Finding Truth

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"I was always searching for the truth." Set in a universe where they're both childhood friends. Written in Kirigiri's POV.

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There was no one and nothing to trust but the truth.

That is just simply how I was raised. I understand that it seems cynical but it was a practical ideology. After all, we were detectives. It is not all that glamorous as it is commonly portrayed and it is most certainly nowhere near how dangerous as it is initially seen. It is far more than that. No matter what era, our family has always been that of detectives. We are only few in numbers because of the essential danger the business brings. We were never told of fairy tales or myths but only cases that we were expected to solve and some were even of those murdered in the family.

But I never did complain.

While it was true that I did not lead a normal childhood, it was nonetheless fulfilling if not fun. Acquiring new knowledge from the books, gaining new experience on the field and going home to a warm household. There was plenty of room for me to dream. I had the childish dream of becoming great and worthy of our lineage. I thought for sure that with the wisdom I have learned by heart, it would be enough.

I had once made the mistake of trusting someone.

"Why? Why is mother crying?" I was so young back then.

"Why indeed…" My mother sniffled. She was trying hard to fight the tears. "You're still so young, Kyoko."

"I don't understand." I tilted my small head in confusion.

"You're a detective." She held me close to her chest. I think she thought she was comforting me and not herself. "Try solving it for yourself. Think of it as… your first real case."

"Alright. But please don't cry anymore." Because I really love mother.

She only cried harder.

It took me some time since I was only just about grasping the more complicated things like politics and such. It didn't help that everyone that I asked refused to answer me. It took lots of time and a lot of deciphering of all the hints riddled with other misleading messages. And I did eventually figure it out.

But only two years after her death.

Father… no, Jin left the household for such a petty reason of not wanting to be a part of its tradition. It would have been fine if he only did just that. However, my mother was suffering long before his idiotic beliefs manifested. She was stricken with illness and yet still he just left her alone. My mother still loved that man. Even in her deathbed, she would tenderly call his name. But that still does not change the fact that her condition only worsened once he left. His betrayal imprinted on me.

That is why I have learned my lesson.

"We are detectives. Trust no one and nothing but the truth." My grandfather told me.

Even if that truth is something unwanted.

~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~

The world has fallen into despair.

That is the kind of world that we live in now. There are barely enough people left on this planet. Those who are alive either are dying or are already dead inside. And then there are those who kill themselves. Of course, these are all perfectly sane people. There are others still who are alive but are in despair. They kill and destroy whenever they get the chance and wherever they go. It is the new plague that sweeps up everything in its path. Fear is never an option but rather it is the only choice. Nothing can be saved. There is no hope. That is the reality. This is what governs every country. Despair.

One day into the hellish nightmare and it was already too late. It was a mistake to even let it happen in the first place. And now, one year after, there was still no way of correcting it. Perhaps there was none to begin with. Everyone has given up. All hope was lost the moment the world was drowned in despair. It was much worse than any war dictated in history. There were no distinguished parties fighting for anything specific and yet there were casualties. At least in war, people believed they were fighting for something unlike this.

People didn't even believe anymore.

However, from the comforts of the safe house in a foreign land, I would like to think that I still had some faith left in me. Despair was all in the mind and I kept nothing of it inside mine. While I have recently lost the only person whom I considered family, that was no reason to mourn for long. I have paid my respects already. There was still a person whom I knew still alive. There was nothing left for me to do than to find that person. That was why I decided to return from where I came from. The place that started it all.

This was the country where despair first bloomed… Japan.

My benefactor questioned this. She calls herself Celestia Ludenberg and she's the one responsible for this fort. This was probably one of the best places to be right now. We had supplies and working facilities. Everyone who sought refuge had to first prove themselves worthy of her trust and if you were then you would work for her as a servant in exchange of the security. With this system, Celes was able to manage a small kingdom secluded from civilization and left everyone in it little reason for betrayal. It was not all that easy to amass everything but she told me she never lost a gamble in the process. Looking at everything now, every risk was truly worth it. Although that did not stop her from further gambling. After all, this was still far from her dream kingdom.

