CHAPTER 5

Bella POV:

"Good morning, love."

I opened my eyes to see Edward sitting on the bed beside me, gazing at me with a gentle smile, his eyes a beautiful shade of topaz. "Hey, you're back," I said sleepily as I sat up and swiped my hair away from my face.

He took me into his arms and I rested my head on his marbled chest. "I missed you," he whispered into my hair.

A pang of guilt hit me. Stay cool, Bella. "I missed you, too. How was your trip?"

"Good. Emmett and Jasper send their love." Then he chuckled as he added, "I hope you are ready for the day Alice has planned for you. You'll need all the patience you can muster."

"I don't want to know," I groaned as I buried my head further into his side.

"Well, she told me to tell you to be ready by ten. She's picking you up."

He gently pushed me away from him and I sighed as I glanced at the clock. It was already close to nine. "Wow, I slept late."

He reached out to tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear. "You were restless, too. Tossing and turning. Are you worried about the wedding?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.

If only he knew why I was tossing and turning . . . I had dreams about Jacob all night. I dreamed of us having sex on the beach, in his bed, and for some reason, in an elevator at this department store in Phoenix I used to go to with my mom. Just at the thought of Jacob, my heart felt so heavy.

"I don't know. I guess. Did I say anything?" I asked anxiously, hoping for one night that I didn't talk in my sleep. I hated lying to him, but I could never tell him the truth. Never.

"No, you didn't, but don't worry about the wedding. Alice has everything in hand, and I'm sure it will be perfect," he assured me with a soft smile.

I was sure it would be, too. A Cullen event would never be less than perfect . . . Alice would never allow it. "I better get in the shower. I want to be ready when Alice gets here."

He nodded. "I'll go. I just wanted to see you first thing." He bent toward me to whisper, "I love you Isabella Swan, soon to be Cullen." Then he took my face into his hands and kissed me tenderly on the lips, lingering for a moment before pulling away.

His cold lips suddenly felt unfamiliar to me and I again felt guilt twist the knife in my heart. "I love you, too," I managed to whisper back.

Then with a final smile, he disappeared in a blur and I was left alone again. I dropped my head into my hands for a moment and wondered for the hundredth time how I could have allowed myself to betray him like I did. I had sex with Jacob without one thought of Edward at all! Now I would have to live with that for all of eternity.

Eternity . . . suddenly that sent a shiver through me. Stop it, Bella. You know what you want. Stop driving yourself crazy.

I threw off the covers in disgust and made my way to the shower. I needed to hurry if I was going to be ready in time. He was right about spending the day with Alice. I needed patience . . . and coffee. Lots of coffee.

I showered, dressed, brushed my teeth and made my way downstairs for my first cup of sustenance. I just had it finished when I heard Alice screech to a halt in front of the house in her Porsche. I put my cup in the sink and suddenly, there she was, in a pair of designer jeans and a light green cashmere sweater that probably cost more than all the clothes in my closet combined. As usual I felt a little dowdy next to her, dressed in a pair of jeans I'd had since the 9th grade and an old t-shirt from a vacation to Boston I took with my mom that said, "Larry's Lobster Shack."

"Bella! You will love what I have planned for you today," she gushed with a twinkle in her eye. Those words always scared me when they came from Alice.

"I'll try," I said with all the gusto I could muster.

Her tinkling laugher echoed throughout the kitchen. "Well, that's all I ask. Come on!" She grabbed my arm and led me out to the car. Once I was securely buckled in, she took off with way too much speed toward Port Angeles. As she drove, she chattered on about all of the wedding plans, decorations, table centerpieces, the cake, the food . . . I kind of tuned out after awhile. I hated that I didn't really care about any of the details. I should, but I just didn't.

Finally she pulled up to a small building that looked like the kind of cottage that Hansel and Gretel would have visited. I found myself hoping there was no witch inside. "Where are we?" I asked as I climbed out of the car.

"Now, keep an open mind," she said cautiously. More words that terrified me coming from Alice. I followed her to the door and when we walked inside, I saw a huge menu chalkboard with "Spa Treatments" written at the top and several things listed underneath.

"A spa? You brought me to a spa?" I asked in disbelief.

