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Pulchritudinous
"Wild Night"
Matt stared straight forward at the ceiling, doing his absolute best to drown out all sounds and thoughts.
The only thing was that he never ever pondered how difficult distracting himself could possibly be at 3:30 in the morning.
He sighed and rolled over onto his side to stare at the bed across from him. It was hard to believe that just a week ago he'd been forced, kicking and screaming, to room with the monstrosity known as Mello, because it felt like it had been moths since he had slept. If everyone thinks he's a monster now, Matt thought, staring at his roommate disbelievingly, I wouldn't want to know what everyone would think if they heard him snore.
Matt plunged his fingers in his ears painfully – trying to drown out the sound. Up until now he hadn't thought it possible for a human being to make so much noise without combusting from the sound energy, and plus, who ever said Mello exploding would be such a bad thing? If anybody had ever said such a thing, it certainly wasn't Matt.
Each rumbling snore escaped from Mello like an earthquake and each rumble made Matt nearly topple out of bed. For the past four hours Matt had been sitting as far away as possible, on the very edge of his bed, from Mello. He rolled over again, putting his pillow over his head. But somehow, the snores only seemed to get louder.
Matt sighed into his mattress. He had to do something. He certainly had no intentions to spend yet another sleepless night trying to drown out Mello's snores in his own room. Slowly, Matt unwound himself from the covers and got out of bed. He crept over to where Mello slept and stared in awe at the boy.
Each and every snore travelled through his body and left his mouth like the roar of an engine. With each passing snore Mello's entire body shook. It was just a wonder that he hadn't managed to wake up the entire orphanage with his insufferable snoring.
Matt thought for a moment, standing in front of Mello's bed, and suddenly an idea hit him like a ton of bricks. He walked over to Mello and slowly rolled him onto his stomach. The snoring was gone. Matt smiled a million-dollar smile and did a little victory dance.
Matt picked up the blanket on his bed and wrapped himself up in it, and then crashed onto his bed. He rested his bed on his pillow and closed his eyes.
"Grgghhh,"
Matt bolted upright, wide awake again. He turned his head slowly, seeing Mello back on his back, snoring away again. Matt sighed and squirmed his way out from under the covers. Once he'd finally made it out of his bed he stood over Mello once again.
This isn't even possible anymore, Matt thought to himself, looking around the room. He continued to search around the room, looking for anything that might make his night a little easier, when he spotted it.
His MP3 player was sitting on his, or Mello's, desk, abandoned. It was one of the first things that Mello had taken from him when he moved in. He crept over to the middle of the room, keeping one eye on Mello the entire time, and snatched the music player.
He slowly inched his way back over to his bed and put the headphones in. He scrolled through his music until he found a softer sound and cranked the volume up until he could barely hear Mello. Matt smiled, having finally found some solace, wrapped himself back up in his blankets, finally lay down on his bed, and closed his eyes.
It had only been a few minutes and Matt was dancing on the verge of sleep when he heard a light tapping.
Tap.
Matt rolled over.
Tap.
He closed his eyes tighter, trying to drown out the sound.
Tap.
He cranked up his music a little louder, and then the sound suddenly stopped. For a second everything was quiet and Matt relaxed.
CRASH!
"Uah!" Matt screamed, falling out of bed and smacking his head on the nightstand. His earphones fell out of his ears and he was rolling around on the floor, trapped in the blankets he had wrapped around himself.
"Yo, Matt," A familiar voice called from outside his window, "You awake? It's Jinx!"
Somehow I have this nagging feeling that this evening isn't going to get any easier, Matt thought, finally untangling himself from his blankets and standing up.
The first thing he noticed was a giant gaping hole in the glass of the window that overlooked the courtyard. Then he looked on the floor to see a giant rock along with several glass shards scattered about.
Matt walked over to his window and looked out, seeing a fully-dressed Jinx on the lawn. "Now I am," he grumbled.
"Hi Matt," Jinx waved at him from below, "Lovely night, isn't it?"
"I'm going to kill you!" He shouted down towards her.
"Isn't Mello already going to do that?" She asked him, "I woke him up, didn't I?"