Upon my travels, I happened to chance upon this. Fortunately for me, Celes had taken a liking to me. Although I offered my services to her, she thought I was better suited as company rather than as a servant. She said that it was hard to find any intelligent companion who was not too busy trying to overthrow her. I took that as a compliment.

"Are you sure about this?" Celes asked on our last shared cup of tea together.

"Yes. Frankly, I didn't expect you to be so concerned." I answered.

"Always so sharp. Those skills of yours should do you some good in the outside world. Ehehe." She giggled and a smile took place on her lips. Her tone was both mocking and teasing with a dash of sweetness: exactly how she wanted it to sound like. "To be honest, it's not that I would miss you in particular. It's just that you're the only one who could keep the closest thing to a proper conversation around here."

"You speak as if I'm not coming back." I said with a blank face.

"Are you not?" She took a sip of her tea.

"I'm simply visiting a friend. That is all. Perhaps we'll even visit a place while we're at it. After which, I'll come back so we could finally finish our match."

"There's no need. Trust that I will win anyways." Her smile was challenging me.

"You can't say that for sure. Someone told me that I should only trust in the truth."

"Is this from the same friend you're visiting?"

I paused for the shortest of moments. "Not exactly."

We stayed like that until we finished the tea. I enjoyed it very well. This was the closest thing to a proper shelter and I had the pleasure of living here for a good while. I will forever be grateful to her. But I'm afraid these peaceful days will have to end here.

"Thank you… it's been a wonderful stay. However, I believe it is time for me to go."

"Then as a parting gift, would you like to wager on the odds that you'll come back alive?"

Always the gambler until the end. Perhaps this was her wish of having her remembered this way. Alive or not, there was this chance that I would not have the opportunity of tea with her again. I had no reason to refuse her offer. And besides, I too was curious on finding out who would win this time.

People have a hard time of saying goodbye.

~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~

People have an odd timing when they come into your life.

My mother was sick. Back then, I did not understand just how sick she was. I only knew of four kinds of sickness: fever, coughs, colds, and the one my mother had. I believed that if she got plenty of rest and lots of nutritious food, she would get better. My family believed in the doctor, several to be precise. Sometimes, we would visit them and other times they would visit us. However, it seemed to me that they did little difference since there would always be another visit after. I thought doctors could make people feel better but even I grew more worrisome each time. No one told me anything. So I knew absolutely nothing.

But at least someone talked to me.

There was a boy of my age. It seemed he was unplanned company. I overheard his father who was the visiting doctor at the time that he never noticed him sneaking into the car. It seemed like it was unplanned on the boy's part too. He was searching for a toy he thought he had left inside. When the car abruptly started, he hit his head and fell unconscious during the whole trip. And here he was now.

What tremendous luck.

Suffice to say, it was then that they enlisted my help. After all, surely we would find something in common seeing that we were of the same age, right? Unfortunately, I was too busy reading a book back then that I thought could be useful in figuring out my mother's condition.

"Umm… Hi." He shifted his feet. "I'm Makoto. N-nice to m-meet you." He was obviously stuttering out of nervousness.

"I'm Kyoko. It's nice to meet you too." I politely said then returned to my book.

I was not even done with one page when a voice shouted.

"The culprit is you!"

I looked up from my book to find the boy flushed red. However, I was pretty sure that it was not his voice. My eyes searched around just to check but there was no one else near us.

"I'm s-sorry! It was an accident, I swear!" He started confessing. One hand was waving frantically in front while the other deeply dug into his pocket. "The button wasn't pressed on purpose. I didn't mean to disturb you or anything. Sorry!"

I put down my book and stood up. "What's that?"

"Ah, no way! You're gonna laugh at me."

"No, I won't. I just want to see it." I tilted my head, hoping that I could catch a glimpse of it.

"Okay… but only if you don't laugh." He was obviously not fully convinced but it seemed he felt like he had no choice. He pulled out a striking red plastic bow-tie. "This is the toy that got me here in the first place."

"That's the one from the kid's show." I said somewhat in awe.

