About time the magic department got its mage users.

I encourage all Lute fans to read on, enjoy, and review, please.

Chapter 4: Awesome Lute

With her unpopular bracelet recovered, Eirika sets out with renewed determination, all to find out what the hell her father and Seth have been hiding from her all this time. Passing through the not-so ancient forest Za'ha brings them close to Grado's border. As they near the town of Serafew, Eirika's fears are assuaged by the lack of troops on HER side, even though she will get one of every unit at this point. But never-before-seen-but-actually-overused terrors-in-fiction crawl in the shadows of the ugly trees.

With a crybaby archer and a semi-hot thief on their ranks, Eirika's intrepid band was now approaching another set of villages. Seth had told her that they were getting closer to Serafew. "That is, assuming we can cross the border without mishap," Eirika said.

"Usually, when somebody says that, something bad will happen," Moulder wisely said and mentally cursed their luck.

"Like zombies and creepy eyeballs plaguing our path?" Neimi asked. "Oh, there are wolves too! …Not that they're that fictional."

"Silly pink-haired girl!" Garcia said laughing. "We haven't seen those ever since Fire Emblem Gaiden! I do believe you in the wolves part but even the-"

"Oh! Well, then what are those over there?"

The party had snickering smiles before they all stared flatly at the army of zombies, floating eyeballs, and the not-so fictional wolves that stood out the most amongst the group of weird-ass creatures littering the perimeter. As a whole, they ALL stood out the most.

"There's a reason why we're so related to Gaiden in the first place, you know," Gilliam said.

On the southern village to the, well, south, the monk Artur and his rather insufferable genius of a mage that was known as Lute stared at the army of the undead + wolves. While Artur looked horrified, Lute was devoid of emotions. "What have we done to deserve the trials before us? What is happening to us? How could such abominations walk out lands while the Sacred Stones protect us?" Artur asked.

"Obviously, somebody is breaking those stones as we speak," Lute pointed out. Her theory was absolutely right, but…

"Nonsense! What kind of idiots would do such a thing? Perhaps somebody who doesn't know the stories of old or somebody who is trying to resurrect the Demon King!" He was about to step out to fight off the monsters. "Lute, please, it's dangerous outside the walls. Stay here in the village."

"You fare worse than I would," Lute said. "Oh wait, I don't even fare worse! I'm that awesome."

"I know, but I need the experience so badly."

"Those are revenants, aren't they? They were the vanguard of the Demon King in the days of darkness. The Tome of Nazania describes them in chapter 2, section 7, paragraph 8," she described.

"How could you even memorize the chapter, section, and paragraph? That's creepy, even to our standards."

"Duh! I'm a prodigy. I can recall most everything I see or hear. According to the book, revenants attack using razor-sharp claws. Sounds painful, wouldn't you say? I would so imagine you getting your priest butt handed over to you… They're zombies, so they won't even hand your head back to you. Are you prepared to face such scary results knowing that we mages don't have the most stellar defense of all units?"

"…Uh…" Artur wasn't feeling that good anymore. "I must go aid those travelers outside. You should stay here within the safety of the village."

"What travelers?" Lute asked. "If you managed to see travelers beyond the mountain range and trees to the north, then you need to tell me what kind of skill you…" Artur had left mid-speech. "Very well. I don't mind staying here. In fact, it seems that smarter choice for survival… He was my only childhood friend. Oh well, nice knowing you, Artur. Even if this village were to be assaulted by monsters, I could defend it perfectly. After all, I am perfect myself." She perfectly stood on her spot.

How Artur managed to make his way unnoticed to Eirika's group would indicate that he had the Shade ability equipped somewhere, but it wasn't important to mention it. "Look at that! A monk just made his way through the crowd of monsters + wolves!" Vanessa said.

Moulder snickered at the pre-bishop person with orange hair.

"Travelers, you must listen to me! The ancient forest of Za'ha is dangerous. Head south and pass through this place before the fiends surround you!" Artur warned.

"Okay, we kind of understand that, but the south is plagued with those things and yet you made it through without a scratch?" Colm said.

"If I made it through, why would not you?"

"Wow, you're absolutely correct," Vanessa said nodding.

Eirika grimaced. "I have a better question… Who are you?"

Artur rolled his eyes but decided to be courteous. "My name is Artur. The temple you don't know about has assigned me the task of cleansing the forest of these...things. There are so many of the fiends, though. I wonder if I stand much chance alone without even promoting to the almighty class that is known as a bishop. So if you would, please flee now while you have the chance."