Matt stood shocked for a moment. He hadn't even realized that the rock could have awoken Mello. He turned around quickly to apologize, as if to somehow spare himself from Mello's wrath, only to find that Mello was still passed out on his bed.
"He's not even human," Matt uttered, staring at Mello's sleeping form. "Not even human."
"You coming down or not?" Jinx hollered.
Matt placed a hand to his throbbing head and returned to the window, "Are you crazy? Do you even know what time it is?"
"I'm not crazy Matthew," Jinx told him serenely, "I'm completely normal. You're the one who's crazy."
Matt rubbed his eyes and touched his head tenderly, "And what evidence do you have to support that? I'm not the one who throws rocks at people's windows at," he turned around to check the clock, "Four in the morning."
"Maybe that's completely normal behavior, and not throwing rocks at people's windows at four in the morning is crazy."
Matt sighed. He could either stay and suffer through Mello's lawnmower snoring, or join Jinx and suffer through possible death.
At this point, Matt thought, I'll take just about anything over this snoring.
"Alright," He called down to her, "I'll be down in a minute."
"I'm glad you see things my way!" She called to him, "I'll be waiting right here."
Matt nodded and looked at the window. There was no way to hide it from Roger. Matt sighed and searched around his room, looking for anything that might conceal the shattered window. He looked outside his window briefly to see Jinx trying to scare a group of pigeons.
Matt shook his head, grabbed a pillow off of his bed, and put it against the window. He stared at his bed, reconsidering for a moment, and, as if on cue, Mello snored. Matt sighed, all second thoughts now gone, and left his room.
"A ham sandwich sounds nice right about now,"
Matt stopped. He'd just entered the courtyard to meet up with Jinx and already she was spouting nonsense, "Right now?" He asked, confused.
"Yes." She replied simply, walking toward the door that Matt had just exited.
"Are you crazy? A ham sandwich at four in the morning?"
"I didn't know you got to dictate when my stomach needs sustenance," Jinx said, placing her hand on the door handle. She waited a few seconds and turned around, a fresh smile on her face, "Who uses doors these days anyway?"
"No." Matt replied sternly.
"C'mon," she urged, "Come with me on a nighttime ventilation crawl,"
"No."
"Doesn't it sound more fun than a nighttime hallway stroll?"
"No."
"C'mon," she said stubbornly, "This way," she said, walking away from the door.
"No," Matt said firmly, "We're using the door." He finished, walking to the door and placing his hand on the handle.
"Well," Jinx said uneasily, "We don't have a choice. We're locked out."
Matt pulled on the door and it didn't open. He continued to pull on the handle, hoping that somehow he just didn't pull hard enough, "You've got to be kidding me." He sighed, leaning his forehead on the door.
"C'mon," Jinx hollered to him cheerfully, "I've secured an opening!"
Matt turned to see her lassoing a rope around a light fixture. "You brought a rope?" Matt asked.
"Of course," Jinx said, climbing up the rope into a nearby vent she pried open with a screwdriver.
"And a screwdriver?" Matt hollered, running toward the vent she just climbed into.
"Yep," she hollered back.
"You seem awfully prepared," Matt yelled, anger rising in him.
"It's better to be prepared than… unprepared," Jinx finished dumbly, her voice echoing from the vent.
"You knew this was going to happen!" Matt yelled at her.
"Maybe I did,"
"You little -"
"And maybe I didn't."
"Brat!" Matt shouted up the vent.
Jinx stretched out of the vent opening, hanging by her knees, "Look," she said, "You can either spend all night out here and be caught by Roger," she said, withdrawing the rope, "Or you can come inside with me and get a ham sandwich."
"I don't like ham." Matt said stubbornly.
Jinx's eyes widened for a mere moment when she suddenly fell out of the vent head-first and landed with a thud on the ground, "Are you okay?" Matt asked.
"Y-y-you don't like h-ham?" Jinx stuttered, her eyes unblinking.
"Not really," Matt answered awkwardly.
Jinx jumped up on her feet and without saying a word climbed up the rope and disappeared into the vent. "Jinx?" Matt asked when she didn't appear again.