"It's not a kid's show if the hero is a grownup who got turned into a kid." He was quick to defend.

"What's wrong with calling it that? We're kids anyways."

"Well, you looked like you weren't into… that stuff." He gulped. "Are you?"

Am I?

I took a deep breath. "Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

We both stared at each other.

"There is only one truth!" We both shouted at the same time while doing the famous pointing pose.

We had a good laugh right after. I think we were laughing so loud because one of the grownups came in to check on us. We were still giggling for a while after. I could not remember when the last time I was this was happy.

"Ha! We even said it at the same time!"

"That was pretty cool." I admitted.

"Yeah, it was cool. That means we're cool!"

His happiness was contagious and I was smiling with him. At that moment, I completely forgot about the book I was reading, about the mystery of my mother's illness and about the seriousness of our family tradition.

I forgot a lot of things because I was having fun.

"Kyoko, we're gonna be great friends." He said with the biggest smile I had ever seen.

He was my first friend.

~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~

It's hard to find something without getting lost.

I was lost in more ways than one. My memories of my homeland had a few unpleasant ones mixed in but I often recall the more wonderful days I have spent here. They were beautiful and filled with Japan's aesthetics and culture. Right now, it was hard to believe that this was the same country. Everything was unrecognizable when compared to my memories.

And yet everything was still familiar.

I have seen all of this before. It was the same dilapidated buildings, same littered corpses, and same putrid air of smoke and hopelessness. It was the same for every country I have visited ever since the despair broke out.

It was sickeningly familiar.

Despair first attacked Japan. It was hard to think that there were any survivors by this point in time. However, my facts had me believed that the person I am looking for was still alive. Fortunately, I stumbled upon another survivor along the way.

"You got lucky that I was out. Otherwise, I'd just might find your corpse tomorrow." He spoke in a loud voice that matched the motorbike's roar.

"I am in your debt." I on the other hand, tried to sound as polite as possible while yelling over the noise.

The man who was assisting me now was named Owada Mondo. His family bore gang leaders and it seemed that he was no different. Although I doubt the current number of underlings were as formidable now as compared before. If I remember correctly from the records, my grandfather once aided his grandparents with a small case. That was a long time ago and rather insignificant to our current situation. It seemed as if only I was aware of this tiny connection. Perhaps I am lucky that he even agreed to help a total stranger in the first place.

"That's all? You fucking crazy bitch. Doing what you like and showing your ass here."

"I was expecting you to be in the area. You proved me right."

"Yeah, well what if I wasn't so fucking conveniently around the area?"

"Then there is a great possibility that I would've died."

"Ya damn right!"

We sped for another half hour while breaking the speed limit, if only there were still law enforces to stop us. It was an… interesting ride for Mondo felt chatty that day and his vocabulary was well… selected. I harbor no ill feelings against him. After all, this was a suicidal idea that he was helping me on.

When we reached a certain point marked by the shambles of Shibuya, he dropped me off.

"This is as far as my turf goes. I ain't gonna be helping you no more!" He yelled. Perhaps he was still trying to discourage me.

"That's more than enough. Thank you, Mondo." I bowed deeply in gratitude.

"Tch. Just get out of there fast."

"I will… after I get my friend."

My investigation has led me here. As I headed to where I deduced he would be, I prepared myself. The last time I saw of him was ten years ago. A lot has happened in that amount of time even before the despair incident. Yes, something must have happened before that. Before all of this. If only that something never happened. This was one of the most frequent thoughts I had. In truth, a million thoughts raced in my head as I ran.

All that soon suddenly stopped.

"I found you."

There are some things that are better off never found.

~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~

There are ways to lose people before they even die.

I first learned of that with my father. I just did not expect that I would have that lesson refreshed so soon. And just when I had made a friend of my age. To make matters worse, I am the guilty party this time. I really did not want to lose any more than I already have. However, this was something I had to do no matter how unpleasant it was.

At least he seemed happy about the news.

"Wow! You're gonna travel around the world. That's amazing, Kyoko!" He practically jumped and cheered in joy.

