Chapter 6 – Dr. Suzanne Mattox PhD.
As soon as I'd fallen over one of Jake's boxes I knew from the sickening sound of my wrist that it was at least sprained. I also knew I couldn't just go to my normal doctor, these steel rods that I'd put in my arm from the last time I'd fractured my elbow would have moved. It meant I had to go to the hospital. Fuck. I couldn't drive with one hand. The swelling had started so I grabbed a pack of frozen peas from the fridge, as I gingerly lowered them to my wrist. I thought of Edward. He worked in a hospital. I hadn't heard from him in the past week. I hadn't seen him since he got in the car with that skanky fake blonde. Since I knew Jake was planning on proposing. Since I sat on tender hooks. Since I had called him. Since I knew he wasn't 'that guy,' whatever that meant. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to see him. It was a craving that seemed to coexist with fate, all I had to do was hope he was working today.
Hailing a taxi was difficult, I couldn't exactly wave my arm as I normally would have and there was no way I could whistle with two fingers like Alice. Finally after about ten minutes of me doing some sort of native dance, a cab pulled over.
"Thank you. Hospital please." The taxi drive glanced in the revision mirror at me. I lifted my arm a little to gesture. His face tightened as though he could feel my pain.
"So, miss, which one? Have you got private health care? Which hospital? What did you do? Do you want me to get you some more ice?" great, my cabbie was Mr. twenty questions.
Where had Edward said? Something catholic, I knew that. Something French as well. I'd be too bloody captivated by the way the cigarette rested on his bottom lip. Fuck the things he could do with that mouth. I shivered slightly, focus Bella. Wrist injury, focus, hospital. What was it? Great, recollection of Edward's mouth sent other flashbacks catapulting through my psyche. I had a moment thinking about when Edward had tucked me into his bed and helped me study for my French finals. His voice dropping octaves as he attempted to learn the different tenses, making him sound sexier if possible. It brought back unwanted feelings. Fuck. I didn't want to be thinking about the past when I knew I was going to see him. I was so confused. Sacre Coeur. Sacred heart. That's what he had said.
"Sacre Coeur thanks." The driver nodded and sped away.
I was nervous. Standing on the steps of the hospital with a sprained wrist and I was bloody nervous. Where about in the hospital did he work? What had I bothered to put on today? Was he even working? Taking a deep breath and cradling my wrist I entered. There was a big queue and I took an hour to fill out forms left handed while I waited in the emergency ward. I was going to wait no matter what. Memories flying over my head. The business of the hospital deterring me from the sprain I was certain I'd received tripping over that stupid box. Perhaps it was bad karma. Or fate telling me to either unpack or get rid of Jake's boxes.
I heard my name called. It wasn't Edward's voice. I tried to ignore the anxiety in my stomach. It was ridiculous that I felt as though my chance with Edward had fallen through my fingers because he had not called out my name. It was ridiculous that I had chosen this hospital because I knew he worked here. I had chosen this hospital so that I'd get a chance to see him. Especially when I had Jake at home, bending down ready to propose. This was a ridiculous idea. But I couldn't stop myself standing.
Again I heard my name called out. I snapped my head up, disappointment written over my features. And then I saw her. The flowing fake dyed hair. The tight clothes suffocated by a jacket. I sucked in a deep breathe. This Tanya smiled as she called out my name; it made her face ten times more beautiful. Quite suddenly I noticed what she was wearing, her doctors coat. I wanted to scream. Dam it. She was a doctor and she was attractive and she was blonde. I irrationally hated her. My arm prickled in pain, I knew I was trying to clench my fist but I couldn't because of how much it hurt. I wanted to see Edward. Again it was irrational. Just because he was a doctor in the city, at this hospital. It made no sense. But I didn't want to see her. I didn't want her blonde hair floating behind her. I didn't want her making him laugh, driving him around. I wanted to be his patient. I wanted to be close enough that I could smell him. I wanted him to leave kisses along my neck that made me laugh. I wanted to see him.
