Chapter 6

Author's Note – This story is taking off and it's nowhere near finished yet! Ooooh it's exciting me now, I hope you like it!

Throughout the rest of the term Lily did her best to ignore Snape. It was surprisingly easy – after observing her classmates she learned to adopt the resentful look that most of them wore during Potions. Although she still worked hard and produced flawless potions and essays, Lily gradually managed to block all thoughts of the Potions master from her head.

Snape, on the other hand, looked more tired and harassed that ever. In a moment of weakness Lily couldn't help wondering whether pouring out his past to her had actually helped him. Now he had yet another death to cope with. On his own. The ache of guilt in her stomach did not subside, but steadily Lily learned to pay no attention to it. It did make her life much easier.

The blow in Lily's now peaceful existence came in the form of another letter, this time from her mother. It informed her that she would have to stay at Hogwarts over the Christmas holidays because he father was still away. Lily was outraged. After asking around, she discovered that she was the only first year whose family didn't want her home for Christmas. This did nothing to improve her mood.

After breakfast, unfortunately, she had Potions. Snape was the last person she wanted to see when she was in such a bad mood.

She almost stomped into the dungeons, slammed her books down on her desk and sat down. Snape raised his eyebrows with a slightly pained look but said nothing. After a quick inspection of her he addressed the class. "As this is the last lesson of term, I am going to test you to see how much you idiots have learned over the last twelve weeks."

There was a low groan from some of the more confident members of the class. Snape smiled thinly. "I really should takes points off for that open defiance, but you all need a holiday, I think." He looked directly at Lily when he said this. "So we'll continue. Miss Weasley, how many times a minute should you stir a Sleeping Potion?"

Hannah blinked; Lily was certain that she had no idea, but she was in no mood to give her the answer like she normally did.

"Um …" Hannah struggled for an answer, looking desperately at Lily. Lily shrugged with a non-committal frown, and turned away.

"Lost for words, Miss Weasley? How strange," Snape said nastily. "Perhaps Miss Potter knows the answer?"

His tone of voice did not change but Lily could tell that he had picked her out specially. That he was challenging her. Suddenly resentful of having to prove herself, Lily shrugged. "I don't know."

"Why do you not know, Miss Potter?"

Lily flipped. Why couldn't this man just leave her alone? Why did he always intrude on her? "Because it's a pointless question and I don't care!"

Snape looked slightly saddened by this blunt statement, but still he treated her like any other student. "That is enough," he said quietly. "See me at the end of the lesson to discuss your … punishment for those impertinent remarks."

Lily rolled her eyes scornfully. "Fine," she snapped, and settled back to her unhappy musings. Snape tactfully ignored her.

The Potions master did not look at her or talk to her for the rest of the lesson. When everyone else left, Lily still sat staring at her desk. Snape came quietly over to her.

"What on earth is the matter with you, Miss Potter?"

"Nothing," she said flatly.

"Nothing?" Snape's voice was slightly incredulous, but he was clearly amused.

"Oh, it's all very funny, isn't it, sir?" Lily shouted. "You don't have a family! You don't know what it's like to be loved – you wouldn't know how it feels when people suddenly stopped loving you!"

Snape froze in shock and hurt. His face hardened. "I don't have a family, Miss Potter, because Lord Voldemort killed them! He killed the five people who I loved the most. Do you honestly believe that you are less loved than I?"

Lily couldn't speak; she was aghast that she could have said anything so terrible. She shook her head slowly.

"I know your mother doesn't want you to come home for Christmas, Lily."

Lily looked at him sharply, not noticing that he had called her 'Lily' again. "You do?"

He nodded uneasily. "I – Dumbledore told me. Miss Potter, you have a three-year-old sister who sings all the time, and a nine-year-old brother who just happens to love zooming around the house on a broomstick. And then there's you. Have you considered it possible that your mother does not feel able to look after three children on her own?"

At once Lily felt like a complete idiot. Of course that was why she couldn't go home! Why had she not realised? How could she have said that to Snape, the one person whom it would hurt the most?

Tears began to flow from her eyes. She sank down onto the desk, sobbing with anguish and guilt. "Sir – I -"

He sat down, raising a pale hand. "Leave it, Miss Potter, you've said enough."

Still she continued to sob uncontrollably, her breath coming in shaking gasps. Slowly Snape rose again, and walked over to her, laying a hand lightly on her heaving back. Gradually Lily stilled, whimpering. As her sobs ceased, she murmured: "I'm sorry, sir. I'm so sorry."

"Leave it."

On a childish impulse Lily flung her arms around him, forgetting for one happy moment that he was her teacher. Snape stiffened. Lily realised too late that he had probably not been hugged for many years. Awkwardly she let go of him and looked into his eyes. The same guarded look was there, but something else new. For the first time since she had met him, Snape looked happy.

