A/N: So I'm just going to say that in this chapter boys are being boys, and thus talking about things of sexual nature. You have been warned. :P

Attempting the Talk

Conall sighed. He could have at least waited until I was a pair of pants to do something crazy.

When he was about to turn around, he saw the little orb start to glow brighter and Edward appeared out of nowhere, slamming into Conall and forcing them both to the ground.

Von Koenig smirked. "Good morning," he said in an excited voice before climbing off of the other boy in an ungraceful fashion. He held out a hand and his stubble-covered face contorted to give Conall a sweet smile, which the blonde boy suspected was rare. Conall gladly took the hand. As usual, he felt a small shiver go down his spine, but he was getting used to it.

"I take it I woke you up this morning," Edward said, to which Conall nodded. "Well, I apologize. I also suggest you put on some pants. Those boxer briefs don't leave much to the imagination, especially when yours is that big."

That was the first time a boy caused Conall to blush.

zZz

Albus woke up with a massive morning wood. He looked around the bed to see that James, who had been sleeping next him, was getting up off the end of the bed. The two young men both went into the attached bathroom and started lathering up to shave.

"So I see that I'm not the only one who woke up hard," James muttered right before pulling the razor down.

"Look," Albus said, "I know my cock is amazing, and I know we're close, but I would appreciate it if you don't perv on me this early in the morning."

They finished shaving in silence, and went back into the bedroom and put on some clothing.

As they walked out, Albus decided to continue the conversation. "So what's up with you looking at my nether regions?"

"Well, it not just yours," James said. "It was just that it was up against my hip when I woke up this morning. And don't tell me you haven't looked my nether regions, as you put it."

"Well, yeah," Albus replied. "But I don't comment on it."

They heard a shrill "EEW!" from behind the door they were passing (the girls' room, Albus realized) and several other girls laughing.

"I told you not to listen Lily," they heard Rose said.

"They're boys, what do you expect them to talk about?" Molly II said.

Both boys chuckled as they continued down the stairs.

They quickly went to the kitchen, where Grandmother Molly was cooking up a delicious meal.

The smell made both boys' stomachs rumble loudly.

Grandma Molly smiled at the both of them. "Come in, boys, and dig in!"

Both gladly did so, shoveling in bacon and ham and toast and all sorts of other breakfast stuffs. After a few minutes, Harry, Louis, and Louis's father Bill came in. Louis sat nest to James and Albus while their fathers sat on the other side of the table. The young Weasley did the same as Albus and James had earlier.

Harry gave Mrs. Weasley a knowing smile, which she returned as she left the room.

"Boys," Bill started once his mother was out of the room, "Harry and I both think we need to have a talk. About sex between gay men."

Louis and James looked at them in shock. Albus, of course, didn't change his facial expression.

"I think that we," Albus said, gesturing to his cousin and brother, "being gay males for longer than just last night, already know at least as much as the two of you. And wouldn't Teddy be more appropriate for this?"

"Plus," Louis added, running his fingers through his long red hair, "I seriously doubt that you want to talk with us about us finding taking it up the ass attractive…"

"Or chest hair and morning stubble being a turn on," James added.

"Or why performing the 69 with two men is theoretically better than with a man and a woman," Albus contributed.

Everybody looked at Albus.

"I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that," Louis stated.

"And you two say I'm the perv," James said.

Albus shrugged. "I have my moments."

"You should hear my mother talk," Louis informed, his face twisting is disgust.

Bill and Harry gave each other a slightly disgusted look.

"I'm going to go get Teddy," Harry said, quickly getting out of his chair.

"Good idea," Bill agreed, quickly following his brother-in-law.

The three boys smiled (well, Albus's was more of a smirk) at each other as the two fathers left to go find Teddy, glad to avoid that conversation. They had all received the Talk when their fathers thought they were heterosexual, and they knew it would have been worse this time around.

zZz

Upstairs in the girls' room, Molly, Lily and Rose were sitting in a circle, facing each other. Dominique was sitting in the room's chair, Roxanne was still sleep, and Victoire was in the bathroom performing her morning ritual.

"I can't believe that even though all three of them are gay, not one of my brothers is the stereotypical gay guy," Lily was complaining.

"Louis is the same way," Dominique stated. "The boy is such a pervert."

Lily groaned. "You should hear James. Did you hear him talking to Albus after dinner last night? Most of the time, Al at least has the decency to keep his mouth shut when he knows people can hear him."

"I really do wish that when one of them gets a boyfriend, said boyfriend will be able to go on a shopping spree with all of us and not complain," Rose contributed.

All of the other girls laughed at this as Victoire came out of the bathroom. "So what are we talking about this early in the morning?"

"About how all the boys in our family love thinking about where they stick their cock," Lily said unabashedly. "Oh, don't look at me like that! I have three older brothers! That seems to be the only thing I hear them talking about these days."

zZz

When Teddy came into the kitchen with a large grin, the boys knew they had nothing to worry about.

"I hear you ran off Dad and Uncle Bill," he said and the boy smiled. "Come on. Let's go talk outside so Grandma can have her kitchen back."

The three boys groaned as they got up to follow Teddy out.

"Come on! Your fathers would murder me if I didn't at least talk a little after you scared them off."

So the four of them started slowly walking through the countryside that surrounded the Burrow, but always staying within sight of the home.

