Chapter 6: Before the Dawn
"Investigations are continuing into the scope of the disaster on the moon. What is known is that every city has been completely destroyed and many smaller settlements. However, do to the extent of the halo of debris, the government states that there is too much interference for clear scans and any ship or probe that attempts to get close runs an almost certainty of being struck and disabled if not lost altogether."
"Thank you Gao. Does the government have an estimate about when it will be safe to approach the moon?"
"Yes Sung, they have released a rough estimate of three to five years. It will be too impractical track all the debris to allow safe passage for ships. So any search for survivors will have to be put off until then."
"Wow, that is a long time. And what about the month long cancellations of space flights, has there been any further updates on those?"
"I'm afraid so, Sung. That initial estimate has been extended to two months with a third month being considered."
"Why is that, is there more debris than they were expecting?"
"Yes, a lot more debris and the collision with the debris with other ejecta and with orbiting objects like satellites is cause greater chaos in the path of the initial cloud. It's just too early to know right now."
"Wow, Gao. That is humbling. Well, thank you for your time. That was our Science Bureau correspondent Fei Gao, reporting live from the Science Bureau's main offices. We'll now turn to our special guest, Dr. Zeb Kim, department head of the University of New Beijing's Psychology Department, and author of Magic and Mind: A History of Lunacy in Lunars. Thank you for coming here today Doctor."
"No thank you, Ms. Chin."
"Well know Dr. Zeb, let get to the point shall we? Everyone is dying for some idea as to why Queen Selene would force the mass suicide of her entire population. Can you shed any light on that?"
"Oh certainly, Ms. Chin. As I have said in my book, Magic and Mind, all lunars have this tendency toward strong disconnection from reality. Since they can force their will on anyone, they come to the conclusion that only they matter. This is particularly true for the royal family. They are the strongest of all lunars, and because they can make even lunars do as they please, they are especially unstable. The whole family as shown not the slightest concern for what consequences their actions have on others. Queen Selene is just the latest and greatest example of a social disorder going back hundreds of years. Did she ever consider the innocent lives she would be taking with her, the men, women, or children? How about the debris field that is taking down our satellite network and cutting off trade to the rest of the solar system. Some of those moon rocks have even killed people on Earth. Did Selene consider that?! No more than any of us would have when we step on insects. We know they're there, we just don't care. My research has established that, in general, the problem has gotten worse with time."
"That is... and interesting analysis Dr. Zeb, but let's get to the point shall we? I'll ask the question that is on everyone's mind. Was Queen Selene truly crazy?"
"Oh certifiably so, Ms. Chin. Best for anyone that she's gone. In my highly regarded opinion, she was the worst bad apple in the whole bushel."
"Shut UP!" The saki bottle flew with uncharacteristic accuracy into the screen. The bottle shattered, glass torn into the screen and the picture was lost in a storm of electronic frizzle. Kai staggered back, trying to compensate for the force of the throw. "You don't know anything! You, you, you Quack!"
Kai lifted his hand up to force another mouthful of saki, only to remember he threw it at the screen. He swerved to the bar and stumbled for another bottle. He hated saki, too bitter for his taste, but if he was going to get drunk tonight he deserved to endure with bitterness, after what he had done.
He grabbed the last bottle, saki was the most potent alcoholic beverage around but he had failed to plan that into tonight. He tried to pry off the cork with his hands, he lost the corkscrew awhile back and gave up looking for it. Frustrated, he took a metal... something or other, and broke the top of the bottle. Saki spilled everywhere, and Kai raced the opened end to his open mouth. The bitterness of the saki and the sting from the cut he received from the broken glass near made him spit it out. The next time he gulped a little more carefully and avoided the sharp glass.
That bottle was finished, so he staggered to the balcony that overlooked the summer estate. He had such good memories here, running through the vast park with his mother. Those memories were overshadowed by the light from above. Kai looked up to a never before seen full moon. Not the clear disk everyone was used to, but a fuzzy disk surrounded by a halo.
There was a flash of light. Then another, and another. The sky was full of them, in all shapes and sizes. Needle streaks poured like rain, less numerous fireballs brightened the sky to daytime for a moment before vanishing into the darkness. Halo in the sky, fire raining down on Earth, this is what she had meant. One would think it beautiful, but they didn't know what Kai knew. I killed her!
