Disclaimer: I do not own JAG, Harm, Mac, Bud, Harriet, et al. I have earned nothing from this endeavor but the joy that comes from the writing and the possibility of some feedback.
~*~*~
Chapter Six
Harm smiled at Mac from across the elegantly set table. The music of a classical piano drifted from across the room.
"Mac..."
Mac's breath caught in her chest. Oh, my... he's going to propose.
"...will you marry me?" Harm pulled a blue velvet box from his jacket pocket and opened it.
Mac gasped softly. The large baguette diamond was flanked by a pair of sparkling sapphires. "Oh, Harm..." She took the ring from its plush cushion and looked at it. It was the most beautiful ring she'd ever seen. One she'd be proud to wear. "It's so beautiful. Sapphires are my favorite." She slipped it on; it was a perfect fit.
Harm sat watching her face and eyes light up at the sight of the ring. Her smile widened when she slid it on.
"Harm, it would be such an honor to be your wife," she began. She looked up from the ring, her eyes brimming with tears.
Harm shook his head in confusion. The words were right. The tears were right. But something was terribly wrong.
Mac took the ring off her finger and put it back in the box. "Harm, I need time to think."
"What's there to think about? I love you. You love me. Your baby needs a father."
Something just doesn't feel right." Her voice wobbled and her eyes pleaded understanding. "I just need some time. Please..."
Harm swallowed hard and nodded. He signaled the waiter for the check. The ride back to Mac's apartment was silent, each of them lost in thought. He escorted her from the car to her door.
"I'm not giving up," he said resolutely, standing at the door. "It's probably just your hormones on overdrive. I'm not giving up." Then he turned and walked away.
At any other time, Mac might have reacted very strongly to the hormone remark, but she knew that he was just trying to justify her response; that he couldn't accept the very real possibility that she might say no.
Mac closed the door and went directly to bed and wept. She wept for her lost dreams and secret hopes. She wept for what would never be. She wept for her best friend. And she wept for herself.
~*~
The insistent beep beep beep of the alarm clock pulled Mac slowly from her dream. It was the same one she'd had before: nursing her infant son and seeing his first smile. The man in the bed with her had yet to reveal his face, and each time she experienced the dream, she became less and less certain that the man was Harm.
But it didn't make sense to her. There was no one else in her life and last night, Harm had proposed. It was the moment she had hoped for for so long. But all she felt was confused.
This was what she had wanted for as long as she could remember, but something or someone had stopped her from saying yes. She remembered Harm's eager smile and the beautiful ring. The tears trickled down her face. What was wrong with her?
Thanks goodness it was Saturday. At least she wouldn't have to face him just yet. The only problem was that she wanted to talk about it. Normally she'd go to Harm, but that certainly wasn't an option this time.
She picked up the phone and dialed Bud and Harriet's number. After several rings, their machine picked up. Mac hung up without leaving a message. Then she decided to try calling Abby, but the phone just rang and rang and rang. Maybe she should call Aaron. After all, she'd confessed most everything else to him. Why not this?
Mac sat on a park bench near the small rapids in Rock Creek Park, her hands resting on her burgeoning abdomen, waiting for Aaron to arrive. Harm's proposal played over in her mind.
"Earth to Sarah, come in..." Aaron waved his hand slowly in front of her face.
Her eyes refocused on the man in front of her. She offered him a wan smile. "Hi."
"Hi," he replied. "You all right?"
She nodded. "Thanks for meeting me."
"Sure." He took a seat next to her. "What's got you looking like you just lost your best friend?"
Mac shook her head. "I haven't lost him yet, but I just might. And I don't know if I can bear it."
"'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,'" Aaron quoted Philippians 4:13. "What happened?"
"You know my friend Harm?"
Aaron nodded.
"Well, he asked me to marry him."
"Oh. I see..."
"And I've been waiting for this for years. But something just didn't seem right. I thought that when he finally asked me, I'd be happier... or something."