She smiled girlishly at him, and picking up her books, skipped out of the lab. She felt incredibly pleased with herself, which was surprising after her outburst. She had made a lonely, anguished man happy, if only for a moment. There was no greater reward.

Suddenly, staying at Hogwarts did not seem like such a bad prospect any more. If Snape was staying over the holidays too (and she was fairly sure he was, since he had no family left) then she could always talk to him. But would he want to spend the whole holidays with an eleven-year-old? After all, he was much cleverer than she was. Wouldn't he want someone more on his intellectual wavelength to talk to?

Then Lily remembered the look in his eyes when she had hugged him. Perhaps he did enjoy her company after all.

On the last day of term, she went to find him. He was just outside the staff room, bending down to talk to Professor Flitwick. Lily stifled a laugh at the sight of this tiny man beaming cheerfully up into Snape's emotionless face as she carefully approached them. "Professor Snape?" she asked. "Can I – er – have a word?"

Snape glanced meaningfully at Flitwick, who quickly took the hint and bustled off, still beaming. Snape led Lily into a corner out of the way of people. "Miss Potter?"

"Sir, I was … erm … wondering," she stammered, becoming more annoyed with herself with every word she said. Why did she always get so tongue-tied and nervous with this man? What was it about his sallow face, his challenging gaze that put her off?

Determined to get through at least one sentence without hesitating, she blurted: "Are you staying here over the holidays?"

Snape's lips curved into a small smile. "Yes, Li – Miss Potter, I am staying here." He lowered his voice and bent down towards her. "After all, where else would I go?"

"Don't you have … like … um … a house or something?"

"I do, but … I'd rather stay here. There's no one at home anymore."

Lily smiled gently. "I know." She cleared her throat. "But I was thinking … maybe I could … I dunno … help you?"

Snape raised his eyebrows. "In the dungeons? With me?"

"Yes."

He let out a breath. "Of course. I've got a lot of orders to be made for the Ministry of Magic. I don't know how much I'd be able to let you do … perhaps you could make your own potions."

"Would you teach me some extra stuff? I mean, Potions is my strength so it'd be nice to be even better at it."

"I guess so," Snape said resignedly. He inspected her thoughtfully. "It appears that you need some new robes, Miss Potter."

Lily looked down at herself. He was quite right – her robes now only reached her mid-calves. She giggled. "Oh, yeah. I must have grown."

"I'm going to Diagon Alley in a couple of days to stock up on ingredients. I suppose I could lower myself to taking you with me. I had no idea that girls could grow so fast."

She laughed, amused but astonished. Snape had made a joke? After all he had been through he could still find the strength to make a joke? She shook her head in awe. "Thanks."

"Pleasure," he said, almost automatically. But not quite. "Oh, and Miss Potter?"

She looked up at him. "Sir?"

"Dungeons, nine o'clock tomorrow. Do not be late."

Lily smiled wryly. "But then again, sir, you can't take points off if I am late, can you? Not during the holidays." This was true. Since most students had decided that going home was much more fun, the point system was suspended during the holidays.

A flicked of extreme annoyance crossed Snape's worn face. "If you are late, Miss Potter, you will spend the rest of the holidays in the library researching porcupine quills. I can assure you it will be of great help to me. So I suggest you be on time."

Lily searched desperately for a reply, but could not fine one. "Bugger," she muttered, hurrying away.

"I heard that."

Lily knew that she should really be practising her Charms, or Transfiguration, or something, but somehow she didn't care. It's the holidays, she reasoned. I can do what I want. And I love Potions.

That evening, Lily said goodbye to her friends, who were leaving for home. She was not by nature a sociable person, and so trying to make friends with Gryffindors from other years did not appeal to her. So she went to the library to start deciding what she might do tomorrow. Half an hour of reading, and her eyelids began to droop. Thankful that she would not have to spend the whole holidays with her head in musty books, she climbed slowly up to bed.

As she was drifting off to sleep, pushing worries to the back of her mind as she always did, Lily wondered why Snape did in fact enjoy her company. She knew why she loved his – he was clever, complex and brave. But why did he spend time with her? He trusted her father, but that did not necessarily merit trust in her. The only thing she could possibly think of was that she was the only person who had probed so deeply into his past. But he was a strong man, and a teacher; surely he would be able to easily evade her questions? Why did he choose to tell her? And would he tell her why if she asked him?

Lily resolved to ask him tomorrow, and expertly erased the thought from her mind. Snape's voice suddenly sounded in her mind. You are the master of only thinking what you want to think, Miss Potter.

A/N: As always, I need reviews to continue. They are my food, my nourishment. Sorry this chapter took so long, I'm hoping that as we have school holidays now it'll be quicker!