Previously on Feel my pain...
Charlie rubbed his face, "Edward's bail was paid, so he is awaiting the investigation and the trial as a free man." Oh hell no, this can't be! Not after what he had done to Bella! I slammed my fist against the wall and punched a hole in it. "That'swhy you can't go for a stroll alone, Bells," Charlie explained. "But I think some fresh air would do Bella good, Charlie," Billy intervened. "Would your mind be at ease if Jake would go with her?" Smooth dad, real smooth... Charlie nodded, "I suppose I can trust her in Jake's more than capable hands." Oh great, they're both in on it. Billy smiled, "That's settled then! Be sure to bring your bathing suits! The water of La Push beach is delightful this time of year!" Oh yea, they were up to something alright...
Chapter 6
(Bella's POV)
After the dishes were done, and my dad and Billy agreeing on letting me go out on a stroll under Jake's supervision I went upstairs to put on my bikini under my clothes. Maybe, if Jake would promise not to peek, I could go for a quick dip in the water. I really missed La Push beach, the refreshing water, the screaming seagulls, the sound of the waves crashing onto the beach. I grabbed a towel, stepped into my flip flops and took a final look at myself in the mirror. Pretty much my whole body was concealed, except for the marks on my neck, but Jake had already seen them, so it wouldn't bother me if he saw those.
We took off to Jake's house so he could get his swimming trunks before we headed to La Push beach. We didn't talk as much as we used to. Then, all of a sudden, Jake reached down and picked a flower. I looked at him when he turned to face me. He gently tucked the flower behind my ear and smiled at me carefully. He used to do that every time we were out walking, or playing and he found a flower that reminded him of me. I am so not worthy of this gesture, I thought as I looked down shyly. He smiled at me and we carried on walking towards La Push beach. We used to run, laugh and talk all the way there, but now it seemed that we ran out of things to talk and laugh about. We both grew up, went through things and maybe we even outgrew each other. I didn't want to think about that, but I feared it was so. Can something, that was once true love, unconditional friendship, fade away with time? I couldn't shake the sorrow I felt in my heart, thinking of that possibility.
(Jacob's POV)
By the time we had reached La Push beach we still hadn't spoken a word. We just looked at each other occasionally, our eyes meeting for a second and then we'd both look away. We were both uncomfortable with this silence. What was she thinking? What was she feeling? I wished with all my heart I could hear her thoughts, see what's in her heart.
I watched Bella walk towards the water's edge, looking at the sea longingly. I knew how much she loved to swim. We both loved to swim, together. "Go on then, I know how much you want to swim," I carefully urged her. She turned around and looked at me, "Ok, but could you look away for a moment?" My heart broke for her for feeling about herself the way she did. But I respected her so I turned around and when I did I heard her clothes ruffling and dropping onto the sand. Then there was silence, followed by her soft voice, "You can look now." I noticed that her voice was returning to normal. Which was good, because I loved hearing the sound of her voice.
I turned around and looked at her. She was sitting in the water, with her knees pulled up to her body and her arms wrapped around her legs. "Can I join you?" I carefully asked. She nodded at me, "Sure you can." I took off my shirt and my shorts and stood there in my swimming trunks. I walked over to her and sat down in the water beside her. "Why are you so desperately trying to conceal yourself?" I asked her looking into her eyes. She looked down, "Well I don't exactly look, ehm... hot, you know?" "That's nonsense, you always look beautiful to me!" I exclaimed a bit too enthusiastic. She looked at me with a little smirk on her face. "I'm sorry... That was uncalled for," I said. "No no, it's sweet," she replied, "I just wish I could see what you see." "Believe me, I wish that too. You're so much more than what you give yourself credit for," I whispered.
(Bella's POV)
I can't believe he said that! But he was right. I didn't have what you would call a high self-esteem. We sat there in the water for a while, looking at the seagulls floating in the air and the sun in the sky. "So, what do you say we go for a swim," Jake suggested getting up and wading further into the water. I really wanted to swim, but that required me to get up.
I guess Jake saw the hesitation on my face because he extended one hand and covered his eyes with the other, "Alright, alright, come on..." I got up, waded through the water towards him and put my hand in his big, warm hand. As he closed his hand around mine, for a moment I felt the way I felt when he took my hand when we were kids. I loved his big warm hands. Even though we were like a year apart in age he has been taller than me for as long as I could remember.
I looked up and our eyes met. He was looking at me, but not at my body, or my face... His eyes were peering into mine, as if he was looking straight into my soul. I used to love it when he looked at me like that, but now I wasn't sure what to feel or think. He softly pulled me deeper into the water and when we reached a deep enough spot we started swimming. He dove under water and I followed him. As we explored this beautiful underwater world, he never let go of my hand. When we got back up for air he playfully splashed some water in my face. I giggled and splashed water in his face. He splashed some more water my way and I playfully shoved him. He pretended to be insulted, as he always did, grabbed me and lifted me up above the water. I shrieked, closed my eyes tightly and waited for the moment that he threw me in the water. But instead I heard a gasp and he lowered me back down gently. I looked at him. His face was as pale as a Quileute could get.
(Jacob's POV)
Oh-my-God... We were having a great time and I was about to toss her into the water... But when I held her up in mid air and looked up I saw them... Those bruises and marks on her body. They looked worse than I could have ever imagined and it shocked me. That...BASTARD! He hurt my Bella beyond anything I could ever just imagine.
I saw Bella looking at me, "Jake? Are you ok?" Dear Lord and all that's holy, she is the one carrying those wounds and she's asking me if I'm ok? I shook my head, trying to suppress the thoughts of what I'd do to that Edward guy if he ever crossed my path, "I'm fine, I just..." "You saw my body, didn't you?" Bella said. I nodded. "That was the way I looked at myself when he first..." she swallowed, blinked her eyes and looked away. "Just how long has he been doing this to you?" I asked her, carefully grabbing her hands, guiding her back onto the beach. "For far too long, that I am sure of," she sighed. "Every time he was abusive with me I told myself I was leaving him this time, but he always managed to make me feel sorry for him, or be scared of him so I wouldn't leave him..." she explained. I looked into her eyes, "I will never hurt you Bella. You are worth so much more!" She nodded, "I know you wouldn't hurt me Jake, I know..."
I love you Bella... I wish you could see that I still do, and oh how I wish for you to love me back... I would be a much better man to you than anyone could ever try to be... I would never hurt you, or make you cry, I would never hit you or force you to do something you don't want to do...
As if I would ever have the courage to tell her that... We dried ourselves, got dressed and walked back to Charlie's home just as silently as when we walked towards the beach this morning.