A/N so, this is the first time I've posted something at the beginning of the story (mostly because I don't think people really care about the a/n) But I just had to say something about how terribly sad I am about the death of Cory Monteith. While I never liked Finn's character and never got the chance to meet Cory (sadly he was one of the cast members I never got the chance to meet at work) it is incredibly sad when a young person who was getting their life back on track dies. Mostly though, I have been worried about Lea Michele. Deaths are never easy to deal with add to that the fact that she thought of him as her soulmate and how sudden it was and it seems impossible to get over. My prayers are with her, his friends, family, cast, crew and fans. Usually when I write this story I only listen to Meg & Dia music, because their music inspired the story, but right now I can't stop listening to Bonnie Dune (Cory's band) and Cory/Lea songs from Glee. Hopefully my sad disposition doesn't make this chapter unbearable to read… RIP Cory Monteith.

chapter six: breakdown

He was woken up by a loud banging on his door.

"Open up asshole." Noah would know that voice anywhere, and he really didn't feel like listening to Santana go off on him this early in the morning. Nevertheless, he got out of bed and answered his door.

"What do you want Satan?" he said as a large box he assumed was full of his things was pushed into his arms.

"That's everything. You don't need to go to Rachel's for anything now." Santana looked at him for a moment, trying to take the situation in. of course she was on Rachel's side, but Noah had been one of her best friends for years. It was hard to be caught between the two of them.

"And you don't need to do Rachel's dirty work for her. Tell her she doesn't need to hide from me."

"She's not hiding she's in surgery, douche." Santana sneered at him then realized she had slipped up, revealing information she had promised Rachel she wouldn't disclose.

"What do you mean 'she's in surgery'? What happened?" Noah asked, worry evident in his voice.

"Why do you care? She's just 'a fucking bitch' to you, right?" Noah had the decorum to at least look a little ashamed for calling Rachel that the day before. He sighed and set his box of things just inside the door of his apartment.

"I'm mad at her," he continued in a defeated voice, "that doesn't mean I don't care about her."

"That's rich coming from you." Off of his confused look she elaborated, "You're the reason she's in surgery."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? I didn't do anything to her!"

"It means she didn't have an abortion, she had a miscarriage. Something went wrong though so the doctors are doing clean up; preventing a life threatening infection or some shit like that."

Noah felt like he was going to be sick. How could he have treated her the way he did when she was dealing with a miscarriage? He remembered how happy she had sounded on the messages she had left on his voicemail. She was excited to be a family, to have his child and start the next chapter of their life together.

"… I just… I don't… I get it, I do. This is terrible, but how is it my fault? I didn't push her down the stairs or anything." He moved to lean against his doorframe, his body sagging against it under the weight of his sadness. Santana felt bad for him, she did. But in her eyes he was still the one who fucked up.

"It was from the stress her body when through when she caught you with that whore. I have no idea where the hell she was going when she ran away, but some people got her to the hospital after she passed out on the subway. They said she was screaming and covered in blood when she got on and then blacked out…" After Rachel had taken off Santana had tried to find her, but she had absolutely no idea where the girl had gone. She was easily lost in the New York City crowd because of her small stature. She was a mess by the time she had gotten the call from the hospital an hour later saying that Rachel had been brought to the emergency room and was currently being admitted. She got to the hospital within twenty minutes and while she was waiting to be let back to Rachel's room the man who had gotten Rachel off the subway told her what he had witnessed. When a nurse called for her to go back to the room she thanked the man for all that he did for her friend. On her way in the nurse told her that Rachel had a miscarriage. She then waited by Rachel's bedside for an hour or two until the girl woke up.

"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Noah yelled. He turned his face to the doorframe to hide his tears but Santana could see his shoulders shaking. She stood there awkwardly for a moment before she stepped forward and placed a soothing hand on his back. He quickly turned to hug her, using her smaller body to support himself.

After a while she spoke. "Noah, I need to go. She should be getting out soon and I have to be there for her when she wakes up."

"I want to see her." He mumbled into her neck.

"No."

He pushed himself up off of her, gripping her shoulders tightly, and stared her down. "What the fuck? What do you mean no? I need to see her. I have to be there for her."

"I mean no, she doesn't want you there. She didn't even want me to tell you about the miscarriage. I'm going to be in serious shit when she finds out. But even with the crap you pulled you deserved to know. And she didn't deserve you hating her for something she didn't do. If I let you go to her she'll cut me off… and I'm all she has right now," She worked herself out of his grip, "so back the fuck down right now. Give her time. I'll let you know when she's not in a million pieces."

"I didn't want this. I wanted us to be a family so bad. But then she- she said she was getting rid of it! What was I supposed to do? Just let her go through with the abortion?" He shouted at her.

"No, you're right. You didn't have to stand by and watch her do that. But you cheated on her. What the fuck were you thinking? You know Rachel. You know her. And you know she never would have gone through with the abortion. She needed someone to support her and tell her it was going to be okay." Santana took a few deep breaths, trying to cool the rage that had boiled up within her. "She was going to do it for you, you know? She knew you would be mad, but she didn't want you to have to quit school. She knew how hard you worked to get there and didn't want it all to be wasted."

"That wasn't her decision to make." Noah said sadly.

"She realized that. And then she called you." She took out her phone to check the time. "Look, I really have to go, okay? I'll call you later to let you know how she's doing."

"Okay." He said, defeated. Santana patted his shoulder and then turned to leave. "Hey, wait."

She turned around to face him and he engulfed her in a hug.

"Take care of her okay?"

"I always do."

When Santana arrived at the hospital she didn't have to wait long before the doctor came out to the waiting room. She walked over to him after he asked for the family of "Miss Berry".

"Yes, that's me. How is she?" Santana asked nervously.

"The procedure went well, but she had a minor panic attack before she went under." Santana cringed and internally chastised herself for not being able to be there for Rachel. Logically she knew that there was nothing she could have done – she wasn't allowed to go with Rachel after they took her away – but she couldn't bare the thought of her friend dealing with all of this on her own.

"She's in recovery now. You'll be able to go see her after she wakes up."

"Is there any way I can sit with her now? I need to be there when she wakes up. If I'm not she'll have another panic attack. I swear I wont disturb anyone." She pleaded.

The doctor contemplated her request, looking at her desperate face, before consenting with a nod of his head. "Follow me."

The hospital was like a maze, but eventually she made it to the recovery room and the doctor pointed her in the direction of Rachel's bed. When she got to it she pulled back the curtain and was overcome with emotion. She couldn't believe how small and fragile Rachel's body looked in that bed. She had expected her to look peaceful, like most people did when they were asleep, but she looked pained. It didn't help that she was hooked up to IV's, oxygen, and other machines. Santana stepped closer, shut the curtain to give them privacy and got into the bed with Rachel. Her best friend was the most important person in the world to her. Rachel had always been there for Santana; supporting her through her breakup with Brittany, the fights she had with her father when she decided not to go to college, scrambling to get a job when the money her mother had given her to move to New York started to dwindle, everything. She only hoped that she would be able to help Rachel through the tough times to come. She was brought out of her thoughts by movement next to her.

"Rach… how you doing?"

"San?" Rachel questioned. She was groggy and a little disorientated. She looked around for a moment and Santana saw the moment when the memories came back and it all clicked in her head. Her face crumpled and she curled herself into Santana.

"Shhhh, it will be okay." Santana tried to sooth her.

"I don't think it will."

A/N 2 so, I made it almost double the length I usually make my chapters. I felt bad about how long it has taken me to update. And I usually just write when I'm sad, so Cory's death kind of drove me to do this lengthier chapter. Hope all you gleeks are doing okay.