I frowned. "It's not as if I'll be a tourist or anything like that. This is all part of the training my grandfather will put me through."

"I don't really get what you mean by training but…" He tilted his head. "But you're still going places. Isn't that good enough?"

No, it was hardly a good deal to begin with.

"Next week, huh." He sat down beside me.

"Do you want to come with me, Makoto?" I asked hopefully while hugging myself. It would make all the difference if we were together. "I could try to ask him if you could join us."

He shook his head. "Nah. I think I'll stay here. I mean, even if you do get to convince him, I just can't leave my family alone." He smiled apologetically. "I don't know what I'll do if something happened to them."

"Oh, okay." I said with as much gloom as I had felt.

"Sorry, I'm sad about you leaving. It'll be lonely here with you gone." He moved so that he sat right in front of me. And I could see that he was just as sad as I was but he was still trying his best to smile. "But think of it this way. There's no way I'll be leaving here any time soon so it'll be easier to find me once you get back!"

Sometimes, I wished I was as hopeful as he was.

"If you put it that way…"

"Besides, you already promised me you'd find me."

He was my best friend.

~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~

I was always searching for the truth.

"You finally found me." Makoto smiled.

"No, I finally found the truth." I grimaced. "I've come here to bring you back… just not the way I hoped it to be."

We held each other's gazes for a long while. It looked like he was doing fine and at first glance one would think that nothing was wrong not especially with him. I looked far worse than him. Soon, this peace would end and the dream would finally be broken. That's if you could even call this peace or a dream. And all the hopeful lies that had kept me to get here and stomach the truth would finally crumble. Perhaps it would become so broken that it would be unbearable. I briefly wondered if there would be anything worth of value left after.

In those ten years, we were never the same.

"I see." His voice sounded just like I had imagined it to be. It sounded just like Makoto that I almost thought it was the same Makoto. It was soothingly familiar and he had a sweet tone. "I refuse. This is our most awaited reunion. And I want to spend a lot of time catching up."

"There's no time for that anymore." I said and even though there was still time, it would have been too late.

His smile twitched.

"Look around you. Do you think anyone even bothers anymore?" He opened his arms dramatically as if we had an audience.

"…"

His smile dropped.

And he spoke in a hopeless voice that held a demeaning edge to it. A tone that I did not want to hear from him. "Besides, even if you do turn me in, you can't stop despair. Ha… haha!"

His grin was manic. His laughter was haunting.

And I had no choice but to watch all of this unfold.

"…Am I the reason for all of this?"

"You've got that wrong." He pointed at me as he looked down upon the stupidity of my question. He was clearly mocking me. "You're a detective. Go figure it out for yourself. Then again, I think you already know."

I was fighting hard to maintain my composed look. "Yes, however I just needed to confirm my theory."

It would have been easier if I was the reason.

His eyes sparkled with excitement. Between the two of us, he was enjoying this. "Were you hoping to save me?"

"You've got that wrong." I shot back at him. Without noticing it, my voice was raised and perhaps my blank face finally cracked too. "I already said this before but I only came here to find the truth. It just so happened that you were a part of it."

"And how does it feel to finally find me?" He asked full of sarcasm.

Betrayed. Angry. Sorrowful. Anguished. Fearful. Empty. Defeated.

I felt all kinds of feelings. It was hard to find myself amidst all this. It was in Japan that we first met and it was in Japan where he first created despair. And right now in Japan was where I found him again. This was not the kind of reunion I wanted with my childhood friend. This was not the kind of person I wanted him to grow up to be.

This was not the kind of truth I wanted to find.

It was twisted and sickening. It was the kind that left you nothing to believe in.

And maybe, I even felt just the slightest hint of despair.

"Disappointed." That's all I told him.

Because at one point, I believed in you.

~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~

I don't know what to believe in anymore.

That was what kept me company as I sobbed again and again. I did not know I had so much tears in me, I thought that at one point, I would run dry. But I did not.

I just kept crying.

I cried for hours. I cried for days. I cried for my mother. I cried for a father.

I was helpless as a child. Back then, I only knew how to cry.