"So I'm not going to talk with you about the mechanics of it," Teddy started. "That's something you and your future partner should find out on your own when the time comes. There's obviously no need to worry about pregnancy. If it turns out he gets pregnant, then there's obviously something wrong with your relationship."

All of them chuckled.

"The important thing to remember is the risk for STDs," Teddy said. The older boy then went on to explain how to perform all the spells needed for safe sex.

"The last thing I can share with you about sex is to always be discreet about it," Teddy concluded. "Mum caught Akimitsu and I doing it over our kitchen table once. I don't think she's recovered yet. So make sure all floo access is cut off and all doors are locked."

"So that's why we don't go to your place for surprise visits anymore!" Albus exclaimed.

"I wish I could have seen it!" James complained. "Akimitsu looks hung."

Louis nodded in agreement.

Teddy just smiled and looked at the three of them. "You don't know how proud I am of you. I know it takes a lot of courage to do what you did last night. Coming out to your family is the hard part."

"There's still a few people that it will be tough to tell, though," Albus muttered.

"Thinking of Scorpius?" Teddy asked.

Albus blushed and nodded.

"You know, just because you have a crush on him doesn't mean you can't tell him you're gay," Teddy said.

Albus groaned. "Does everyone know that I like Scorp?"

"Nope," Louis said. "I think just the three of us."

Albus's face turned even redder.

"What about you, James, Louis?" Teddy asked. "Any crushes."

Louis was the first to answer. "Yup. And I'll even give you all a hint: this guy has the best bum in the school!"

Albus looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Conall?" Louis nodded and blushed slightly.

James grinned at this. "If he were actually gay, he would definitely be able to satisfy your desire of taking it. He has a monster of a cock."

"It's rather unfortunate, isn't it?" Albus asked. "Liking a straight guy, that is."

Teddy kept to himself that he didn't quite think that young Scorpius was as straight as everyone thought he was.

zZz

Edward and Conall ate their breakfast in silence, at least until Conall's curiosity got the better of him.

"So is your hair naturally that scarlet color?" he asked. "Because your stubble's orange."

Edward barely glanced up from his food. "I'm naturally ginger, like James. There was an accident with one of the younger Alchemist a few weeks ago that turned it this color. It should be back to normal in a few days or so."

They fell into silence again, with the only sound being the scraping of silverware.

"Okay, this may be a bit personal," Edward said all of a sudden, "but are you seeing anybody? Surely a good looking guy such as yourself has a girlfriend. Of course, you're like me in that our man-parts are to big to be taken comfortably by most girls our age."

Conall looked at him in shock. Did he really just say that? How can he talk about stuff like that with someone he just met?

"It's because I was stationed with fifteen other teenage guys," Edward said. Conall cringed when he realized he had said that aloud.

"We had to get used to each other really quickly, since we didn't have any privacy at all," he continued. "I've found that it's nearly universal for teenage guys to be perverts and perpetually horny, so it's a decent conversation starter when trying to get to know one another. You know you have something in common.

"You never did answer my question," he continued. "Are you seeing anybody?"

Conall shook his head. "I'm unfortunately single."

"Well, that's not that unfortunate," Edward said, and he left it at that.

zZz

Scorpius preferred to have private conversations with his mother over his father. Astoria Malfoy, while elegant, refined, and proper in public, was much more relaxed and humorous in private. Scorpius can't remember ever seeing his father relaxed. The boy loved just lounging in the Manor's drawing room alone with his mother from time to time. Especially when he was going through hard times. Mr. Malfoy, while not as cruel as his father had been, was still a distant person. That was why Scorpius always liked talking to his mum instead of his father.

"Mother," Scorpius started, "I don't think Ms. Bonheur is right for me."

Astoria sighed. "I was getting that feeling." She paused for a few seconds. "Well, I'll talk to your father when he come home from work this evening."

Scorpius just nodded.

I serious doubt that I'll ever get a girl like Albus, he thought. Maybe I should just date a boy. They don't have a 'time of the month' or anything like that.

"Marrying a boy would be a lot easier," Scorpius mused aloud. "There's a lot less drama with boys."

Astoria laughed. "That is most certainly true. Now, hypothetically speaking, if you were to marry a boy, they would still have to be from a reputable family. Do you have any thoughts?"

"Well," Scorpius said with a large grin, "how about Albus?"

Astoria mocked a serious thinking face. "Yes, the Potters are certainly a reputable family these days. Very well then, I will owl the Potters immediately. They must know that young Albus will soon be joining the Malfoy family!"

They both grinned at each other.

"Thanks, Mum," Scorpius said, bending down and giving his mother a kiss on the cheek (he was taller than her at the age of 14). He then exited the room, stage right.

My, how he's grown, Astoria thought. And there was certainly some hidden message in that conversation, that was obvious.

Mrs. Malfoy smiled. She knew that Scorpius would tell her when he was ready.

zZz

James and Albus were very disappointed in the fact that Grimmauld Place was still in one piece when they arrived home that evening. The two boys quickly put their bags in their respective rooms, before going into the drawing room to join Edward and Conall. They were going to have a serious conversation with the alchemist about how exactly you conduct experiments, and the proper way to destroy a house.

Well, James thought, I might as well tell them now.

Ahh, James. Despite what you may think, you are still the King Perv in my mind.