Hello. I'm back, again! And I bring with me chapter five.
Before we get too far ahead of ourselves, I would just like to point out that, since I am an impatient biotch, this has only seen the eyes of myself and one of my 3 - yes you read correctly,3 - beta's. Any mistakes are all on me, as I wanted to get this out tonight and I feel like crap, so I'm anxious to go back to bed.
The song that Edward sings is Baby Come Home by Chester See - A link to the version i envison can be found on my FFn page.
SM owns Twilight and all things associated with it... I own a crappy cold, that needs to go away because Saturday night, I'm going to see Bobby Long in Boston.
EPOV
It had taken me a few hours and accidentally playing one of Bella's saved play lists on my iPod before I knew what I needed to do. Immediately I put my plan to work.
First thing on my list was call Flat notes and speak to the manager. I asked her if there was any way I'd be able to play a song that night. Being that it was a karaoke bar, she was extremely hesitant. Even mumbling something about not wanting it to turn into an open mic night for any dumb guy who screwed up. She did eventually cave in: it only took me paying her three hundred dollars. We agreed that I would get to play one song on stage at ten o'clock.
My next task was learning to play the song on my keyboard. After scouring the internet and finding nothing to help me, I listened to the song on repeat for two hours. By the end of that time it was drilled so far into my brain, I was certain I would never forget how to play it.
After taking a shower and getting changed, I started packing up my keyboard to take with me. Just as I was finishing zippering the case my phone rang. I answered it without looking at the caller ID. Big mistake.
"Hey Eddie," Tanya purred into the phone. I cringed. I had lived in a drunken stupor the past two weeks, but the first few days were more of drunk and stupid. Both she and Vicki had been blowing up my phone for the past week or so.
"Umm, hey T. Listen, I've got to go. Okay?"
"No," she screeched into the phone. "You've been avoiding me and Vicki for days. I want to know why." She wasn't going to make this easy. I knew I'd just have to lay it out for her.
"Tanya, I've known you for a long, long time. But it's not going to work with us like that. Last week, chilling with you two, it wasn't right." I paused, hoping to make my next statement that much more pertinent, but Tanya freaked out before I could.
"What is that supposed to mean? Huh? You didn't have fun? You don't care about me?" I rolled my eyes at her whining. Somehow, in the thick fog of alcohol, I had forgotten that she had always been a whiney little brat. And that if she didn't get her way, she'd huff and puff until you gave in. Not this time though. No, I was holding my ground. "I'm sure your mom would be ashamed that you're being so mean to me. And if you're worried about hurting Vicki's feelings don't be. We agreed that whoever you chose was fine with us."
"God damn it Tanya! Listen to me!" I yelled into the phone. "You and me, it's never going to happen. Ever. You can tell Vicki the same thing. I made a stupid mistake last week, multiple fucking bad choices. I am in love with someone! I was ready to propose and got freaked out, and… Fuck! Somehow I ended up partying with you and Vicki. I regret it, so fucking much."
"You don't mean that, Eddie. I know you don't." Great, she was crying now.
"T, I'm sorry if you feel like I led you on. I really am. But my heart belongs to someone else, and I'll do anything to be with her. I hope you understand and that one day we can be friends again. Now I have to go, goodbye."
I hung up and felt a wave of relief come over me. Before going to the club with them, I had no idea Tanya ever had feelings for me. Gradually over the course of those first four days she enlightened me to the fact that she'd liked me since we were twelve. I didn't know what to make of it. Adding to the confusion of Tanya's confession was my guilt.
Every second that passed since I left the restaurant made it rise. It wasn't even guilt for hanging out with the girls, just guilt that I'd walked away. And now it was even worse because I knew I had hurt Bella so bad. I could only hope that tonight's grand gesture would start fixing all that I had broken.
Shouldering my bag I headed to my car. Once the keyboard was secured in the trunk I hoped into the driver's seat and started making my way to Flat Notes. The closer I got to the bar the more nervous I became. My hands were even shaking as I gripped the steering wheel. Pulling into a parking spot had never been such a relief before.
As I surveyed the bar I could make out Emmett's huge form in the distance. The group appeared to be having a great time, each one of them shaking with laughter. Bella was facing away from me, so all I could see was her hair, but by the bounce of her shoulders, I knew she was cracking up. It made me smile.
Squeezing my way into a spot at the bar, I asked for the manager. I gave her an envelope containing the money, and she told me there were two songs before I was up and the DJ already knew what was going on. Everything was set, all I had to do was wait. As I turned to look at the stage again, I was met with a death glare from a pair of ice blue eyes.
"What are you doing here?" Rosalie was sneering at me. Shit, I thought, this could get bad.
"I'm here to see Bella."
"Emmett," she yelled. He appeared by her side, giving me an apologetic smile. "Drag him out of here before B gets back from the bathroom."