"Miss Swan?" her eyes zoned in on me over the file she was holding, I nodded but her eyes were glued to my fairly thick file. I almost blurted out, 'you're not Edward.' But I kept my cool. I held my tongue.
"Yes," shit. I only knew her as Tanya. What was her surname? Shit. I don't think I was even meant to know her first name. "Doctor?"
"I'm Doctor Denali." She sounded so fake. Like a bubblegum commercial, all sweetness and niceties. I wanted her to be a bitch; I wanted to find a reason outside my jealousy to hate her. "Follow me." I stood, cradling my arm. I decided that it was bit unprofessional not asking about my arm before she took me to an examination bed. I sighed though, maybe I was nit picking so I followed her white coat.
She walked with a sexy sway. It seemed highly inappropriate. It reminded me of a girl at a club.
She took me to a crowded hallway. A nurse leant out and grabbed Tanya's bony arm. They stood muttering to each other. I couldn't hear her. Irritation sparked; clearly I was her patient she shouldn't be standing around, discussing hospital gossip, while I'm here. I cleared my throat loudly. Irritation flickered over my face and Tanya spun around.
"Oh sorry Ms Swan, Jessica here was just filling me in on the details of your past x-rays." I felt myself go red. Shit. She had been concerned about me.
"Your wrist must be hurting…Did you want to have some pain killers? I am trying to decide the best way to plaster it without worrying about the metal rods…I may have to call a specialist and I know its just a sprain but I do believe with your history it's safer if I get plaster…maybe….I'll ask my superior to take a look. I guess, it would be much easier if t was just a big bandage? " her voice rose at the end. I tried to digest the amount of questions in her statement.
I didn't want more doctors to come. Especially if these doctors weren't Edward. Actually, the idea of more than one doctor crowding around me was bringing back my fear of hospitals. When I had been nineteen I had feinted, the sight of my own blood had caused me to kneel over in my own dormitory. I'd woken up in a hospital bed, unsure of where I was and why three doctors were leaning over me, I'd reacted. It had resulted in hysterics. Only the sound of Edward's voices had calmed me. I wanted him to do that now. My wrist was hurting and I knew my blood pressure was rising. Fuck. I was such a little cry baby. So I ignored her question. She looked perplexed for a moment. Startled that I didn't want to listen to what she was saying.
"Can I please speak to Dr. Masen?"
Her perfectly sculpted eyebrows rose, "Dr. Masen?"I wondered how she made them seem so symmetrical. Even with Alice's help, my eyebrows tended to be slightly lop sided.
"Yes. He's a…he's a friend and I would appreciate if I could get him to bandage my wrist."
"I'm sorry Ms. Swan; he doesn't work in emergencies…he works in oncology." I gasped. Edward no doubt was trying to find a cure for cancer. Suddenly, I wanted to know what type of cancer he studied. I wanted to know if he was trying to find a cure for what my mother had. I wanted to know. I needed to ask. I needed to see him.
"Can you please try and page him? Can't you just say Bella is asking for him?" I noticed my voice shook ever so slightly.
The nurse, who had been listening to the conversation, seemed to lean closer to me. An evil glint in her eye,
"Edward knows who you are?"
Confusion must have crossed over my face because the nurse lent back and crossed her arms. It was like I wasn't worth noticing. I nodded my head up and down slowly. I knew exactly why she was asking me that, I'm sure in this hospital Edward was seen as a god. He was ridiculously good looking; clearly he was smart, polite and caring. No wonder she questioned my acquaintance. She gave me another evil look before muttering "relative?" it was an accusation.
"No." silence.
"Then how do you know him?" what the hell was I meant to say? Thankfully, Tanya glared at her and the nurse dropped her arms.
"Jess please page Dr. Masen and tell him a Miss…" she glanced down at my paperwork and I hated it for it. She was acting like she didn't know my name. I felt sick at the thought. I, at least expected Edward to have mentioned me, I mean if he was spending this much time on my mind I wanted to know I was filling every second of his thoughts too. I felt deeply sickened by her ignorance; perhaps Edward hadn't mentioned me to her? Perhaps he never mentioned me. My wrist throbbed so I clenched my jaw in frustration.
