"For decades, masked serial killers have thrilled and terrified audiences and taken the box office by storm."
"With the most notable of them being Michael Myers, the knife-wielding maniac of Haddonfield, and Jason Voorhees, the machete-wielding zombie of Camp Crystal Lake. And, for research purposes, we're using the originals, not those shitty remakes."
"He's DAM and I'm Zivon, and we're here to look at their weapons armor and skills to decide who would win a Death Battle."
"Growing up in Haddonfield, Illinois, Michael Myers murdered his sister when he was only six years old with a kitchen knife. Ever since, he has been committed to an insane asylum where his doctor, Samuel Loomis, wants him locked away forever, seeing him as pure evil."
"However, he stole a car and went back to Haddonfield, quickly racking up the body count and hunting down his sister, Laurie, in the process."
"Michael is cursed by The Order of Thorn, an ancient Druid group that curses a child to kill his family and grant him supernatural powers."
"Yeah, because, like Mike Myers, he's a cool guy, but you only want him around once a year."
"Michael's powers from the curse include superhuman strength, incredible stealth, and a brilliant killer. He has switched clothes with people in order to escape and frame his sister for murdering a paramedic..."
"What?! That's bullshit! Why is a paramedic attacking her then?"
"Lazy writing and the need for sequels. Michael's main weapon is a kitchen knife, which he can cleanly skewer someone to a door with or even decapitate. He uses several knives that he can get his hands on, cars, pitchforks, and his own fists are weapons, he's crushed skulls, the strength needed to do so is around 250 pounds of pressure, larynxes, and impale people with shotguns."
"Michael is also one tough bastard. He's survived being shot six times and falling two stories, explosions, electrocution, burning garages, stabs to the eye, neck, and chest, and an entire firing squad. This fucker is near-impossible to kill."
"This is brought on by Michael's curse as it greatly accelerates his healing abilities. However, more severe wounds, like being shot at by the firing squad, has led to him going into comas for long periods of time in order to heal."
"But, Mikey does have his quirks. For starters, his eyes are a weak spot. When he got shot in the eyes by Dr. Loomis in Halloween 2, he was totally defenseless to the explosion, or when he got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher, he was blinded and allowed his target, niece Jamie, to escape. He also got his ass kicked by a shitty rapper who knew kung-fu. "
"It also appears Michael is susceptible to losing limbs or his head, as Laurie chooses this as her method of attack to finish off who she thought was her brother. Finally, Michael can be beaten into unconsciousness, as Samuel Loomis did in Halloween 5 before suffering a stroke."
"But, in order to kill Michael, you have to get close to him, so good luck."
Laurie looks down at the knife in her stomach, breathing intensely before kissing Michael's mask on the lips, uttering, "I'll see you in Hell."
Michael:
Age: 45 (by time of Halloween: Resurrection)
Height: 6'
Weight: 200 lbs.
Weapons:
Kitchen Knife
Feats:
Incredible stealth
Superhuman strength
Incredibly durable, near-impossible to kill
Regenerative properties
Weaknesses:
Eyes are very vulnerable
Decapitation, severing limbs
Can be knocked out cold
Has been lead to obvious traps
"Born with several mental, physical, and anatomical abnormalities, Jason was bullied at Camp Crystal Lake where his mother worked as a cook..."
"Holy fuck! That's what he looked like...hmph...I think I'm gonna be sick..."
"He was...oh, Jesus...I'm sorry, I can't...can we take a break to clean this up..."
*Technical Difficulties: Please Wait*
"Jason was chased off a dock by the campers and drowned as a result. His mother went on a rampage and killed many camp counselors, whether they were involved in his death for not watching the campers or not. However, she was decapitated."
"Yeah, he grew up into a big man and took over his mom's business of killing people with his giant machete, able to lop people in half with the fucking thing!"
"But, Jason is also incredibly strong, just one punch can cause decapitation, a force of about 1,000 newtons, crushed skulls in his hand, ripped off people's heads, the force required to do so is 121 pounds of force, and he effortlessly twisted someone's head around with just a simple push."
