Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect, this belongs to Bioware. Please enjoy.

Chapter 6: The grip of fear.

"How is Orianna?" Shepard asked Miranda as she sipped at her glass. They were returning from a mission Jacob had asked to look into, looking back on the mission it was one of the smoothest missions Shepard had ever had. They had recently picked up Thane Krios, a Drell assassin who had eyes that Shepard was finding hard to resist. Double that with a deep voice Shepard thought she was going to faint. They also picked up an Asari called Samara a justicar whose biotics would give Jack's a run for their money. Shepard had high respect for Samara; she spoke plain and to the point. Now Shepard decided to check up on Miranda because of what happened with her friend when they rescued Orianna.

"She's well, settling in well too" Miranda smiled a genuine smile as Shepard watched her eyes. She had a habit of doing that watching the eyes because they could tell more emotion than what the person was letting on. No matter how much Miranda told her she was tailor made because of her father, Shepard was starting to see the person she really was.

"I'm glad we got to her in time" Shepard put her glass down on the nearby table. Miranda looked up as Shepard stood and walked to the door.

"Where to next Commander?" Miranda asked as Shepard stopped at her door.

"Mordin and Grunt asked if we could stop at Tuchanka, so by now we should be half way there." Shepard answered, she heard Miranda nod and set back to work. Shepard sighed, Miranda work always work on something or another, so Shepard walked over to her desk and turned off her computer. Miranda looked up at Shepard with a confused look.

"Shepard, what are…?"

"Miranda you always work, I never see you mingling with the crew" Shepard looked into her eyes as Miranda slightly faltered.

"I like to keep to myself" Miranda turned away as Shepard raised her eye brow.

"Don't give me that crap Miranda…look I need to check on Grunt but could you go see how Jacob is doing" Shepard looked down at her as she saw the faintest of blushes rise to Miranda's cheeks. Shepard smiled, she knew Miranda and Jacob had something but Miranda was all about duty and Jacob was all about protocol it was unbelievable.

"Yes…thank you Shepard" Miranda looked away as she smiled faintly. Shepard got up and walked out of the room, the mess was noisy with commotion over the new supplies that Shepard had ordered for the kitchen.

"Thanks for the new food Commander"

"Wow this is real food"

"What happened to the old chef?"

Shepard smiled as she walked pasted, she was never one for eating with other people, mainly because she thought she ate like a pig and people would judge her for it but usually whenever she ate her mind would wander off to other places. Shepard rounded the corner to the elevator and bumped into a leather barrier, Shepard fell to the floor without any grace what so ever.

"Ouch, that's going to leave a bruise" Shepard rubbed her thigh.

"Apologises Shepard, I did not see you" Thane's voice sounded making Shepard's heart skip a beat. She looked up to see the snake like alien offering his hand; she took it and thanked him for the assist.

"I thought you preferred it in the other room" Shepard asked as a smile tugged at Thane's lips.

"The noise disturbed me" Thane said while he put his hands behind his back.

"Oh sorry, the crew are just excited about the new food supplies" Shepard tugged at her hair as she explained, Thane nodded in response.

"Shepard, Garrus is outside your room pacing…should I send him down" EDI spoke out suddenly as a blush crept to Shepard's cheeks, Thane saw and smiled.

"Go Shepard, we can talk another time" Thane walked off back to the recovery room as Shepard watched him go. Why it that she was only is attracted to bad boys…who happen to be another species that was one Shepard wanted to know.

"EDI let him in but don't say anything, I'll meet him there" Shepard talked to EDI as she stepped into the elevator and pressed the button to go to her room. It wasn't a long journey to her room but with each second passing by Shepard felt her heart jump into her throat. Shepard hadn't really spoken to Garrus after what happened on Horizon; he seemed to have distanced himself from everyone. She tried to speak to him on several occasions but he told her he was busy with calibrations but Shepard knew there was something else on the console that he wasn't letting anyone see. The doors opened as Shepard stepped out she saw her doors still open with a shadow moving about her room.

Shepard walked in as she saw Garrus looking round her room, to be fair Shepard was a neat freak at best, the bed looked like it had never been slept in (which she never did) and everything had it's place. Garrus stood there and looked like he didn't know what to do. Shepard smiled and walked up silently behind him.

"Garrus?" Shepard spoke up making him jump and spin round. His eyes fixed on her as she stepped back.

"Spirits Shepard, don't do that" Garrus almost panted as she smiled, she had missed his voice. But he looked distressed about something like something was on his mind but he was almost afraid to ask her. Shepard placed her hand on his arm which seemed to calm him down as their eyes connected.