"…Isabella Swan is down in the emergency ward and requests he be present." She nodded and skipped off, however she shot me a dirty look over her shoulder. What the hell was that girl's problem? Clearly by her own assessment I was no threat.
"Miss Swan if you want to come into this room and wait until Dr. Masen is present." I nodded. She ushered me into an examination room. She seemed to want to say something to me, I wanted her too, and I wanted a legitimate reason to hate her. She flicked her hair over her shoulder. Gahhh. Her fake blonde hair. She reached the door, her hand on the handle and with her back to me, her hair trailing over her doctor's coat she spoke quietly over her shoulder. "Bella…just be careful with him. "And then she was gone. I couldn't think straight. Fuck. She knew who I was. What had he said?
He arrived fifteen minutes later. He was irritated. Five years apart hadn't changed his facial expressions that much. My legs hung carelessly over the hospital bed. Edward came and stood next to me. His eyes darkened as I smiled back.
He was straight to the point. "Hello Bella."
"Edward." He gingerly touched my wrist. His hands were so cold on my skin. Again I smiled at how close he was standing to me. I had a million thoughts in my head that I wanted to ask him. Mostly they revolved around his occupation in oncology and what he had said during the phone call in Forks. What had he meant? But before I had a chance to open my mouth he snapped.
"And what Tanya couldn't do this?"
I sounded so small in response. "No."
"Why?" again the harsh tone. What was my reasoning? Because I needed to see he was really back? Because I wanted to inhale his scent? Because even for the briefest of seconds I wanted him to touch me? Because I missed him and need his voice to sooth my anxieties? Because I was freaking out about the idea of Jake proposing? Because I didn't understand what 'not being that guy,' meant? Or perhaps I could try the whole; what that skanky blonde who may or may not be your new girlfriend?
I answered in as much detail as I could. My tongue felt like it weighed a thousand kilograms. My mouth was dry. Jake's face didn't once flash across my eyes and this made me slightly guilty. "Because."
"Jesus Bella, I have a five year old upstairs having her first round of chemo and you dragged me away and I quote, "because."
"I'm sorry…you didn't have to come." I felt sick now. This was not going the way I had thought it would. Honestly, what had I expected? A warm reception. He had a five year old upstairs probably feeling a lot worse than I was and I was taking Edward away from him. His eyes didn't meet mine; they remained focused on bandaging my hand.
"Dam it Bella. You asked me too." He was quiet. I didn't respond straight away.
"Yeah well…you didn't have to come." It was said to confirm he came to New York for me. Not for Tanya. Not for Alice, but to win me back.
He sighed. "You asked me too." That wasn't an answer.
"I'm sorry."
"Fine... It's fine. I'll just wrap your wrist; call you a specialist and you're on your way."
"Did you study oncology because of my mum?" it slipped out before I had a chance to realise the words. Edward became rigid, his back straightened.
"No Bella. I studied oncology because I wanted to."
"You're really staying here aren't you?" again I wondered where my mind filter was. Edward sighed but continued on as though he hadn't heard me.
"I had already started studying it before you went to help your mother. Renee's cancer sort of spurred me on to study it but it was mostly my decision."
I tried again. "I didn't think you were going to come back." Again, he ignored me.
"I finished my specialist studies not even six months ago…can you believe it? So many years of my life and now I'm a fully fledged doctor."
He held the bandage on my wrist in place. He rummaged around in a draw with his other hand. I sighed feeling defeated. "Congratulations. I know its something you wanted." Finally, he lifted his head a little and gave me his crooked grin that I missed so much. My heart sped around my chest.
"What about you? What are you going to do now? Another paper? I mean you were writing your own columns. That's what you always wanted." But you know I don't have another job lined up. Why was he acting all nice? Did he really care?