"Have fun spending the night out there!" Jinx's echoed voice hollered at him, "You ham-hater!"
"What?" Matt yelled, noticing how Jinx was slowly withdrawing the rope, "You can't leave me out here!"
"Then you can't hate ham!"
"You can't tell me what I do and don't like!"
"Who said I can't?"
"Because I'm the only one who has control over me?" Matt said, although he wasn't sure whether it was a statement or a question.
"Why did that sound like a question, Matthew?"
"I still hate ham!" Matt hollered stubbornly.
Things were quiet for a few minutes. "Jinx?" Matt asked again when there was no reply. "C'mon, Jinx!" He shouted again. No reply. Matt kicked the ground, grabbed a rock, and threw it at the vent. No reply.
"FINE!" Matt shouted, giving in, "I LOVE ham. It's a BEAUITIFUL meat. It's DELICIOUS. I love it more than anything in this HAMLICIOUS world!"
A few seconds passed and Jinx dropped out of the vent, smiling. "I'm so glad you see things my way," she smiled.
Matt sighed, "Let's just go get your ham sandwich." He said, reaching behind her for the rope. "Jinx, do you see anything wrong with this image?" Matt asked, pointing to the wall.
"No," she said, "Now, climb up the rope and let's go get my ham sandwich."
"I can't." Matt stated simply.
"Can Baby Matt not even climb a rope?" She asked him, "Here, watch me," she said, pushing him aside.
A few seconds passed and Jinx was silent, staring at the wall with disbelief. "Oh." She said dumbly, staring at the empty wall behind him.
"Now," Matt said serenely, "Could you tell me where the rope is?"
"Uh… it must be in the vent," Jinx muttered.
"What was that?"
"It… uh… must still be in the vent." Jinx said, a little more audibly.
"Now, what does that mean?"
Jinx smiled, "It means you better have strong shoulders."
"What?" Matt asked.
"Bend down and give me a leg-up," Jinx clarified happily.
"No," Matt said stubbornly, "I'm not letting another one of your mistakes become my problem."
"Well," Jinx said, walking towards him scarily, "I'm not letting one of my mistakes be my problem."
"What does that even me-" Matt started, but couldn't finish before he was tackled by Jinx.
"Boost me into that vent so we can get my ham sandwich or else." Jinx threatened, easily pinning Matt with one hand.
"I don't think it's natural for girls to be this stro – ouch, ow, ow, that hurts!" Matt squealed as Jinx twisted his wrist with her free hand.
"What were you saying?"
"I was saying smart! That's right. It's just so unnatural for girls to be this… smart."
"You better, now are you going to be a good little Matthew and boost me into the vent?"
"Only if I get something out of it," Matt persisted.
Jinx sighed, "What do you want?"
"I want you to accept that I don't like ham." He stated simply.
Jinx considered for a moment, "C'mon, Jinx," Matt pleaded, "Is that a huge demand?"
"Yes," she said seriously, "But I think it's a pretty fair deal. Alright Matt, you can dislike ham, but you can't hate it."
"I'll take what I can get!" Matt said proudly as Jinx got off of him. When she turned her back to the air Matt fist-pumped the air, mouthing "I won!"
"If you call that a victory, you're pretty sad,"
Jinx and Matt turned around to see Mello marching toward them from across the courtyard. "Mello?" Matt asked dumbly.
"I woke up to all of this commotion outside to find a giant gaping hole in my window." He growled, "Believe it or not, I'm a very light sleeper."
"I know, I've nearly awoken you just rolling over," Matt commented, chuckling.
"Hi Mello," Jinx said, disregarding Matt.
"You're the reason there's a giant hole in my window, aren't you?"
"The one and only," she replied proudly.
"You're fixing that tomorrow," Mello growled, turning back towards the door to the building.
"You can't go that way," Matt shouted after him.
"What do you mean?" Mello asked, turning around.
"The doors are kind of… locked."
"But I just exited through it," Mello said.
"The school has an auto-lock mechanism," Jinx explained knowledgably, "Which is so to say that you can open it from the inside, but the door locks once it shuts. You know, to keep intruders out, and to let people out in case of emergency."