"No," he said softly, seemingly afraid to say the word. When she asked him what he said, he cleared his throat and repeated it louder. "I said 'no'. I'm not kicking him out, Rosie."
"Why the hell not?"
"Because he deserves the chance to apologize to her. Now calm down before you put yourself into early labor." he told her as he reached out to rub a hand over her swollen stomach. She smacked his hand away, and crossed her arms over her chest.
"I don't like this, not one little bit. And I refuse to let her be ambushed by him," she glared in my direction. I didn't even get a chance to defend myself, or my actions, before she was storming to the table. She then said something to Jake, and he took off in the direction of the bathrooms.
"Well that didn't go so well," I sighed. Emmett just nodded as the horribly sung cover of I Got You, Babe was close to being complete. "That's my cue… I'm up next."
"I'll make sure she sees whatever you've got planned. Good luck." He clapped a hand on my back and went back to the table.
I made my way to the DJ booth, and told him who I was just as the drunken couple finished. He unraveled a few cords, and grabbed a stool for me. After pointing out the input jacks for my keyboard, he left me to set up.
Once I knew all the settings were correct, I looked up to face the crowd. My eyes searched through the sea of faces, looking for hers. I had to make sure she saw me and knew this was for her. The look on her face told me she had figured out that I was here for her and her alone. I took one last deep breath to calm myself.
"Hi. I… Ughh," I stumbled over the words. "I fucked up. And I hurt someone that I love, very deeply. But I'm hoping she can forgive me." Clearing my throat, I looked down, and pressed the first key.
I woke up this morningYour pillowcase I was holdingI was only dreaming it was youI tried my best to let it goSomething wouldn't let me thoughI might have been pretending but it's all I can doI've tried wishing on starsclosing my eyes so hardmade deals, made vows, tried screaming outOh Baby come homeI can't go on without you here with meOh Baby come Homethe pain gets too strong without you I'm too weakbut nothing I do, Brings you back to me
Watching her, I couldn't figure out what she was thinking. For a second she looked like she might smile, but in a flash her brows were furrowed in agitation. I closed my eyes in an attempt to rid the sight of her anger
It's getting harder every single dayalways thinking that I see your faceI feel you near, I hear your name everywhere I goBut when I realize it's in my headit breaks my heart once againit takes some time before it sinks in then I lose controlSo I'm done wishing on starsclosing my eyes so hardno more deals, no more vows, I'm done screaming outOh Baby come homeI can't go on without you here with meOh Baby come Homethe pain gets too strong without you I'm too weakbut nothing I do, Brings you back
I stood up pushing the stool back; it fell over in the process. With every word I let out, I felt a little bit more hopeful. She had to be able to see what she meant to me and that I was sorry. So fucking sorry.
Time told me it will be alrightI'm not gonna lie, I'm losing this fightand Time told me she'll heal all my woundsas deep as I'm cut no I'm not healing soonOh Baby come homeI can't go on without you here with meOh Baby come Homethe pain gets too strong without you I'm too weakbut nothing I do, Brings you back to me
Letting the last sung note carry, I played the keys to the closing. My eyes were locked with hers, but my head fell when she stood hastily, moving towards the exit. Without giving it much thought, I jumped off the stage, knocking my keyboard over in the process and ran after her.
"Bella," I called out, only to see her shoulders tense and her pace quicken. Then ten feet ahead of me my view of her was blocked out by Jake. Right as I was about to yell at him to move or I'd knock his ass out, Emmett shoved him, giving me a clear path to the exit. As I passed by, Jake was struggling to get out of Em's grasp, while Em told him to shut the fuck up.
Pushing the door open I frantically searched the lot. I knew she couldn't have gone to far, her car wasn't here when I pulled in, only Emmett's suburban. As I ran to where it was parked I passed the corner of the building and heard crying. I stopped short, without even looking I knew it was her. Slowly I turned and saw her crouched down, leaning against the wall.
"Bell," I whispered. Her tear drenched face snapped up to meet mine.
"Just go away, Edward." The tears were still rolling down her cheeks, her hands not able to wipe them away fast enough. All the guilt and pain I felt before was nothing compared to the emotions brought out of me as seeing her cry did. With slow steps I walked over, then knelt down in front of her.
"Bella, please… Please hear me out." I wasn't above begging.
"I don't know that I want to hear what you have to say," she said in an uneven voice. Her eyes shut tight, and she took a few shuddering breaths. "'Cause I'm pretty sure, it wont make a fucking difference."
"Then, what do you got to lose?" She didn't respond, so I took it for her acquiescence. "Let me start by telling you how sorry I am. I know it's not enough, and it doesn't make anything better, but it's true. I am so sorry for everything." She looked me in the eye and I could see questions swimming in hers.