"Honorable," Seth said, "but a foolish decision that would kill you with your measly defenses. As a unit with higher defense, you disgust me."

"Fiends?" Eirika piped up. "You're not talking about the same fiends that served the REALLY fictional ancient Demon King who has absolutely not much of a chance to return to our fair continent away from contact to the outside world because he IS after all just a MYTH? That can't be right... They're nothing but legends and fairy tales..."

"Maybe we are in a FAIRY TALE," Ross said, his eyes spinning. Franz slapped his head.

Seth dramatically gasped. "Beware, your Highness! Something approaches!" Said something was a revenant slugging its way to them. It was fairly far away around thirty feet from their positions. With such slowness, anybody would outrun it by walking. "Bunch of blind idiots, not that one! THAT ONE!"

A flying eyeball called Mogall flew to them. "This one ain't winning a pretty eye contest," Vanessa noted, hurting the Mogall's feelings, as Artur stepped in its way and promptly killed it with shiny lights. He would honestly decimate everything as long as he wasn't ganged up by revenants.

Seth said, "We ought to help. We…I mean, HE can't fight them all alone. Do you have orders?"

"Die for my cause, figuratively, or else I'll spit on your empty spots!" Eirika shouted heroically, raising her Rapier skyward.

As the battle started, Seth saw how their group was too big to deploy to the field of battle. "Princess, after Colm and Artur joined our team, I'm afraid we won't be able to deploy more units. I'd say…two of us ten will remain behind."

"Ha!" Eirika laughed. "The game won't know what is going on. I'm sure that nothing bad will happen if we ignore that rule. With that out of the way…Franz and Ross, don't leave the battlefield!"

"Alright," Franz said. "…Wait, were you planning on leaving us behind first?" His question went largely unanswered, much to Ross's dismay.

Artur smiled. "One of my companions is in that village to the south. If you can get there swiftly, I implore you to watch over her safety," he said.

"It better not be another monk," Seth said. "We seriously need somebody awesome enough to fill the mage spot. We lack that one, you see."

"Oh, she's a mage; an awesome mage as she calls herself," Artur said. "Her attitude might tip you off, but she DOES have the skill to back up her claims. Oh, and she's not like Soren, mind you."

"With such a straight face, we can't go wrong here," Eirika said nodding while Ross went to visit the northern village. "Plus, I don't want to have a very sulky boy cursing our very existence besides his homosexual best friend."

"It looks like the fandom has greatly and morbidly changed our overall attitudes, just as I feared," Soren noted from afar while Ike hit his head against a tree.

Ross barged across the village's gate where a man met him. "Do you see that old snag to the south of here? Bet it would make a handy bridge if you could knock it over," he pointed out.

"Eh, don't know," Ross said. "My dad is kind of a heavyweight he might fall into the rushing water down below."

"We don't live over a cliff, you dolt," the man said before giving him an Iron Axe. Ross could finally store his rare Hatchet away.

Another villager approached him, namely a woman. "Did you tell him not to leave this map and come back? I heard rumors that villages like this one are razed behind the scenes only for them to become training maps!" she said scared.

"Crazy woman! Such a thing won't happen to us!"

After turn 3, three mysterious figures, two of them who had unnatural colored hairs, appeared over the northeast high cliff overlooking the entire map. It was somebody who CERTAINLY didn't look like the princess of Rausten and her two (one?) loyal retainers. "Oh, my! Those travelers are being besieged by the agents of evil!" she said with such odd excitement.

Dozla, her loyal Berserker, laughed his signature laugh. "Ha ha ha! Right you are, Lady L'Arachel!"

L'Arachel laughed proudly. "I cannot allow this to happen! Come! We must charge down these cliffs and rush to their aid!"

Rennac, their rouge and lazy-ass of a retainer, noticed how their dialogue wasn't changed so drastically from the real thing. "Am I the only one sane enough to see how you two don't even have very drastic changes to your speech?" he asked. "Also, why does it feel like I'm the only smart guy who hasn't been altered greatly in personality like everybody else?"

"Silly Rennac, stop talking to yourself and let us head down to battle as soon as possible before it ends without us doing absolutely nothing! I simply cannot abide those wicked beasts running amok!"