"What's wrong Garrus?" Shepard spoke softly as she watched him sigh.

"Do you remember Sidonis?" Garrus asked, the anger returned to his eyes. Shepard's eyes darted to the names engraved on his visor and nodded.

"Of course I do any news?" Shepard asked him as she made him sit down on her bed. Garrus sat on the edge while she knelt down in front of him.

"I might have found someone, a contact named Fade. He's on the Citadel I was hoping…" Garrus hung his head low but Shepard held his hand and smiled up at him.

"We'll get him don't worry" Shepard promised him, she made a mental note to go to the Citadel right after Tuchanka. Garrus smiled and nodded as he gripped her hand lightly.

"Thank you Shepard" he spoke and stood up.

"Ten minutes out Commander" Joker sounded over the radio.

"Thanks Joker" she spoke back and walked over to her armour closet.

"I'll leave you to it then Shepard" Garrus began to walk out of her room. Shepard looked up at him and touched his arm to stop him, he turned round as she looked up at him. Something inside her was telling her that something was off, it wasn't her chill it was her heart, Garrus had never been this distant towards her before and now he was trying to push her so far away she almost felt alone.

"Garrus…are you sure you're alright, I'm worried about you" Shepard's voice nearly cracked as she moved her hair over her face. Garrus pulled her hair back and leant forward towards her with his forehead almost touching hers, Shepard froze as she sensed he was scared. His hands travelled down her shoulders and down her arms till they reached her hands. She gripped his hands so that he didn't let go, her body tingled as she felt her heart race.

"I'll be fine Shepard…I'm just so close to Sidonis now" Garrus sighed as Shepard looked at him and placed her hand on his cheek gently. Her fingers graced the engraved names on his visor she knew what he meant; he had lost men just like she did.

"I understand Garrus, but I'm here for you if you need to talk" Shepard told him as Garrus smiled and pressed his cheek into her hand.

"I know Shepard" Garrus pulled away, too soon for Shepard's liking, and started to walk out the door.

"Hey Garrus, there are eleven names on your visor…I thought you only lost ten men" Shepard asked making Garrus stop dead and touch the worn out name on his visor.

"This one…you really want to know" Garrus spoke so low she was surprised she heard him. She nodded as Garrus turned his head to look at her.

"It's your name" Garrus told her as something struck her heart. Her name…why was she so happy?

"My name…I didn't know" Shepard felt stupid for asking as she felt like she wanted to hide.

"Don't worry about it Shepard, I'll get ready for Tuchanka…I am going right" Garrus asked as Shepard snapped her head round.

"Of course I can't do anything without you, you're my lucky charm" Shepard smiled as she turned towards her closet, she heard Garrus chuckle as he left. When the door closed her legs buckled as she fell to the floor and clasped her hand over her mouth to stop herself from screaming. It was her name that worn out name that battered old name was her name. She knew he would only do that if she meant a lot to him. Shepard was so happy she nearly forgot that she had a mission to do.

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They took the shuttle down towards Tuchanka, Grunt and Garrus sat with Shepard. As they flew down Shepard couldn't help but feel like she was trusting her life to a tin can with amount of wind blowing at them with such gales it made her grip her seat.

"When are we going to land?" Shepard asked nervously as another gale knocked the shuttle making it rock about.

"Approaching landing zone" the on board VI alerted them as Shepard prayed to every spirit she could think of that the tin can would not get blown away like dust in the wind.

"Shepard?" Garrus looked over at her as she knew she looked pale. Shepard shook her head and gave him a look that it was more of her bad memories acting up and she was wishing it was over. Garrus understood and reached out and placed his hand on her knee, Shepard smiled and thanked him.

When they landed Shepard almost kissed the ground but when she was confronted with five Krogan she blocked out all her emotions and focused on the job at hand, they were here for Grunt. They were told to go and speak with the clan leader; even though Shepard heard something about a rite for Grunt they wouldn't say anything more. Shepard hoped that their leader would be more helpful. They walked through the corridors of rubble and broken buildings, small rodent creatures scurried about the floor while the smell of stale cold air made hell of Shepard's nose.

"This is Tuchanka…home of all those Warlords Okeer taught me…this place is barely worth standing on" Grunt spoke as Shepard nodded. She wondered what it was like before the Salariens came to the Krogan she was sure that not all Krogan had to be blood thirsty warriors or work for hire. They walked into what was obviously the main room as rocks were piled high like a shrine, small fires bellowed while monkey creatures huddled round it for warmth. They headed towards the throne but were stopped by two Krogan.