"I'm going to destroy a world Kai, with the power of Luna. Before the Peace Festival is over, my plan will be carried out, and as fire rains down on Earth, you will be able to look up at the Lunar halo that brought it." Halo in the sky and fire raining down on Earth, this is what she meant. She let him believe that she was going to invade, that she was going to destroy the Earth. Not hard, he , as everyone, saw her as lunar, but now he realized that she saw herself as earthen. To her as everyone on Earth saw Luna as the source of trouble. So she destroyed it with its own power, all the time knowing that she wouldn't receive an ounce of gratitude. Man she must have really hated me to put this kind of guilt on my shoulders!
His sight lowered to the stone rail before him. Easily seen in the enhanced full moon light was a gun. He had relieved the gauss pistol from one of the guards, the guard was too afraid to ask and Kai wasn't in the mood to explain. He threw the bottle into the shadow of the trees and faintly heard the sound of breaking glass. Picking up the pistol, he brought it to his temple. It would be simply, easy, just squeeze the trigger and it would be over. I deserve this! He thought. I failed her, she needed me and I failed her. I deserve to die, not her, ME! His finger tightened around the trigger and then...
"Kai stop!" Kai whirled so fast that he fell. Shaking off the effects from the fall he finally focused his eyes on two figures running for him. Before he could get up they were on him and pair of powerful hands tore the gun away. He screamed and fought back, struggling to break free and recover the weapon. He must have landed a blow because he heard a woman grunt and let go. She backed away and came into view, it was his wife, Empress Sun-Hi.
A little blood trickled down her lip where he had hit her. Between them stepped Kai's advisor, ever faithful Torin. In his hands was the gun.
"Give it back!" Kai howled and lunged for it. Torin avoided him by taking a couple steps backward and twisting to his left. Kai saw him toss the gun out into the garden, well out of reach. Kai fell on his face, humiliated, he had hoped that he could do this in private. He didn't know when he started to cry, but when he realized it he was heaving for breath.
"Your Majesty, you need to calm down." Torin said as he approached slowly.
"Why?!" Kai retorted. "She's gone! I killed her! Everything I've done all these years killed her. I should have been me!" He sat up with his back to the stone rail and buried his face in his hands.
"It will be alright, you just need time..." Torin tried to console the emperor but wouldn't have it.
"Time!" He let his hands fall away. "Time won't fix what I have done! And now those women are... are rulers of the moon! In what kind of world do those people get to rule when people like Cinder die!"
"An imperfect world your Majesty, the only one we ever had." Torin responded. "There is nothing to be done about the Linh family, their claim to the throne of Luna is beyond dispute. We've check and rechecked. But killing yourself will not do any good, not when there is hope. The Linh's are completely incapable of governing, they have no training, no experience. They have no population, their world will be inaccessible for years, and the mother, Adri, has been hospitalized do to a nervous breakdown. If there ever was a time to influence the future of Luna now would be it Kai, you have some much to live for!"
"Don't speak to me of politics! I have had enough! Every decision I have made has been the wrong one. Because of my policies an entire race is dead, and so is she! I am not good enough to emperor. I deserve to die, just let me die!" Kai curled up into a ball and cried.
"Torin," The empress called her husband's advisor to her side. "Leave him to me. I'll handed this Toran."
"Your Majesty, with all due respect, Emperor Kai is not himself right now I don't think it wise for you two to be alone."
"I can take care of myself. Besides when the Emperor doesn't wish to discuss politics, he can dismiss his advisor. But a husband cannot dismiss his wife just because he wishes to avoid family matters. That is what this is now, a family matter." She gestured to the door. "Please Torin." Torin lingered for a moment, his sense of duty as a friend conflicting with his duty as a servant.
Once he passed through the door the Empress turned to her husband, still crying on the floor. She walk slowly and gently over to him, taking a seat beside him. Gently she tugged him into her arms, his head in her bosom. He made only token resistance, too tired to fight anymore. She kissed his head and spoke softly, warmly.
"Cry Kai, mourn. It's okay, I'm right here." And did, he no longer cared if anyone saw him. He didn't know how long he cried, if slept or not, but he knew his wife was all the time. When he had exhausted himself and relaxed she spoke again.
