Nalu week: Day 4 - Smoke

AU/Summary: (Trigger: mention of implied suicidal thoughts AND it might be a bit ooc im not sure tho LOL) IRL Natsu/Lucy on 4th of July ohohoho. He's a bit weird and people don't understand him because of his rough past with his parents. Lucy is his current girlfriend and he's afraid if she knows how he really thinks she'll leave him.

Natsu could feel her heart hammering against his, like the flutter of a hummingbird. Their kiss was slow at first, sensual and intoxicating. It made his head spin and his knees buckle. She was bright and beautiful, like a million stars clustered into one area. It made his eyes glassy; not because of the smoke that usually suffocated his lungs, although it was partly that, but the way she just was.

She gave him little pecks on his cheeks, her lips curved into a smile. With every kiss she laid, he could feel the smoke disappear little by little, letting him breath a little longer, a little more. To live with big, brighter eyes and an open mind. He looked down at her, all messy haired and pinkish cheeks. Her pony tail had gone lopsided now, loosening a little. He tugged at it, making it tighter so she didn't have to let go of her soft hands on his rough cheeks.

"You're not alone, Natsu. It's time for you to realize that." Her smiling eyes had turned somber, her eyebrows arched up sadly. He didn't like making her sad, he didn't want her to be sad. She deserved all of the brightest stars in the universe.

He hadn't told her about himself, nothing. If he did what if he scared her away? It wasn't the first time it had happened and he didn't want to risk it, losing her. It would probably do a fatal blow on him.

"You need to talk to me." Her voice drew him back from his mind, to what was in front of him again. Her dark brown eyes were speckled with light droplets, he wasn't sure if it was the reflection from the fireworks or not.

When he didn't say anything, she pecked his cheek again, clearing his throat from that suffocating smoke of blackness and starless nights. He wanted more, he wanted to get rid of it all.

"Come on Natsie..." She grumbled, pouting a bit. His nose crinkled up at the sound of the cringe worthy nickname she gave him. Although he always complained he hated it, it made him a bit happy whenever she said it.

"I dunno Luce..." Natsu trailed off, resting his chin on top of her head as he hugged her. Her head fit into the crook of his neck. If he kept looking at her who knows what he might tell her.

"Natsu." He heard her muffled voice against his neck, warm and moist. "Seriously though, you're not telling me a lot of things." She pushed herself off of him to look him straight into his eyes. He averted his gaze, afraid that she'd see the bottomless dark pit. "I'm not asking you to tell me everything about you, maybe a thing or two. We can ease into it slowly, don't worry." She smiled at him, tugging at the ends of his scarf. "It's not like I'm going to run away."

She looked at him so lovingly, as if he was the only human left on earth.

"Well," He started, placing a quick kiss on her forehead, "You get rid of the smoke in my lungs."

"Wha-" Natsu interrupted her by placing another quick kiss on her lips.

"It's been there since I was born, adding up bit by bit," Natsu paused again, waiting for Lucy to say something, but she only looked up at him with big brown eyes, waiting for him to continue. "It's like... starless nights, bad mornings, bitter coffee or tight places." Natsu's eyebrows furrowed together as he heard his voice in his ears. It probably made no sense to her. He looked up at the sky, watching the fireworks drown out his voice so that only she could hear his soft spoken words. "It suffocates me, and it's been worse since my dad disappeared." Natsu noticed her open her mouth, but he quickly continued on. "It's been getting better though- the smoke I mean. It's going away." Natsu's voice faded at the end, the voices and people around them drowning out his words into mush.

Natsu couldn't' bring himself to look at her, not right now, not when he was so vulnerable. "That's good." Her voice was raw and distinct, he could hear her from miles away. "That it's going away, it's not good to have that all in your body. Maybe we can find a way to take it out bit by bit. It's better to go slowly, at your pace." Natsu forced himself to at least look at the top of her blonde hair, then down to her eyebrows. They weren't arched up or down, but normal, like as if he didn't just tell her a part of him. The actual him.

"You're not gonna go away?" He asked her, bewildered.

Lucy looked at him, just as bewildered as he was. "Why would I?"

Natsu shrugged. "I'm weird, like really weird." Like sometimes he didn't want to live weird.

Lucy surprised him by laughing, loud and true and at the sky. She didn't have a care in the world and if she did she was good at not showing it.

"Well I hope you know why I even like you in the first place." Lucy rolled her eyes. "You're weird and different and I can talk to you." She smiled up at him, her eyes becoming rainbows.

Gosh, he loved her.

"Now how do we get rid of that smoke in your lungs?" Lucy asked, concentrating all of her attention on him.

He pushed his cheek to her lips, laughing as she placed a confused peck on it. "Just keep doing that."