"He's also incredibly durable, able to survive automatic fire, shotguns, and rifles until he was blown up by a grenade. He's also survived a boat motor to the face, being caught in a gas explosion that leveled a house, axe to the brain, electrocution, hanging, and being bound to the bottom of Crystal Lake itself."
"Jason also gained the ability of teleportation from...no one actually knows, it's just a theory of how he appears anywhere out of nowhere. Plus, Jason is practically indestructible, even after being blown up, his heart compelled a mortician to eat it so he could possess their body, moving from host to host while committing murders along the way."
"That, plus Jason has an accelerated cellular healing process, explaining why he can handle such deadly blows."
"Despite how mighty Jason is, he is not invulnerable. He is still unable to recover from losing limbs and can be killed by decapitation, having a large portion of his head removed, was once killed by a teenage Tommy Jarvis mauling him with his own machete, or being killed by a family member with a sacred knife."
"Also, Jason is fucking slow! Seriously, if people didn't trip like my aunt on the end of a stool with a rope around her neck, they'd live! Another weakness is his home in Crystal Lake, if he's chained to the bottom, he's completely powerless and immobile."
"Finally, Jason has been bested in close-quarters combat. Freddy Kruger dodged many of his brute swings and landed several blows of his own, impaling him with re-rod, cutting off his fingers, impaling his eyes, and cutting him with his own machete."
"But, once again, to kill Jason, ya gotta get close, have fun with that."
Jason stabs down into a man laying in bed repeatedly before reaching down to both ends of the bed and folding it upwards, snapping his back.
Jason:
Age: 57 (By Freddy vs. Jason)
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 220 lbs.
Weapons:
Machete
Feats:
Can dismember people with his bare hands
Accelerated healing rate, incredibly durable after resurrection
Great stealth
Teleportation?
Mostly indestructible
Weaknesses:
Very slow
Powerless when chained to Crystal Lake
Can be bested by a more agile, smarter foe
"Alright, these combatants are set, time to finish this debate once and for all."
"It's time for a Death Battle!"
Michael Myers approaches the sounds of giggling teenagers in a tent, his knife ready at his side. He raises it and tears through the tent in one slash, the couple scrambling to cover themselves and screaming. Michael hosts the man out and stabs him through the chest, killing him instantly before turning to the girl. She screams as he reaches for her, being silenced as a long blade slams into her head, cutting down to the bridge of her nose. The blade slides out the back of her head and Michael finds its owner, a near-bald, hockey-masked Frankenstein.
FIGHT!
Jason wastes no time and storms at Michael, swinging his machete down onto him. Michael catches Jason's arm and stabs him in the stomach, spilling first blood. It doesn't affect Jason, the hockey-masked man rips his arm free and swings again, Michael barely able to dodge the swing. Michael backhands his knife across Jason's stomach, slicing him open to another torrent of blood but is throttled by Jason, who hurls him through the air and into a tree, Michael's shoulder dislocating instantly with a distinct pop. Michael attempts to crawl away but is hosted up by Jason's free hand, he flings him further still into the campground. Michael finally rises and approaches Jason, stabbing down on him once again. Jason catches him by the wrist and slashes Michael across the chest, sending the chalkface killer stumbling back and clutching his wound. Jason continues to pursue Michael, who stabs and slashes at Jason to keep him at bay. Jason finally steps in with his blade raised to finish Michael, but Michael reacts first, stabbing Jason in the throat and releasing the knife. Jason, still frozen in place, grasps the knife and attempts to rip it free, but Michael hits him across the face, cracking a large portion of his mask. Michael rears back before planting a big boot into the center of Jason's chest, the killer dropping his machete as he flies through the wall of a cabin.
