She woke up the next morning with a headache slamming against her temples. She shuttered from the lighting streaming through her blinds as she through the covers further above her head. She felt sick to her stomach but didn't dare to move in fear that she would lose whatever was left in her stomach from the day before. She groaned loudly as she heard her cell phone go off from somewhere nearby. She waved it off and covered her head further underneath her pillow. The ringing eventually stopped and she smiled.
"Thank God," she said aloud.
No sooner than she had the words out of her mouth, she heard it ringing again. She jumped to her feet and looked on the floor for her phone.
"Where the hell is...," she started before eying it resting on a pile of clothes. She picked it up unaware of how it had got there and opened the cover quickly.
"What," she screamed in the mouthpiece.
"Good morning, sunshine," Ken said from the other end.
"What do you want," she muttered, heading into the bathroom and immediately grabbing her tooth brush.
"I was checking on you. Sounds like you have a hangover," he said, amusement rising in his voice.
"Well, I'm glad you are just so happy," she said, as she spit some water and toothpaste out.
"I was just calling to check up on you. Are you feeling alright besides the hang over," he asked, clearly worried for her.
"Yeah, I suppose, given the circumstances. Look, I'm sorry I'm being just an ass this morning...," she started before spitting more water out.
"It's alright. You don't need to explain. I understand, just please try and take care of yourself," he said, sounding even more worried.
"I will Ken. I don't have any appointments today, but I do have to go to the grocery store later. Other than that, I'll be resting for most of the day," she answered, wiping her mouth on a nearby towel.
"Alright, well, we are about to board the next plane, but I'll call you later on tonight after the house show or something, alright," he said.
"Yeah, Ken. I'll talk to you later then," she said, sounding upset.
"You sure you're alright," he asked again.
"Yeah, baby. I'll be fine," she answered, sweetly, forcing a fake smile.
"Alright, sweetie. Talk to you later," he said, hanging up on his end.
She shut her phone and went to get her clothes changed. As she was doing so, she stopped to get a few pills out of her top drawer. She took five more of them and dumped the rest on her dresser counting them.
"25," she said silently.
She shrugged her shoulders and placed the pills back into their bottle and put them back into her top dresser drawer. She grabbed her clothes and headed for the shower.
After showering and changing, she decided to head to the market. The pills had kicked in and she was feeling rather good, considering her drinking binge the night before, but she didn't have any pain. When she took them, she felt nothing. The pain subsided for six hours and she could actually function. Drew had given her 50 pills when he visited, but she knew she would be needing more before Ken got back. She decided to call him on her way to the store. She picked her phone up and instantly dropped it on the opposite floor board. She reached down to get it, taking her eyes off the road for a moment. She retrieved the phone and sat up straight and as she did, she saw she was on the opposite lane, heading straight for a tractor trailer.
She swerved off the road onto the shoulder, barely missing the speeding semi and came to a halt. Her insides were shaking and the tears began falling from her face. She stepped from the car and leaned against the door, visibly shaken. It took her a few minutes to compose herself and as she did, she jumped back into the car and popped six more pills into her mouth. She knew she wouldn't feel anything for half an hour or so, but she need it, just to take the edge off.
She pulled back onto the highway and quickly made it to Drew's house on the other side of town. She knocked on the door and Drew opened the door, appearing to be on his way out.
"Hey, Lexi. Whatcha need," he asked, fumbling with his car keys.
"I need more," she replied seriously.
"Um, alright. How many," he asked, walking towards his own car.
"The same amount, I guess. Can you get more," she asked.
Drew stopped and looked at his friend. He saw she was shaking slightly and had an idea that it was her taking them. He thought before that she was getting them for a friend or someone she knew, but he had a faint clue as to who they were for now.
"Are these for you," he asked.
"What if I say yes. Will you still get them for me," she asked.
"I suppose. Just wondering, I guess," he said.
"Then, yeah, there for me," she answered.
"Why do you need them," he asked, shifting his weight on his other foot.
"It doesn't matter why I need them. Mind your own damn business," she snapped.
"Alright, alright," he said, holding his hands up.
"So will you get them then," she asked.
"Just be careful and make sure you know why you're taking them. It is for a good reason, right," he asked.
"Yea, of course, Drew," she said, smiling sweetly.
"Alright then. I'll meet you at your place around 3," he answered.
"Alright, see ya then," she said, jumping into her car and peeling from the driveway.
The ride to the market was short, as Drew lived right down the street from the grocery store her family had frequented regularly.
She grabbed the few things she knew she was in desperate need of and grabbed something for dinner for herself for that night. As she made her way back into the car, she felt the other six pills taking effect. She had never felt this incoherent before, not even the night before.
She shook her head, trying to shake the feeling off, and slipped into the drivers seat of the car. She wasn't feeling any pain, which was the job at hand, but at the same time she enjoyed the ultimate feeling the substance gave her as well.
She drove back to her house and parked her car into the garage and hopped out, grabbing her purchases from the grocery store and made her way inside. She looked at the clock and saw it was nearly 3 and wanted to get the groceries put away before Drew stopped by.
There came a knock on the door as she put the last box on the pantry shelf and she hurried to answer it.
"Ken, what are you doing here," she asked, throwing her arms around him. She felt the warmth from his body immediately and her heart skipped a beat as he lifted her up and hugged her tightly.
"I missed you too, sweetie," he said, setting her down and looking at her.
"What are you doing here," she asked again, stepping back so he could enter the house.
