AN: Alright so I had this chapter written already but my stupid self deleted it on accident. So I had to rewrite it, but I'm kinda happy I rewrote it. I wasn't liking the original chapter and I like how this turned out. You guys are gonna love the next chapter we learn a lot about Alex's past so stay tuned.

As always thank you for reviewing/following/favoriting you guys sure do know how to put a smile on my face.

Disclaimer: I do not own Law & Order svu or it's characters

Chapter 6

"Where the hell have you been?!"

Many people don't know about my mother's past.

Many people don't understand why she does some of the things she does.

Many just don't understand a damn thing.

Serena Benson was raped one night almost seventeen years ago.

About a week and a half later she found out she was pregnant with me.

She didn't know what to do and practically lost herself during her pregnancy. She only ate for me, she only took care of herself for me and did everything she could to make sure I'd have a decent life when I came into this world.

When she have birth to me she had the biggest smile on her face. Serena whispered into my infant head.

"You are my light through all this darkness."

As years went by she picked up on drinking.

One drink wasn't enough.

Two drinks made her feel lighter.

Three drinks made her feel numb, and by the time she was on her fifth or sixth she would forget.

By that fifth or sixth drink she wasn't herself. My mother would yell at the walls, curse the heavens and throw the most insane tantrums.

Yet she still took care of me.

By the time I was seven she started blaming me for her pain.

So much for being her light.

She rarely physically abused me, but she always emotionally tore me down.

There would be times where my mother would decide to be sober, and those were always the best times. About a week into sobriety things would turn upside down.

You see my mother has never dealt with the fact she was raped. Never got help and rarely spoke to anyone about it.

A rape victim always finds someone to blame. If they don't blame themselves they blame the one thing the reminds them of their rape, and I was that one thing for my mother.

"I was at basketball scrimmage mom." I said plainly as I made my way to my room.

"Oh, why didn't you tell me?" She breathed.

Did she just ask why I didn't tell her where I was? That's new.

"I never had to, or you didn't really care before."

"Olivia didn't we have this discussion already? I'm trying to be a better mother and to be completely honest I'm not sure how to do that." She put her fingers underneath my chin and made me look into her eyes.

"But what I do know is I'll find a way to be the mom you deserve." She said with a determined voice.

"I'm just not used to you being like this is all.."

"I'm sorry for acting how I have all these years. Just give me a chance alright?"

I've given her so many chances before. How do I know this is legitimate?

"Now you didn't walk home did you?" She asked glancing down at my wet shoes.

"No I got a ride from a...friend." I guess I could call Alex a friend. Right?

"Good cause I'm not comfortable with you walking when it's dark out. Especially in the rain, god knows what could have happened. I don't want you to have to live with the same pain as I have." she said pulling me into a hug.

"Now dinner is in the microwave. I'll be in my room if you need me. Love you Livvy." She said as she turned to her room.

"Love you too mom.."

After I ate the chicken parmesan my mom made I made my way to my room. I still had some homework to do and I already know it's gonna take me awhile to do my geometry.

As I walked by Serena's room I heard a faint sniffling noise.

Was she crying?

Putting my ear to the door I listened and what I heard broke my heart a little.

My mom was crying her eyes out, which she rarely ever did unless she was pissed.

The best thing to do is give her, her space. Right?

I just wish I could some how ease her pain.

...

A few weeks later

Today is the last day of scrimmage and then basketball will officially start. Practice will be everyday after school sorta like scrimmage except practice will be much more intense. Ms. Carmichael doesn't play around when it comes to practice.

Alex even said she'll be helping Abbie with the practices and making new plays for the team.

Speaking of the blonde beauty..

Everyday after scrimmage she would ask me if I needed a ride and of course at first I'd decline, but she wouldn't take no for an answer.

Psh and she calls me stubborn.

In these past three and a half weeks we've become quiet comfortable with each other.

In class she'd be Ms. Cabot, but everywhere else she was Alex.

We don't really know much about each others personal lives. Most of our conversations are about basketball, school and whatever we joke about occasionally.

Yet I feel like she knows me better than anyone.

It's like she reads me like a book.

When I'm confused about something, or bothered whenever I'm feeling anything other than my normal Olivia-y self she knows.

In class she doesn't treat me any differently than the rest of the students. Which I'm thankful for cause the last thing I need is people to think I'm a teachers pet.

I find myself thinking about her more and more often. Whenever I'm stressed I just picture those brilliant blue eyes and nothing else matters.

I never did find out who her 'mystery caller' was but they do call her often, and every time she hangs up she wears a very sad look on her face.

"Wooohoo earth to Olivia." Elliot waved his hand in front of my face trying to pull me out of my thoughts. I just blinked a few times and he raised a curious eyebrow.

"You alright? You've been spacey all morning."

"I'm fine. Just been thinking a lot is all." I shrugged taking a bite of my burrito as I tried to ignore El's look of concern.

Thankfully his concern turned into complete adoration as Kathy made her way to our lunch table. I swear if we were in a cartoon Elliot's eyes would be large animated hearts right now.

You see Elliot and Kathy started dating a few days after I convinced him to go see her. Since then I haven't seen two people more in love.