Jason slowly gets to his feet, blood leaking from his wound and out of the pores of his mask, barely at his feet when he sees Michael charge at him, a long, metal object in hand. Jason cannot react before he is skewered through by a flagpole, flag and all went through his stomach, the Crystal Lake killer doubling over as Michael releases him. Michael clasps one hand around the crown of Jason's malformed head, hoisting him to his feet before grabbing the knife lodged in his throat, freeing Jason's airway for only a moment before throttling him, lifting the big man off his feet. Michael began to crush Jason's windpipe, the killer gushing more blood and gurgles from his mouth before shooting his palm into Michael's face, dazing the chalkface maniac from the whiplash of the blow. Michael drops Jason in his daze, extracting the flag from his abdomen before spinning Michael around. Jason winds up a massive swing and cracks Michael over the head with the metal pole, snapping it in half and crunching part of Michael's skull. Jason takes a big step before swinging his foot up into Michael's chest, cracking several ribs as he flipped the chalkface to his back. Unsatisfied, Jason grabs Michael by his shirt on his chest and stomach, the Crystal Lake killer lifting him up with ease. Jason swung Michael back before ramming him head first through a window then ran down the line with Michael a as a battering ram, smashing him through the glass, windowsills, and wall. Jason drags his victim out of the cabin and tosses him through the air, Michael crashing down onto and through the roof of another cabin, giving Jason time to search for and recollect his machete.
Jason approaches the cabin, weapon ready, but is met my Michael charging out of the cabin, tackling Jason down to the earth. Michael brings his arm up high as he sits beside Jason, a jagged piece of glass illuminated in the moonlight in his hand. Michael brings it down straight through Jason's right hole, impaling his eye and making the big man seize up in pain. Michael, abandoning his makeshift weapon in his victim's face, grabbed Jason by the collar of his shirt and hoisted him to his feet, smashing his overpowered fist into Jason's face, completely disintegrating the hockey mask and revealing Jason's deformed face. Michael loads up another punch before Jason frees the shard from his eyesocket, hitting him in the stomach and doubling him over. Jason frees the shard as Michael grabs his head in both hands, pressing hard on his temples to crush his skull in. However, Jason shoots his hand into Michael's gut, digging into his intestines with his bare hands. Michael collapses over Jason's shoulder, blood pouring from his wound as Jason rips out a large chunk of his intestines. Michael flops back before weakly standing up again, having rediscovered the bloody shard of glass once more. He holds his massive wound as he attempts to stab Jason again, who catches his arm and forcibly tears in off, further bloodying and weakening Michael. Jason raises his machete once again and lets his swing fly, cleanly decapitating Michael. Jason bends over to pick the blood-soaked head off the ground, carrying it in his free palm back to his cabin.
K.O.!
"Holy shit, that got a little spooky!"
"Jason and Michael may seem near-equal in combat experience and skills, but Jason carries it on a few things. First, Jason's machete is three times longer than Michael's knife, and it can create much more devastating cuts and stabs. In addition to damage, Jason put barely any effort into twisting a frat boys head around, while Michael strains to crush one person's skull in. Additionally, Jason is more resilient than Michael, when Freddy Kruger stabbed his eyes, they were almost immediately healed, where two bullets, or a fire extinguisher, and Michael was completely blind, or how Jason took a beating from a boxer for minutes like it was nothing, while Michael was overwhelming beaten by an injured martial artist. Finally, Michael has killed most of his victims through stealth, rarely has he ever beaten someone who actively hunts and hurts him, while Jason has killed people who actively confront him or are completely aware of his presence."
"I guess this Halloween just wasn't Michael's lucky day when Jason came to party."
"The winner is Jason Voorhees."
Next time on Death Battle:
An African-American girl in a hat with a cursive "D" on it aims a Glock at a walker, blowing its head off.
Vs.
A white girl in a red shirt and blue jeans aims a rifle at the head of a charging, grotesque infected, coring the round through its skull.
Hello, folks, Happy Halloween! Hope you're enjoying this update and the next one for Halloween 3 coming later today. Also, go check out Zivon's Halloween Fright Night, it is well worth the read and hilarious, I was literally crying in a public library on my campus while reading it. Keep up the support guys, and cite your DAM sources!