"Wait, the leader is in talks" one of the spoke as they gripped her shoulder and pushed her down. She heard Garrus growl something threatening while Grunt was ready to charge.

"You must wait until your name is called" The other spoke keeping his eyes trained on Garrus…may be bring a Turian to a Krogan filled planet wasn't such a good idea.

"Shepard" A booming voice sounded over head which Shepard recognised, she smiled as she looked through the two huge Krogan to see a familiar scars crimson face. Wrex stood and pushed aside the two guards with ease while he took Shepard's hand and gave the best Krogan smile Shepard had ever seen.

"Shepard, my friend" Wrex said proudly while Shepard smiled and held his arm.

"It's good to see you Wrex" Shepard said with relief in her voice, she knew that she and Garrus would be fine if Wrex was in charge.

"You look good for dead Shepard" Wrex spoke as Shepard laughed.

"I may look good right now Wrex, but believe me under all this, I bet I have more scars than you" Shepard pointed to her armour while Grunt gave an approving grumble. Shepard was surprised; usually she would only get the odd grunt from him or the telling off when she didn't understand his jokes. But Shepard thought it was cute that he was trying to be funny she knew it wasn't in Krogan nature to be funny but maybe some part of her rubbed off on him.

"Indeed, we have to put that to the test sometime Shepard" Wrex spoke with a grin, but Shepard noticed Garrus's fists tightening.

"What bring you here Shepard" Wrex asked making Shepard point to Grunt.

"What's wrong with Grunt?" Wrex gave him a look over as Grunt stepped forward. Wrex asked Grunt about where he came from and if he had lost his clan, Shepard could tell Wrex was holding back with the questions while another Krogan was about. The other Krogan barked at Grunt making Shepard glare at him as her nails dug into the palms of her hand.

"Nothing's wrong with him, it's becoming an adult" Wrex spoke plainly but Shepard almost fainted, she was dealing with a teenager going through puberty. She knew that one day it would come up; she just didn't think it would be before she had children and it was a Krogan going through puberty.

"Can't we just take him to Omega and buy him a few dances?" Garrus piped up making Shepard's head snap round to him. How did he know something like that…unless he did it. Garrus shrugged but Shepard glared at him.

"Unless you want the station destroyed…wait no you would want that" Shepard slapped her hand over her forehead while Garrus laughed.

"You know me too well Shepard" Garrus agreed. Shepard glared at him again but secretly she wished that human puberty was something like a Krogan if all you had to do was fight and kill something the boom your done, that would have been wonderful…instead of what every human woman had to go through.

"What ever you call it, he just needs the Rite and he'll be fine" Wrex told them, the other Krogan didn't approve and stormed off. Wrex told them to go and talk to the shaman about the rite, Grunt was willing to do the rite if would get rid of his blood frenzy. Shepard and the others found the Shaman on the upper level arguing with the Krogan from earlier.

"He is unnatural, it should not be aloud"

"I can speak for myself" Grunt barked as they approached.

"So this is the tank bred…he looks correct and smells correct as well, your words ring hollow Uvenk " the Shaman spoke out, good that was a good start. The other Krogan talked more about how Grunt should not be allowed the rite which started to tick Shepard off, her eyes flared as she slung her head onto his, pain shot through her head and neck when she connected with his hard armour plating but it did the trick.

"You dare" Uvenk looked like he was going to charge at Shepard but the Shaman began to laugh.

"Perfect! This one understands!" the shaman laughed more; they had obviously won the argument as Uvenk stormed off. The shaman took them to a rover so that Grunt could do the Rite.

As they sat in the rover Garrus checked on Shepard, he looked at her head and eyes. But Shepard kept on seeing two Garrus's (well two of everything) but she didn't complain, she kept on thinking what it would be like having two Garrus's round her…

"That was stupid Shepard" Garrus told her as he put some medi-gel on her forehead. Shepard smiled.

"Maybe I should bash my head against a Krogan more often" Shepard teased as Garrus looked at her with a stern look. Shepard lent against him as she felt the medi-gel working on her head as her vision became clear again.

"So you can break your head again?" Garrus looked down at her.

"If it's what it take for you to give me that kind of treatment again" Shepard looked up at him and smiled while Garrus's mandibles clenched tightly against his mouth but his eyes went predator something they had never done before, they had always been calm or soft round her but this kind of look ran shivers through her spine.

"We're here" a voice broke the moment as the door opened to show an almost levelled area. The winds were stronger here as the sand blew it tangled itself in Shepard hair, she could hardly see through the sand storm but as they pushed forward she heard the Shaman telling Grunt to expect anything and that if he was a true Krogan he will adapt to his surroundings to win. Shepard, Garrus and Grunt stepped into the ring.