"Yeah, I suppose." He nodded his head. Silence engulfed us. I bit my lip and waited. I knew he was going to actually speak his mind. Ask me what he needed to know.
"You love him?" It came out as a gasp, he held his breathe.
"What?" I knew what he'd asked. I just didn't know how to respond. I didn't know anymore. I just didn't know.
"You heard me." his eyes met mine. They dared me to tell him. They dared me to break his heart. I swallowed I couldn't, because I didn't know. I just…he had come back and I hadn't expected that.
"I suppose."
"Really?" he said it as another gasp, his voice slightly crumbling. I had to look away. Tears penetrated behind my eyes. I couldn't cry in front of him. I wouldn't. I sucked in as much air as I could. The room was suddenly constricting. My heart thumped ridiculously loudly in my chest.
"Yes. It's different though." Different to what we were. I wanted to explain. I needed him to understand. I didn't know if he still wanted a chance but I wanted him to know, he might have. He could get me back, if he wanted. I just didn't know.
"But you love him?" it was firmer now. He had been standing next to Alice Saturday night. He knew it was different. Why did he have to push? What did he want me to say?
"Not like how it was between us…we don't talk about a future. I just don't know what I am meant to say to you Edward. I didn't know you were coming back. I couldn't…I don't…I want...I… You heard how upset I was on Saturday night so I don't understand why you feel the need to push this topic. You don't answer my questions so why do you expect I have answers to yours?" my words were clouded by the overwhelming need to not cry in front of him. Not tarnish his chance with pain. My breathing was shallower. He sensed how I was feeling, he knew what I meant.
"Yeah I heard. I just expected you to be able to tell me something, you know after what I've done."
"And what exactly is that Edward? Because as far as I am concerned, what we have is a pile of mixed signals."
"Yep, you're right and I really, really, really don't want to go into this with you here ok?" his hand ran through his hair. I wondered if he would duck outside for a smoke before returning to his cancer patient. The idea was ludicrous, but he seemed so stressed.
I snapped. "Yeah. It's just the kind of thing you don't even talk about anymore."
"No Bella, I don't wish to discuss what is happening while I am at work. While I have patients I have to treat."
"Yeah sure. Why don't we brush it under the rug for another few months…should I wait until you and Tanya are fucking in the on call room before I bring it up again?" he gave me a look that infuriated me. It said. What the fuck are you talking about? I wanted to slap him.
"Grow up Isabella, you're not 19 anymore."
"Yeah, I sort of noticed. You know…time passing, me aging…all that." He expected me to have waited. I expected myself to have waited for him. But I hadn't heard from him and five years…feeling his body so close to me, was hurting my heart. I longed to touch him. Kiss him. Run my hands through his hair. I longed for him to hold me close.
He shrugged, his hand running over his hair, his nervous habit. He smiled, trying to change the subject. "So what are you going to do about your job?" I shrugged. He lifted my chin up so I had to look at him. He was trying to gauge my reaction.
"What are you going to do Bella?"
"I don't know. Last month I knew. I was going to publish. I was going to be somebody."
He pestered on. "And now?"
"It's all so confusing. All so everywhere."
"Yes and it can't help…I mean…I'm back."
"I can see." His eyes locked onto mine. Thankfully I was still sitting because it made the room spin around me. I sighed. He sighed. I wanted him to kiss me. His hand reached up and traced my jaw line. My heart thumped. I wanted to wrap my legs around him and bring him closer. I wanted him to act. He lent in close. My breathing became labored.
He whispered in my ear. He inhaled. "Hmmm. I have to go now."
"Already?" I was definitely out of breath. A ghost of a smile appeared on his face. He pulled back, sad.
"I have a five year old beginning her first round of chemo."
"I always seem to be catching you when you have to leave."
"Yeah, I've noticed."
"And when I want something from you." he shrugged it was true. He knew it. "And you're not that guy."The way I said it insinuated, I thought he didn't want to be anything in my life. His jaw locked. No answer. The wave of fear washed over me. I was still in love with him and he didn't give a flying fuck.