"I don't have to be at the next show until the Texas Tour so I decided to come back here for two days and then just head out from here," he answered setting his bag down and grabbing her again. They hugged from another few minutes and then parted. He leaned forward about the kiss her. She felt his breath on her neck and it sent chills up and down her spine. She felt him coming close when there came a knock on the door.
"Who could that be," Ken asked as he made his way into the living room.
"Oh, just an old friend of mine from school," she replied, answering the door and feeling the sweat coming to her brow. She opened the door and looked at Drew standing on the stoop outside.
"I thought these were for you," he said, handing her a small brown bag.
"They are," she whispered, holding her fore finger up to her lip, signaling him to whisper.
"OK, then whose here," he asked, whispering this time.
"Ken, now hush," she said handing him the two hundred dollars.
"Oh," he said, smiling.
"Drew," came a voice from behind her.
She leaned against the door and shoved the bag behind her back, smiling sweetly.
"Yeah, you remember him," she said, feeling sweaty all over again.
"Yeah, but what's he doing here," Ken asking, raising his brow.
"Oh, I saw him in the supermarket earlier and told him to stop by sometime. He heard about my parents and well...," she said, trailing off.
"Yeah, I just stopped by to check on her," he answered, looking back at his car.
"Oh, cool. How ya doing man," Ken asked, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms across his chest.
"Good, can't complain. Listen, Lexi, I'll catch ya later. I'm suppose to be somewhere around 4, so if you need me call," he said, waving good-bye and making a bee-line for his vehicle.
She shut the door, trying to conceal the brown bag from Ken.
"What's that," he asked eying the bag.
"Oh, something he picked up from the store for me," she answered.
"I thought you went to the store today," he said, questioning her.
"Yeah, I did, but I forgot something and told him to pick this up," she said.
"Oh, alright," Ken said again, shaking his head but not believing her. She stared walking towards the bathroom.
"What are you hiding from me. Are you seeing him or something," he asked, following her.
"No, Ken. Of course not. Honestly, I haven't been able to stop thinking about that kiss we shared the other day. Why would I want to go and see someone else," she asked, turning around.
"Then what's in here," he asked, snatching the bag from her.
"Ken, don't," she said, moving forward towards the bag. He moved it from her reach and opened it, displaying the small white, oval pills.
"Lexi, what, why," he started.
"Ken, just let me explain," she started.
"Why? You're not," he said, trailing off.
She looked down at her feet, not saying a word.
"Lexi, please tell me you're not..," he started again, but his words were cut short and he couldn't finish.
"I need them," she replied softy not looking up.
"Why," he asked.
"Because they are the only thing taking the pain away and if I didn't have them, I don't know how I would deal with this situation," she replied, the tears forming in her eyes even more.
"Lexi, I understand all of that, but you can do this. We can do this. That is what I'm here for. It only stops the pain for a short time and then you have to take more. If you do this and continue doing this, you're never going to cope and deal with your parents' death. Lexi, your parents are dead. There's no other way to sugar-coat that," he said, moving towards her.
"You don't think I don't know that. They were my parents. I lost them. I know what the hell I'm doing," she said, grabbing the bag.
"Lexi, please just stop taking them. We'll get through this together. Just trust me, please. You always have before," he said.
"I know Ken. Maybe you're right," she said, moving into the bathroom and closing the door. She grabbed three more pills and slammed them down her throat. She hid the bag underneath some linens in the linen closet and walked back out.
"So, what did you do," he asked.
"I put them in the bathroom. I'm gonna decide what to do later. Right now, your here and I wanna spend time with you," she said, moving closer to him.
He started to say something but instead, her lips came crashing down on his. She pushed him against the wall and intensified the kiss, letting her hand tangle in his hair. He kissed her back and positioned her against him as he flipped her against the wall, deepening the kiss even more. He heard her moan softly and he smiled, kissing her neck. She pulled apart from him and stared into his eyes.
"You're right," she said softly. He shook his head, not knowing what she was truly going through.
"Flush them," she said in a whisper. He shook his head again and instead of asking where they were he made his way into the bathroom and searched for them. He knew she had been dealing with a lot and wasn't sure how to help her overcome a pill addiction. He wasn't even aware she was even on them and he didn't know for how long.
He found them under a couple towels in the closet and poured the pain killers in the toilet and flushed them before giving it a second thought. He tossed the bag into the closet and walked back over to Lexi.
"Are you alright," he asked her softly, brushing a strand of hair from her face.
She shook her head and looked up at him.
"I am now," she answered, kissing him lightly.
"Well, if you don't mind I'm gonna go take a nap. I'm really jet lagged," he said, grabbing his bag.
"I'll come with ya. I'm beat myself," she said, following him up the stairs.
He through his bag down as the both slipped beneath the cool sheets. She laid in the crock of his arm as he held her tightly.
"How long have you been taking them," he asked.
"Ever since the day of the funeral," she answered.
"So, you're not really addicted to them," he said, sounding relieved.
"I guess not," she answered lightly, nuzzling closer to his neck.
He kissed the top of her forehead and settled himself in, resting his head on the top of her head. She played with the lining of his shirt as she heard his breathing becoming more slow. She looked up at him and smiled. She rubbed the side of his face as she planted a sweet, gentle kiss on his lips and lay her head down. Her lips were inches from his ear.
She spoke softly in his ear as his chest steadily rose and fell. The only moment of clarity she had since Ken had left happened when she spoke the words to him that she had longed the say to him for many years.
"I love you."