"Let's get started" Grunt urged as Shepard pushed the Keystone. A hammer slammed into the ground behind them as if to summon something. The answer was simple, Verren started to run in with fangs bared. Shepard ordered them where to go; Grunt did the combination of fighting with his shotgun and fighting with his fists as he tore the Verren to shreds while Garrus took out his sniper and started to take head shots of the incoming Verren. Shepard used her new Assault rifle, that Garrus had gotten her after she begged him to teach her how to use one. She aimed at the Verren and soon round one was over. Grunt seemed pleased and wanted more, Shepard checked everyone over to see if there were any injuries but there were none. She touched the keystone again as another hammer slammed into the earth, screeching filled the air as a giant bug flew over head. It landed outside the area but Shepard knew that wasn't the true enemy and saw huge red bugs charge at them, firing bullets into each of them Shepard found this round a bit more challenging as she ducked for cover when they blew up or breathed fire.

"They will learn to fear me!" she heard Grunt shout and laugh as he took apart one of the bugs leg by leg, Garrus was up high on one of the makeshift pillars as he gave cover to Shepard and Grunt. Shepard fired her rifle at several more bugs until each one was dead.

"Touch the keystone Shepard" Grunt told her as she caught her breath; she looked at her rifle and saw she was nearly out of bullets.

"Hold on Grunt, let me see if I can get some ammo" the searched the bodies of dead Krogan and found some rifle clips, as she pocketed them she made her way back and touched the Keystone, this time the hammer took longer to hit the ground as a voice told of the Genophage that affected each Krogan, Shepard noticed that everything about the rite was about learning how to adapt, to surroundings and to different enemies whether it be biological or physical. The hammer slammed into the earth as the ground shook; Shepard's heart skipped several beats as she felt the earth move beneath her.

"Feel that it's like the earth is moving" Grunt spoke, nothing but the wind blew, and Shepard heard her own breathing as it became ragged and unfocused. Then she saw it the crumbling of the earth as something burrowed and dug, she heard Grunt laugh and Garrus taking cover but she watched the earth shift and move. Her heart clenched while screams became vivid in her mind, blood began to appear on the floor and pillars.

Then a shriek sounded from everywhere, Shepard looked at the earth that had stopped moving until it rose up out of the ground. Its fangs dripping with venom while it's slit eyes scanned the area. Shepard felt her whole body burnt and cry out as she looked at the Thrasher Maw, her heart beating faster while her breathing became ragged and rattled.

Garrus started to shoot at the weak points of the Thrasher Maws skin while Grunt aimed at its head. It's rose up and shrieked with anger, Shepard froze as she heard the screaming of her friends as they melted or got torn apart. Garrus noticed Shepard just standing there, he was about to ask what was she waiting for until he saw the look in her eyes, this wasn't nerves or waiting for an opening, Shepard was scared so scared in fact she could move.

"SHEPARD, SNAP OUT OF IT!" Garrus yelled at her but nothing, she stared at the Thrasher Maw. Garrus grit his teeth and ran over to her; he picked her up, she was shaking and saying something but her eyes were frenzied as if she was trying to escape, Garrus grew worried it was something to do with the Thrasher Maw. When he got her to cover he gave Grunt some help, shooting at the weak points in its skin. Grunt backed up as venom flew through the air, melting the stone and metal surrounding them; luckily they managed to get out of range.

"What's wrong with Shepard?" Grunt shouted over another shriek. Shepard covered her ears and eyes as Garrus grew even more worried, he knew that she had seen a lot on Mindior with the slavers killing her parents, but this was to do with the Thrasher Maw itself.

"Joker!" Garrus yelled down the radio.

"Joker here" he replied quickly "didn't expect to hear you Garrus"

"No time Joker. What's the deal with Shepard and Thrasher Maws?" Garrus shouted down the radio as Grunt fired more rounds.

"Thrasher…Aw shit…Garrus, Shepard was on Akuze, the place where seven Thrasher Maws killed all of her team, she was the only survivor…she's been petrified ever since" Joker explained, Garrus knew the moment he said Akuze what he meant. He felt so stupid while Shepard shook her head to block out the noise.

"Grunt aim for the head" Garrus told him as Grunt nodded and charged off and began shooting at the giant worm. Garrus took hold of Shepard's hands that were shaking and clutched in a tight grip, her eyes shut tighten as she tried desperately to hide.

"Shepard, you have to snap out of this" Garrus told her but she shook her head violently.