"I guess I better call Alice then." again, no response.
He was quiet. His eyes were closed. Another way to hide, he knew I could read his eyes like a frickin book. He sighed and whispered. I almost didn't catch every word. "I didn't mean it like that."
"Then how did you mean it?"
"Can I just call and explain after I finish work tonight?"
"Why can't you tell me now?"
"Because its fucking complicated. And I said I didn't want to go into this here...At my work."
"Nothing new there."
"Hey, be fair. You're the one who practically has a fiancé so excuse me because I need time to think."
"Hey it's fine, don't worry about me. How about I call you in a week? Is that enough time? It's not like I have anything to worry about. It's not like I have to live with Jake, hoping with every thing I have that he won't propose until I at least have this conversation with you. Hoping that I don't have to continue the pretence of his happy girlfriend, while I still love you." it was out of my mouth in one mass whoosh. Edward's hand froze in the air. He had been about to tuck my hair behind my ear. His hand started shaking. The words repeated in my head over and over. I still love you. I still love you. I still love you. I didn't even know how realistic sure I was. My heart was thumping. His eyes motionless, blinking, questioning. I jumped to my feet and rushed at the phone.
"How do you dial out? I need to call Alice." Autopilot switched on. For both of us.
"Dial 333 first…yeah, you can't drive home." He nodded. His arm was still half frozen in the air. I called Alice and asked her to hurry. The awkwardness in the room grew. Suffocating me. My heart didn't slow. I had told him. Fuck. I said I still loved him. Did I? I couldn't even tell. I needed fresh air. I couldn't breathe.
"She'll be here in ten minutes. I'll wait in the foyer."
"Yeah…ummm…ok…I have to get back upstairs. I guess I will speak to you later." I nodded. He took two steps. Stopped. Glanced at me. Shook his head and exited quickly. He didn't look back. If I'd followed him, I would have seen him walk down a different corridor. He wasn't going back to oncology straight away. I would have seen him walk into an empty doctor's lounge. I would have seen him lean his forehead against the wall before pushing off it like he was doing a push up. He would have looked at the wall once before punching it and leaving a deep indent in the plaster. But I didn't. So I felt crushed. Lost. Alone.
***
With my arm wrapped tightly in an Edward friendly bandage, the doors closed sharply behind me, I saw Alice waving widely from her car.
"Hello." I sat sulkily in the car.
"Well, aren't you just a ray of sunshine." Great. She was at her most chipper.
"Alice, please don't." I warned her. I didn't think I could explain yet. I didn't think I could deal with her questions.
"I thought it was a coincidence." She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as we exited. I had no idea what she was even saying. My mind was running over every second of the conversation I had just had with Edward. Calculating how I could get out of it.
"What was?" I side glanced her. Her face caught mine for a second and then anger penetrated it. She let out an almost feral growl.
"Oh fuck. It's not."
My neck snapped my head around to hers. I cradled my wrist as I asked. "What are you talking about?"
"You knew he worked here didn't you?" My face stayed neutral.
"Who?" I tried to play dumb. Clearly it didn't work.
"And you spoke to him." Her eyes probed mine. No amount of lying would work but it was the only defense I had left.
"I don't know what you mean."
"Bella! I am not in the mood to play games with you and Edward. There is a lot more at stake now. Jake for one. So answer me, have you seen him?"
I sighed. "Yes I have."
"And you called him Friday night didn't you?"
"Yes. I first bumped into him a week ago…I was with Jake…. we exchanged numbers."
"Oh shit."
"I know."
"But you saw him and now it's all off your chest and you're really happy to go home to Jake and everything right?"
"There's more."
She snapped."Of course there is." Her sarcasm was grading on me. I didn't want to hear this from Alice. I didn't want to hear anything really. I needed to remember her to remind me that she was my support.
"I sprained my wrist Al. so I'm not hap-"
"Yes I know that Bella. But Edward factors in how?"
"I knew he worked here, so I stopped by."