"I was clearly talking to you two!" he shouted after L'Arachel and beard axe old man ran down off-screen. "Sometimes I wonder if they're not that altered… Great, I'm talking to myself." He rushed away.

Needless to say, the party had a good time killing the undead. Except for the wolves, they all could easily score double hits with ease. Artur had been standing a bit too close to the zombies he decimated with shiny lights as he made his way back into the village where the insufferably awesome Lute stood close to the gate. " Lute, help has arrived," Artur said with a bright smile. Lute's flat stare pierced his being. "…Lute?"

"Your flesh shows no sign of putrefaction. It seems you're not a revenant," she said till she spotted a small fabric of revenant flesh on his cheek. Granted, that piece of zombie skin had been blown away into his face. "Oh, I guess I shouldn't risk it."

"Wha-" it was all Artur could say before Lute burned him alive with a Critical Hit coming from her Fire tome, leaving no trace behind besides the empty circle of soot.

"Farewell, Artur," Lute said flatly. "You were the only childhood friend with a face portrait I could talk to. The others simply didn't reach my level." She saw Eirika barging into the village. "Your flesh shows no sign of putrefaction. It seems you're not a revenant."

"Say, wasn't little Arthur here?" Eirika asked.

"Please, his name lacks the 'h' found in most Arthur names," Lute said. "And yes, he was here, but it seemed that he turned into a revenant."

"…With all due respect, but we don't turn into revenants even if those god-damned monsters use their claws to skin us alive," Eirika pointed out. She looked around for Artur until she spotted a charred spot. "…And you killed him on this spot because you thought he was one of them."

"Yup."

Eirika sighed in frustration and restarted the mission.

High atop the cliffs, L'Arachel and her two intrepid servants arrived to see the bloodshed down below. "Oh, my! Those travelers are being besieged by the agents of evil!" she said with such odd excitement. She grimaced a bit. "Dozla, have you ever felt a weird wave of déjà vu?"

"Gwah ha ha!" Dozla laughed for no real reason. "Yes, milady! I just felt one right now!"

Rennac furrowed his brow. "You idiots, they restarted the fight!" he pointed out. They stared at him with odd looks. "Apparently, they can restart and rewind time to do things right like keeping a unit from dying or getting to a chest before a troll thief walks away from the battle with it!"

They stared.

"…Yeah, it sure does feel like déjà vu," Rennac said as he rolled his eyes. L'Arachel and Dozla nodded with bright looks before taking the long way down to the fight. Rennac begrudgingly followed them.

A scared Artur limped into the gate where a cautious Lute stood. "Your flesh shows no sign of putrefaction. It seems…" She then spotted more loose skin scattered all over Artur's white clothes. "Should I risk it? Perha-"

"NO!" Artur shouted. "I still have a brain! Give me a break, Lute!" he said, obviously frightened of his genius friend. "Please be patient a little longer while I go bring the light to these foul creatures!"

"Oh, you can still talk and understand," Lute noted. "No, no. I insist on joining you in combat. I mean, I can possibly burn you alive on the spot if I wanted to. In fact, it does feel like I did that already. What an odd feeling, huh?"

Artur carefully backed away from her.

"In any case, I've been reading up on these revenants. They are, quite simply, no match for me. I am superior, after all." She stepped out the village with Artur, the gates closing behind their backs.

"Hey, Artur! Still alive there? Say no!" Seth shouted.

"No?" Artur responded.

"Good."

Lute walked past the group of misfits. "Behold my superiority," she said as she spotted the apparent leader of the zombies and burned it alive with two Critical Hits. "Easy peasy."

The group was amazed. Eirika approved her. "You can pull them off with ease. I shall turn you into a very useful sage soon," she said.

It was clear that the map was finished. Even though Artur was killed by Lute by accident, it didn't feel so stressful. "We've killed all the monsters. Still, we'd best burn the bones to ash to be sure they don't return," Seth said wisely.

"Pfft, they vanish in thin air like any other enemy, anyway," Colm said.

Eirika feigned being shaken. "I still can't believe what we've been fighting here...besides the random wolves. I thought those fiends were nothing more than myth and legend from fairy tales. Stupid father told those things to me when I was very young and naïve. Well, I sure do hope that's the last of them."