Matt turned to Jinx, "I think you know a little too much about locks."
"She just knows that stuff through experience," Mello scoffed, "So, future criminal, what's your plan to get back inside?"
Jinx pointed to the vent, "I can get through the vents, but Matt was dumb and accidentally threw the rope inside the vent."
"Whatever," Mello said, walking over to the vent.
"What're you going to do?" Matt asked him.
"I'm going back inside," Mello replied picking Matt up and pushing him into the vent, and then did the same to Jinx. "Now throw the rope down to me, you brats."
Jinx giggled, "You're right Matt," she whispered to him, "Girls aren't naturally this strong."
Matt laughed and handed Jinx the rope who threw it down to Mello. Matt and Jinx quickly hurried through the vent in case Mello had heard what they said, and only turned back to see Mello's slightly larger frame trying to squeeze through the tight vent.
"Hey Jinx," Matt called after what seemed like an eternity of crawling through the vents, "My knees are killing me."
"Don't be such a baby, we're here." Jinx said, pausing above an opening in the vent. She took the screwdriver out of her pocket and unscrewed the vent cover, handing it to Matt.
She jumped through the opening in the vent and called for Matt to jump down. Matt stuck his legs out and jumped down, but missed his landing and fell flat on his face.
"Get up Matt, this is no time for sleeping," Jinx said, walking through the school's kitchen to find something to make a ham sandwich.
Matt didn't move. "I don't know what you're talking about," he yawned, "This is the perfect time for sleeping. It's 5:30 in the morning."
"Well, as many wise people say, you can sleep when you're dead." Jinx said, preparing her ham sandwich.
Just as she finished putting the last slice of ham on her sandwich, throwing a few now empty packets of ham away, Jinx walked over to where Matt was lying on the floor.
"Hey Matt," she said through a mouthful of ham, gently nudging him in the shins, "You want some?"
Matt's eyes fluttered open for a second to look at Jinx, "You have enough ham on that sandwich to feed a family of four," he finished, his eyes closing again.
"Oh dear," Jinx said, "It looks like Matt is asleep." She noted, shoving the rest of her sandwich into her mouth, and grabbing Matt's feet. She slowly dragged him out of the kitchen, a sinister smile playing on her lips.
"What do you even eat?" Jinx huffed as she pulled Matt through yet another corridor, "Bricks?"
"Why are you pulling a passed out Matt through the hallway?" Sounded a disgusted voice from behind her.
"Linda," Jinx said turning around, "I'm trying to help a friend back to his room."
"Why do you have to help him back to his room at seven in the morning?"
"Let's just say it's been a long night." Jinx sighed.
"What's wrong with his face?"
"How many questions do you have, Linda? Can't you tell that I'm busy?" Jinx asked, dropping Matt's legs.
"If you're just trying to be a friend, then what happened to his face?"
"He did that to himself."
Linda shook her head. "Roger found out about you guys in the courtyard last night."
"What do you mean?" Jinx asked, picking Matt's legs up.
"He knows that you, Matt, and Mello snuck out last night, and he's not happy."
"Why does he even care? It isn't like we even went anywhere."
"Because L is coming really soon and now he has a few delinquents sneaking out at night, and he always wants to impress L. Duh," Linda scoffed, "Are you stupid?"
"Whatever," Jinx said, dragging Matt away, "I guess I'll see you around. I'm taking him to his room."
"He'll find you!" Linda yelled, "And trust me, L will just hate you more!"
"Let him!" Jinx screamed back, turning the corner.
Jinx continued dragging Matt, muttering under her breath. "Stupid Linda and her stuffed bra… she can just go marry Roger and L if she's so impressed with them. She's such a dumb little brat!" She yelled, kicking the wall in frustration.
"Jinx, where are we?" She heard Matt ask from behind her.
"Hey you're awake!" Jinx said cheerfully, "I brought you back to your room."
"Thanks, I'm really tired. I don't know if I can make it much longer, and I have to talk to Mello. I had a weird dream, and if we're going to live together we might as well be friends." Matt said, opening the door to his room.