"Jesus Bella. What about Jake?" we pulled up at a traffic light and it was like she didn't have the courage to look at me. Her eyes remained dead straight. I watched her hands drum another rhythm.
Silence. I took a breath. My heart hammered away. I needed to tell someone. I needed to get it off my chest. The silence in the car was suffocating me.
"I told him I loved him." she took in a long breathe. Her eyes trailed on the lights. Her foot hit the accelerator hard when it turned green. She didn't acknowledge what I had said. She didn't turn her head. She didn't even breathe in and out. No, she just held her breath.
Finally she exhaled. "Who? Please tell me it was Jake." I sat in silence. I didn't know what she even asked. She knew. She took a deep breathe before she confronted me. Her eyes locked onto mine. They were full of anger and confusion. "Fuck Bella, I don't think I can live through another Edward related melt down."
It wasn't what I expected. "Well thanks for the support Al. You can let me out here thank you."
"But we're four blocks from your house." Great, she wasn't finished. I knew Alice rants could go on for hours and I didn't have the patience. I knew I hadn't digested what I had told Edward yet. In the back of my mind, it wasn't happening. I wasn't that girl. I didn't tell old boyfriends I still loved them. I didn't think the relief that came with telling Edward that was normal. I couldn't grasp why I didn't feel guilty. Why I didn't feel as though I had betrayed Jake. I knew I should. Externally, I was furious that I could do something stupid. But internally, close to home, I was relieved.
"I'd like some time to think."
Her eyes returned to dead straight starring. "About what?"
"None of your business Alice. Just pull in here." later I suppose, I would cringe at the way I snapped at her. But not right now. Now I was annoyed that I couldn't deal with the rollercoaster of feelings. I still didn't know what I was thinking. I just blurted things out. I wanted to crawl up on my bed and lie, thinking things through. And only then did I want to face the world. Not now. I most definitely didn't want Alice to tell me her opinions. Her criticisms. I just wanted out. She pulled the car into the curb. She out the car in park, handbrake went on. The silence caused my tensions to rise. I was pissed off. I reached for the handle. She locked the doors. "Ali-"
"Bella, I don't think you should "think things" over right now. You can't expect me to be quiet about what you told Edward. Firstly you know I love him like a brother. Secondly, you also know I want you to be happy. And thirdly, I loved it when the two of you were together. In my mind it was perfect. But Bella, that was five years ago. And now its messier. You have Jake to consider before you run and jump head first into this. You live with him for fucks sake. Clearly there are feelings Bella, I just don't want you to do something you will seriously regret in another five years. Maybe, I know it hurts. Maybe...it wasn't meant to be like this."
I'd had enough. The tears that had built up ever since I tripped over that ridiculous box in the house threatened to spill. Home was the last place I wanted to go right now. I didn't want to be faced with Jake's things. I wanted my things. I wanted to think. I know I definitely did not want Alice warning me about meltdowns.
"You think I don't know all of this? Now unlock the frickin car." She didn't. Her eyes stayed starring at the road. Her voice softened though. I knew she was trying to work it out. Trying to help me.
"Bella, why do you put yourself in these situations?"
"I don't know."
"Is it only because he has come back suddenly? I mean did you ever think about him when he was gone? Is this like some sort of chance to relive a 'what if' moment of your life?"She actually sounded curious. I thought she knew me better than this. I thought she of all people would understand. I wasn't the same after he left.
"Al. you know me better than that."
