Well suited

Part 6

As much as Isobel hated to admit, the dowager was once again right. After her husband's death she had actually thought about remarrying, but what she never imagined was that she could have loved again; instead, here she was, with her heart filled of new life and her mind clouded of unescapable thoughts. At first, she had been a bit shocked when Richard confessed that he was "helplessly in love with her", but now it honestly was no surprise at all, since she was finally realizing that she was too. She loved him and maybe had loved him all along; she had just been scared by the overwhelming power of that feeling and so she refused to see what was right in front of her. But if fear had stopped her before, now it was another fear that was pushing her to move instead: the fear of losing him, as that was sadly likely to happen. What if he didn't want to give her a chance now? He said he loved her, but what if she caused him too damage to be fixed? She had clearly already decided Richard over Dickie, but what if he chose Bethany Murray instead of her?

The thought of that woman suddenly made her jump from her armchair, letting the medical journal she was reading – or well, pretending to read - fall onto the ground. She didn't even collect it, but just grabbed her coat and almost threw herself out of the frontdoor. Her passionate nature was coming to rescue her from the unusual limb of uncertainty she had fallen into, and this time she wasn't going to fight it. Three days were passed since the ball and three days could make a huge difference sometimes, so there was no time left to lose. Maybe he had already decided to move on with his life, maybe he was already proposing to Mrs Murray, maybe… She sighed heavily, as the worst possible scenario appeared in front of her eyes, but that thought just made her walk faster.

She had to open her heart and do something crazy, that's what exactly what Violet was right about, and making the first move, swalling her pride and admitting to be wrong was already to her the definition of crazy. Once again she was showing up at the hospital, once again she had no speech prepared. It was the adrenaline in her system to lead her inside the structure, surpassing the patients without second glances and even ignoring one nurse's attempt to stop her. She had only one aim in mind and her confidence didn't falter once, not even when she reached the doctor's office, not even when the door suddenly opened, before she had a chance to knock, and so she found herself to be face to face with him. She wanted to speak and she suddenly was completely unafraid, as if she were drunk. And maybe she actually was – but on love.

"I'm sorry but I can't!" she exclaimed out loud, souding even blunter than the usual.

Richard frowned as he looked at her, allowing himself some seconds to understand what was happening. Almost running into her was surprising enough, but honestly hearing those words and seeing the determination in her eyes staring back at him was a real shock in that moment. He blinked, unsure wheter it was reality or just a hallucination; he was trying so hard to find a sense in the situation, but sadly from his point of view there was none.

"Pardon me?" he eventually asked, maybe stupidly.

"I can't let you go, Doctor Clarkson… Richard" she just replied, calmly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "You asked me to let you go, but really I can't, or actually I could, but I just don't want to…"

Shock only grew inside him and, in front of her calm confident smile, everything felt even less concrete. In that moment a part of him wanted to just kiss her, another one to ask for more explanations instead; but yet, there was another one more that begged him to mantain his rationality and that part won in the end.

"Mrs Crawley, I am glad that you are changing your mind, but I don't think this is the right time to talk of the matter…" he answered, as calmly as he could.

He didn't really intended to be detached, but he found that was the only way not to lose control and for him, control was very important right then. Sadly, such a passionate person as Isobel couldn't understand the practical reason of his behavior and couldn't help but feel hurt instead.

"Oh, why are you suddenly so formal to me? Listen, Richard, you were right all along, I acted very badly to you, I was selfish, tactless, childish and… Jealous! Yes, I am jealous and now I am not afraid to admit it, as I am not afraid to admit that I do care for you more than I thought…"

He took a deep breath, and for a moment it seemed there was no air enough for him. Anyway, he still kept his composure as he merely asked: "I think we need to talk about it properly, but do we really have to do it right now?"

"Of course! We should have had this conversation at least ten years ago and I don't want to waste another minute!" she retorted immediately, feeling her determination only increase. "I mean, I was about to marry Lord Merton and you were maybe about to marry that Mrs Murray..."