She nodded with her sparkling smile. "I have already scheduled you for a facial and a warm stone massage. Now come on, Bella, don't give me that look." I was trying hard to hide my disdain for anything girly, but she always saw right through me. "At least I'm not insisting you get your nails done. Although . . . "

"No, the facial and the massage are fine," I said quickly hiding my hands behind my back before she ordered anything else from the cute, perky blonde girl with the big boobs behind the counter.

Alice talked to the girl at the counter while I looked around and decided it wouldn't be so bad. I was wound up so tight from all that had happened the last couple of days, I could use some relaxation.

"Alright. Everything is set. I have errands to run for the wedding, so I will be back to pick you up in a couple of hours."

I gave Alice a genuine smile. She really did love me and she always did her best to see that I was happy. I hoped that someday, I could return the favor. "Thanks, Alice. I do really need this."

"I know," she said with a wink. "Enjoy!" And with that, she whisked out the door and I was left with Miss Perky.

"OK! Are you ready for some girl time?" Miss Perky chirped at me, revealing a very nice set of white teeth that I am sure cost her parents quite a bit in orthodontics.

"Sure, why not." I followed her down a short hallway where she ushered me into a small room then gave me a big, soft, fluffy robe to change into and some pink fuzzy slippers that she told me were a gift for me from Alice. I had to laugh when I looked down at them to see HERE COMES THE BRIDE written across each toe of the slippers. Definitely Alice.

Once I was decked out in my white robe and ridiculous slippers, I followed Miss Perky, who told me her name was Bambi, big shock, to another room that was lit with candles and smelled like sandalwood. She invited me sit in the chair and let me know that Candace would be in to give me my facial.

A very pretty older woman who introduced herself as Candace came in directly and chatted as she proceeded to wipe all kinds of lotions and goo all over my face. She explained to me what each one was for, but since I really didn't care, I couldn't repeat a word of what she told me. It did feel good though, especially when she left this green, gooey stuff on my face and added a huge slice of cucumber over each eye.

"OK, I'm going to recline the chair a bit and let you just relax while this mask sets. I'll be back to rinse it off in a little while." She closed the door quietly behind her and I was left alone, listening to a nature CD of some sort with water flowing and wind chimes tinkling.

I must have dozed off because the next thing I know, Candace is plucking the cucumbers off of my eyes and rinsing the goo from my face. "Now, run your hand along your cheek. Isn't that wonderful?"

I touched my cheek and thought, Feels like my cheek. I guess I really needed to get more in touch with my girly , I smiled and nodded as I murmured, "Wow, it's so soft."

"I know!" she gushed. "Your skin is glowing. You are going to be a beautiful bride."

A beautiful bride. I still couldn't believe I let Edward talk me into getting married, I thought as I followed Candace to my next treatment.

"Alright, Bella, once I leave, take off your robe, lay face down on this table and cover yourself with the sheet. Tracy will be in to give you your warm stone massage. Enjoy it . . . it feels great!" She closed the door behind her and I looked around. Again, candles lit the room and there was a different smell, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Jasmine, maybe?

I sighed and removed my robe and slippers, trying hard not to imagine there was a hole drilled in the wall somewhere with a video camera taping me to put on the internet. I laid on the table and pulled the sheet over me just as there was a knock on the door. "Come in," I called out.

A tall brunette walked through the door introducing herself as Tracy. She explained what she would be doing and told me to just close my eyes, clear my mind, and relax. A tall order, but I assured her I would try.

She gave me a massage and I have to admit, as her hands worked on my tensed muscles, it felt wonderful. Then she took some large, flat stones that she had heated and placed them on certain points of my shoulders and back. I practically melted as the heat soaked into my body. She then informed me she would step out and give me some time to relax alone and she closed the door softly behind her.

As I lay there with my eyes closed, surrounded by the heat from the stones, Jacob came to mind. I always melted into the heat from his body and it felt so good. Then flashes of the other night crept in and I selfishly relived it again. His lips on mine, not soft and gentle, but rough and needy. His tongue caressing mine as his hands caressed my breasts, pinching and rolling my nipple before taking it into his mouth. How hard he was and how it felt when he pushed into me and then moving in and out, in and out . . .

