Dear Book of Manly Thoughts,
That small bit of "manly relief" last night did not help me one bit. Especially since I was thinking about her smile the whole time. I wasn't even imagining DOING anything with her. Just the thought of her smile was enough. When I finished, I sighed, disgusted with myself, grabbed some firewood, and hurried back to our little camp. Rapunzel looked sort of worried when I returned. I asked her what was wrong, but she said she was just thinking. I shrugged and changed the subject. I didn't really believe her, but if I prompted her to tell me what was wrong, I'd probably have to comfort her, which would mean I'd probably have to hug her, and with the way I've been feeling around her, having any sort of physical contact with her, no matter how small and seemingly meaningless, sounds dangerous.
I might as well admit it. I like her. But there's no harm in liking someone, right? I mean, you can like someone and tell them secrets about yourself that no one else knows and think they're attractive and not want to have any sort of romantic relationship with them. It's definitely possible. It happens all of the time. I can't think of any specific examples right now, but I will get back to you on that.
Anyway, last night was a little strange for me. This morning has proved to be just as strange so far. I was sleeping peacefully- at least as peacefully as an extremely light sleeper who has a lot on his mind can- when I felt water droplets on my cheek. At first I thought it was raining, but then I realized that my forearms were uncovered and I wasn't feeling any sort of wetness on them. I opened my eyes to see a very angry-looking horse bending over me. I tried to remain calm.
"Well, I hope you've come to apologize," I said.
So such luck. He grabbed the toe of my boot in his teeth and began dragging me. I yelled and screamed. This must have woken up Rapunzel, because she ran over and immediately managed to calm the horse down. He even dropped my boot when she ordered him, too. She began calling him "such a good boy" and using baby talk. It was kind of revolting, really.
"No one ever appreciates you, do they?" she cooed, "Do they?"
The horse shook his head and nuzzled her.
"You have got to be kidding me," I said to no one in particular.
Rapunzel proceeded to tell the horse- apparently his name is Maximus- that she needed me to take her to see the lights, and that if he leaves me alone for the rest of the day, we can then chase each other to our hearts' contents. I thrust my right hand out at Maximus, but he wasn't willing to call a truce.
"And it's also my birthday," Rapunzel said, smiling, "Just so you know."
Maximus scowled at me (I don't understand how a horse can scowl, but I swear that's what he was doing) and stuck out his right hoof. We shook. Yes, I shook hands with Maximus. I never thought I'd have my dignity taken away from me by a horse! How embarrassing.
Rapunzel's off doing something. Brushing her hair, probably. When she returns, we're heading off to Corona. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure this is the best day of her life. And that's not because I have any sort of feelings for her, because I can assure you, I do not! It's because it's her birthday. Everyone deserves to have a happy birthday. Especially if they've never done anything for their birthday before in their life and they're as pretty as Rapunzel.
Excuse me while I go bang my head against a tree.
Eugene