"Matt!" Mello yelled the second he opened the door, "Where have you been? If I get in trouble for the window that you broke,"
"Hey Mello," Matt interrupted calmly, "I'm sorry about the window. I'll fix it as soon as I talk to Roger. I was thinking, and if we have to room with each other then we might as well start to try to get along."
"Matt," Jinx warned, "This isn't a good idea."
Mello looked at him wide-eyed, "I know, it sounds surprising because we were… or you were trying to kill me just a day ago, but I'd like us to try to be friends." Matt added, ignoring Jinx.
Mello continued to stare at him, shocked. "I mean, I think that we have a lot of similarities," Matt continued.
"Matt," Jinx warned again.
"What are you trying to say by telling me that?"
"I just think that we have a lot of similarities and we could really get along," Matt said quickly.
"Are you trying to call me a transsexual?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Are you insulting me?"
"No! I'm trying to be friends because I think we're a lot alike!"
Mello grabbed the collar of Matt's shirt, "What are you trying to say?" He asked threateningly.
Matt squeaked, "I wasn't trying to say anything!"
Mello clenched his hand to a fist and raised it, "Then why is your face like that?"
"Mello!" A voice hollered from behind them, "Put Matt down this instant!"
"Roger?" Mello and Jinx asked surprised.
"I came because I heard about all the trouble – why is that window shattered? And, Matt, although I support free expression among you geniuses, why are you wearing makeup?"
"I'm wearing makeup?" Matt asked, running into the bathroom to check his face. He quickly exited, looking at Jinx. "What did you do to me?"
Roger put his face in his hands, "I'm beyond furious with you three. My office – now." He commanded, leaving the room with the three following him.
The three sat in Roger's office, Jinx on the far left, Mello on the far right, and Matt in the middle, rubbing his face vigorously.
"Stop," Mello told him, "You're just making it worse."
"It won't rub off!" Matt exclaimed, smearing lipstick across his face.
Jinx snickered from the far left and Matt and Mello glared at her. "Why are you two so mad?"
"You're the reason we're here!" Matt exclaimed.
"Sure, you keep telling yourselves that. If you never accept responsibility you'll never grow up."
"Growing up?" Roger exclaimed as he entered the room. "You're one to talk Skylar!"
"Don't call me that," Jinx said, turning away.
"Let's see everything you've caused me in the past month," Roger said, opening a folder, "You broke a vent, a window, injured Linda thirteen times,"
"She deserved it," Jinx scoffed.
Roger glared and continued, "Injured yourself twenty times, and exploded the kitchen."
"I didn't explode the kitchen! I just forgot to turn the oven off." Jinx defended herelf.
Roger ignored her, "And you, Mello!" Mello sighed but didn't protest, "I get a call from the school nurse every day about you injuring some child! I know that you place second, but that doesn't mean that you can hurt others out of jealousy,"
"I'm not jealous of Near!" He yelled, but Roger glared at him.
"And now the two of you are dragging Matt into this!" Roger shouted, slamming Jinx's thick folder onto his desk, "Look, you three, L is coming tomorrow morning and you three better be on your best behavior."
"L?" Mello asked eagerly.
"Oh please," Jinx scoffed, "At least try to keep it in your pants."
"Shut up, you little brat!"
"I'm not the one obsessed with L!"
"Both of you just shut up!" Roger yelled and everyone stood shocked for a minute, "Now promise that you'll all be on your best behavior."
"I promise." Jinx said through gritted teeth.
"I promise." Mello said angrily.
"Matt?" Roger asked, staring at the boy who was swaying back and forth, "Promise."
"I," Matt yawned, his head bobbing, "I promise to be…" He didn't finish because he passed out on Roger's desk.
"I guess that's the end of Matt's wild night," Jinx said, smiling.
Roger sighed, "Why I'm in this job, I don't know."
"Just when you think you're in control, just when you think you've got a hold, just when you get on a roll, oh here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again," – Here it Goes Again, Ok Go
But like I said.
You're cool.
So you should review.
Yeah.
QUESTION OF THE WEEK: How do you feel about trains?