"Have you considered that maybe you feel different because you are different? I mean, you're a child of God now. You've been studying the Bible. You know what it says. Have you prayed about this?"
Mac shook her head again. "But all I've wanted for the last three years is to be with Harm. We've been through so much together. He knows everything about me and I—"
"Sarah—" Aaron ran his hand nervously through his hair. "I don't know if I'm the best one for you to be talking to you about this."
She looked at him in surprise. "Wh-why not?" Isn't that part of your job? To counsel your congregation?"
"Normally, yes, but Sarah..." He looked intently into her eyes. "I've fallen in love with you."
Mac jumped up from the bench. "But you can't..." She looked around the park and then back at Aaron. "I don't know what to say," she said in a shaky voice.
"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know why I can't talk to you about Harm; especially about marriage. I wouldn't be able to offer you objective advice." He continued to watch her. "Perhaps Abigail or one of the ladies who helps me with marriage counseling."
"Um, yeah. Maybe..."
"Do you want to walk or something?"
Mac started to nod, but froze mid-nod. "Oh!" She pressed a hand to her stomach and looked at Aaron with wide eyes.
Aaron jumped up and was by her side in an instant, his brow furrowed in concern. "What is it? What's wrong?"
Mac looked from her belly to Aaron's face, her own glowing in delight. "He moved," she whispered and moved her hand to another spot. "Here, feel." She grabbed his hand and settled it on her stomach, wanting to share the moment.
Aaron quickly pulled his hand away. "I can't, Sarah. I'm sorry."
Mac's face fell. "Why not?"
"Because that contact is too intimate for me."
"It's just the baby..." she said, confused by his response.
"I know. But your body doesn't belong to me, and my convictions as a pastor won't allow me to touch a woman that way unless we're married."
"Oh. Okay. I'm sorry." She still wasn't sure; it was just the baby.
"There's nothing to apologize for, Sarah. But I think, maybe, I'd better go."
She nodded and watched him shove his hands in his pockets and walk away.
~*~
On Sunday morning, Mac was awake with the sun. Why me, Lord? After all these years of picking the wrong men, now she had two to right ones to choose from. Each of them worthy in their own right. Only two problems existed: Harm wasn't saved nor was she in love with Aaron.
She opted to stay home from church. She wasn't sure she wanted to face Aaron just yet. Of course, there was no way to avoid Harm on Monday morning.
Later that afternoon, still avoiding Aaron and, consequently, the fellowship group, Mac called one of the only two people she could think of who would give her unbiased advice
"Thanks for meeting me, Sturgis," Mac said, sliding into the booth. The local iHop was warm and Mac had a craving for pancakes.
"What can I do for you today?" he asked and then waited quietly as the waitress came and gave them menus and poured some coffee.
"Harm asked me to marry him," she said softly before sipping her coffee.
"I know. He called me after you didn't say yes. He couldn't understand."
"I don't even understand," she said in frustration. "It's all I've wanted for a long time."
"Or thought you wanted," Sturgis remarked.
"What do you mean by that?"
"You've been studying the Bible right?" he asked.
Mac nodded.
"Are you familiar with this verse: 'Delight yourself in the Lord; And he will give you the desires of your heart.'?"
"Yes." She nodded again. "But God knows how I feel about Harm, so why is it not okay?"
"God wants to give you the desires of your heart--as long as they're within His good and perfect will for your life. As you know, marrying a non-Christian is not part of God's plan for any of His children.
"He's probably causing this confusion to help you, not hurt you. He's probably preparing you for a new desire and he wants you to be open to it."
Mac thought of her dream again. "Do you remember the dream I told you about?"
"Yes, I do. Why?"
"The man's face has never been revealed and I've had the dream a few more times."
"And?" he prompted.
"At first, I was so certain it was Harm."
"And now?"
"And now I don't think so." She sighed. "I just don't know."
To be continued…