pI blink for a couple of minutes, not moving, just blinking. I cant believe this is happening, I cant believe he was in my apartment. I can still feel his ice-cold touch on my lips, I still feel that damp patch on my shoulder from where his tears were./p
p /p
p /p
pIts cold, too cold. I have to warm up, warm up or freeze. I turn the shower on and hastily take my clothes off, I step and immediately my body untightens. My body is loose and supple. Goosebumps raise on my skin from where the hot water hits my freezing, frozen body. My eyes blur, my brain covered in fog and for once I'm in complete oblivion. I absolutely love it. The water drips down my arms and forms little teardrops from my fingers. So now my fingers look like they're crying. I stay there until the hot water runs out and my mind cant think or see anything but blankness./p
p /p
pI slowly walk of the shower, my mind fizzed with emptiness and steam. I go and lay on my bed, I look at my clock. "1:30"pm, I put my head on the pillow, shut my eyes and drift off to another world, another memory./p
p /p
p /p
pIt was James 29th birthday. We were at his parent's glorious manor house, the sun was shining. Nothing went wrong, this was the day before we went on the trip and the last full day he'd be with his family. Thinking about it, I should have urged him to be with his parents, talk with his sister. He just sat outside the entire day, gazing up at the sun with his suit and brown fedora hat. I remember laughing to myself when he first came out, "He looks something like an old gangster movie" I laughed to myself. Even though he was thin and weak, he was still beautiful. Never complained once that entire day, not even with how much he walked or people asking him" Are you ok"? " Do you want to talk about it"?. He just smiled, politely said "I'm fine, thanks". Miles went out to talk to him, I tried to distract myself by helping with the kids but it didn't work. I was the most casual-looking person there. Cardi, jeans, hair in ponytail, minimal makeup. When Miles was gone, I went outside to talk to James. He was sitting in the chair, the sun adding beauty to his face. I just stared at the side of his face for a while, leaning against the doorframe./p
p /p
p"You know I can feel you staring at me right"? James said in a misschievous tone./p
pI was surprised, but I really shouldn't be though. He always sought me out./p
p"Its just...I don't know, it looked like you were having a moment and I didn't want to disturb you"/p
pI secretly wanted to tell James that he looked absolutely beautiful and that I just wanted to see his face as much as possible. Of course I couldn't./p
p" You know you can actually talk to me right"? He looked at me with those piercing light hazel eyes of his./p
p"Yeah"./p
p /p
pI walked to him, cradled his face with my hand and kissed his cheek./p
p"You looking good today, handsome" I cheekily said to him./p
p" Well I tried my best" James mumbled tiredly./p
p"Why don't you rest, you sound worn out" I concernedly said./p
p" Because I want to appreciate this day, before the end"/p
p"Yeah, but you have loads of time left"/p
p" I just want to soak it in anyway, so I have a good memory of this, of everyone, of everything"/p
pI let that last sentence go, because he tends to get philosophical at times. I should have known he was in the moment, because it would be his last full moment before he died./p
p /p
pThe music was getting slow now, it was Ed Sheeran's "Give Me Love", this was one of my favourite song's. I love the lyrics and the sound. I shut up and I felt the song boost my heart and raise my endorphins./p
p /p
pI feel a slight touch on my shoulder, I open my eyes to see James with his arms out in my direction. I give him a look as if to say "Huh"./p
p" Dance with me, I know how much you love this song"/p
p"Are you sure"/p
p"Come on"/p
pI look at him with fear in my eyes, fear of hurting him but he gives a "Please" look. I wind my hands into his and he pulls me onto my feet./p
pHe wraps my hand around my waist, and we hold hands. My hand is around his back to give him support./p
p
strongGive a little time to me, we burn the south/strong
/p
p
strongwe'll play hide and seek, to turn this round/strong
/p
p
strongAll I want is the taste your lips allow/strong
/p
p
strongMy, my give me love,/strong
/p
p
strongMy, my give me love/strong
/p
pWe just swayed and swayed, looking into each other's eyes/p
p
strongNo, I just wanna hold you/strong
/p
pAt the lyric I put my head in his chest and wrap my arms even more. He lets me and then wraps his arms around me and buries his head in my shoulder./p
pWe swayed, barely moving but that was one of the most intimate and beautiful moments I ever experienced with him./p
p /p
pI wish we were able to have another moment