… your… love…

Pacey could still feel her trembling, so he put one arm on her back and delicately kissed her cheek. "I love you," he whispered and Joey closed her eyes taking it all in.

When the song was over they walked back to center of the aisle to stand in front of the pastor again. Joey caught a glimpse of how teary-eyed Bessie had become and found it difficult to fight the heavy tears that threatened to fall as well. Joey had done a good job of maintaining her emotions up until this point in the ceremony.

"Alexander, may we have the rings please?" asked the pastor.

Pacey stooped down and picked up the beautiful silver band that would eternally bind his soul to Joey's.

"Pacey, as you put the ring on her finger, repeat after me: 'I give you this ring as a symbol of our love.'

"I give you this ring as a symbol of our love"

"And with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you"

Pacey saw the tears of joy falling from Joey's face and he swallowed hard and continued:

"And with all that I am…And all that I have… I honor you"

The pastor finished: "And with this ring I thee wed"

Pacey paused, looking down for a moment, so he would not lose control of his emotions. He was surrendering his heart to her forever, in those last few words. He took a deep breath and looked back up, with his beautiful blue eyes looking directly into hers: "And with this ring I thee wed…" He carefully slid the ring back onto her delicate finger: giving her all he had.

Joey dabbed beneath her eyes with the hand that Pacey had just put the ring on. The pastor waited until Alexander handed Joey, Pacey's silver band and asked her to repeat the following words as she placed the ring on his finger:

"I give you this ring as a symbol of our love."

"I give you this ring as a symbol of our love"

"And with all that I am… And all that I have… I honor you… With this ring I thee wed…"

Joey was overwhelmed as she heard those ancient, binding words that so many others had said in the past. The tears fell freely from her eyes. She too was giving all of herself to Pacey. She looked down trying to find her voice again. When she looked up again, she saw Pacey's smile and looked to his deep-blue, ocean eyes where tears had formed. He lovingly took his hand and wiped the rest of her tears away from her eyes. 'This is why I love him… his touch…his scent… his compassion… his love…' she thought as she swallowed hard so that she could say the last few words.

"And with all that I am… And all that I have…" her voice cracked again as she felt the emotion in the words that escaped her lips"I honor you… With this ring I thee wed…"

The pastor finished, "I now pronounce you husband and wife…"

They stood there for several silent seconds, looking eye to eye, hand to hand, and heart to heart, consumed with the love that each was giving the other. Temporarily lost in each other's gaze.

With a congratulatory smile, the pastor concluded: "Pacey you may now kiss the bride!"

Pacey didn't need to be told twice and he cupped her head with his hand and pulled her in for a warm, passionate kiss. She put her arms around his neck pulling him in as close as she could get to him, absorbing the sparks, passion, and hunger that lingered in their kiss.

Finally, the pastor announced in a thriving voice: "Ladies and gentlemen! I would now like to introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Pacey Witter!"

The crowd stood up and applauded as the newlyweds finally pulled apart. Pacey's face lit up as he realized they had done it… They were finally married… He offered his new wife his arm and she took it with a large grin, butterflies still buzzing in her stomach after the kiss... They walked out of the church and into a life that was completely new and full of possibility. Marriage is everlastingly and that means no looking back…