Season 1 Episode 9.
Story 9: Unexpected
Chapter 6: Truths
"I was wondering when you would show up," Nimueh said to Merlin with a smile. It was too perfect that it had been Merlin that found the prince. She had suspected it would be him when she sensed the scrying spell earlier, but she couldn't be certain.
Merlin hated that smile, hated the way she looked so pleased with what she had done to Arthur. He hated everything about her. His malice showed in his voice. "Don't flatter yourself Nimueh. Even you cannot predict the future," Merlin spat at her. He was furious, but only a small part of that fury was directed at Nimueh. Most of it was directed towards himself. He had been too late. Merlin had believed he would get there just in time, just as he always had, but there was no happily ever after this time. The feelings of failure settled deep in him and Merlin was channeling that failure towards Nimueh. If he had failed at saving Arthur, the least he could do was avenge his death… or die trying.
"What's the matter Merlin? You sound upset," Nimueh said to him. Merlin knew she was trying to get to him. He knew he was giving her exactly what she wanted, but he couldn't care. He had no control over his emotions at that moment.
"You treat this as a joke, but I do not," Merlin warned. He wondered if his voice sounded as strange to her as it did to him. "You should not have killed my friend." Out of the corner of his eye, Merlin could have sworn he saw Arthur, but the second he turned to look at him, the image was gone. Merlin internally scolded himself. It was wishful thinking. He could see Arthur right before him, lying on the table. Arthur was dead. No amount of imagination would change that.
"And what are you going to do?" Nimueh asked him. "You do not have the powers to kill me. You are a petty sorcerer. Not capable of anything more than simple magic tricks." Merlin nearly snorted. He may not be a high priest of the old religion, but he was much more than a petty sorcerer.
"I may not be as powerful as you Nimueh, but I do not need to be. You made a mistake. You did what no one should do. Arthur was my destiny. He's dead. He was the reason I was born. And now? If I die, so what? There is nothing left for me. Never underestimate the power of someone with nothing to lose," Merlin warned her. Merlin meant his words. There was nothing left for him now. For the first time, he understood the true meaning behind his destiny. Now that he had failed, he felt hollow.
He had heard time and time again from the people Gaius treated that you seldom realized what you had until you lost it. Women that had lost their children and husbands had said it over and over again. Merlin had never been able to understand. He thought he understood and appreciated everything he had been granted, but he had been wrong. For the first time, Merlin understood what they meant.
Merlin saw that same Arthur in the corner of his vision, except this time his face was contorted with a mix of anger, shock, and betrayal. Merlin didn't turn his head, for fear that this phantom Arthur would disappear. It was his brain, giving him what he most wanted, even if it was a negative reaction. This is how Merlin imagined Arthur would have acted when he learned of Merlin's secret powers. Now? Merlin would never know if this would have been his reaction. Merlin would never know if acceptance would have followed his anger. He would never know if Arthur would have grown to understand Merlin and his magic, or if this would permanently damage the strange friendship that had formed between them. He would never know. But if this is all he gets, then so be it. As if he were speaking to Arthur, Merlin continued.
"He was my friend. I never thought it would happen. When I was told he was my destiny, I couldn't believe it was my job to keep such an arrogant prat alive," Merlin explained. Part of his brain kept an eye on his imaginary Arthur, watching his reaction. He wouldn't look away. He needed to have some semblance of the closure he would never truly get. "Arthur was arrogant and selfish and pigheaded, but he was also a good man. He would have ruled this land with compassion and justice. He might even have learned to accept me one day. Learned that not everyone who possesses magic uses it as you do. That not every sorcerer is as corrupt and vengeful as you. He might have welcomed it back into the kingdom just as he was destined to do. But now? That future will never come to pass. You believe that you created a new future, but you have killed the future of Camelot." His Arthur almost looked approving. Merlin nearly smiled to himself. This was exactly what he would have hoped for. That Arthur would listen to him and understand him. This was as close to that as he would get. Even if this isn't how Arthur would have reacted, it was something. Something for Merlin to hold onto, to keep in his memories.
"Words. That's all those are Merlin," Nimueh told him quietly. "They are nice words, but they have no meaning. You failed him. It is not my fault he is gone. It is yours."
Merlin closed his eyes. He knew the truth in her words. This was his failure, but that didn't mean he caused Arthur's death. It was the darkness in Nimueh that killed Arthur. When he opened his eyes, he shocked himself with how determined he felt. "You are wrong," he said slowly, but loudly. "Arthur's death was not my doing. You are so fueled by hatred that you underestimate the power of love. You are seeking vengeance on the son for the crimes of the father. What could Uther have done that was so terrible? What horrors could he have inflicted that you are willing to torment the innocent?"