"What I did was wrong; I won't sit here and argue it's not. But I was scared and insecure and angry. So fucking angry. But mostly I was afraid…" I let the words hang for a few seconds, trying to figure out how to say all the things floating in my head. Not even realizing I had done it until I felt her warmth, I looked down to see my hands clasping one of hers. "Bell, I was so afraid that what I felt for you wasn't enough. That you didn't feel the same. And it would have killed me for you to not return my love. Because I love you, so fucking much."
The declaration of my feelings wasn't even fully out of my mouth when Bella ripped her hand from mine. She pushed on my chest, and I fell backwards onto the ground. Abruptly she stood up, pointing a finger at me.
"Love me? Really, Edward? You say how much you 'fucking love me'," she yelled with air quotes. "But you walked out on me!"
"Bel-" I was cut off.
"No! No, you don't get to speak right now. But I do," she stated, gesturing to herself. "Sorry? What are you even sorry for? Maybe it was taking off from dinner without a word? Or was it leaving with two skanks? How about how for two weeks - two fucking weeks - you didn't even have the decency to break shit off like a man. Hell, even a text saying you were over it, over me, over us would have sufficed; at least than I wouldn't have worried you were dead, asshole!"
Taking a few steps back, she turned away form and tilted her head to the sky. Her back was heaving and the deep pulls of air into her lungs could be heard. Slowly I stood up, but didn't make a move to approach her.
"You're right, I am an asshole. But…" I was struggling to say everything I wanted. My mind was racing from one thing to the next and I couldn't decipher what direction I should go. Finally I just blurted something out. "Did you know, that I thought you'd leave me for Jake?" Her head whipped around, showing her shock at my question. Awkwardly I nodded my head.
"Yeah. I guess I've always worried about his feelings for you. I mean, you've been friends since diapers, he followed you from Forks to Chicago for college… I don't know, it sounds stupid now, but there were times I felt like I was waiting for you to realize he was more than just your buddy."
"Yeah, it does sound stupid," she agreed. The hint of attitude in her voice kind of pissed me off. She hid stuff from me too. Sure I made the major screw ups, but they wouldn't have happened if she'd have told me about Jake's preference for guys.
"That's rich B. Up until this morning I still thought he wanted in your pants." She asked what changed my mind. "A little chat with Emmett. Would've been nice to know Jake would've rather gotten into my boxers than you thongs" Her jaw dropped. Good, I thought, she knows she messed up.
"Jake being gay should have in no way affected our relationship, Edward. Besides, you should have trusted me and believed me when I said I loved you." Her finger was pointed in my direction.
"Yeah, maybe I should have… But telling me that might have eased my mind on the fact that some dude was always hanging around you! You could trust me all you want, but you'd never be okay if some chick was crashing our dates the way Jake did."
"Don't throw this on Jacob. What happened that night is in no way his fault," she defended.
"I never said it was, but for one second can you look at it through my eyes…" I trailed off. After a few moments she bit her lip and gave me a little nod. "Okay, so take all of that, plus the fact that from the moment he sat down at our table I felt like a third wheel on my own date with you…" Reaching into my pocket I pulled out the velvet box. With it lying flat on my open palm, I addressed her once again. "Now add in how I had planned on proposing to you that night." The words barely made it out of my mouth.
She whispered a faint 'oh my god' and tears leaked from her eyes, again. Slowly I took a few steps toward her
"I'm not saying any of this to make you feel guilty - the guilt, it should lay with me. I just thought you should know." I reached for her hand and placed the box in it. "This belongs with you, but you can do whatever you want with it."
Her lips parted in protest, but I put a finger to them, silencing her. I pulled her close, wrapping my arms around her, burying my face in her hair. Her arms were trapped between us, still holding the ring box. Moving my lips towards her ear, I pushed out the last of my speech.
"You have every right to hate me, I accept that. But if I tried, do you think you could ever give me another chance?"
"You're wrong," she whispered after a few moments. "I don't hate you. But even if you try, I don't know that I can ever forgive you." With tears trailing down my cheeks I nodded. Pulling back just enough, I gave her a kiss on the forehead. My eyes squeezed shut from the pain of it all. Without looking at her, I moved around her and walked away, again.
A/N
Yes, I left it there... No, I will not be posting the next chapter earlier than in the next 10 to 14 days time period. That being said, let's move on with this portion of the A/N.
I want to start off by saying, I am overwhelmed by how much love - or other emotions in a lot of cases - you all have shown this fic. I never thought I'd get 50 reviews, never mind teetering on the brink of 100. It blows my mind, really.
I have posted the small OHP outtake, it's listed on my FFn page as a story entitled- Percentiles: Extras and outtakes from OHP. I encourage you all to take a look. I also added a new o/s to my list of written work. It's called Stuck on You, just a small fluffy E/B piece written for a friends birthday.
Thanks goes out to Donut_Magnet- Simone you rock! She is the 1 beta I used this chapter.
To Laura (busy_mommy) and Muffysworld- thanks for your help, even though I didn't wait for you guys this chapter. I'm impatient like that.
I believe that's it. See ya next time, I hope.
~Ash