Lute rolled her eyes. "Fat chance, mercenary with royal air." She was yet another person who knew diddly-squat about Eirika's royal lineage. "There are much worse than those revenants and the entombed. There's the bonewalkers, non-fictional wolves, gargoyles, ReDeads, Dracula, vampires, Frankenstein, Count Chokula, vampire teenagers, werewolf teenagers, Cthulu, Ganondorf, your dead puppy, zombie neighbors, Jack Skellington... Why, I'll bet you just about any creature of lore could be walking again. Yes, we're in for some trouble. Even my fabulous power may not be enough due to the fact I'm still not a sage."

Eirika stared in disbelief, and even though she was supposed to say "By all that's holy", she instead said, "Holy damn crap, what is happening?"

"Well, Lute here believes somebody is shattering the Sacred Stones," Artur said.

"Pfft, why?" Eirika chuckled. "Any retard would know that breaking those are against the law of nature and law of man. To be fair, I thought those would fetch a high price in the market. Why are we keeping those around, anyway?"

"That is something I frankly don't give a damn," Seth said honestly. "I'd be foolish to continue, princess. We cannot fight Grado's forces and those hellish creatures from hell. Of course, I CAN fight them alone for seven straight chapters, but my usefulness is limited."

"I know full well that I may be leading us into even greater danger that will surely kill somebody in our team of misfits, but... Please try to understand that I share a very close bond to my brother," Eirika said.

"Hmm, my lack of knowledge of the outside world is tingling by just looking at you… So I take it you're our incestuous princess?" Lute asked. Eirika shot her with a death glare. "Foolish glare of yours can't match my flat stare's superiority."

"Damn, you're right. You're completely unfazed."

It was around that time that L'Arachel and her retainers finally made it to where they were. "Dear god, we can't have that many people joining us at once in a single chapter! It's overkill with that Berserker!" Gilliam said.

"Oh, and that rouge is just too much," Colm said. "I mean it! I just joined a chapter ago!"

"The last thing I want is join an even bigger group full of more retards…" Rennac muttered to himself.

L'Arachel was clearly in her own little world where she was the ultimate being of love and justice. "Aha! Foul creatures, beware! I, L'Arachel, bestow upon you the honor of banishment at my blessed hands!" she proclaimed, raising her Physic.

Eirika stepped forward. "Are you blind or stupid or both?" she asked. "You're way too late. All the undead were killed…um, again. We didn't even use exorcism."

The non-princess smiled. "Ah, glad tidings indeed! The heavens must be rejoicing! I am…a tad disappointed however. After all, I did rush all the way here to show you the splendor of my might," she said.

"The only splendor is that Physic you're holding," Moulder said. "I care little about your brainless head." Dozla randomly laughed.

Rennac smiled. "Hurrah! Somebody can tell!" he said. L'Arachel somehow ignored him completely.

Seeing the woman had green hair, Eirika asked, "Who are you? Hopefully somebody of extreme importance."

Behind the non-princess, fireworks and streamers flew from every single direction. Only Rennac was a bit scared of the random background. "It is I, the true light and glory of the sacred realm of Rauste-!"

"You're their crazy princess," everybody in Eirika's team said in unison, as if they all knew how weird all the people of Rausten were, along with their even cheesier princess. The overdramatic background faded away in a second.

L'Arachel instantly said, "Now, I must ride off in anonymity. Oh, how beautifully romantic!"

"I greatly fail to see how beautifully romantic this is," Lute noted. Artur frowned at his childhood friend. "Foolish green-haired fool."

"Perhaps our paths will cross again someday!" L'Arachel noted. Her horse gave them all a frightened look as if it knew how crazy she was. "Come, Dozla! Rennac! We ride!" Dozla randomly laughed and agreed, shooting off into the distance with her.

Rennac looked back and forth between the two groups. "I've got no idea what the hell just happened here, so… Leave me alone," he said and ran away, sadly, to his companions.

"Dear god, they're finally gone," Lute said. "I felt a few brain cells died out. Anybody felt that way?"

"Yup," everybody said. They all thus left the map behind, ignoring the hordes of the undead that completely razed the villages behind their backs.

Three hours later, a zombie appeared on top of the previously-visited location. "Hey, everybody! A training map!" Garcia gleefully noted, and all of them were off to do some training. They were anonymously given all the time of the world…somehow.

Dozla randomly laughed in the distance. "Would you STOP doing that?" Rennac shouted.

Hmm, why is the sexiness quotient going to increase immensely in the next chapter? Hint: hat.

Please review, or else Lute shall turn into the main character of this thing.