Nimueh smiled at Merlin as if she had accomplished something. Merlin felt a feeling of dread creep through him, as if he had set her up for something she had desperately wanted to reveal. He ignored those feelings. She had already killed Arthur. There was nothing more she could do to hurt him. Whatever secrets she was about to expose could not hurt more than Arthur's death. "Do you really want to know?" Nimueh asked him. Merlin hesitated before he nodded. If he was to die by Nimueh's hand, he wanted this last mystery to be solved. Gaius wouldn't tell him, but perhaps Nimueh would. "It goes beyond his persecution of my people. Twenty-one years ago, magic flourished in this kingdom. There was peace between magical beings and the non-magical. Even Uther accepted it. He asked for magical solutions when he needed help, welcomed sorcery in his land. Uther and Ygraine had married years before and had long since learned that Ygraine was incapable of conception. He had come to me asking for help. He so desperately craved an heir. I was younger then. I did not know the rules of nature. To give a life, you must take a life." Nimueh's voice sounded almost sad. "They were my friends. I would never have wished ill upon either of them. I did not know what would happen, or I never would have granted his wish. I lost a good friend and made an enemy with another. Uther allowed his grief to impact his rule. That is why Uther hates magic. Not because of what I did, but because of what he did. Arthur's life was at the cost of Ygraine's. The balance of nature was restored."
Merlin stared at her shocked. He couldn't believe his ears. It wasn't possible, but it made so much sense. For the first time, Merlin was grateful that Arthur wasn't here to hear this. He already felt guilty for his mother's death. Knowing he was truly the cause of that would kill him. The fake Arthur in the corner of Merlin's vision looked exactly how Merlin expected the real Arthur would look. As if he were drowning on air and couldn't figure out why. Merlin felt the strangest urge to comfort him, but how can you comfort a figment of your imagination? Merlin struggled to make his subconscious think of a happier looking Arthur, but nothing worked.
After a moment of silence, Nimueh looked up at Merlin, her blue eyes filled with victory. "You were wrong Merlin. I am all too aware of the powers of love. I understand how it can make someone reckless. I knew you would be too blinded by your love for your young prince to realize the truth that is standing in front of you. It is for this reason that you have failed Arthur," Nimueh told him. Merlin watched with horror as Nimueh turned, not to Arthur, who was dead on the table, but to the area where his imaginary Arthur stood.
In a moment of clarity, Merlin understood. Arthur had been alive this whole time. The Arthur in the corner of his eye hadn't been a figment of his imagination. It had been the real Arthur. This was Nimueh's plan all along. She didn't just want to kill Arthur. She wanted to make him suffer before he died. She wanted him to feel some of the pain she herself had felt. Merlin had been so blinded by his grief that he hadn't even considered the possibility that he was alive. Now, he realized how foolish he had been.
Instinctively, Merlin ran. He knew the moment he ran into Arthur by the painful feeling of having run into a wall that spread through him. Merlin knew that Nimueh's spell had been broken. He could see Arthur clearly now, could hear his grunt of pain as he fell to the ground. Maintaining eye contact with Arthur, Merlin allowed his magic to course through him. Allowed Arthur to see the real him for the first time. Screaming, Merlin turned to face Nimueh.
He knew what Arthur would see. He would see the flash of gold in Merlin's eyes that signified the magic he was wielding.
Nimueh flew backwards into the wall. Somehow she remained upright. She muttered something under her breath and suddenly the entire building they were in was shaking as if the earth was being split in half under it. Big pieces of stone fell from the ceiling. Merlin raised his hand, creating an invisible shield that protected himself and Arthur from the rock and cement. Once the cloud of dust and debris had cleared, the sunshine lit up the room. After having spent so much time in the darkness, both Merlin's and Arthur's eyes had to adjust to the light.
Merlin was almost surprised. It was so bright and beautiful outside. It was almost difficult to think they were trapped in their own dark battle in this tower.
Nimueh's eyes flashed red and shadows swept over the castle. Merlin looked up at the storm Nimueh was creating. Taking advantage of his distraction, Nimueh threw a threatening looking fireball at Merlin. It hit him square in the chest, throwing him back into a wall. His head fell back and hit the wall. Hard. Black dots danced in his vision. He couldn't move. He was gasping for breath, but felt no relief. He couldn't breathe.
Merlin almost welcomed the blackness. He would rather die than watch Arthur die. He knew he was not powerful enough to defeat Nimueh.
Then there was Arthur. Standing in front of him. Arthur put his hand on his shoulder. "Breathe Merlin," Arthur ordered. His voice dropped to a whisper. "Please. For me."