"Mrs Crawley, really, this is not the time" he tried again, with more urgency in the voice.

"Oh, that's why you are still courting her, aren't you? Well, it's your choice and I will be fine with it, but please just think that I can be your choice too. I am free and I do want to be with you, now I see it clearly!"

Richard widened his eyes and swallowed hard; for some strange reason, embarassment was even surpassing shock. "Mrs Crawley…" he started once again, but once again was cut off.

"No, honestly, I will not be fine if the choice is not me! How could you choose otherwise, after the kiss of the other night? I felt like I was 23 and you told me that you are in love with me, this can't change overnight, right? …And it's Isobel! For God's sake, call me Isobel!"

At her sudden outburst, he rolled his eyes, suddenly getting unpredictably annoyed. He grabbed her by the arms gently but firmly and glared at her. "Fine, Isobel! Please, don't say another word!" he hissed with an authoritative tone, before slowly releasing her from his grip and coughing nervously.

She shut up immediately, finally feeling, for the first time since she left home, adrenaline leave her body. She had not expected things to be easy, but actually she hadn't expected him to be so nasty either; in spite of her apparent confidence, it wasn't easy for her to open up like that and she felt like she needed a reward just for that - a reward totally different from his reaction. At first, she felt hurt and empty, as she looked down with tears unavoidably filling her eyes, in shame of her own feelings. It was only when, after a few seconds, she dared to look up again, that she noticed something that went completely unnoticed until that very moment. Richard wasn't looking at her anymore, but staring instead at his right showing embarassment again; puzzled, she followed his gaze and finally, facing the still half opened door of the office, she understood.

"Oh Goodness!" she exclaimed, covering her mouth with one hand and moving her eyes in horror from the visible inside of the room back to Richard.

He looked back at her and nodded vigorously. The words "I tried to told you" were clear on his face, but regardfully left unspoken. After all, they were both in a dangerous position already without turning one against the other. A long awkward silence filled the next seconds – time that the couple spent avoiding any eye contact and trying to find some intelligent thing to say. They clearly failed at that though, and eventually, it was one familiar voice coming from the inside to speak up first.

"Thank you for the consult, Doctor! Her Ladyship will be delighted to hear the news!" Ms Denker exclaimed, not even trying to hide her amusement and immediately making both the doctor and Mrs Crawley widen their eyes for a moment. "The news that Mr Spratt isn't seriously ill of course!" she added then, putting on an innocent face.

Violet's new maid started then to walk toward them and both Isobel and Richard took a step back in order to let her pass, creating an almost comical scene. As the woman surpassed them, Nurse Joan clearly revealed her presence and came out of the room as well, with an amusement even more obvious.

"I am going to assist some patients! Doctor, you can take all the time to talk…" she started, stopping in her track in order to glance at him. "…Or whatever" And now her eyes were on Isobel, giving her a look so full of mischievousness that the former nurse almost feared to receive an actual wink.

Before there could be a chance of replying, Nurse Joan left, reaching in no time Ms Denker. Isobel and Richard remained still for a little longer, just watching with a bit of worry the two women leaving their sight together. Joan Lowe was young, a qualified nurse and genuinely kind to anyone, but if there was something that could link her to Ms Denker was the attitude for gossip; sadly, that could mean only one thing: it was very likely that, in a matter of a few hours, all the hospital would have known about the conversation, as well as Lady Violet and maybe the Abbey. However, as they turned their heads and their eyes met again, suddenly the idea of becoming protagonists of rumors looked irrelevant and the worry became another one.

In that very moment, it didn't matter everyone else's talk on them, because they still had to face a talk between each other…

I decided to split the chapter of the confrontation in two, so here it was the first part of it. They couldn't just have a happy moment so easily, could they? There are two more chapters left before the end anyway. Thanks for the lovely reviews (especially to the guest ones), they mean a lot to me!:)