My eyes flew open as I realized what I was doing. Oh my God, I have to stop this. If I'm going to fantasize, I need to think of Edward. I would be his wife tomorrow, and I hoped that on our honeymoon, he would finally agree to us making love. Once I had that with Edward, I could stop thinking of Jake. I knew I could. I hoped I could. Why did it have to hurt so much to think of Jacob?

My relaxation was shot now, and I was anxious to get out of here. Finally, Tracy returned to remove the stones, and I was led to a place to shower then dress. Once I dressed and had my pink fuzzy slippers in hand, I found my way back to the front and there was Alice, waiting for me with her dazzling smile.

"So? How was it?" she asked excitedly.

I rewarded her with a smile of my own. "It was really relaxing. Thanks, Alice. I needed that."

"Great! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Ready to go?"

I nodded and said my good byes to Bambi, and followed Alice to the car. I wished that Alice could eat, because it was now after one and I was starving. Of course, Alice realized that and pulled the car over at a little restaurant along the waterfront. "I can hear your stomach growling, Bella. Why don't you get some lunch while I check on the cake?"

I nodded and got out of the car to walk into the sandwich shop as Alice walked on down the street to the bakery with a wave. It wasn't very crowded at this time, and as I looked around, I was shocked to see Embry, sitting at a little table with . . . Leah Clearwater? I told myself to leave it alone, but soon my feet betrayed me and walked me right over to their table.

I touched his shoulder briefly as I said, "Hey, Embry."

He turned quickly and jumped up almost knocking the chair over. "Bella! Wow! Come here," he said as he scooped me up into a hug. "You look great, and you smell really good."

I smiled at that. "I just came from the spa. Alice made the appointment for me. Not really my thing, but I have to admit, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."

I looked across the table to see Leah scowling at me. She had never been my biggest fan, so it really didn't surprise me. "Hi, Leah." All I got from her was a curt nod.

"So, you all ready for the big day?" Embry asked.

"I guess. Alice is taking care of everything. I'm here to grab a sandwich while she checks on the cake."

He nodded and looked at me like he knew something. I wondered then if Jake told him what happened between us. Of course he did, I realized. Embry was his best friend, he told him everything. Suddenly, I felt a little exposed.

"Well, um, I'm going to go and get my sandwich. Have a good day," I told them.

"Sure. See ya, Bella," Embry returned as I walked away. I missed Embry and Quil. They were always so much fun back in the days when I was hanging out in the garage with Jake, working on the bikes. That seemed like a lifetime ago now.

I stepped up to the counter and ordered a turkey sandwich and a drink then sat down at a table by the window to wait for them to bring it to me. As I stared out at the boats on the water, I remembered how easy going Jacob had been back then . . . before he changed into a giant wolf. We were just Jake and Bells . . . hanging out, doing homework, watching movies on TV, eating pizza. Life was simple, and good. Really good.

My sandwich arrived and as I dug into it hungrily, I glanced over at Leah and Embry's table then smiled behind my napkin. I wonder if Jake knows they're here. Maybe I should call . . . no, stupid, you can't call him. You told him good-bye, remember? That pang in my heart reminded me I had to let him go.

I sighed and took another bite of my sandwich as Embry and Leah got up to leave. Before they walked out the door, Embry turned to me and smiled. "Bye, Bella. Good luck."

I smiled back and took a sip of my drink. Good luck? What did he mean by that?

Alice returned and instead of driving me home, she took me to her house as she insisted on a final dress fitting. We walked in to find an army of people all over the place, hanging decorations, bringing in flowers, setting up chairs. Esme was talking to who I assumed to be the caterer on the phone, as she was trying hard to explain what type of crab cakes she wanted served. She smiled and waved as I walked by.

I followed Alice up the stairs to a room that had been set up with a huge three way mirror. "Alright, slip out of those clothes, and I will get your dress."

I took off my jeans and shirt, and stood there waiting, feeling very exposed in just my bra and panties. I was glad now that I had covered Jacob's bite on my shoulder with a bandage this morning. As klutzy as I was, I figured it wouldn't make anyone too suspicious.

She came back and hung this huge white bag on the back of the door then unzipped it to take out the designer gown that had been made just for me. "Isn't it gorgeous?"

As she helped me step into it, she asked, "Bella? What did you do now?" motioning to the bandage on my shoulder.