"Kai I... I owe you an apology." Kai was caught off guard. He was stumped why she would need to apologize when it was him that just tried to commit suicide. "You know that there had been another man before. Someone I loved very much."
"Yes," Kai answered, vaguely remembering her history through his alcohol hazed brain. There had been a boyfriend or something along those lines but he died years before Kai and Sun-Hi had met.
"I haven't been faithful to you in my heart, Kai. After my mourning period for Hyo and we started to court and I became comfortable with you, I thought only of him. Even at our wedding, I imagined him as the man there, not you. Everything you did I compared it to him and how would have done it. When we were in bed, I imagined it was him instead of you that I was well you know." She sighed and Kai's memory cleared a little bit.
"I know what you're going through, I may not quite understand it, but I do know. Before Hyo died, we had argument, something silly though I don't remember what, but we didn't speak to each other for a week. When he died, the night the lunar soldiers attacked, he was trying to make his way to my home and was caught in the massacre." She swallowed hard.
"Afterwards I thought: if I had not insisted that I was right and refused to talk to him, I was sure we would have been together that night and he would not have gone looking for me. He would be alive. But I did, and because of it I couldn't let it go, let him go. I'm sorry that I let him come between us, even if you didn't know it. I promised myself to you only, I've failed as a wife and I am sorry for it." Kai tried to say something but Sun-Hi hushed him with her finger on his lips.
"Shhh, Kai. Let me finish." She spoke softly. "Being unfaithful to you in my heart was bad enough, but not the worst thing I have done. You see, I'm a hypocrite. I could tell you had someone else in your life, another woman who had your attention. I was angry and jealous, that although you were married to me, she had your heart, even if I was committing the same sin. I tried to separate you two, tried to exorcise her from your heart, but instead I feared that I only helped to alienate her.
"You see Kai, you aren't the only one responsible for Cinder's death. I was there, always whispering in your ear, trying to make you forget her, or rather indifferent to her. I was always advising you and asking Toran to advise you avoid her. I was afraid that if you saw her again that you might leave me too.
"I should have known better. I should have confronted you about it, I should have confronted her. I know now that you wouldn't have left me so easily. Perhaps we could have been friends, Cinder and I, if I had dared to be the bigger woman and set aside my petty jealousy. I should have been sensitive her loneliness as well as ours, but like with Hyo, I failed and I will have to live with the consequences."
Silence sank in, heavy with emotion. Kai mind was stimulated by Sun-Hi's confessions that he shoved aside the fog in his mind. She was right, he had never paid attention before, but now he could see that she had been a voice against Cinder. Always, but gently, deflecting his attentions, promoting the feeling that he neither could nor approach her. It made him angry, but looking at his wife, he could see she still wasn't finished.
"Kai I know you failed Cinder, we both have, but she is gone. Nothing we can do will bring her back. Our debt to her will always remain unpaid, but if we take our lives we will ignore another debt. Our children Kai, they need us. Would you deprive our son of his father or your daughter, before they get to know you? Do you think that because you failed before you can shirk that responsibility?
"Please, don't let this tragedy consume you when others still need you!" Her words softened his ire and Kai remained still.
"But what if I fail again? I don't know if I could take it." He mumbled.
"We've been depending too much on ourselves and not each other, no more secrets and shadow feelings. We need to reconnect Kai, if that means retiring from public life for a time, then so be it. I offer myself completely to you, no more phantoms. I ask you to do the same, if not for us then for our children. I have no doubt that we will fail at one time or another, but they need us, will we abandon them like we did to our first loves?"
"No." Kai said firmly. "I promise Sun-Hi, that I will commit myself to you, if only for the children." She smiled and kissed him in a way she never had quite before. She began to hoist him up.
"Come husband, it s unwise to sleep on the floor. You'll need a good sleep on the mattress if you hope to live through your hangover tomorrow." The stumbled to the bed, Kai leaning on Sun-Hi. She helped him undress and laid the covers over him. As sleep finally began to close in, it faltered at Sun-Hi's next statement.
"Kai, you let me name our son, but were gracious enough not to insist on a name for our daughter. When you feel better tomorrow I want to talk about changing Pei's name."