"I thought I did! But then I hear you're sneaking around making phone calls to Edward when Jake doesn't know. That's not the Bella I love. Instead you're someone who is acting like Jake means nothing to you. "
"I don't know ok? I tried to forget Edward. You don't understand how hard it was. I know you saw me. But I was literally in pieces Alice. I was in pieces. My heart was broken. And I picked those pieces up. With your help and I tired to put them back together, I tried to fix what we'd broken. And they resembled something close to what I had. But pieces were lost and my heart was never truly healed. Alice, I never really got over him. I know that you could see it. It hurt me, knowing I wasn't whole again. And Jake made me think I was. Jake still does. But then I see Edward. I hear his name. And its like all the glue I'd used to keep my heart together means nothing. Its like the only thing I want is a chance to be with him because I know if that happens, I wont have to pretend. I need Edward to be whole alright? I just don't know to what capacity I need him in my life yet. I just…With Jake…its nothing compared to how I feel about Edward. He is like some school boy crush vs. soul mate bullshit.…"
"No, Bella. No matter what you think about Edward; Jake isn't just some crush you had. We had this conversation when you said you were thinking of moving in with him. You said, you saw yourself quite settled with him. You said, you were ready for this."
"And I was! But he has so many boxes and its scary… and then I saw Edward."
"Exactly. Maybe you're freaking out about what a big step this is with Jake and you're focusing on all the pressure placed on this relationship and you're comparing it with some utopian dream that your compacting into what Edward was."
"I don't think so. Feeling ill at the sight of Jake's things happened before I saw Edward again."
"Ok, I'm going to level with you. Bells, I have Edward at my house almost every day. He is out of his fucking mind. Stressing over every little thing you say to him, freaking out that your taking what he says the wrong way. He cant get his head around where you stand. And to be honesty; its really hurting me to see him like this alright? Worse still. Jake asked Charlie for permission to marry you, he wants to have a fucking future with you and you're still caught up on your ex. Do you get that Bella? Your not 19 anymore!" Great. Twice in one day. Of course I knew I wasn't 19. But I suppose I didn't really act like I was any older.
"Alice, I don't know what to say. I can't stop thinking about Edward. Sorry doesn't cover it, but if it did, I would apologise. I am horrible. I don't even care about Jake's feelings and its so fucking selfish. I cant stop myself from becoming scared that none of this will 'work out,' right and I know someone will get hurt and I just know, I don't want it to be me or Edward. But I don't know if I can trust these feelings and I'm freaking out because I cant stop thinking about how I want to smash that stupid fucking Tanya's face into some pavement and break that pretty nose…" She sighed loudly. So did I.
"And now you have to worry about Rose coming back to town."
"Great…she wants to kill me right?" Ahhh Rose I am sure still held a grudge with me.
"Yep. Em and her are arriving tomorrow…we're having a diner party on Friday if you're interested?"
"I better not."
"Why?"
"I don't think I want Jake to be near Edward…I am not even worried about them…. I just don't even know how I would react."
She nodded. Preoccupied I suppose like I was with visions of a punch on. God I was so selfish. "Yeah… I suppose…"
"I have a BBQ with Angela anyway so. I guess it's for the better right?"
"Yep...ok…I have to drop you off cos I need to get back to work…how's your wrist?"
"It's fine."
"Why did Edward patch it up, he doesn't handle emergencies?"
"I asked. There was no way I was having skanky Tanya infect me with some disease."
"Oh…Another reason you shouldn't come on Friday then." my stomach dropped.
"Please tell me she isn't going to be there?"
"Rose's suggestion."
"And what? He is analysing what I say to him? But he still manages to find a slut to have a relationship with? Some devotion… I mean, she is everything I am not. How could he do that to himself? To me? I think I'm going to be sick."
"I don't think it was his intention to make you jealous Bella…I mean…I suppose he expected you were in love with Jake." Alice snorted at the end. It was true. He had no idea. Well maybe he had some sort of idea now. The whole hospital visit, I'm sure cleared that up.
"I'll call you later. Don't think you're alone in this, Bells. I'm rooting for you, with every decision you make."
"Don't lie Alice. It doesn't suit you."
"Ok, fine. I want more than anything to see you back with Edward. He made you happy and angry and I loved it…but I like Jake too so…"
"You hate Jacob."
"No, I didn't hate…I just think Edward is better."
"So do I Alice, so do I." I jumped out of her car then. She looked perplexed. The window wound down and Alice leaned towards me.
"Call me later."
And then she was gone.