I gave her a small smile and began the lie I had concocted. "I, um, was playing around last night with my hair, you know, trying to come up with something for the wedding? I got my hair tangled in the stupid curling iron and as I was trying to get it out, it landed on my shoulder and put a nice size burn there. I put some burn cream on it that I had left from the time I burned my hand taking cookies out of the oven, and covered it. It's not that bad, so I'm sure it will heal quickly."

Alice smiled and shook her head. "What are we going to do with you?"

I shrugged with an innocent-looking smile, glad that she had bought my lie as she proceeded to button all the little pearl buttons up the back of the dress. When she finished, I looked into the mirror at this person staring back at me and I wondered for a moment who she was. It couldn't be me. I wasn't the kind of girl who would wear a flowing white, designer gown, with puffy long sleeves and a neckline all the way to my chin. It was very old-fashioned looking, not sleek and stylish like I had hoped for.

Trying to hide my disappointment, I smiled at Alice and said, "Wow, the beadwork is beautiful." I didn't lie . . . it was pretty.

"I know! I planned the whole wedding around your engagement ring and I think she did a wonderful job with the beading. It's just perfect. We took the design from a picture of Edward's mother in her wedding gown." Let's see, that would have been around the turn of the last century. That explained a lot.

I nodded and asked about the veil. She pulled it off of the hanger and explained that my hair would be put up, and the veil would be hooked underneath it. That I actually kind of liked.

She had me try on the matching shoes to make sure they fit and that the hem was just right. Of course, it was perfect.

Alice clapped her hands and smiled. "Oh everything will be just wonderful! I'm so excited!"

It was fun seeing her face light up like that. I just wish I felt the same. I gave her a small smile and asked her to unbutton me. After I stepped out of the dress, Alice took it from me to hang it back on the hanger. As I dressed, I tried to push away the anxiety that was suddenly gripping me. I had a feeling it had nothing to do with the wedding and everything to do with the marriage. Why was I feeling this way? I had made up my mind months ago that I wanted a life with Edward more than anything. I was ready to give up my own life to be with him. I was fine until Jacob climbed into my bedroom . . . I quickly shoved that thought from my head and chalked it up to "wedding jitters" then sat down on a chair to slip my shoes on.

After I was dressed again and everything was secured for tomorrow, we made our way back down the stairs. Edward was there waiting for me and I immediately went to him and let him fold me into his arms. "So, you survived the spa?"

"Yes, and I even managed to enjoy it."

"I'm so proud of you," he said with his dazzling smile. "Jasper picked up your Mom and Phil at the airport a little while ago and took them to the hotel. I figured you would want to spend time with them tonight?"

"Yes, I would. You'll come, too, won't you?"

"After dinner, if that's alright with you." I smiled and nodded my understanding of him not wanting to pretend to eat in front of my parents. "Come on. I'll drive you home," Edward offered.

I followed him out to the Volvo and as he drove me home I told him about my experience at the spa. "I have no idea what she slathered on my face, but it smelled really good and my face is very soft."

"I detect some guava, I think, and maybe pomegranate," Edward said.

I just smiled at him as he looked at me and said, "What?"

"You're so funny. You could smell my cheek and probably list all the ingredients she used."

"I can't help it. Vampires senses, you know."

He stopped the car in front of my house and I turned to him and said, "I love you, Edward."

He smiled his beautiful smile. "I think I gathered that from the fact you're marrying me tomorrow."

I rolled my eyes. "Sure, ruin this beautiful moment with your jokes."

He pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, Bella." Then his lips met mine in a gentle kiss. As usual, it wasn't enough for me. My hand went to the back of his neck as I pushed my lips into his and licked at his bottom lip to make him open his mouth to me. He did, but briefly, and then came the gentle shove. "Bella," his whispered warning.

I hung my head and sighed. "I'm sorry. I just can't wait for the day that I can kiss you and not have you push me away."

Edward's hand came under my chin to nudge me to look at him. "Bella, you know that I am not rejecting you. We've been over this many times."

"I know, but . . . can I ask you something? And I want you to be completely honest."

"Of course," he answered, his eyes full of concern.

I had wanted to ask him this question for so long, but I had never been brave enough before. Now, I felt I really needed to know. "Have you ever . . . I mean, I know you were only 17 when you died, or became a vampire, and things were so different in your time that you probably never . . . but since then . . . "

He stopped me by putting his hands on my shoulders. "Bella? Are you trying to ask me if I'm a virgin?"