"Hey you guys." Kathy greeted as she took a seat next to El, placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Hey beautiful." he gently placed his fingers under her chin and pulled her into a passionate kiss.

"Ew guys really?" I faked gagged.

"Whatever Liv, I can finally say I'm with the woman that completes me." El said intertwining their fingers.

"Yeah good for you.." I said dully.

"Wait, didn't you and Casey have a thing going last year Liv? What happened to that?"

Oh great Kathy would bring that up.

"We were in a purely physical relationship Kath. We haven't done anything since a little before summer break." I poked at my burrito.

"Why'd you guys stop?"

"I don't know we just stopped." I lied.

Last year around this time I went to one of Fin's notorious parties.

Lets just say Casey made a move on me and we started doing stuff since then.

It started with us just making out occasionally, then a few weeks in we started getting more physical. Sex was inevitable we were getting closer and closer and one night while I was spending the night it just happened.

Casey was the perfect distraction I needed in my life.

A few days before summer break Casey had told me she wanted to pursue a relationship. I told her I just didn't feel that way and I ended up breaking her heart without knowing I even had it.

Casey was my first and maybe I should of given her a chance.

"Isn't she on the basketball team? You guys don't talk at all?"

"She is and we talk but I haven't had a full on conversation with her in awhile." I said really wanting to change the subject.

"You should change that! Today after scrimmage sit her down and talk to her." Kathy suggested.

"That wouldn't be a good idea.."

"Well is there anyone who at least catches your eye?"

Yeah but not only is she my teacher she's way out of my league.

"Nope." I said popping my P.

"Not even..Jane?" They both looked at me curiously.

"No, not even Jane. She's my friend that's all."

"Hmm you should know Jane is...OW Kath what was that for?!" Kathy kicked him before he could finish his sentence.

"I don't know what your talking about El." Kathy said innocently as the bell rang.

"Looks like that's the bell..I'll uh see you guys later." I said dismissing myself.

That was just weird.

...

Scrimmage was going well. We were already well into our second game after losing our first one by five.

I've really been trying to keep my focus on basketball, but that's pretty hard to do with a gorgeous blonde cheering you on.

I was playing hard defense on Casey when I made the stupid mistake of grabbing for the ball and she went around me making an easy lay up.

"Fuck.." I mumbled to myself.

"It's alright Liv! Get out there and play some offense!" Alex yelled encouragingly from the side.

Amanda had the ball at the top of the key as I L-cut out from the box. She passed me the ball and Casey just so happened to be playing her unstoppable defense on me.

"Good luck getting past me hotshot." Casey egged me on.

"Oh I'm gonna get past you. You can count on that Novak."

I started to get a nice rhythm going as I dribbled and decided it was time to make my move.

I faked to the left and quickly went to the right as I made a shot from around the free throw line.

The game was close but we ended up winning by two.

"Great job tonight ladies. Get ready for practice next week I promise you I won't be going easy on you. Get some rest you're gonna need it." Ms. Carmichael said clapping her hands together.

"Have a good weekend!" Abbie waved us off.

"Great job Liv. I'll see you next week." Amanda yelled as she made her way into the locker room.

"See you!"

I walked over to the bleachers where Alex was standing with my bag around her shoulder. I couldn't help but smile warmly at her.

"You did good tonight Liv, even though you could have taken it to the hole more.." She grinned at me as she handed me my bag.

"Whatever." I playfully pushed her shoulder as I sat down to take my basketball shoes off.

"You know I'm just kidding, but you did seem pretty unfocused out there. Something on your mind?"

"It's nothing Alex."

The blonde sat down next to me and put her hand on my knee.

"It's not nothing and I wish you would just open up to me instead of leaving me here to guess." I looked down at her hand on my knee then up into her blue orbs. In her eyes you could tell she was truly concerned.

Suddenly her phone rang and she gave me an apologetic look as she answered it.

"I really don't want to hear what you have you say right now..I understand that. No. Oh really? Look can we talk about this later? Ok bye." She hung up with an annoyed tone.

"Everything alright?" I asked as I stood up placing my bag around my shoulder.

"It's not particularly good, but it's fine. You ready to go?" I nodded and we walked to her car in silence.

We made our way to her blue Audi cabriolet. I still can't believe how she could of afforded this car with the wage of a teacher.

"You know you leave me guessing a lot too.." I stated out of nowhere.

She looked over at me from the drivers side with a questioning look. Her questioning look quickly turned into realization as she stared into my brown orbs.

I was expecting her to look away but she didn't.

Instead she stared into my eyes as if she was trying to figure something out.

Trying to find answers.

"Would you like to go get something to eat?" She asked abruptly.

I raised my eyebrows at her questioningly.

"If you want of course. I just really want to talk to you. Maybe open up a little." She said turning her head so she was staring out the window.

"Yeah sure. Lets go." I placed my hand on top of hers. This was the first time I touched her like this and I noticed her breath hitch.

She squeezed my hand gently before pulling away and starting the car.

And then it hit me.

I'm about to have dinner with Alex.

She wants to open up to me.

Does that mean she wants me to open up to her too?

What am I about to get myself into?