AN: I don´t own Harry Potter and don´t make any profit.
Severus was sitting in his study, which was also his library and his living room, sipping on some hot tea and reading a book, when suddenly he heard a quiet knock at the door. Who on earth would come to see him at Spinner´s End, at that late hour, when it also was pouring down. Hardly anyone knew where he lived. He sighed getting up and gathering his wand, making his way to the door. He felt like bloody Mad-Eye, always on the watch. Wand raised he opened his door. His jaw fell, emotions flooded through him, but he quickly recovered, his eyes went cold and he barked, "What do you want Miss Granger?"
"Can we talk inside, Severus, please?"
"No, tell me why you came?"
"Severus, I made a mistake!"
"Do you think you can just waltz in here and it´s all good again? I haven´t heard from you since the day you left St. Mungo´s. It has been two months. You didn´t answer my letter. I thought we are companions, maybe even friends. But I guess we aren´t."
"Please Severus, I made a mistake. People make mistakes."
He snorted, "Leave me alone!" and slammed the door shut. Sighing heavily he was leaning against the door. Suddenly a memory flashed before his eyes. He was standing in front of a red-haired girl pleading "Please Lily, I made a mistake. People make mistakes. Lily, please!" "Leave me alone." And with that the girl spun on her heel and hurried away.
Severus felt sick, did he really want to let one mistake ruin another friendship of his, the only friendship he may have had. He quickly opened the door and sighed in relieve. Hermione was kneeling on the ground, face buried in her hands, sobbing, her body shaking violently. Rain was pouring down on her. What have I done! Quickly he hurried over to her, scooped her up in his arms and carried her into the house. He gently placed her on the settee. With a few flicks of his wand he dried her off, summoned a blanket to drape around her and set a crackling fire going in the fireplace.
"Would you like some tea, Hermione?"
"That would be nice!" she gave him a shy smile.
They were drinking their tea in silence, Severus sitting next to Hermione. She leaned her head on his shoulder.
"I´m sorry, Severus," she whispered.
"You hurt me."
"I´m really sorry, I didn´t mean to."
"Why did you come?" Severus asked her quietly.
"I´m not sure. I just know I can´t stay at the Burrow any longer. I didn´t have a place to go. I couldn´t go back at my parents place. After the final battle I went to my old home, to get some peace and quiet. I knew my parents wouldn´t be there, because I erased their memories after last summer before we went hunting for Horcruxes."Severus gasped but didn´t say a word.
A single tear was running down her cheek and falling in her lap. "They are now in Australia, don´t know they ever had a daughter. So when I came back the house was empty, I guess they didn´t sell it. There were traces of our lives together as a family everywhere. There was the kitchen cupboard where my Dad at least once a week bumped his head, or my Mums favourite chair in the living room, overlooking the garden. She used to sit and watch the birds. She loved birds."
By now tears were pouring down Hermione´s face. "You don´t have to tell me, if it´s too hard on you."
"Severus please, you have to listen ," she begged.
" I need to get it out, I think that would really help me. Nobody at the Burrow would listen to me. There were all trying to live there old life. They banished the war from their thoughts. Even George. He is working really hard to get his shop back on track. I guess the loss of his twin brother is too much to think and talk about, so he buries himself in work. They wanted me to be happy, to have fun, to try to forget. But that´s not me. For haven sake, how can I ever forget, I saw Remus and Tonks die. I will never forget." Severus was breathing heavily.
"How …Who… What happened?" As much as he disliked James´ friends, Remus was the one he could´ve imagined to become friends with. He was really clever, loved books, he was more quiet, not a show-off like James and Sirius and not a coward like Pettigrew. And he seemed to be lost and lonely sometimes, like Severus felt all the time. And Tonks, she had always been nice to him. He loved her clumsiness, especially when he saw how it drove Mad-Eye Moddy insane. He found that hilarious. He sighed. He thought nobody knew how they actually died. All the deaths where on the prophet, explaining how people died, but nobody knew, with Remus and his wife.
"So you really saw how it happened?"
"Yes Severus, I did and it was awful. Ron and I just came back from the chamber of secrets, I had just destroyed Hufflepuffs cup."
Severus looked at her in awe.
"I felt hopeful, because I knew there were only two Horcruxes left. Ron was running in front of me turning around a corner to try and find Harry. I was running behind him, when I heard fighting at the other end of the corridor, I turned around and saw Remus fighting a death eater when another death eater came quietly from one of the sides unnoticed by Remus. I wanted to warn him, but suddenly Tonks, I don´t know where she came from, but suddenly she was there throwing herself between Remus and the death eater. The killing-curse hit her in the chest."
"She saved his life," he whispered sadly.
"Yes she did, Severus, and I couldn´t help him. I saw the fury and rage in his eyes. He was screaming, all of his grief, his love for her and his fury in his voice. It was really scary. And suddenly there were more death eaters, they cornered him. He didn´t stand a chance, but he was fighting real brave. I couldn´t move. I don´t think I would have managed in time to help him, but I couldn´t even make myself move. I was so scared. Why was I so scared, Severus?"
She was weeping bitterly into his chest, clinging on to his shirt, like she was drowning.
"You´ve been so brave my little Hermione. I don´t know any woman who has been so brave. It´s not your fault he died. It´s not your fault. War is frightening. This scene would´ve scared everybody. Please don´t feel responsible for his death." He was stroking her back. Hermione was now crying silently and he hugged her tightly. They were sitting for a long time, her crying faded and she was breathing calmly.
After a while he whispered "Hermione?"
No response. She fell asleep clinging onto him. She must´ve been so tired. Severus gently picked her up and carried her upstairs into his bedroom. He put her into his bed, covered her with his blanket and kissed her softly on her temple.
Walking down stairs he felt like he aged twenty years over the last couple of hours. His steps were heavy. His head was starting to ache. He was lying down on the settee, his hand covering his head. Damn you Voldemort, what have you done to the world? How could I ever think you´re believes were right? How could I ever be intrigued by you?