"Yes," I breathed in relief that he finally understood what I wanted to know. I saw a small smile before he dipped his head and dropped his hands, and now I felt really stupid for asking. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

He looked me in the eye and said softly, "Well, as a human, yes I was. I was very young, and you're right . . . things were very different back then. I only kissed two girls as a human boy," he smiled nostalgically. "I snuck a kiss at a barn dance when I was 15 with this pretty girl that went to our church. And then, right before I became ill, I went out with a girl in my class after school to get a soda, and she kissed me when I walked her home. Both very innocent kisses," he added somewhat wistfully.

"But you've been a vampire for a very long time . . . over 90 years. In all that time, have you . . . " He looked away and I could feel he didn't want to tell me. "Please, Edward. I won't be angry. I just really need to know."

Keeping his gaze straight ahead, he said, "Yes, Bella, I have had sex . . . but never with a human." He paused then finally looked at me again. "You know that some vampires use sex as a way to lure their victims close to them. Our senses are heightened . . . hearing, sight . . . all of our senses." I nodded so he knew I got his meaning. "Well, Jasper explained to me that since sex as a vampire is much more . . . exciting and thrilling, most vampires like to feel that just as they go in for the kill . . . that linked with the bloodlust they feel, well, it's supposed to be extremely satisfying. I want you to know that I never did that. I have never feasted on human blood."

"I know that. I trust you. Go on," I encouraged.

"Well, there was a time, nearer to the beginning of my new life, when I became rather close to another vampire . . . a female. I knew she wasn't my mate, as Carlisle and I talked about how that felt and I didn't feel that way about her. But, she was older and more experienced and never having had sex as a human . . . I guess I was curious, so we . . . entered into that type of a relationship."

I was amazed at how embarrassed he was talking about sex with me. "And?"

I could see him squirm and I felt bad for asking, but for some reason, I needed details. "And, it lasted awhile and then it was over," he shrugged before he added, "And I am ashamed to say that I have given in to that temptation and had sex with a few other female vampires, but it was meaningless. Just an outlet of sorts."

"But, sex with another vampire . . . is it . . . enjoyable?"

"Bella, please. I am very uncomfortable talking about this with you."

I grabbed his arm as he turned away from me. "I know you are, but I need to know. You are so scared of hurting me by having sex with me because I'm just a mere human. But someday, when you change me, I guess I want to know if it will be different between us."

I finally saw a smile cross his lips as he said, "Yes, Bella. Things will be very different. Sex between two vampires can be very exciting . . . almost violent in a way, but I think when there is love involved, as there will be between us, it will be most enjoyable."

I smiled and leaned over to kiss him fully on the lips. "Good. I am very glad to hear that. I know it was hard for you to talk about, but, I feel better."

"Really? You're not . . . jealous or upset?"

"Maybe a little," I shrugged, "But I feel better now about us and the future."

"Alright then. You better go or you'll be late for dinner. I'll be by around eight?"

"See you then," I said with one final kiss.

He nodded quietly then I climbed out of the car and headed towards the house. Once I was inside, I leaned back against the door and listened as he drove away. Hearing him tell me that he had sex with other vampires didn't hurt me nearly as much as I thought it would. In a way, it made me happy to know that he had experienced it and could assure me that it would be OK for us once I was changed. I am glad he didn't mention any names, although I had the feeling that the first might have been Tanya, from the Denali clan. I knew she had made a play for him many years ago, but I never heard any details. I hope there wouldn't be any awkward moments at the wedding between her and me.

I would be so glad when tomorrow was over and it would be just Edward and me. I really didn't want to wait until I was changed to have sex with my husband. I wanted more than anything to have the full honeymoon experience, and I was determined to make him see that letting go and showing me how much he loved me wouldn't kill me. At least, I hoped it wouldn't.

Yet, way in the back of my mind, in my most private place, I was very happy to have had the experience that Edward never had a chance to have as a human . . . I had experienced sex with another human, someone I loved and it had been wonderful. Everything I could have wanted. I would savor that night with my best friend, Jacob, as one of the best of my human life for all of eternity.