"Make it go away, make it stop, stop the screaming" Shepard begged him as she tried to curl tighter but Garrus flung her arms round him and held her close to his chest, his nose buried into her hair as she felt her hand grip the edge of his armour. He didn't know what to say…what could he say? He hadn't lived what she had gone through. All he did was hold her as she shook, she didn't cry out she just prayed to make it stop.

"Spirits please make it stop" Shepard spoke but Garrus picked up something, he understood her without his translator he listened to her again until her heard her fully; she was speaking Turian praying to his gods while speaking his language. Garrus held her tighter but then something came to him; he knew what would snap her out of it.

"Shepard if you don't snap out of this, the thing that happened on Omega will happen here" Garrus spoke as Shepard suddenly opened her eyes.

"Do you want that, do you want all of me to go?" Garrus looked at her as her eyes flickered with each memory; she shook her head as she held on to him tighter.

"Then you have to fight, you have to kill this thing" Garrus told her, it felt wrong to order his Commander about but he wasn't thinking of her like his commander, no she was his friend…his treasured friend, his mate and he wasn't going to let anything hold her back. Shepard looked at him and as he saw her smile return to her lips he knew he had won her back. Shepard picked up her assault rifle as Garrus helped her up; they both jumped over the wall together and targeted the Thrasher Maw. Grunt yelled in triumph that his commander was back in action, while bullets from all three fired at the Thrasher Maws head. It screamed and fell to the ground with an all might thud, it was dead as Grunt cheered. Garrus took Shepard into a hug as she wrapped her arms round him.

"Thank you Garrus" Shepard whispered to Garrus as he nodded while his talons ran through her hair. He was glad she was alright.

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Grunt completed the right without any trouble, and became popular within the clan. Shepard was pleased for Grunt, even though she was a mess in the last moments of the rite; Grunt was the one that killed the Thrasher Maw and he was proud to be one of the few that had done so. Garrus and Shepard also helped Mordin track down his former pupil, that turned out didn't need any help just a good lesson to be kicked into his head. Shepard made Mordin see that killing his former pupil wasn't right way to go but if he wanted to help the Krogan then curing was the best way, she allowed him to save the data for himself so that he could study it in his own time. Shepard felt like she saw another side to Mordin, he really did appreciate life and even though he believed with all his heart that what he did to the Krogan was the correct thing to do for the galaxy, his soul had trouble accepting it. One part that really opened Mordin's eyes was when Shepard related to the dead female Krogan they came across. Shepard told him that one of the best things about being a woman is having the chance to bring new life into the world, no matter what species woman loved to carry the baby inside them and then later care for them. She told him that all the female Krogan wanted was to have that chance and because of the Genophage that chance was taken away from her. All the time though Shepard thought of herself, she maybe been young in age but she had been in the military almost all her life and had never found time to settle down and raise a family. She wondered what having a family with Garrus would be like…what their children…she stopped before she thought anymore, keeping those thoughts locked away until she knew what to do with them.

They left Tuchanka behind them and plotted a course for the Citadel. Shepard stood outside the door of the gunnery building up the courage to talk to him. She took a deep breath opened the door, Garrus stood over the console running calibrations of all kinds. Shepard locked the door and waited for him to notice her. The hum of the weapon system was relaxing as the silence was different here than her bedroom. She sat on one of the crates and watched his fingers and eyes as he worked.

"Shepard, sorry I didn't see you there" Garrus spotted her as she smiled. Shepard stood up and walked over to him.

"I just wanted to thank you Garrus" She said as she looked down at the console, Garrus lifted his hand, using his talon he lifted her chin to make her look at him.

"You already did Shepard" Garrus said but Shepard shook her head, she took his hand and took a breath.

"In human culture, we can say thank you in many ways…one form is with words…another is by getting something for the person and the other way is by doing something for the person" Shepard felt stupid having to explain human culture of how to say thank you but she gripped his hand as she looked at him. Garrus watched her as she stepped nearer to him until she was so close she could felt his breath on her forehead. She lifted her hand to caress his scared mandible, his scars weren't as smooth as the rest of his skin but she didn't mind. She stood on her tip toes and placed her lips on his left cheek as she closed her eyes. Garrus froze as he felt her lips on his cheek; her feather light touch was torture. Shepard stepped back as she looked at him while her face turned a new shade of red, the feel of his skin lingering on her lips. Shepard looked to the ground to hide her face while Garrus was still in a daze.

"Thank you Garrus…for everything" Shepard spoke as she ran out the room. Garrus still stood dazed; Shepard's lips were on his cheek, he still tried to figure out what happened. But he knew one thing…he got Shepard's first kiss.

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