"Father is missing while mother is gone now." I sobbed. "Grandfather was right. The only thing I can do now is just find the truth." I looked down, ashamed and accusing. "Even I don't trust you anymore."

Grandfather was still busy. He was too busy to comfort me. The only person who listened to me while I was bawling was Makoto.

"I'm sorry!" And he started crying too. "I'm so sorry, Kyoko!"

I sniffed. "W-what are you apologizing for?"

"Because you're all sad and I can't do anything to help." He cried harder. He genuinely thought that he was at fault. "No wonder you hate me. I'm useless. I can't do anything at all."

"You've got that wrong, Makoto." I held his hand. "Just because I don't trust you doesn't mean I hate you."

I don't know why but I was comforting him instead.

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

It was enough to fill him up with hope again.

"Okay, then let me tell you a secret, Kyoko." His sobs soon subsided and he was smiling again. His eyes were still red though. "My name is Makoto but my mom said it's a special name. That's because it means truth."

Truth?

"What I'm trying to say is that since you trust in the truth so much then you can trust in me just as much!" He puffed his chest and gave it a pound. A bit shaky from his earlier outburst, he tried to look as strong as possible.

It was the brightest smile I ever saw on him.

"Don't give in to being sad and find me instead." He reassuringly took my hands in his.

I think I had small smile of my own.

"Just believe in me!"

I had really believed that I had found a friend. He was my first friend. He was my best friend. And I was happy to have him as my friend.

There was no better friend than the truth.

~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~

Shinra-ex-SOLDIER

Omake1: PARTING GIFT

Celes: Take this rose whip with you. It may come in handy when you meet your friend.

Kirigiri: …I believe you're misunderstanding something.

Celes: Oh, am I?

Kirigiri: Just what exactly do you expect me to do with this?

Celes: I expect many things from you. Ehehe.

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Omake1.5: WHIP IT

Kirigiri: I've come to bring you back.

Naegi: I see… I refu- OOWWW! What are you doing! Wait, why do you even have a whip?! And with thorns!

Kirigiri: It was a gift.

Naegi: And you've been bringing that with you all along? What kind of- OUCH! I wasn't even finished talking, why did you hit me?

Kirigiri: It looked like fun.

Naegi: You're not even sure if it's fun! Stop it! OUCH! JUST! OUCH! STOP!

Kirigiri: I can't. It came with instructions.

~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~~xoxo~xoxo~

NOTE:

The character for Makoto can be translated to truth (one of many translations). I had to search it just to confirm but correct me if I'm mistaken. (And I'll just remove this chapter of lies.)

In the last part, Naegi said "being sad". I initially wanted to type in "despair" but he's too young to use that and you catch my drift, right?

As for their age in the flashbacks, it's probably 7 or below just not greater than 10 years old. Also, Detective Conan is hinted and it is definitely NOT a kiddie show.

REPLY TO REVIEWERS: (More survivors!)

anonymous184 - Thanks! And tokens for you for pointing out the pattern... or is there? I hope this was depressing enough.

TheRoseShadow21 - Well, you know. ;)

passwordrawr - And more it is! (as long as you don't ask for quicker updates)

Guest(3) - Welcome back! I'm happy to see you again here. Well, naturally it would leave you wanting. I put drugs in every chapter. "You can get addicted to certain kind of sadness." as the song by Gotye goes. I'm honored that my fic has similar effects . If you happen to have a deviantart account, that could work too.

Thank you for the new favs and follows from AquaAries19, CrimsonSkyTamer

WARNING! IMPORTANT NOTICE:

Something big happened to me so I will be busy for the following month or two. I know I just picked this up that's why I thought I might warn you that updates will either be slower or won't happen at all. I'll try to allot a day per week to write but at the pace I go, it'll take me a few to finish one chapter because I really try not to publish anything that doesn't feel right. So either I update faster but crappier or just really slower. Sorry for the inconvenience guys but I promise I won't drop this.

That said, I want to know what you thought of this one. Reviews do guilt-trip me so do abuse that. See you (soon) again. Upupupu!